Advice on Divorce for the Marine Corps

[kamikazevampire]

MY story in a nutshell: I was kicked out of Boot Camp two years ago for fraud. I've fought long and hard for the past two years, clawing tooth and nail for the right to go back and become a Marine. It's my dream and I've never wanted to anything else with my life more than becoming one of the Few and the Proud. My recruiter has finally pulled the proper strings (I assume) and I get to start the DEP process all over again next week.

During those two years I got married and we're expecting a baby in about a month. The entire time we've been married she's known that I intended to re-enlist and I have never once led her to believe I wouldn't. But now that the time has come she's gone off the deep end and long story short is threatening a divorce if I join up.

I love my wife and my soon-to-be daughter, but I've always been the kind of man who does what he wants (and being ordered what to do by the Marine Corps is what I want). I make my own decisions and have never paid any attention to "noise", or people around me telling me my choices are wrong. Not to mention I never wanted to be married and have family anyways (but that's another story).

Basically I want advice on how to handle this situation. Should we get a divorce now and work out child support prior to my enlistment, or wait until I get out of boot camp and into my MOS school where I have more freedom? I want to handle this right, be a man and make sure my daughter has everything she needs but at the same time I have to admit to myself that I'm just simply not husband or father material and can't be the kind of guy who goes home to a family every afternoon.

I did a search around the forums and was not able to find much that seemed very helpful, but if you can direct me to a previous topic I may have overlooked with similar themes I would greatly appreciate it.

[Phantom Blooper]

What are the separation laws in PA? I still have family members there and one got divorced and had to live apart-separated- completely from "Bed & Board" for about a year or more to get a divorce.

Talk to a lawyer..your first visit is free. After the lawyer talk coordinate with the lawyer & recruiter for a time line to plan when you can DEP and leave.

Make arrangements to take care of your responsibilities(child) and support (ex-wife).

You will need to get this squared away and you may need another waiver. Talk to your recruiter & lawyer ASAP and coordinate with both!:evilgrin:

[SlingerDun]

I've fought long and hard for the past two years, clawing tooth and nail for the right to go back and become a MarineI'm not familiar with this "right" but i here by reserve the right to rearrange the following quotes for increased clarity of substance


I love my wife and my soon-to-be daughter...Well there you go, even though you haven't met your aspiring progeny.


Not to mention I never wanted to be married and have family...Yeah sure you can love someone without marriage and children but you didn't. Now it appears to be a blunder because your dreams/plans conflict with hers and she's carrying the uterine trump card.


long story short is threatening a divorce if I join up...See, a clash of dreams. She's got her child on the way and regardless if your around or not (doesn't seem to matter to her) she's got her hands on your wallet as long as you stay employed. How convenient, a new toy of her very own complete with 18 years of financial support.


Basically I want advice on how to handle this situation...aaaahhhhh you wanted advice. Don't fall behind on child support, second only to the IRS in efficiency when it comes to collecting delinquent accounts. Your preferred career and the prospect of a content life of your choice probably means nothing to her if it doesn't benefit her plans. She knows what you have been through to try and get back in the Marine Corps. And apparently doesn't respect it. You go home now and do what she tells you, or not.

Chili?

[Isrowei]

How can you claim to want to be a man and in the same breath talk about walking away from your daughter... before she's even born.

Look, your relationship with your wife is whatever you make of it. I don't know why you married her in the first place if it's all that bad (the kid wasn't around then 2 years ago). But you have responsibilities to that little girl. Sometimes being a man means putting off your dreams because you have to stand accountable for your actions now.

That little girl hasn't done anything to you. Walking out on her before she's even born is the biggest mistake you could possibly do with your life. The Marine Corps will come and go. Even if you stay for 20.. or 30... it goes eventually. That little girl will be with you and a part of you for the rest of your life. If you screw that up, you're less than a man, regardless of whether you earn the title Marine.

