SSgtOfMarines
07-21-02, 10:26 AM
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
> >
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
5) Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.
6) Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
7) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8) Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
4) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
5) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
6) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves me completely.
7) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all of the facts.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
3) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
6) Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.
7) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
8) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
9) I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
10) There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
11) Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
12) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
13) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
14) Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
Semper Fi
Sgt E
> >
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
5) Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.
6) Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
7) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8) Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
4) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
5) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
6) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves me completely.
7) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all of the facts.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
3) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
6) Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.
7) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
8) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
9) I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
10) There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
11) Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
12) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
13) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
14) Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
Semper Fi
Sgt E