wrbones
04-18-03, 09:11 AM
Thu April 17, 2003 1:20 PM
>Axis of Evil Wannabees
>
>By John Cleese
>
>Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China
>and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil,"
>which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea
>axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
>
>Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
>they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told
>us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
>
>"An axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President
>Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it is tradition. In World War II you
>had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil axis. So, you can only have three,
>and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
>
>International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
>within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed
>to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs.
>Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat
>Evil,"
>forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally
>Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So
>Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable."
>
>With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up,
>Sierra Leone, El Salvador and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of
>Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host The
>Olympics."
>Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually
>Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while
>Scotland, New Zealand and Spain have established the "Axis of Countries That
>Want Sheep To Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat, really, just something we
>like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
>
>While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun
>of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected
>the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay,"
>accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from
>Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile,
>insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said
>that's only because no one asked them.
>Axis of Evil Wannabees
>
>By John Cleese
>
>Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China
>and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil,"
>which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea
>axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
>
>Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
>they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told
>us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
>
>"An axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President
>Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it is tradition. In World War II you
>had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil axis. So, you can only have three,
>and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
>
>International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
>within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed
>to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs.
>Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat
>Evil,"
>forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally
>Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So
>Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable."
>
>With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up,
>Sierra Leone, El Salvador and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of
>Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host The
>Olympics."
>Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually
>Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while
>Scotland, New Zealand and Spain have established the "Axis of Countries That
>Want Sheep To Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat, really, just something we
>like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
>
>While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun
>of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected
>the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay,"
>accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from
>Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile,
>insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said
>that's only because no one asked them.