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View Full Version : Alright Marines, so what do I do?



Achped
06-22-08, 10:43 PM
Im going to ask for advice. My NCOs as well as hers already know the situation, as does my SNOIC and her plt sgt, but that's as far as its really up the chain, with one exception. Let me explain.

I'm engaged, to a female Marine. Been with her for a while now (length of time is not important)

We originally had hoped to both get sent overseas together, both of us to oki. She got orders to Oki, and I got orders to.....Hawaii.

Now, before either of us had orders anywhere, I got her pregnant. So its not like oh ****, we're going to different places, lets get you pregnant. Also, we got engaged BEFORE she got pregnant, so its not like i want to be with her because of the kid either.

Anyways, she's in okinawa, pregnant. That's all that anyone above her direct shop level COC knows, they don't know that I'm in Hawaii or that she wants to change duty stations. Her chain of command has pretty much said, you can't get out of the Corps, and you have to stay in Oki. They're losing too many females to reassigning them stateside due to pregnancy.

And obviously, I cant get re-assigned to okinawa, especially since we're not married. Fiancee in the Marine Corps might as well mean **** buddy.

Whats can either of us do? Am I really expected to wait until my own child is 14 months old before ever being able to live with him? I understand, its the Marine Corps and I signed the contract and I didnt get issued a kid or a wife or whatever, I know. Don't bother saying it, I'm looking for advice not criticism.

What can I do? Seriously, going 14 months while only being able to see my kid for maybe the birth or shortly after, and when he's like a year old for a few weeks? I can't do that. Expecting her to be a single mother in the Marine Corps without any support network aside from daycare centers? She can't do that either.

What can either of us do? Should I try talking to my 1st sgt? Should she try talking to hers? This has been going on for a few months now, but I just got word about 3 hours ago she's pretty much stuck in oki. its been up in the air, and word is any request to be reassigned will get non-rec'd by the higher ups.

Pete0331
06-22-08, 11:00 PM
Im going to ask for advice. My NCOs as well as hers already know the situation, as does my SNOIC and her plt sgt, but that's as far as its really up the chain, with one exception. Let me explain.

I'm engaged, to a female Marine. Been with her for a while now (length of time is not important)

We originally had hoped to both get sent overseas together, both of us to oki. She got orders to Oki, and I got orders to.....Hawaii.

Now, before either of us had orders anywhere, I got her pregnant. So its not like oh ****, we're going to different places, lets get you pregnant. Also, we got engaged BEFORE she got pregnant, so its not like i want to be with her because of the kid either.

Anyways, she's in okinawa, pregnant. That's all that anyone above her direct shop level COC knows, they don't know that I'm in Hawaii or that she wants to change duty stations. Her chain of command has pretty much said, you can't get out of the Corps, and you have to stay in Oki. They're losing too many females to reassigning them stateside due to pregnancy.

And obviously, I cant get re-assigned to okinawa, especially since we're not married. Fiancee in the Marine Corps might as well mean **** buddy.

Whats can either of us do? Am I really expected to wait until my own child is 14 months old before ever being able to live with him? I understand, its the Marine Corps and I signed the contract and I didnt get issued a kid or a wife or whatever, I know. Don't bother saying it, I'm looking for advice not criticism.

What can I do? Seriously, going 14 months while only being able to see my kid for maybe the birth or shortly after, and when he's like a year old for a few weeks? I can't do that. Expecting her to be a single mother in the Marine Corps without any support network aside from daycare centers? She can't do that either.

What can either of us do? Should I try talking to my 1st sgt? Should she try talking to hers? This has been going on for a few months now, but I just got word about 3 hours ago she's pretty much stuck in oki. its been up in the air, and word is any request to be reassigned will get non-rec'd by the higher ups.

Both of you go to your 1stSgt and explain the situation and then make sure they talk to each other to corroborate the story. If you have the cajones request mast and take it higher. But the very first thing is to talk to your chaplain, if you haven't already, because I can guarantee thats where most of your higher will send you.

Since she's not your wife, the chances of anything happening is slim to nil.
WM's are nothing but trouble.

Big Jim
06-22-08, 11:08 PM
By all means...both of you talk to your commands and tell them whats going on!! Go to your Chaplain and see about getting married. You should've gotten married before your orders came or before everything to make sure this wouldn't happen. Now, its going to be harder then hell putting you two together. If you guys get married, it will be easier for your commands to understand your committment to each other and hopefullt be a little lenient when asking to go see your wife a child. I'd go to the Chaplain first though. See what he can do for you....good luck..

