thedrifter
09-28-08, 07:43 AM
September 28, 2008
Gold Star Mothers support each other
SHARING THE BURDEN OF LOSS
By MICHAEL AMSEL
STAFF WRITER
It has been more than two years since Marine Pfc. Vincent M. Frassetto of Toms River was killed while conducting combat operations in Iraq, but the pain still remains for his family.
"You never get over it," said Teresa Frassetto, Vincent's mother. "The pain is there every day. I have pictures around at home and I talk to him every day. I am always talking to him. I just miss him terribly."
For Frassetto and thousands of other Americans who have lost loved ones in wars, the pain will be especially deep today, Gold Star Mothers Day.
Gold Star Mothers are American women who have lost a son or daughter in service to the United States. On the last Sunday in September, Gold Star Mothers Day is observed in the U.S. in their honor.
"A Gold Star Mother is something no mother wants to be," said Evelyn Bates of Manchester. "It is just something you become."
Bates became a Gold Star Mother in 1967 when her son, Glen, was killed in Vietnam. Glen joined the Marines after graduating from Raritan High School in Hazlet in 1966. He died on Nov. 2, 1967, when a company of Viet Cong tossed explosives into his bunker. He was 18.
Bates attained the rank of lance corporal and was awarded numerous medals posthumously, including the Purple Heart and N.J. Distinguished Service Medal.
"You never get over losing your son," Evelyn Bates said. "It is something I think about every day, especially with the (Iraq) war going on now. I watch these pictures on TV of the boys coming home in flag-draped coffins, and it hurts me so. My husband (Albert) is always saying to me, "Ev, why do you keep doing this to yourself?' And I say, "There is a mother somewhere in America who is hurting real bad now. I feel for her.' "
Now 83, Evelyn Bates has a chronic back condition and has endured 16 epidural treatments. Her only trips out of the house are to the doctor's office. She is is constant pain.
But Bates' physical pain pales in comparison to the emotional hurt she feels when thinking about her son.
"I can't believe it has been over 40 years since the Vietnam War. It feels like it was just yesterday," she said. "Glen wanted to be a Marine so bad. He sent me many letters when he was in Vietnam telling me what was going on there. I kept every single one of them and numbered them. They are prized memories for me. I cherish them so. In one of my favorites, he writes, "Mom, if I only helped one child over here, it was worth it.' "
Theresa Knott of Oceanport has been a Gold Star Mother for 43 years. Her 18-year-old son, Marine Pfc. Robert Balmer, was killed on Nov. 20, 1965, during a battle with the Viet Cong at Da Nang. Balmer was awarded the Purple Heart, Sharpshooter and Vietnamese medals.
"I was just completely devastated when I heard the news," said Knott, now 82. "I remember it like it happened yesterday. I was home on a Saturday with my husband (Herbert) when I saw a Marine jeep pull up in front of the house. I was afraid to answer the door and went into the bedroom. When I heard my husband say, "Where did it happen?', I knew it was bad. He didn't want the Marines to tell me, so he waited until they left."
Knott paused, wiped a tear from her eye, and said: "He didn't have to tell me. I knew from the look in his eye."
Just 39, Knott was the youngest Gold Star Mother in the Long Branch group. She was inconsolable. It all seemed surreal: Robert, so young, so gifted, gone.
"A lot of me was buried with my son," Knott said. "I had to learn to live again. It was so hard. I came up with the idea of helping other young Marines, so I invited them over to the house to visit on Thanksgiving and other holidays. It was my way of getting over it."
Knott attended Gold Star Mothers meetings for nearly two decades, finding them very therapeutic. She especially liked the part when veterans got up and told stories about soldiers who died in combat.
But in 1985, Knott's world crumbled when another son, Keith, died of meningitis.
"He was just 33," Knott said. "I stopped going to Gold Star Mothers meetings after that. I didn't want to go any place. I couldn't believe this was happening to me again."
Frassetto said that many mothers, like herself, sometimes find it difficult to attend Gold Star Mothers' functions because the "pain is still fresh. It is hard to be actively involved, especially early on, because you hurt all over," Frassetto said.
Frassetto made history in April when she became a member of the Toms River Veterans Commission. The commission had been made up entirely of veterans until Frassetto, 50, was sworn in.
"So many of the military men and women are coming home and may need help," said Mayor Thomas F. Kelaher, who appointed Frassetto. "There are also the families of soldiers not coming home who need assistance. We thought someone with a Gold Star Mother's background would be able to contribute."
Frassetto called the appointment "a great honor" and said she would work hard to help the veterans and their families.
"I'm going to bring a different perspective to the commission," Frassetto said. "I'm going to remind them what it's like to be a Gold Star Mother."