Maybe it means taking a year or two off. Ever think that perhaps your (pregnant) wife might be feeling abandoned because you just want to go off and play while she carries the responsibility of your child? Perhaps her resistance is rooted in the fact that 1) she's hormonal because of the pregnancy and 2) How the hell can you be committed to the Marine Corps if you can't commit to your wife? It doesn't work for one and not the other.

You had a chance for the Marine Corps one time already. For some reason that chance came and went. Now you have a different set of responsibilities to deal with. Do your duty at home and be a damn father and husband to be proud of and then come to the Marine Corps. I hardly think that your wife would be so set against the Marines if you were placing their interests first instead of your own.

As it stands now, you are nothing but a fraud and a coward. I wouldn't want you in the Corps as you are. Fix yourself and be a man about the people you truly owe something to: your wife and unborn daughter. Then talk about wanting to join the Corps.

[tntmondy]

I would suggest you think long and hard about this. Divorce is never easy. Getting divorced to become a Marine, but yet you love your wife and daughter, you need to grow up and face your responsibilties head on! What if the Marine Corps isn't all you expect it to be? Are you going to go UA? You can NOT divorce the Marine Corps. You need to read and take to heart what the LT said. Clearly by your own admission you lied to the Corps once, what part of this storey are you not telling. There are alot of gaps in your tale.

[SGT7477]

Listen to the LT. he pretty much said it all family should ALWAYS come first.

[Wyoming]

Clearly by your own admission you lied to the Corps once, what part of this storey are you not telling. There are alot of gaps in your tale.

This a new post.

It should generate plenty of discussion.

My 2 cents - Listen to the Lt!


... and beware of INCOMING!!!

[SgtHopperUSMC]

MY story in a nutshell: I was kicked out of Boot Camp two years ago for fraud. I've fought long and hard for the past two years, clawing tooth and nail for the right to go back and become a Marine. It's my dream and I've never wanted to anything else with my life more than becoming one of the Few and the Proud. My recruiter has finally pulled the proper strings (I assume) and I get to start the DEP process all over again next week.

During those two years I got married and we're expecting a baby in about a month. The entire time we've been married she's known that I intended to re-enlist and I have never once led her to believe I wouldn't. But now that the time has come she's gone off the deep end and long story short is threatening a divorce if I join up.

I love my wife and my soon-to-be daughter, but I've always been the kind of man who does what he wants (and being ordered what to do by the Marine Corps is what I want). I make my own decisions and have never paid any attention to "noise", or people around me telling me my choices are wrong. Not to mention I never wanted to be married and have family anyways (but that's another story).

Basically I want advice on how to handle this situation. Should we get a divorce now and work out child support prior to my enlistment, or wait until I get out of boot camp and into my MOS school where I have more freedom? I want to handle this right, be a man and make sure my daughter has everything she needs but at the same time I have to admit to myself that I'm just simply not husband or father material and can't be the kind of guy who goes home to a family every afternoon.

I did a search around the forums and was not able to find much that seemed very helpful, but if you can direct me to a previous topic I may have overlooked with similar themes I would greatly appreciate it.So, is it all about you? Sounds to me like you'd make a great deadbeat dad:(

[kamikazevampire]

Not exactly the responses I was expecting. But, Thank you.

You gentlemen are right, I have been quite selfish in my thinking. I rushed into marriage and into parenthood and sometimes I get so caught up in myself that I forget just how big the choices were that I've made. I can't just turn my back on my family and I don't truly want to, deep down. I'm just having a hard time struggling with the responsibilities that I chose before I was even sure I wanted them. Simply, I'm so worried about doing what will make me happy I forget how it effects the happiness of those close to me.

I do love my daughter and my wife and I'll go home tonight and talk this out with her, hear her side of the story and possibly, most likely, take your advice and put off my re-enlistment for a few years.

Thanks for yelling at me, a wakeup call was just what I needed. Hopefully one day I'll earn the oppotunity to give some stupid kid like myself the same slap in the face.

[SgtHopperUSMC]

Not exactly the responses I was expecting. But, Thank you.