Achped
06-22-08, 11:18 PM
Guys, way ahead of you. Already talked to both our chaplains. The problem is, she can't take leave from Oki till she's been there 6 months, and I can't marry her in oki, heck I can't even get to oki because of deployments.

Maybe they can waive the 6 month leave thing, but if not, she cant come to hawaii until November....in November she will be 28 weeks pregnant, and unable to fly. And from 28 weeks on, she won't be able to come here, and an infant can't fly either.

Our chaplains said pretty much, like you said, the Marine Corps can't do anything/won't do anything unless we're married.

I will try to talk to my 1st sgt about it though, but he's an 03 and has the same mentality as 0331....WMs are trouble

Wyoming
06-22-08, 11:46 PM
Achped, I have watched you as a poolee and today.

Sometimes you GIVE great advice, sometimes not.

Then you pull the he-man ****.

Son, it is getting old. You ****ed up and the Lady took seriously what was poked at her for fun.

What are you, 19, 20 years old? Have you never heard of a condom? Nevermind, all of that is spilt milk and closing the gate after the cows got out.

Marry her? Sure. Do it by phone. I bet it can be done.

Sorry, but tough **** on not being able to be together.

In fact, I have had enough of your ****, Marine or not.

Big Al out.

Pete0331
06-23-08, 12:20 AM
Our chaplains said pretty much, like you said, the Marine Corps can't do anything/won't do anything unless we're married.

I will try to talk to my 1st sgt about it though, but he's an 03 and has the same mentality as 0331....WMs are trouble

Chances are things will not come out nice and happy.
Don't get ****ed at the USMC for the situation you got yourself into.

Careful who you ask, and how often you ask. You have really good chances to turn into "That Guy."

davblay
06-23-08, 12:25 AM
Achped running around banging on everyones door yelling "THE SKY IS FALLING"!

Matt I love ya Kid, But dam'd if you ain't had the worst run of luck than any Marine in History!

By now I hope you have learned the two things that are outright lies......1) "the check is in the Mail", and... 2) "I can pull out fast enough"!

I truly feel sorry for your girlfriend.....I really do Matt. But, you both are Marines, you both knew that it was more than likely that one, or both, of you were going overseas! This is something that should have been taken care of as soon as you both found out about the Baby!

Like Bigal said, it's all water under the bridge now, but maybe they will allow you to marry her over the phone or radio or something! Choices Matt, that's what we have to live with....CHOICES!

I guess the question now is....how long before you screw up again? Mistakes aren't always bad, if we learn from them. LEARN MATT!

Good luck and I hope you only the best for the problem you're facing.

Dave

Isrowei
06-23-08, 05:25 AM
I'm pretty sure there are ways to be married over distance. Check with the chaplain about it. I'd say that's your first and most important step as it gives you and her the most support from within the Corps.

And I agree with the other Marines. The antics are old. You should have grown up by now.

thewookie
06-23-08, 06:06 AM
I'm engaged, to a female Marine. Been with her for a while now (length of time is not important)



So, basically one can assume that you've known this girl for less then 6 months?

Another kid raised by the system..

What a way to start a tour,,, with a little unwanted crumb snatcher nipping around your ankles.

Try using condoms, they work, and then you can live your life a little.

Hate to say it but I feel bad for the kid, what kind of situation is that going to put him or her into?

Nobody ever thinks about that...

Good luck, make smarter decisions.

Quinbo
06-23-08, 06:33 AM
Look into something called "marriage by proxy". Get that done and request co-location orders.

Backblast
06-23-08, 06:59 AM
Get married so your relationship is recognized by the Corps. Sounds like you want to get married to her anyways. Speed the process up and see a justice of the peace if you can get libo to Oki.

Good luck..its not the end of the world. It just feels like it.

