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View Full Version : The Liberal Mind: Explained!



wrbones
04-08-03, 09:41 PM
One day when I was an intern at the Lunatic Asylum, I sat in on a most remarkable panel interview. Present were a presiding doctor, two female nurses, two male attendants, myself, and one other student. Much like a parole board, highly placed medical professionals often questioned one inmate after another as to their health and well being, any progress(or lack thereof) toward mental stability, their level of self-confidence and self-control, their hopes and dreams, etc. It was little more than a way of checking the pulse of the Asylum to make sure that the Doctors (who rarely had anything to do with the patients) kept up the appearance of a hands-on stewardship of those poor unfortunates placed under their high-priced care.

Everything was routine, quite boring, and I was pretty much nodding off, having had my fill of such inane queries as, "Is the new medication helping? Have the voices gone away? Are you optimistic about moving to the halfway house?" and "Have your dreams become more pleasant since your mother died?" But all of a sudden, a man named Pete (wearing a homemade tinfoil hat) walked in the room and sat down in front of us, his face glowing with an obvious joy. We all perked up, this threatened to be today's entertainment.

The facility Administrator jumped right in and started the ball rolling.
Dr.: "Well Pete, you seem rather chipper today. How're you feeling?"
Pete: "I feel WONDERFUL! I think my 'inner light bulb' finally went on!"
Dr.: "I'm very happy for you. What happened?"
Pete: "Don't you see it?" He pointed at the tinfoil hat, then quickly reached up and felt to make sure it was there.
"Whew! For a second I thought maybe I just imagined it! No, it's real."
Dr.: What is it?"
Pete: "It's my brain-shield. It deflects the Alien Rays that have plagued me for so many years. I'm finally back to normal and ready for release."
Dr.: "What would happen if you took it off?"
Pete: "Wh ..... wh ..... why then the rays would get into my brain again. I'd hear all their communications, all their voices ..... plotting ..... plotting against us and all the other people on Earth."
Dr.: "Well, what's so troublesome about that? What are they trying to do to us? How bad could it be?"
Pete: "My God!! You don't realize how EVIL they are!! They want to live in our heads and make us do horrible, horrible things to each other, then feed on our fear and revulsion! They're psychic vampires!!" His voice was slowly working its was up into hysteria.

The doctor looked at me, smiled, and gently gestured toward the patient, giving me a golden opportunity to continue with the unusual line of questioning. I nodded my thanks and turned to the man in the tinfoil hat.

Me: Good morning, Pete. I'm going to ask you about a few things that are a little off the beaten path, if you don't mind."
Pete: "Go ahead, shoot ....."
Me: "You live here with a lot of other patients, correct?"
He nodded. "Good. Now, some of them see bizarre visions, some of them talk to themselves in several voices, others cry or rage from morning to night. What do you think of them?"
Pete: "That's easy, ..... they're crazy."
Me: "Okay, they're crazy. So, ..... if Mr. Jenkins, the man who hasn't said anything in five years, suddenly wrapped his feet in waxed paper and started talking again, explaining that subterranean robots had been shooting 'mute rays' at him so he couldn't warn the rest of us about their underground world and their plans to swarm onto the surface, but the waxed paper blocked the rays and freed him from their spell, ..... what would you think of him then?"
Pete: "No problem, he'd still be crazy. Let's face it, there's no Hollow Earth, no robots, and no 'mute rays.' And even if there were, waxed paper is no defense. I tried it. Only tinfoil works. But regardless of the tinfoil slippers, he'd still be nuts. Everything he thinks is totally wrong."
Me: "But everything you believe is right, correct?"
Pete: "Of course, I'm always right. Go ahead, ask me anything. I know it all! I'm never wrong."
Me: "Okay, ..... how about this, 'Do you think you're crazy?' 'Have you ever been crazy, let's say, in the past?' Think it through, take your time, and be honest with yourself."

He became agitated, angry.
Pete: "I don't need any time to answer that dopey nonsense. Of course I'm not crazy! I've never been crazy! Even back before I discovered my special hat, when I used to run around in circles and yelling at the top of my lungs, I wasn't crazy even then. It was the influence of the 'rays' that made me seem crazy, but I wasn't. Then when I found the secret of the hat, tinfoil, my true sane self emerged from the alien thought dimension."
He pointed at me, shouting "And you better believe it, ..... you alien punk!"


His hat fell off and he looked down on the floor as it landed at his feet. He jumped up and shrieked,
Pete: "AAAAAggghhh!! Look what you did!! You're one of them, you ******* alien bastard!! I'll KILL you!!!"
He tried to rush me, but the two burly ward attendants grabbed him by the elbows and "escorted" him out, kicking and screaming all the way.

Gathering his papers, the doctor stood up and announced, "Okay people, that's lunch. We're done. Thank you all for your time." Then he left the room.

As I was heading toward the door, a nurse stopped me and said, "I'm going to give you the best advice you'll ever get for survival in this field. Here it is:
Never ask the lunatic if he's crazy. I repeat, never ask the lunatic if he's crazy. Of course he's going to say 'NO.' What do you expect?

You're always going to get a self-serving, agenda-driven answer. People are 'crazy' because they can't, and don't, see the lunacy that drives their lives. Never ask the lunatic if his illusions are real. Of course he's going to say 'YES.' If his problems aren't real, then he's crazy. But since he's not crazy, the delusions are real. In a nutshell (no pun intended): the more absurd the belief, the more deeply it must be held, the more aggressively it must be promoted and angrily defended if the patient is to see himself as right and sane. Get it?"

I nodded Yes, I did get it. And that one single lesson has served me well, down through the following four decades to this very day, because it's the secret mechanism behind the "how and why" of what Democrats and Liberals think and believe. The fact is, they're crazy. Just plain and simply nuts.

continued

wrbones
04-08-03, 09:41 PM
Think about it, you can't ask Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson (or Jesse Jackson Jr. for that matter) if the days of American racial oppression and White Supremacy are over. Of course they'll say "NO!"...