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wrbones
03-24-03, 09:47 PM
Actual quotes from kids
ages
> 8 to 15
>
> - "Never trust a dog to watch your food." Patrick, age 10
> - "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer."
> Hannah, age 9
> - "When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
> Taylia, age 11
> - "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." Michael, age 14
> - "Never pee on an electric fence." Robert, age 13
> - "Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to. " Emily, age 10
> - "Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school
> assignment." Traci, age 14
> - "Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers." Mitchell,
age
> 12
> - "A puppy always has bad breath -- even after eating a Tic-Tac." Andrew,
> age 9
> - "Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time." Kyoyo, age 9
> - "You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." Armir, age 9
> - "If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse." Naomi, age 15
> - "Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick." Lauren, age 9
> - "Don't pick on your little brother when he's holding a baseball bat."
> Joel, age 10
> - "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on
> the phone." Alyesha, age 13
> - "Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts." Kellie, age 11
> - "Never try to baptize a cat." Eileen, age 8
>
>
>

firstsgtmike
03-24-03, 11:28 PM
And as the well deserved spanking was about to be administered, the eight year old said: "Mom, dad was right, you are cute when you're angry."

wrbones
03-25-03, 11:08 PM
> Humor is great medicine when the world is not right.
>



>
> Subject: Fwd: Fw: FW: WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN]
>
>
> > >>
> > >>A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
> > >>She asked him if it was dead or alive.
> > >>"Dead." She was informed.
> > >>"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
> > >>"Because I ****ed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the
> > >>child innocently.
> > >>"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> > >>"You know," explained the boy,
> > >>"I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
> > >>_________________________________________________
> > >>
> > >>A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
> > >>Five minutes later....
> > >> "Da-ad...."
> > >>"What?
> > >>"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
> > >>"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
> > >>Five minutes later:
> > >>"Da-aaaad....."
> > >>"WHAT?"
> > >>"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> > >>"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
> > >>Five minutes later......
> > >>"Daaaa-aaaad....."
> > >>"WHAT!"
> > >>"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
> > >> ________________________________________________
> > >>
> > >>An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
> > >>finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
> > >>The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in
> > >>an out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
> > >>sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
> > >> _________________________________________________
> > >>
> > >>One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
> > >>tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
> > >>asked
> > >>with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
> > >>The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> > >>"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
> > >>A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
> > >>"The big sissy."
> > >> _________________________________________________
> > >>
> > >>It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
> > >>children's sermon.
> > >>All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
> > >>wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the
> > >>pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress.
> > >>Is it your Easter Dress?"
> > >>The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
> > >>microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to iron."
> > >>_________________________________________________
> > >>
> > >>When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
> > >>old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
> > >>shower.
> > >>She said, Mommy, you are getting fat!"
> > >>I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
> > >>tummy"
> > >>"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
> > >>________________________________________________
> > >>
> > >>A little boy was doing his math homework.
> > >>He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven.
> > >>Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine...."
> > >>His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
> > >>"What are you doing?"
> > >>The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
> > >>"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
> > >>asked.
> > >>"Yes," he answered.
> > >>Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What
> > >>are you teaching my son in math?"
> > >>The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
> > >>The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
> > >>that son of a ***** is four?"
> > >>After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught
> > >>them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
> > >>_________________________________________________
> > >>
> > >>One day a teacher read the story Chicken Little to her class. She
> > >>came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the
> > >>farmer.
> > >>She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
> > >>"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
> > >>The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
> > >>that farmer said?"
> > >>One little girl raised her hand and said,
> > >>"I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
> > >>The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
> > >>
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >

NEWB
03-25-03, 11:48 PM
Bones,
As usual you hit the nail on the head with these. Was in a real bad mood cause of the war and now I am ROFLMAO.
Thanks

wrbones
03-26-03, 12:24 AM
Sometimes humor can remind us why we do it.



In these days when flying has become humorless, here's a short tale that may make you smile.
A plane was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would reboard in 30 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. You could tell the man was blind because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. It was obvious he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"
The blind guy replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a "Seeing Eye" dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only
tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
Have a great day and remember.............
Things aren't always as they appear!