thedrifter
11-11-08, 12:04 PM
Iraq veteran seeks peace, for himself and others
Bodega Bay Marine who struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder reaches out to help other returning soldiers
By JEREMY HAY
THE PRESS DEMOCRAT
Published: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 at 4:20 a.m.
In the open spaces of the Sonoma Coast, amid the quiet, the sun on the sea broken by the frequent fog, gung-ho Marine Josh Fowler is finding a measure of calm and peace.
On this Veterans' Day, it's been nearly six years since he invaded Iraq with the Marines 2nd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion. The unit was near the front of the attack as it swept from Kuwait through Nassiriya, where Army Pfc. Jessica Lynch was captured, into Baghdad, through the Saddam City slum, on into Tikrit, Saddam Hussein's hometown.
These days, Fowler carries a backpack of books about the war, the military and politics, fliers about veterans groups. He is soft-spoken but emphatic when he makes a point, which is frequently. He speaks in long sentences that unwind as he plumbs and refines what he's seeking, what he's thinking and feeling about the war, about himself, about what happened to him there and since he returned, and about where he goes from here.
It's been four years almost to the day that he left the Marines -- years during which the war that he has grown to question has remained with him.
"Pretty much everyday, it's hard to forget about," said Fowler, 26, who joined the Marines in 2000 after graduating from Santa Rosa High School. "I can relate to the Vietnam veterans in some ways, but at the same time my war is still going on."
Post-traumatic stress disorder -- what once was called battle fatigue or shell shock -- is his constant companion.
"I started seeing symptoms right away. Even when I was in. Even the culture shock from being in combat, living in the sand and then coming back to base just really freaked me out," he said.
"It's almost as if I felt more comfortable being in the sand over there and having artillery rounds fly over my head," he said. "It's just really been a constant bunch of readjustments. Back to base. Back to the states, From there, back to home. Back in school."
Fowler's dilemma is increasingly common. Post-traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by exposure to a terrifying event or series of events -- an assault, accident or military combat -- involving the threat or occurrence of grave physical harm.
About 1.6 million U.S. troops have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001. The Pentagon says nearly 40,000 military personnel have been diagnosed with PTSD. The annual number jumped 47 percent last year, from about 9,500 cases diagnosed in 2006 to nearly 14,000 in 2007.
A Rand Corp. study found that nearly 20 percent of service members who have returned from Iraq and Afghanistan -- 300,000 in all -- reported symptoms of PTSD or major depression, and only slightly more than half have sought treatment.
The military acknowledges that many troops, wary of the stigma attached to mental health issues, do not report psychological problems.
For Fowler, finding himself again has been slow work, and it continues. He works with his VA counselors. He took anti-depressants until recently. He still takes an anti-anxiety medication.
"I'm constantly having issues on the road with other vehicles and stuff. Basically, it's kind of the same adrenaline that went through my body in Iraq," he said. "It's kind of the same adrenaline that gets spiked here when you have a vehicle that's in close proximity or when you have that constant hypervigilance, it just doesn't go away, you can't turn it off."
So he moved to Bodega Bay in October.
"Getting out here, being able to get my head clear, I can focus a lot more here," he said.
He has decided he wants to start a group for combat veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, to ensure his comrades know what services and benefits they deserve and are eligible for. To find out how to go about that, he makes contacts with other veteran groups: Vietnam Veterans of America, Swords to Plowshares, the Iraq Afghanistan Veterans of America.
"I'm just trying to bring some light to some of the issues of veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, specifically," he said. "I really think a door should be opened for everyone coming home, I don't think they should have to search and seek.
"Because a lot of the post-traumatic stress issues or whatever other kind of disabilities that they're going to have, it's going to make it a lot harder for them to find the services and the benefits that they need."
Fowler knows this because he has gone through it. Still is. "It's kind of like being in limbo," he said.
"I'm not active duty anymore, I'm not in Iraq, but I'm also not really, not technically, a civilian," he said. "I'm kind of in the middle, still in the readjustment process, kind of finding my place in life. I think a lot of people are going to have to do that."
After the Marines, Fowler took part in Veterans Upward Bound in Humboldt County, a program for veterans to tune-up their academic skills so they can continue higher education.
