View Full Version : Need Help Now
djb439097
08-11-08, 12:09 PM
I am scheduled to report to active duty from the DEP 18 August 2008, 1 week from today. I'm sorry and embarrassed to say I can't go for a number of reason... the most prominent being my girlfriend is pregnant(literally just found out). Also, I'm overweight to ship by about 8 lbs, and I wish to attain a higher education option at my own discretion... I really still want to go... but I can't go now. I don't want to push my ship out date back even further, so I need to get out of the DEP, which I know is possible. The guilt is overwhelming because of the time and effort my recruiter, family, and friends have put in to me going. How hard is it to get out this late?
JdnSmith
08-11-08, 12:18 PM
If you're going to keep posting then fill out your profile a little more before you do. Getting out of the DEP has been discussed many a times on this site and from what I remember it's not much of a problem. However, you're going to have to live with the fact that you took an oath to this country and to the Marine Corps and you are now breaking it. Good luck with that.
-Poolee Smith
If I was you I would try and get a weight waiver. And your girlfreind isnt having a baby for 9 months anyways, boot camp is only 3 months last time I checked.
Just dont quit man! :mad:
djb439097
08-11-08, 12:22 PM
Sorry about the profile... just kind of rushed, but I went and filled out as much as I could think of right now... Getting out now, I am still planning on going to the Marines... I am 19 years old, so I want to get my degree and then go back...as an officer. Plus, my life would be more in order at that time. I just feel like I'm running away from everything if I leave now.
Garrett90
08-11-08, 12:36 PM
My dad was 19, mom 18, when they found out they were having me. My dad went to boot camp, got married to my mom on his 10 days leave after boot, then went to Lejeune. I was born in New York, then my mother and I moved down to Lejeune to be with my dad. While there, my parents had two more boys. Today, my parents have 4 boys, and my dad served 8 years in the Corps. The Corps gave him all he needed in life to succeed no matter where he is or what he is doing. He has no college degree, nor does my mom, but my dad is still able to afford a house big enough where me and my brothers each get our own room, he has a 1979 low rider Harley Davidson, my mother drives around in an Escelade, and we are living a decent life. You don't have to get out of the DEP because your having a child, and your life is not going to be terrible if you are not an officer. Of course, having a good and successful life is not easy, but you need to man up to paths you have taken in your life, and get through it.
PhantomLord
08-11-08, 12:46 PM
My dad was 19, mom 18, when they found out they were having me. My dad went to boot camp, got married to my mom on his 10 days leave after boot, then went to Lejeune. I was born in New York, then my mother and I moved down to Lejeune to be with my dad. While there, my parents had two more boys. Today, my parents have 4 boys, and my dad served 8 years in the Corps. The Corps gave him all he needed in life to succeed no matter where he is or what he is doing. He has no college degree, nor does my mom, but my dad is still able to afford a house big enough where me and my brothers each get our own room, he has a 1979 low rider Harley Davidson, my mother drives around in an Escelade, and we are living a decent life. You don't have to get out of the DEP because your having a child, and your life is not going to be terrible if you are not an officer. Of course, having a good and successful life is not easy, but you need to man up to paths you have taken in your life, and get through it.
If that isnt motivational then I don't know what is.
djb439097
08-11-08, 01:07 PM
That is motivation enough... but I DEPed in 2 January 2008... I've been in for 8 months, and it has given me more time to think and procrastinate. I wish I would have left on 3 January, but I didn't. I don't feel like my heart is in it 100% anymore... and while I may regret and hate myself for braking an oath, promise, and commitment to my country and friends... I can't help but wonder if I am going to regret not doing what is best for me. All the research and thinking I have done has not made me say yes I definitely want to go in... I just don't believe it is fair to do that to this country or the Corps by going in when my heart is fully with it.
PhantomLord
08-11-08, 01:09 PM
What is it that college is going to provide that the Corps isnt other than a massive amount of debt.
djb439097
08-11-08, 01:12 PM
What is it that college is going to provide that the Corps isnt other than a massive amount of debt.