MotherGoose
06-23-08, 08:34 AM
The Marine Corps is the only service (at least it was when I was in) that has policy on keeping married Marines stationed within 50 miles of each other [unless it is not feasible to the mission at hand.] I think this is an area that makes the chain of command grind their teeth... new-to-the-Corps Marines getting pregnant/wanting to get married. Everything will work out for you, it will just take some time/patience/planning. And, like it was said before. You can easily become the bastar# scapegoat if you continue to harangue your chain of command on this issue. Don't become that guy. You may hurt inside but just be patient and do the very best you can do. The Corps will help a motivator more willingly than it will a whiner/complainer/one who doesn't carry their weight. Keep in touch with your girl because she is surely having a hard time. I've known female Marines who got pregnant when they were new to the Corps, and some were hard charging and some were just wastes of space. Either way, there is alot of prejudice that they will be dealing with on a daily basis. As you can tell from the assinine comment in this thread that "WM's are trouble," that kind of thinking can permeate a unit, company, platoon, squad, section... what have you and create ill will. Mark my words, every place you will be stationed, there will be a designated sh$tbird/scapegoat. Neither one of you want to fill that billet.
:evilgrin:

crate78
06-23-08, 02:07 PM
Just proves the old adage, "The Lord gave man a brain, and He gave man a penis, but He only gave man enough of a blood supply to use one at a time.

I'll be on the lookout for incoming.

crate

Marine84
06-23-08, 07:08 PM
Thank you crate!

I'm going to ignore the "WM's are trouble" remark that came out of the 2 mouthes of babes. What you want to blame a WM for YOUR "problem" - you couldn't keep your d!ck in your pants! DUMBASS! And, if it's a "problem", why are you wanting to marry it?

Old Marine
06-23-08, 07:28 PM
Achped:

Sounds like you stepped on your crank young man.

Its going to be pretty hard to pay attention to you job in the Corps with you stepping on your crank constantly.

What you really need is for you Squad Leader to take you out behind the woodshed and whip your azz.

darkgreen0311
06-23-08, 07:41 PM
You play, you pay should of worn a raincoat!!!






:marine::flag:Semper Fi 4 Life
Yours is not to question why but to do or die!!!

SlingerDun
06-23-08, 08:00 PM
What can I do? Seriously, going 14 months while only being able to see my kid for maybe the birth or shortly after, and when he's like a year old for a few weeks? I can't do that. Expecting her to be a single mother in the Marine Corps without any support network aside from daycare centers? She can't do that eitherI coulda swore that D.I.'s had a pretty good success rate extracting the words 'can't' and 'fair' from recruit vocabulary before they had a chance to infiltrate the Corps http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/images/icons/icon6.gif Tens of thousands of legally married military personnel are separated from their spouses for extended periods of time every year. What makes you two Marines so special that you "cant" hack. Children change the way you think and behave forever.....it starts now.

Good Luck

--->Dave

rktect3j
06-24-08, 07:21 AM
Man, I KNOW you had spent time on this website looking at posts about this situation and that situation. WTF Marine? Well, now it is time to read up again, ask more questions and figure out how to get that marriage license. Just get er done already. Take the advice of a few on here and talk to your chaplain.

Good luck.

MarineNCO
06-24-08, 10:16 AM
You have already received sound advice so I feel no need to add to it.

Posted 080331
http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=63410

Posted 080401
http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=63467

Posted 080426
http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=64783 (http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=64783)


Tsk tsk young lad. Should have had the integrity to own up to it first. You made your bed. Sleep in it.

MarineNCO
06-24-08, 10:23 AM
Just did some math. Using Nov 30 as the 28 week mark this means she was pregnant at least as early as May 18. According to your posts I would guess a few weeks prior to that ( http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=63410 (http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=63410) ). As for the engagement time being not important I think it will become important to those you are trying to get to help you do this thing.

Best bet is to come totally clean and admit you are jacked up. People are more generally willing to help you. I know it works alot better on me than my Marines standing there trying to make excuses for why they failed to ask for advice or help or failed entirely to follow directives and orders..

davblay
06-24-08, 11:36 AM
I just had a scary though race thru my head Achped! You obviously come from a less than desirable home life, and without knowing her home situation, what will happen if you are both deployed, no families? Who will care for your child then?

I know it's to late to say could have , would have , should have, but dam Marine, I know you are a tall dude, but is the air that much thinner up there that you can't comprehend what is being taught to you about birth control?

I hate to say it, Matt, because I like you! But a convienience of the government discharge for the two of you would be an acceptable alternative. I thinnk you can make a decent living in the civilian world and support a family, other people do!

Lets face it Matt, you, or your wife, can't concentrate on your Corps duties if you are apart, so what better salution, at this point? The Marine Corps has given you more than one chance, and has helped you more than once to stay in the Corps, but they didn't take you to raise, your parents should already had thay done by now! The Corps is looking for a Few Good Men! Not over grown children that don't listen and learn! As an adult it is our responsibility to accept the actions we cause and accept the consequences there of! It's a hard teacher, but most of the time it's effective!