He enrolled in Santa Rosa Junior College to study strength training, using GI Bill benefits. He found work at a gym and underwent physical therapy for arthritis and bursitis ailments picked up in the service.
But the war remained with him.
Fowler received a 100 percent disability rating from the federal Department of Veterans Affairs for his PTSD. He grew frustrated at school when he tried to change his focus to athletic training and ran into resistance from the VA. He wrestled with the VA over paying his physical therapy bills.
"I was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts of friends who passed away in Iraq, and feeling used by the government and just finding about no weapons of mass destruction.
"It's a real big letdown when that was your driving force, you're there to want to protect your family, or protect your country, and everything we went through and then having lost friends it's hard not to feel 'what for,' you know?"
Some things are bound together for Fowler: a passion to connect with fellow combat veterans and make sure they get what they need; a desire for a future that holds the truth more dear when it comes to war.
Of the first, he said, leaving the military is "a huge culture shock, I want that to be recognized, that that is a huge issue for people coming home. Our fathers, our mothers, brother, sisters whatever, they're coming home and they're going to need help adjusting back into this civilized or civilian lifestyle."
Of the second, Fowler's trying to start a Sonoma County chapter Veterans of Modern Warfare, a national nonprofit advocacy organization for military veterans who have served since 1990.
"I feel like I have to do something," he said. "It's that mentality that put me in the Marines, put me in the infantry, put me on the front lines, and now that I'm out -- I know these veterans need these benefits and it's going to help everyone in the long run -- I can't just sit around while they're still fighting in Iraq, still fighting in Afghanistan."
At the same time, the young Marine struggles to articulate another issue.
"It's really about the truth -- exposing the truth -- we're all in this together, every single one of us, every single American, and politicians need to give us the truth," he said.
"The invasion of Iraq, with the weapons of mass destruction, terrorism, it doesn't really add up, so I don't want to see -- I believe our life is very precious. I don't want to see people put in harm's way if they don't need to be, that's really probably what it boils down to."
You can reach Staff Writer Jeremy Hay at 521-5212 or at his Press Democrat blog, www.haymaker.pressdemocrat.com.
Ellie
Bodega Bay Marine who struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder reaches out to help other returning soldiers
By JEREMY HAY
THE PRESS DEMOCRAT
Published: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 at 4:20 a.m.
In the open spaces of the Sonoma Coast, amid the quiet, the sun on the sea broken by the frequent fog, gung-ho Marine Josh Fowler is finding a measure of calm and peace.
On this Veterans' Day, it's been nearly six years since he invaded Iraq with the Marines 2nd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion. The unit was near the front of the attack as it swept from Kuwait through Nassiriya, where Army Pfc. Jessica Lynch was captured, into Baghdad, through the Saddam City slum, on into Tikrit, Saddam Hussein's hometown.
These days, Fowler carries a backpack of books about the war, the military and politics, fliers about veterans groups. He is soft-spoken but emphatic when he makes a point, which is frequently. He speaks in long sentences that unwind as he plumbs and refines what he's seeking, what he's thinking and feeling about the war, about himself, about what happened to him there and since he returned, and about where he goes from here.
It's been four years almost to the day that he left the Marines -- years during which the war that he has grown to question has remained with him.
"Pretty much everyday, it's hard to forget about," said Fowler, 26, who joined the Marines in 2000 after graduating from Santa Rosa High School. "I can relate to the Vietnam veterans in some ways, but at the same time my war is still going on."
Post-traumatic stress disorder -- what once was called battle fatigue or shell shock -- is his constant companion.
"I started seeing symptoms right away. Even when I was in. Even the culture shock from being in combat, living in the sand and then coming back to base just really freaked me out," he said.
"It's almost as if I felt more comfortable being in the sand over there and having artillery rounds fly over my head," he said. "It's just really been a constant bunch of readjustments. Back to base. Back to the states, From there, back to home. Back in school."
Fowler's dilemma is increasingly common. Post-traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by exposure to a terrifying event or series of events -- an assault, accident or military combat -- involving the threat or occurrence of grave physical harm.