Well it won't provide debt... I live in GA and somehow have kept the grades to receive the HOPE scholarship...but it's not just college, which would provide fewer doors to opportunities, but the doors that I control where to go and affect my own future rather than the Corps. I have gained so much knowledge and such a newfounded appreciation for every branch of military that I plan on joining at a later date. The way I see it is if I leave in a week, I can't turn back... If I don't leave, I can go back to the recruiter's office at a later time.
RYDERKUR
08-11-08, 01:14 PM
There are some mature poolees on here these days, a change from a couple months ago. Interesting input and discussion, I'm just going to sit back on this one and watch were it goes. To the original poster: be prepared to stand-by.
PhantomLord
08-11-08, 01:15 PM
Well it won't provide debt... I live in GA and somehow have kept the grades to receive the HOPE scholarship...but it's not just college, which would provide fewer doors to opportunities, but the doors that I control where to go and affect my own future rather than the Corps. I have gained so much knowledge and such a newfounded appreciation for every branch of military that I plan on joining at a later date. The way I see it is if I leave in a week, I can't turn back... If I don't leave, I can go back to the recruiter's office at a later time.
Well you have to be true to yourself. If you can't do that then you have already lost the battle. If you go to college and come back as an Officer then thats great. But you can hit two birds with one stone by joining the Corps.
LittleMissStretch
08-11-08, 01:20 PM
What I wonder and is currently bugging me. If there was so much as one ounce of doubt in you about joining the Corps why did you take the oath? There should never be any doubts when it comes to your future because yes its YOUR future. No one else's.
djb439097
08-11-08, 01:25 PM
What I wonder and is currently bugging me. If there was so much as one ounce of doubt in you about joining the Corps why did you take the oath? There should never be any doubts when it comes to your future because yes its YOUR future. No one else's.
I completely agree with you and see exactly where you are coming from... As to the answer of your question... I made an emotional decision at an emotional time. I withdrew from my classes at the time, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, and I knew I needed to turn my life around... I called my local recruiting office and met with a recruiter the next day to say yes. The truth of the matter, experiencing the road to leaving and getting prepared these last 8 months has made me grow up, mature, and turn my life around so-to-speak. I made a mistake by making such a rush decision and tried to live with it all the while knowing it wasn't the right one. Now, with the approach of my ship out date and all the severe recent events... everything doesn't add up and just points towards not going.
First off, I'll let the others lay the guilt on. If you aren't going, you aren't going. Someone you don't really know who've you've just met on the internet isn't going to change your mind at this point.
Second, breath and answer a few questions. Do you want to get married? Does she? How do you plan on supporting her and your child? What about insurance? How much do you want to be a Marine?
Third, the process of getting out of the DEP has been discussed many times and there are many websites you can locate by Google about the actual process.
Don't let the heat of moment consume you. Think about it and talk it over with the mother of your child. Good luck.
EDIT: By the way, speaking as someone who DEPed in back in October, I have noticed that it seems like the longer I wait, the more annoyed with the entire thing I become. You're not alone in losing your enthusiasm, but I don't think that means you don't want it anymore.
LittleMissStretch
08-11-08, 01:34 PM
I see and I can understand. What your focus should be on now is whats best for your baby. Now from what I hear right now you NEED to sit down with your recruiter and have a talk.
You don't want to make another rash decision. My cousin is 22 and is a grunt. He has a son that his girlfriend had when he was only 18. He still joined. He was in the same boat you are in now. He was thinking about getting out. He go out of the DEP. He was going to go to school but realized quickly that working to have the money for the baby and going to school was becoming impossible. He was forced to leave school. He joined the DEP once again which was very hard.
He returned from Boot Camp and married his girlfriend and now can support both of them. He is taking his classes one at a time and at a pace that wont overwhelm him. He is in Iraq right now on his second tour.