Matt, we don't have the answers you are looking for, talk to the COC and get it done correctly, take what ever you have to, but get this crap squared away TODAY! Because of two bad decisions, that you and she made, you two may have flushed your carreers down the toilet! I truly hope it was worth it for both, now the three, of you!

There aint now magic words we can say that will make this go away! It's in yours and hers ball park now!

I am truly wishing you luck Matt, what ever happens! Always remember that "it is not always easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission"!

Dave

Artemis
06-24-08, 11:45 AM
Suck it up kid. I was deployed for 15 months. Missed 15 months of my sons life and I gave birth to him. Ya don't hear me whining like a ***** now do ya?

Achped
06-24-08, 03:24 PM
Just did some math. Using Nov 30 as the 28 week mark this means she was pregnant at least as early as May 18. According to your posts I would guess a few weeks prior to that ( http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=63410 (http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=63410) ). As for the engagement time being not important I think it will become important to those you are trying to get to help you do this thing.

Best bet is to come totally clean and admit you are jacked up. People are more generally willing to help you. I know it works alot better on me than my Marines standing there trying to make excuses for why they failed to ask for advice or help or failed entirely to follow directives and orders..

Okay? Roger. I'm jacked up. I know that already and thought you all could see from my post that I knew it. Guess I was wrong.

Why is it the fathers that want to be dead beats can't escape their kids, and the ones that want to be there for their kids can't be with them?

Okay though, I'll just suck it up, no point in trying I guess. I'll just let her take care of it by herself.

Sorry I asked for help everyone.

Achped
06-24-08, 03:31 PM
I just had a scary though race thru my head Achped! You obviously come from a less than desirable home life, and without knowing her home situation, what will happen if you are both deployed, no families? Who will care for your child then?

I know it's to late to say could have , would have , should have, but dam Marine, I know you are a tall dude, but is the air that much thinner up there that you can't comprehend what is being taught to you about birth control?

I hate to say it, Matt, because I like you! But a convienience of the government discharge for the two of you would be an acceptable alternative. I thinnk you can make a decent living in the civilian world and support a family, other people do!

Lets face it Matt, you, or your wife, can't concentrate on your Corps duties if you are apart, so what better salution, at this point? The Marine Corps has given you more than one chance, and has helped you more than once to stay in the Corps, but they didn't take you to raise, your parents should already had thay done by now! The Corps is looking for a Few Good Men! Not over grown children that don't listen and learn! As an adult it is our responsibility to accept the actions we cause and accept the consequences there of! It's a hard teacher, but most of the time it's effective!

Matt, we don't have the answers you are looking for, talk to the COC and get it done correctly, take what ever you have to, but get this crap squared away TODAY! Because of two bad decisions, that you and she made, you two may have flushed your carreers down the toilet! I truly hope it was worth it for both, now the three, of you!

There aint now magic words we can say that will make this go away! It's in yours and hers ball park now!

I am truly wishing you luck Matt, what ever happens! Always remember that "it is not always easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission"!

Dave

Her home life is pretty good, I've stayed with her and her family quite a few times.

Separation by convenience of the government? For both of us? I don't see how that would be possible for either of us, let alone both of us. Neither of us want to get out, but I know she would if it came down to it. However, they don't let pregnant females out like they used to.

Wyoming
06-24-08, 03:33 PM
Okay? Roger. I'm jacked up. I know that already and thought you all could see from my post that I knew it. Guess I was wrong.

Why is it the fathers that want to be dead beats can't escape their kids, and the ones that want to be there for their kids can't be with them?

Okay though, I'll just suck it up, no point in trying I guess. I'll just let her take care of it by herself.

Sorry I asked for help everyone.


You want some cheese with that whine?

Man Up, BOY!!

Achped
06-24-08, 03:39 PM
Everyone is telling me to man up, grow up, I thought that wanting to be in the life of my son and be there for his mother is the manly thing to do.

What is the manly thing to do? Give up and let her deal with it on her own? Or just stop asking you all for advice?

Old Marine
06-24-08, 03:47 PM
Stop asking for advise......

You couldn't keep your fly zipped and now you have a problem. Its up to you to resolve it.