You gentlemen are right, I have been quite selfish in my thinking. I rushed into marriage and into parenthood and sometimes I get so caught up in myself that I forget just how big the choices were that I've made. I can't just turn my back on my family and I don't truly want to, deep down. I'm just having a hard time struggling with the responsibilities that I chose before I was even sure I wanted them. Simply, I'm so worried about doing what will make me happy I forget how it effects the happiness of those close to me.

I do love my daughter and my wife and I'll go home tonight and talk this out with her, hear her side of the story and possibly, most likely, take your advice and put off my re-enlistment for a few years.

Thanks for yelling at me, a wakeup call was just what I needed. Hopefully one day I'll earn the oppotunity to give some stupid kid like myself the same slap in the face.Your going to be fine. Good luck and God bless.

[ttracker65]

As some know I am not keen on people getting married getting in the Corps. But my take on this is a little different. Lt is right and I believe that you know that. You have a Major responsibility with your soon to be daughter and this is the true telling point. I would question your judgement in conflict if you already display such disregard for your own blood. You made the child she did not make you! She is your responsibility. And she not you deserves better! I may not be the greatest Dad to my Daughter but I do do my very best and I will fight to the death for her any day of the week. I have never been prouder than when she decided to set her wedding off for another week til I get back from the west coast! That is what it is about! Think long and Hard before you make a huge blunder.

[Marine84]

How can you claim to want to be a man and in the same breath talk about walking away from your daughter... before she's even born.

Look, your relationship with your wife is whatever you make of it. I don't know why you married her in the first place if it's all that bad (the kid wasn't around then 2 years ago). But you have responsibilities to that little girl. Sometimes being a man means putting off your dreams because you have to stand accountable for your actions now.

That little girl hasn't done anything to you. Walking out on her before she's even born is the biggest mistake you could possibly do with your life. The Marine Corps will come and go. Even if you stay for 20.. or 30... it goes eventually. That little girl will be with you and a part of you for the rest of your life. If you screw that up, you're less than a man, regardless of whether you earn the title Marine.

Maybe it means taking a year or two off. Ever think that perhaps your (pregnant) wife might be feeling abandoned because you just want to go off and play while she carries the responsibility of your child? Perhaps her resistance is rooted in the fact that 1) she's hormonal because of the pregnancy and 2) How the hell can you be committed to the Marine Corps if you can't commit to your wife? It doesn't work for one and not the other.

You had a chance for the Marine Corps one time already. For some reason that chance came and went. Now you have a different set of responsibilities to deal with. Do your duty at home and be a damn father and husband to be proud of and then come to the Marine Corps. I hardly think that your wife would be so set against the Marines if you were placing their interests first instead of your own.

As it stands now, you are nothing but a fraud and a coward. I wouldn't want you in the Corps as you are. Fix yourself and be a man about the people you truly owe something to: your wife and unborn daughter. Then talk about wanting to join the Corps.

Sir, with all due respect, I think I love you!

[Phantom Blooper]

Sir, with all due respect, I think I love you!

Thats what you told me a few months ago.....but you were on those pain killer drugs.....I feel used! ROTFLMAO!:beer:

[jinelson]

by Marine84 - Sir, with all due respect, I think I love you!]

Kim you owe me another key board!

Jim

[Marine84]

Jim - keyboard on the way.

Phantom - don't be jealous, you know you're the only one (in your age group maybe) for me - drugs or not.

This guy should stand up and be a F'ing MAN! As I was reading his post, I was thinking to myself 'what an a$$hole! she might be JUST as fed up with the situation as HE is and he wants to run off and have a good time'. You KILL me dude! YOU made all these decisions that got you where you are - BE A MAN! We have ALL done stupid $h!t in our lives - when I mess something up in my own life, I have to bite the bullet, eat crow, be humble and pay the consequences. I might not like it sometimes but, I HAVE to - NOBODY gets me in the fixes I can get into but ME!