I'm not trying to push to any decision because like I said, this is YOUR future. Just hoping this helps. Getting out of the DEP is easy its getting back in thats the problem. Best of Luck.
oh and by the way. He finished the courses required for an Associates Degree and is currently working on his WO package.
djb439097
08-11-08, 01:35 PM
Parks: I really appreciate your post... the guilt isn't a factor anymore considering I've heard it from every angle. i know the Corps does so much for the spouse once you are married; insurance, family housing, etc... getting married, I believe that would be a rush decision. Yes, I do eventually plan on marrying the mother... We have discussed it for quite some time anyway. I'm not necessarily a spiritual person, but I do believe somewhat in fate and things happening for a reason... pregnancy, not being in the weight range to receive a district waiver, change of heart, and motivation with schooling just all seems to point towards me not going. I have read all the google sites in the world about leaving as well as searched all these forums... I was hoping I would get a recruiter's reply or someone that has been through the process or knows for a fact how the process exactly works with only a week left.
No problem. I'm of the belief that if you don't want to be there, why on earth should I try and make you? It's good to hear you have a plan.
Honestly, I don't think think you're going to find a whole bunch of people on Leatherneck who's been through that process. I can tell you it can be done at any point until you actually ship. Good luck with going through it though.
Garrett90
08-11-08, 01:58 PM
Im a BIG believer in fate too. I've grown up a Devil Dog brat, eat, sleep, breathe Marine Corps. But I always wanted to go to college and play football because it was my life, then enlist and go to OCS afterwards. The closer I got to my senior year though, the more and more I decided to weight my options, rather than be dead set on college. I applied to Appalachian State and got deffered. I then had to write an essay explaining why I would be a good fit to the University. I did all that, I had a 3.8 GPA, and waited day and night for the letter back from them. While I waited though, I thought more and more about college vs Marines. I thought, well what if I go to college, find a girl worth considering marrying and having kids. That would change the entire path I set up for my life, and I didnt like the idea. I then began to look more and more towards enlisting NOW, and all that pride I have in having a Devil Dog father came pouring out. I got my letter from App. St, and I felt absolutely ZERO excitement when I read that i was accepted. That was the clincher for me; I dont want to do the college life, I want to be a Marine. Yes I miss football and the comradeship that comes along with it, the sense of belonging, pride, and being apart of something bigger than yourself, a brotherhood. I realized that I can go to college and have that for 4 more years, or I can join an eternal brotherhood and be apart of that brotherhood even when im in Heaven or Hell, whichever it may be. Since then, I have had zero things getting in my way as far as MEPs being a breeze, all of my Med. Docs have been cleared, and ive been set Good to Go, and I even got my first choice of MOS the day after i picked it. My entire processing has been a cake walk, which hints to me that I am doing the right thing for myself. That is what I believe <B>MY</b> fate is. So I understand what your saying when you say fate, and the pregnancy/college/weight waiver things. Do what you believe is right for <B>YOU</b>.
djb439097
08-11-08, 02:04 PM
Much appreciation towards your post as well Garrett... I'm meeting with my recruiter in 30 minutes to tell him what is going on... I know he is going to do everything in his power to resell the idea of staying, giving me a response to every problem I may have. I'm going to put my answer in the way of fate and belief. If the talk with him makes me commit to a complete 180 and go now to the Marines then I will, but if I have one ounce of doubt... I can't bring myself to go through with it.
Much appreciation towards your post as well Garrett... I'm meeting with my recruiter in 30 minutes to tell him what is going on... I know he is going to do everything in his power to resell the idea of staying, giving me a response to every problem I may have. I'm going to put my answer in the way of fate and belief. If the talk with him makes me commit to a complete 180 and go now to the Marines then I will, but if I have one ounce of doubt... I can't bring myself to go through with it.