Big Jim
06-24-08, 03:54 PM
Everyone is telling me to man up, grow up, I thought that wanting to be in the life of my son and be there for his mother is the manly thing to do.

What is the manly thing to do? Give up and let her deal with it on her own? Or just stop asking you all for advice?


NO THE CHANCE TO DO THE RIGHT THING HAS PAST...YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT NOW. WHICH IS DO WHAT THE MARINE CORPS WANTS YOU TO DO AND GO THROUGH THE RED TAPE TO BE THERE FOR THEM AND HELP THEM...ITS YOUR ONLY OPTION IF YOU WANT THIS TO HAPPEN WITH YOUR KID...ASK FOR ADVICE OR DON'T ASK IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME OR ANYONE ELSE HERE...EITHER WAY YOU HANDLED THIS SITUATION LIKE A KID WOULD AND NOW THAT BABY AND THAT GIRL ARE BEING MADE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS WITHOUT A HUSBAND AND FATHER...ON THEIR OWN...THATS WHY YOU BEING TOLD TO GROW UP...!!!

darkgreen0311
06-24-08, 03:59 PM
You're saying it will be at least 18mos before you see your kid. At least you will eventually see your kid. Your circumstances are no different then guys who go to Iraq or Vietnam who didn't see their kids born while they did their duty. Suck it up and stop acting like a lil b**ch!!! No one's telling you not to fufill your committment as a father.



:marine::flag: Semper Fi 4 Life
Yours is not to question why but to do or die!!!

Backblast
06-24-08, 04:01 PM
The Marine Corps comes before any other relationship. You should know that. I have deployed twice and seen many a Marine have a child while separated from their wives.

I was sympathetic towards you at first but now I think you need to reexamine your place within the Corps. I don't think you should even ask for special liberty or leave. Your soon to be wife is a Marine too. You both should understand that your duty to the Corps comes before anything else. Maybe if you show your superiors that you have devotion to duty they might consider granting you favors.

Suck it the hell up and carry on. Your getting me angry.

tntmondy
06-24-08, 04:44 PM
I am not going to repeat everything that has been already said. She may be able to talk to her doctor and get clearance to fly. It is pretty standard in OKI for the OB to issue a do not fly order after a certain week of pregnacy. It's what they do. However if she has a normal pregnancy they may be willing to make an exception for her to fly to Hawai for the two of you to get married.

davblay
06-24-08, 05:21 PM
Everyone is telling me to man up, grow up, I thought that wanting to be in the life of my son and be there for his mother is the manly thing to do.

What is the manly thing to do? Give up and let her deal with it on her own? Or just stop asking you all for advice?


Your words Matt, Quote:
I have this friend...
<hr style="color: rgb(181, 177, 177); background-color: rgb(181, 177, 177);" size="1"> <!-- / icon and title --> <!-- message --> And he got this female Marine friend of his pregnant, and he wants to know,
what happens if a Marine in Okinawa gets pregnant? Given that non-rates are unaccompanied tours.
--------------------------------------------


What do you want us to say? This was posted in March and you didn't listen then!

You have been given some good advice...........and some pretty bad smack as well! But THINK with your big brain Matt, not your little one!

No one here asked for this, you came in here and started this all by yourself. It's a B!tch when your backed into a corner and nowhere to go ain't it?

I suggest you take some of the advice you asked for (sort out the criticizing) and do what's best for you guys. There is a way out of this, you just have to talk to the right people!

Semper Fi, little brother,

Dave

hrscowboy
06-24-08, 05:37 PM
Alright now lets not put all the blame on matt here... she the lady is just as much at fault as Matt in my books. They both knew what they where doing and both did not use any birth control what so ever so now you gotta own up too what you all did.. I am amazed that both of them are not standing tall in front of there COs for being so stupid in the first place. Back in the Old Corps we where preached too constantly about birth control i guess they dont do that in the New Marine Corps..

Achped
06-24-08, 08:16 PM
You know, I didn't say it at first because I know what kind of a can of worms this is going to open, especially with the 03s....


But she was on birth control. The Marine Corps gives it to females beginning at boot camp, and she'd been on it. Just for clarification, because like I said, I know how Marines think, I saw her take it.

Its a moot point, really. She's pregnant, me telling you she was on birth control is only going to make you all think less of her and think she "trapped" me or whatever.

I don't care though, shes just gonna have to live with having the kid by herself. My duty is to the Corps!