You talk like it's HER fault that YOU'RE unhappy. You're the doofus that married somebody you didn't REALLY love! YOU'VE changed your mind in midstream about what you want to do with your life and now you want to drop ALL responsibility and run off to be a Marine. AND you want to leave her with a reminder for hating you every day so YOU can go what YOU want to. When you married her, you made a committment....................wait a minute, you made a committment to MY Corps too and couldn't hold up to THAT one either.

PLEASE! If you are not man enough (and making sure money goes to them AIN'T being man enough) to uphold that committment that you made to her 2 years ago when everything was hunky dory and do the right thing by that child that you're bringing in the world, PLEASE do not TRY to get back in MY CORPS - I don't trust you to watch the backs of my Brothers and Sisters.

Go do what kamikazes do best!

[sparkie]

"Thanks for yelling at me, a wakeup call was just what I needed. Hopefully one day I'll earn the oppotunity to give some stupid kid like myself the same slap in the face."

that statement right there [If he means it], tells me he's on his way to manhood.
I've enjoyed watching my bros and sis handing out a reality check. Job well done.
84,,, you damm butterfly,,,you left me too;{

[Marine84]

Not exactly the responses I was expecting. But, Thank you.

You gentlemen are right, I have been quite selfish in my thinking. I rushed into marriage and into parenthood and sometimes I get so caught up in myself that I forget just how big the choices were that I've made. I can't just turn my back on my family and I don't truly want to, deep down. I'm just having a hard time struggling with the responsibilities that I chose before I was even sure I wanted them. Simply, I'm so worried about doing what will make me happy I forget how it effects the happiness of those close to me.

I do love my daughter and my wife and I'll go home tonight and talk this out with her, hear her side of the story and possibly, most likely, take your advice and put off my re-enlistment for a few years.

Thanks for yelling at me, a wakeup call was just what I needed. Hopefully one day I'll earn the oppotunity to give some stupid kid like myself the same slap in the face.

Just make sure to let her know you aren't going anywhere without THEM. You're just getting overwhelmed - it IS overwhelming when all you've ever had to think about was yourself and now you have to think about OTHER PEOPLE and a baby and how what YOU do sometimes affects THEM. That's when you MUST think about what's right and not what you want! Being a Marine isn't going to make you a man - being the best Husband and Father that you can be will make you a man. It's OK to be a little overwhelmed...................you're getting ready to be a Daddy! And to a little GIRL! You get to pass on to another life the things that you have been taught, start your own traditions, dress her up at Easter and take pictures that you'll torture her with when she's grown. You should be EXCITED!!:banana:

[Phantom Blooper]

Phantom - don't be jealous, you know you're the only one (in your age group maybe) for me - drugs or not.


Damn.....I still got what it takes! I ain't farting' dust yet! That makes me really feel warm & fuzzy!:beer:

:evilgrin:

[Big Jim]

Just make sure to let her know you aren't going anywhere without THEM. You're just getting overwhelmed - it IS overwhelming when all you've ever had to think about was yourself and now you have to think about OTHER PEOPLE and a baby and how what YOU do sometimes affects THEM. That's when you MUST think about what's right and not what you want! Being a Marine isn't going to make you a man - being the best Husband and Father that you can be will make you a man. It's OK to be a little overwhelmed...................you're getting ready to be a Daddy! And to a little GIRL! You get to pass on to another life the things that you have been taught, start your own traditions, dress her up at Easter and take pictures that you'll torture her with when she's grown. You should be EXCITED!!:banana:

I think everyone on this thread said all that needs be said. The Lt. nailed it as did you, Kim. To be a man means that you uphold committments at home first and foremost. Take care of your wife and daughter first and see if the Marine Corps life is for you and them together. Because it's about you guys as a family now and that little girl needs a Daddy more than you realize. I can't remember life before my girls were born and really can't imagine life without them. Being a man and a Dad to my girls has been the utmost honor and priviledge I have ever enjoyed! Good luck!!!


.....and Kim...I thought WE had a thang!!!....LOL!

[kaboom1371]

let me get this strait. your married! and you need the Marines to order you around. My name is Jody