About 1.6 million U.S. troops have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001. The Pentagon says nearly 40,000 military personnel have been diagnosed with PTSD. The annual number jumped 47 percent last year, from about 9,500 cases diagnosed in 2006 to nearly 14,000 in 2007.
A Rand Corp. study found that nearly 20 percent of service members who have returned from Iraq and Afghanistan -- 300,000 in all -- reported symptoms of PTSD or major depression, and only slightly more than half have sought treatment.
The military acknowledges that many troops, wary of the stigma attached to mental health issues, do not report psychological problems.
For Fowler, finding himself again has been slow work, and it continues. He works with his VA counselors. He took anti-depressants until recently. He still takes an anti-anxiety medication.
"I'm constantly having issues on the road with other vehicles and stuff. Basically, it's kind of the same adrenaline that went through my body in Iraq," he said. "It's kind of the same adrenaline that gets spiked here when you have a vehicle that's in close proximity or when you have that constant hypervigilance, it just doesn't go away, you can't turn it off."
So he moved to Bodega Bay in October.
"Getting out here, being able to get my head clear, I can focus a lot more here," he said.
He has decided he wants to start a group for combat veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, to ensure his comrades know what services and benefits they deserve and are eligible for. To find out how to go about that, he makes contacts with other veteran groups: Vietnam Veterans of America, Swords to Plowshares, the Iraq Afghanistan Veterans of America.
"I'm just trying to bring some light to some of the issues of veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, specifically," he said. "I really think a door should be opened for everyone coming home, I don't think they should have to search and seek.
"Because a lot of the post-traumatic stress issues or whatever other kind of disabilities that they're going to have, it's going to make it a lot harder for them to find the services and the benefits that they need."
Fowler knows this because he has gone through it. Still is. "It's kind of like being in limbo," he said.
"I'm not active duty anymore, I'm not in Iraq, but I'm also not really, not technically, a civilian," he said. "I'm kind of in the middle, still in the readjustment process, kind of finding my place in life. I think a lot of people are going to have to do that."
After the Marines, Fowler took part in Veterans Upward Bound in Humboldt County, a program for veterans to tune-up their academic skills so they can continue higher education.
He enrolled in Santa Rosa Junior College to study strength training, using GI Bill benefits. He found work at a gym and underwent physical therapy for arthritis and bursitis ailments picked up in the service.
But the war remained with him.
Fowler received a 100 percent disability rating from the federal Department of Veterans Affairs for his PTSD. He grew frustrated at school when he tried to change his focus to athletic training and ran into resistance from the VA. He wrestled with the VA over paying his physical therapy bills.
"I was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts of friends who passed away in Iraq, and feeling used by the government and just finding about no weapons of mass destruction.
"It's a real big letdown when that was your driving force, you're there to want to protect your family, or protect your country, and everything we went through and then having lost friends it's hard not to feel 'what for,' you know?"
Some things are bound together for Fowler: a passion to connect with fellow combat veterans and make sure they get what they need; a desire for a future that holds the truth more dear when it comes to war.
Of the first, he said, leaving the military is "a huge culture shock, I want that to be recognized, that that is a huge issue for people coming home. Our fathers, our mothers, brother, sisters whatever, they're coming home and they're going to need help adjusting back into this civilized or civilian lifestyle."
Of the second, Fowler's trying to start a Sonoma County chapter Veterans of Modern Warfare, a national nonprofit advocacy organization for military veterans who have served since 1990.
"I feel like I have to do something," he said. "It's that mentality that put me in the Marines, put me in the infantry, put me on the front lines, and now that I'm out -- I know these veterans need these benefits and it's going to help everyone in the long run -- I can't just sit around while they're still fighting in Iraq, still fighting in Afghanistan."
At the same time, the young Marine struggles to articulate another issue.
"It's really about the truth -- exposing the truth -- we're all in this together, every single one of us, every single American, and politicians need to give us the truth," he said.
"The invasion of Iraq, with the weapons of mass destruction, terrorism, it doesn't really add up, so I don't want to see -- I believe our life is very precious. I don't want to see people put in harm's way if they don't need to be, that's really probably what it boils down to."
You can reach Staff Writer Jeremy Hay at 521-5212 or at his Press Democrat blog, www.haymaker.pressdemocrat.com.
Ellie