Pete0331
06-24-08, 08:20 PM
You know, I didn't say it at first because I know what kind of a can of worms this is going to open, especially with the 03s....


But she was on birth control. The Marine Corps gives it to females beginning at boot camp, and she'd been on it. Just for clarification, because like I said, I know how Marines think, I saw her take it.

No sense in trying to justify what happened.
Focus on the solution.
If there isn't a solution, make the best of the situation.

Isrowei
06-24-08, 08:40 PM
I don't care though, shes just gonna have to live with having the kid by herself. My duty is to the Corps!

The Corps won't be in your life as long as that child will be alive. Figure it out and do what's right. No amount of motivational BS is going to ease your conscience in 10 years when that kid rightfully hates your guts for not lifting a damn finger to be around and in his life.

You have recourses available to you to honor both your commitment to the Corps and your new family. And even though this girl is a Marine also and I'm sure she's tough, she's going to appreciate the love and support of someone who cares about her and the child she is carrying.

If you can't do right by her and your child... then get out of the Corps because you don't belong. Honor, courage, and Commitment doesn't mean a damn thing if you hide behind the Marine Corps to dodge your higher responsibilities.

hrscowboy
06-24-08, 09:02 PM
I agree Lt he should do the right thing..

Achped
06-25-08, 02:50 AM
Are you serious? Is anyone else reading this thread? I say I'm going trying to work with the Marine Corps to be able to support my girl and child, and I get ragged on. I say Im going to bail on her to be completely dutiful to the Marine Corps, and I'm a dead beat?

What is going on? I really hope someone else sees it, because I honestly don't.

Do I just say hey, here's some money, every month and not try to get stationed together and "be a man" and "suck it up" or do I try to do what I can to be there for my kid like a "real man" because this kid is going to be in my life way longer than the Corps will.

cantoine
06-25-08, 03:03 AM
Lt. Isworei said it best. Get your head straight, your emotions are getting the best of you right now. You have options so work with them. Nobody here can fix your problem and you have gotten all the advice you need. You know what's right and you are going to have to make sacrifices, you need to accept that.

Phantom Blooper
06-25-08, 04:51 AM
If a frog had wings,he wouldn't bump his azz every time he tried to hop!

If you wore a sock you wouldn't have this problem to add to your many.

You have been told a host of help solutions and now it is up to you to man up and do what you need to do!

From your much earlier posts on family matters you were pizzed off because of a member of your family and you wanted him to MAN UP and do what is right.

Now you need to not follow the learned behavior and MAN UP and take care of your responsibilities like a 21 year old adult male. Don't let the mind run wild with solutions that will not come to fruition. The solution is there grasshopper.....all you have to do is find it!

Take responsibility for your action! Either get married or pay what is owed! Be a part of the child's life! And finally after all your posts GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR AZZ and THINK MORE WITH YOUR BRAIN...INSTEAD OF YOUR PENIS!:evilgrin:

Isrowei
06-25-08, 05:06 AM
Are you serious? Is anyone else reading this thread? I say I'm going trying to work with the Marine Corps to be able to support my girl and child, and I get ragged on. I say Im going to bail on her to be completely dutiful to the Marine Corps, and I'm a dead beat?

What is going on? I really hope someone else sees it, because I honestly don't.

Do I just say hey, here's some money, every month and not try to get stationed together and "be a man" and "suck it up" or do I try to do what I can to be there for my kid like a "real man" because this kid is going to be in my life way longer than the Corps will.

Achped, listen carefully:

You didn't get ragged on at first because you said you were going to support her. You got ragged on because of all the history you have on the boards from being quite the ladies man and bragging a bit about it.

People talk about "Corps first" but I will tell you that most Marines wish they had more time to spend with their family... not the Marine Corps. We all love the Corps... but priorities matter.

Right now, a little child is growing who will know nothing more about this world than the love you and his mother will give him. To that baby.. you will be the sun and the moon. Trust me, you'll never find something like that in the Corps. You may get respect and even admiration within the Corps, but it won't be anything compared to what that child feels for you with a little smile and a giggle and a "hey dad-dee" when you come home.

No one is saying it will be easy. Probably.. it will be hard to begin with and even harder still later on. Being married as a LCpl isn't easy. Being seperated is tough... even for people who have been married many many years. But this is your challenge and I hope you resolve to make the best of it.

rktect3j
06-25-08, 07:20 AM
Are you serious? Is anyone else reading this thread? I say I'm going trying to work with the Marine Corps to be able to support my girl and child, and I get ragged on. I say Im going to bail on her to be completely dutiful to the Marine Corps, and I'm a dead beat?