Hey, if it gets to much for you, just tell 'im you're gay. lol
djb439097
08-11-08, 02:14 PM
lol... that might be a little hard with the girlfriend
PhantomLord
08-11-08, 02:14 PM
Hey, if it gets to much for you, just tell 'im you're gay. lol
Or he could be a man about it. just my .02, haha.
djb439097
08-11-08, 02:17 PM
I am going to be a man about it... I'm going to be straighforward with him and am meeting him in person... I'm not going to not just show up... my recruiter deserves at least that much...
Nah, my uncle dated tons of girls and he's as gay as Disney (which is actually a great comparison, seeing as he works for Disney...). Just tell him it was all an eleborate ruse that went too far. And then comment on his shoes. :p
Seriously though, make a choice and stick with it. No one likes a flip-flopper.
Garrett90
08-11-08, 02:18 PM
You could be like all my dads friends at work...."I was GUNNA join the Marines, or Navy Seals, but the bus never showed up. I was ****ed." .....haha. EVERYBODYS a Rambo
PhantomLord
08-11-08, 02:19 PM
I am going to be a man about it... I'm going to be straighforward with him and am meeting him in person... I'm not going to not just show up... my recruiter deserves at least that much...
Good to hear. what ever you choose just remember to do it because you want it not because joe shmoe online wants you to do it. Its your life, you decide. best wishes for ya.
djb439097
08-11-08, 02:21 PM
Well I appreciate all the advice, and some of the guilt trips, now I'm off to quite possibly one of the hardest conversations I've had yet. I'll get back on and let all who care know the outcome.
PhantomLord
08-11-08, 02:22 PM
I'll be interested in hearing about it. Good luck.
gobuffs10
08-11-08, 03:15 PM
That is motivation enough... but I DEPed in 2 January 2008... I've been in for 8 months, and it has given me more time to think and procrastinate. I wish I would have left on 3 January, but I didn't. I don't feel like my heart is in it 100% anymore... and while I may regret and hate myself for braking an oath, promise, and commitment to my country and friends... I can't help but wonder if I am going to regret not doing what is best for me. All the research and thinking I have done has not made me say yes I definitely want to go in... I just don't believe it is fair to do that to this country or the Corps by going in when my heart is fully with it.
Well man at least you can be honest with yourself and say you just aren't with it right now. I can't say what I would do in your situation, but I don't wish that feeling of finding out your girl is unexpectedly pregnant on ANYONE. I know the feeling (false alarm luckily). To me, it sounds like you have enough on your plate as it is.
Conversely, however, going to do this could be a good thing for you. You would do something to feel great about, and it would be incoming money to take care of your girl and new child, which I think, at this point, would be much more valuable than going to school. School will always be there. A lot can happen to make you not become a Marine. Good luck. Keep your head up, life tends to work itself out.
djb439097
08-11-08, 03:27 PM
Just got back from the meeting with my recruiter... First of all, I want to commend him on being a very upright and respectable man(wouldn't expect anything less from a Marine), but from some of the horror stories I've read about recruiters... he is not one of them. I explained the situation to him, he layed out the options, and I decided I want to go to school now and figure out what to do next. He said he would keep me enrolled in the DEP until the date that the SSgt of the office decides that it's not worth it. I did explain once I enroll I will not withdraw because of loss of money, and he said that was fine. Once it gets back around to 2 January 2009, I will be automatically withdrawn from the program anyway. I am going to attend school and deal with what life has decided to throw my way now... and hopefully become a Marine (no matter how hard it may be... waivers or whatever else) at a later date.
outlaw3179
08-11-08, 03:58 PM
YEY! Looks like it worked out for you in the end.
Forgive me if I dont feel sympathy , but you signed the Mothefu*king contract. Honor your obligation.
slimmy07
08-11-08, 04:02 PM
kid,
Dont regret this decision. Your going to be that guy in a bar later in life that is telling people...I was GOING TO BE a Marine..instead it should be..I WAS a United States Marine. If you can look yourself in the mirrior 10-15 years from now and not regret it, go for it. Keep in mind, you can join again later, but its way TOUGHER to get in with 2 dependents.