Ellie
Gold Star Mothers support each other
SHARING THE BURDEN OF LOSS
By MICHAEL AMSEL
STAFF WRITER
It has been more than two years since Marine Pfc. Vincent M. Frassetto of Toms River was killed while conducting combat operations in Iraq, but the pain still remains for his family.
"You never get over it," said Teresa Frassetto, Vincent's mother. "The pain is there every day. I have pictures around at home and I talk to him every day. I am always talking to him. I just miss him terribly."
For Frassetto and thousands of other Americans who have lost loved ones in wars, the pain will be especially deep today, Gold Star Mothers Day.
Gold Star Mothers are American women who have lost a son or daughter in service to the United States. On the last Sunday in September, Gold Star Mothers Day is observed in the U.S. in their honor.
"A Gold Star Mother is something no mother wants to be," said Evelyn Bates of Manchester. "It is just something you become."
Bates became a Gold Star Mother in 1967 when her son, Glen, was killed in Vietnam. Glen joined the Marines after graduating from Raritan High School in Hazlet in 1966. He died on Nov. 2, 1967, when a company of Viet Cong tossed explosives into his bunker. He was 18.
Bates attained the rank of lance corporal and was awarded numerous medals posthumously, including the Purple Heart and N.J. Distinguished Service Medal.
"You never get over losing your son," Evelyn Bates said. "It is something I think about every day, especially with the (Iraq) war going on now. I watch these pictures on TV of the boys coming home in flag-draped coffins, and it hurts me so. My husband (Albert) is always saying to me, "Ev, why do you keep doing this to yourself?' And I say, "There is a mother somewhere in America who is hurting real bad now. I feel for her.' "
Now 83, Evelyn Bates has a chronic back condition and has endured 16 epidural treatments. Her only trips out of the house are to the doctor's office. She is is constant pain.
But Bates' physical pain pales in comparison to the emotional hurt she feels when thinking about her son.
"I can't believe it has been over 40 years since the Vietnam War. It feels like it was just yesterday," she said. "Glen wanted to be a Marine so bad. He sent me many letters when he was in Vietnam telling me what was going on there. I kept every single one of them and numbered them. They are prized memories for me. I cherish them so. In one of my favorites, he writes, "Mom, if I only helped one child over here, it was worth it.' "
Theresa Knott of Oceanport has been a Gold Star Mother for 43 years. Her 18-year-old son, Marine Pfc. Robert Balmer, was killed on Nov. 20, 1965, during a battle with the Viet Cong at Da Nang. Balmer was awarded the Purple Heart, Sharpshooter and Vietnamese medals.
"I was just completely devastated when I heard the news," said Knott, now 82. "I remember it like it happened yesterday. I was home on a Saturday with my husband (Herbert) when I saw a Marine jeep pull up in front of the house. I was afraid to answer the door and went into the bedroom. When I heard my husband say, "Where did it happen?', I knew it was bad. He didn't want the Marines to tell me, so he waited until they left."
Knott paused, wiped a tear from her eye, and said: "He didn't have to tell me. I knew from the look in his eye."
Just 39, Knott was the youngest Gold Star Mother in the Long Branch group. She was inconsolable. It all seemed surreal: Robert, so young, so gifted, gone.
"A lot of me was buried with my son," Knott said. "I had to learn to live again. It was so hard. I came up with the idea of helping other young Marines, so I invited them over to the house to visit on Thanksgiving and other holidays. It was my way of getting over it."
Knott attended Gold Star Mothers meetings for nearly two decades, finding them very therapeutic. She especially liked the part when veterans got up and told stories about soldiers who died in combat.
But in 1985, Knott's world crumbled when another son, Keith, died of meningitis.
"He was just 33," Knott said. "I stopped going to Gold Star Mothers meetings after that. I didn't want to go any place. I couldn't believe this was happening to me again."
Frassetto said that many mothers, like herself, sometimes find it difficult to attend Gold Star Mothers' functions because the "pain is still fresh. It is hard to be actively involved, especially early on, because you hurt all over," Frassetto said.
Frassetto made history in April when she became a member of the Toms River Veterans Commission. The commission had been made up entirely of veterans until Frassetto, 50, was sworn in.
"So many of the military men and women are coming home and may need help," said Mayor Thomas F. Kelaher, who appointed Frassetto. "There are also the families of soldiers not coming home who need assistance. We thought someone with a Gold Star Mother's background would be able to contribute."
Frassetto called the appointment "a great honor" and said she would work hard to help the veterans and their families.
"I'm going to bring a different perspective to the commission," Frassetto said. "I'm going to remind them what it's like to be a Gold Star Mother."
Ellie