What is going on? I really hope someone else sees it, because I honestly don't.

Do I just say hey, here's some money, every month and not try to get stationed together and "be a man" and "suck it up" or do I try to do what I can to be there for my kid like a "real man" because this kid is going to be in my life way longer than the Corps will.

You need to stop looking for too much advice and then take the wrong advice. There are many solutions to this problem. Some easy, like bailing out and some that take a man to conquer. You sound like you know what to do. Now get er done already Marine and stop wasting so much time on this website listening to people who are not in your shoes. There really has ben some good advice put foreward, now filter through the crapola.

Phantom Winger
06-25-08, 08:14 AM
Achped,

Seeing as you're young enough to be my son I'll weigh in. Consider my boot already planted firmly in your backside for being a dumbass. Now comes the talking part.

This isn't about the Corps. You two made a mistake and now you're upset that the road is going to be a little rough. Newsflash: there's a lot more rough road ahead.

Boards are hard to convey sarcasm unless you tag it as such so I'm not sure if you were serious when you said "Give up and let her deal with it on her own? ". If that thought even crossed your mind then marriage is going to be a poor choice for all three of you.

First step - go see a chaplain. Yeah, I know, you have. But see him again for a different reason. Marriage counseling. Are you even ready for marriage? It takes a ton of hard work, patience, commitment and understanding from both of you. All marriages are doomed to fail without work. If you're not ready for this then do everyone (and the Corps) a favor and just stop the bus right here.

How much do you know about this girl? her family? How well does she know you? Are you both ready to settle for a DVD and popcorn for your big weekend date when money is tight? Formula and diapers get expensive. What about her? Who is going to take care the finances? What expectations does she have about taking care of elderly parents? Do they agree with yours? This is stuff you need to get out in the open now.

I realize you want to be there for her and your child but you made that choice already. Lay the ground work for a solid marriage first and you, your wife and your child will benefit from it. Rush through this part and you'll most likely wind up another divorce statistic. This is that whole maturity thing. She's not the first to have a kid by herself and she won't be the last.

I always tell my kids life is full of choices and those choices come with consequences. Some good, some not so good. The decision is ultimately yours.

BTW - I've been married 22 yrs and have 3 kids. The oldest was born shortly after we were married so don't think you're the first to go through this.

Best of luck brother.

Old Marine
06-25-08, 08:54 AM
Everyone is telling me to man up, grow up, I thought that wanting to be in the life of my son and be there for his mother is the manly thing to do.

What is the manly thing to do? Give up and let her deal with it on her own? Or just stop asking you all for advice?

Stop asking for advice. This thread is getting very old and you are getting nowhere.

In the time you have spent posting your BS on this thread you could have already started the wheel in motion to take care of the problem.

Reach down, get a hold of yourself and act like a Marine. Quit half stepping and take a full 30" step.

MotherGoose
06-25-08, 08:55 AM
Are you serious? Is anyone else reading this thread? I say I'm going trying to work with the Marine Corps to be able to support my girl and child, and I get ragged on. I say Im going to bail on her to be completely dutiful to the Marine Corps, and I'm a dead beat?

What is going on? I really hope someone else sees it, because I honestly don't.

Do I just say hey, here's some money, every month and not try to get stationed together and "be a man" and "suck it up" or do I try to do what I can to be there for my kid like a "real man" because this kid is going to be in my life way longer than the Corps will.

I tried to give you some sound advice, don't just focus on the negative or the "suck it up" advice. Completing boot camp doesn't automatically make a man. What you are doing (trying to support and marry her while also fulfilling your mission to the Corps) is the correct thing to do. I can't say it enough, patience, patience, patience!!!! If I were you, here is what I would do. Are you stationed in Hawaii for 3 years? Is she only in Oki for one year? Support her any way you can until you can get married, and you may not get the chance to get married until after she has the baby. Depending on her MOS, maybe she can then fill a slot in Hawaii, but if not, then request orders to get stationed together. Sounds like you are beating yourself up with guilt and frustration, and reading the posts in this thread is going to make that worse. BUT, look at the positive attributes of your life. You're a Marine. You found a girl you want to marry (and she's a Marine!) and you are going to have a child. You're in Hawaii. You're young, fit and have your whole life ahead of you.