RockSteady85
08-11-08, 04:05 PM
Hey man, what I would say is go to college on that scholarship first like you said you are intending to do. You have a child that is on the way. Get yourself settled, and after you graduate, go to OCS. The Corps is always going to be around for whenever you may want to come back. I intend to go back into the Corps, but this time to OCS (went to Parris Island initially and broke while I was there) during one of my summers off from medical school. You have a lot on your plate right now, so I say get your crap sorted out and head back to the recruiter or OSO when you are good and ready.
darkgreen0311
08-11-08, 04:17 PM
Seems to me poolee you just b*tched up. Don't go!!! You just proved that you have no honor or commitment things that are part of Marine Corps tradition. You shouldn't have even posted that comment, because my brothers and sisters on here are going to blaze you.
:marine:SEMPER FI 4 LIFE
thewookie
08-11-08, 04:17 PM
You're going to be that guy in a bar later in life that is telling people...I was GOING TO BE a Marine..instead it should be..I am a United States Marine.
Exactly.
Chicken shiat act, but I am glad you quit on the Corps before we wasted any more time with you. You use the pregnancy thing as a red heron meanwhile you’re an overweight coward, and not mentally prepared to begin with.
Good riddance, enjoy your job pumping gas,, "Would that be cash or credit, sir?"
You''ll regret this later.
outlaw3179
08-11-08, 04:33 PM
I like how all the poolees are "yeah you should just be a pussy and just quit, no big deal" and the Marines have absolutely no sympathy for your bit*h ass. I guarantee every single Marine here has had to make sacrifices, hard choices, tough decisions, but one thing they all understood was their commitment. Be a f*cking pus*y , go ahead and quit.
My son was 1 month old when I left for Iraq. I voulunteered to go. No sympathy from me coward.
Psurichie
08-11-08, 05:20 PM
Have fun supporting a child while going to college. That should be a lot of fun.
PhantomLord
08-11-08, 05:56 PM
That's why I'm wondering how college is going to be a smarter decision then the Corps. The Corps pays you for your service, gives you college, and PAYS YOU if you have a family. Not to mention insurance, health care, and a million other things. I mean, damn. It can't get much better then that unless you got loaded relatives to live off of.
That's why I'm wondering how college is going to be a smarter decision then the Corps. The Corps pays you for your service, gives you college, and PAYS YOU if you have a family. Not to mention insurance, health care, and a million other things. I mean, damn. It can't get much better then that unless you got loaded relatives to live off of.
He takes the words out of my mouth.
I dont see your decision as anything but an excuse or way out.
And if that is what it is dont even bother joining because Marines are not made out of cowards who give up at a problem as small as this one is(correct me if I am wrong in any of this Marines).
-Rains-
outlaw3179
08-11-08, 06:18 PM
Roger that Rains.
darkgreen0311
08-11-08, 06:22 PM
Ditto.
:marine: SEMPER FI 4 LIFE
Excuse us for trying to be mature individuals instead of treating this guy like dirt. You let us handle it, and then get all hardcore Marine after the decision is made. Honestly, the boy is trying to do what's best for his unborn child and the mother. He isn't dropping out because of drugs or fear or lack of commitment. He's doing what's best for his child in his mind.
And honestly, I don't think anyone here is more of an expert at that than him at this moment.
-Respectfully,
Parks
PhantomLord
08-11-08, 07:22 PM
Excuse us for trying to be mature individuals instead of treating this guy like dirt. You let us handle it, and then get all hardcore Marine after the decision is made. Honestly, the boy is trying to do what's best for his unborn child and the mother. He isn't dropping out because of drugs or fear or lack of commitment. He's doing what's best for his child in his mind.
And honestly, I don't think anyone here is more of an expert at that than him at this moment.
-Respectfully,
Parks
Please explain how college is going to be a better choice.