Lastly, you are not solely responsible for this situation.

davblay
06-25-08, 09:07 AM
Matt I agree with MotherGoose, you have had some good sound advice just sort out the BS and do the right thing now, Rome wasn't built in a day, so it may take time, but if true love is there, things will work itslelf out, trust me!

Dave

Backblast
06-25-08, 01:16 PM
No matter what the trouble, I would be happy just to be in Hawaii again.

BR34
06-25-08, 05:40 PM
Sh*t, Achped, you are in constant limbo somewhere between poolee and Marine. Reading all the random things you write only tells me you are on the verge of being a 10 percenter.

You need to stop putting so much of your time and energy into posting here, trying to impress the poolees with your stories, etc., and take care of your career, because from what I read from you, just about everything you've done while in the Marine Corps has been detrimental to your success.

Grow up, Archped, you should have left the teenage **** on the bus before you got on the footprints.

tripledog
06-25-08, 07:33 PM
Yep, did the same thing, except my gf was not in the corps, would have been a hell of a lot easier and cheaper if she was.

I got mine pregnant knowing I was going out of conus. And yes, I went 15 months without seeing my baby or the delivery. Dam you know what, all of us lived thru it and turned out pretty good, if I say so myself.

One thing you have to learn in life, if you waller with the dogs, you will get dirty.
You and her did the deed, now do the paying.
Quit whining, begging etc, grab yourself by the bootstaps and face life head on.

Achped
06-26-08, 05:35 PM
I tried to give you some sound advice, don't just focus on the negative or the "suck it up" advice. Completing boot camp doesn't automatically make a man. What you are doing (trying to support and marry her while also fulfilling your mission to the Corps) is the correct thing to do. I can't say it enough, patience, patience, patience!!!! If I were you, here is what I would do. Are you stationed in Hawaii for 3 years? Is she only in Oki for one year? Support her any way you can until you can get married, and you may not get the chance to get married until after she has the baby. Depending on her MOS, maybe she can then fill a slot in Hawaii, but if not, then request orders to get stationed together. Sounds like you are beating yourself up with guilt and frustration, and reading the posts in this thread is going to make that worse. BUT, look at the positive attributes of your life. You're a Marine. You found a girl you want to marry (and she's a Marine!) and you are going to have a child. You're in Hawaii. You're young, fit and have your whole life ahead of you.

Lastly, you are not solely responsible for this situation.

She's in Oki for 2, April 2010 is her rotation date, Im in Hawaii till I EAS.

We will figure something out, rome wasn't built in a day, and getting a Marine PCS orders wasn't either. It will just take time and perseverence.

byoung54
06-26-08, 06:35 PM
Achped dont they give you the old "If you Tap it Wrap It" Schpell every Friday before Libo? What happened Devil Dog?

Phantom Winger
06-26-08, 06:39 PM
We will figure something out, rome wasn't built in a day, and getting a Marine PCS orders wasn't either. It will just take time and perseverence.

There you go, Achped. Best of luck!

sparkie
06-26-08, 08:02 PM
Is this thread over?? I am Soooooooo Done.

Backblast
06-28-08, 02:16 PM
I remember the tap and wrap speech during the libo brief. I was always wrapped. No kids here. Yay!

jrhd97
06-28-08, 02:56 PM
Focus on your job as a Marine, don't let this cloud your thinking or judgment. Buckle down, get squared away, crank out the MCI's, gain knowledge and be the best in your platoon at your job, keep the PFT and rifle scores up. SHOW your SNCO's and CO you are squared away, not a 10 % er.
Get marriage counseling and encourage her to get the same. Keep in contact with her and support her, yes financially to. Take parenting classes. SHOW your command that you are committed.
Work up the chain. If it fails and you can't get transfered, wait and try again. NEVER let the denials effect your performance or what comes out of your mouth, esspecialy to new Marines. What you say matters as much or more than what you do. The tongue can poison a whole platoon.
When you're eligible for leave, try and get it where she is.
Let your command see you are serious and they will be more inclined to help you.
Marriage and parenting are harder than the Marines, but more rewarding when done right. Nothing can make a long day good than that little girl jumping in your arms at the end of the day.
Lastly, and probably most controversial is this. Find a good solid church. Get into a mentor - mentoring relationship with an older man who has been married for a long time and successfully raised a family. The wisdom and advice you can receive, no to mention the support, is invaluable.
Good Luck Marine!