Dealing with death.

[kbs95125]

We had a drive by shooting at my apartment complex Sunday night. After my friend and I heard a lady yell someone had been shot we both ran to where it had happened and were the only two people who helped the two guys out. Everyone just stood about 50 feet away and did nothing. One of the guys had been shot center mass of his chest. When we got there he was face down, with very sudden and shallow breaths once every 20-30 seconds. His pulse was very faint. We did not try CPR as the bullet had entered but not exited and he wasn't bleeding externally very badly, so without having the proper medical supplies we didn't want to risk injuring him anymore then he was. He took a final breath, before we lost a pulse and heartbeat and died in our care about 3 minutes before police got there. The other guy should be fine, as he was only shot in the hip and I controlled the bleeding the best I could with my t-shirt and his belt. It was a pretty crazy night to say the least. I just learned both the guys names today, and apparently now they have a suspect they want to question as well.

I'm just wondering how Marines, have learned to deal with death?


If you want to read more vague information on the story search Google for

San Jose shooting, Almaden Terrace Apartments. The San Jose Mercury has all the information.



And contrary to what the Mercury and spokeperson for SJPD says, I will put everything I have on my word that Carlos was dead before police even arrived.

[jetdoc]

I've had to deal with death way too much and too close to home, but not because of war Kyle.

Watching a murder or whatever has gotta be tough man, can't help you with that.

I can say time is what heals it for me...but in the case of two of the passings its right there, under the surface, and will NEVER go away...some passings are just too close to home.

[kbs95125]

I understand where you are coming from about passings close to home. I can relate to that and dealing with the passing of a loved one or someone you are close to.

Its just weird...My girlfriend has been all freaked out by it and she wasn't even at the scene until after the police tape went up. I've been totally ok with it. I've felt anger about alot of things regarding the situation but not what I thought I "should" feel. It bothered me alot on Monday, not being able to really feel anything for that guy. I guess I just wanted to know that its ok to feel that way. Normal or whatever.

[jetdoc]

Thats just her way of dealing with it and you had your way...I'm not a shrink but I don't think there is a "normal" way to deal with death, I think we all have our protective mechs and we react the way that comes natural, for the most part.

[Zulu 36]

Death is one of things you have to accept as possible while serving in any military service, or even just hanging out on the block as you learned. Everyone dies, it's just a matter of how and when.

You did your best in this case. If the guy checked out that quick, there was nothing you could have done, nor probably an ER full of doctors, nurses, and equipment. Lack of external bleeding is not unusual in gunshot injuries, but there can be a whole lot inside.

Also, in most states police officers, firefighters, or paramedics have no legal authority to declare someone dead. Only a physician can do that. The only exception would be obvious death (decapitation, rigor mortis has set in, decomposition is present, etc). Even still, that only indicates that emergency treatment is not necessary. A physician still needs to declare death.

So if the medics took the guy away in an ambulance, he "died" at the hospital.

Aside from being a Marine, I was a paramedic and a police officer. As with Jetdoc, I've seen too much death over the years. Some of those deaths stay closer to the surface than others.

Your reaction and feelings about this incident are very normal. You did not know the victim previously, I take it, so you had little emotional attachment to him to begin with. He died quickly and you recognized the fact that there was little you could do. At least he didn't die alone. Too many people do, even on a crowded battlefield or city street.

You are under no obligation to have deep feelings of sadness for the death of a stranger as though he were your father, or someone close.

[kbs95125]

You did your best in this case. If the guy checked out that quick, there was nothing you could have done, nor probably an ER full of doctors, nurses, and equipment. Lack of external bleeding is not unusual in gunshot injuries, but there can be a whole lot inside.

Also, in most states police officers, firefighters, or paramedics have no legal authority to declare someone dead. Only a physician can do that. The only exception would be obvious death (decapitation, rigor mortis has set in, decomposition is present, etc). Even still, that only indicates that emergency treatment is not necessary. A physician still needs to declare death.

So if the medics took the guy away in an ambulance, he "died" at the hospital.

I never knew that. Thank you for the information as its helped me with some of the anger I was feeling.



Your reaction and feelings about this incident are very normal. You did not know the victim previously, I take it, so you had little emotional attachment to him to begin with. He died quickly and you recognized the fact that there was little you could do. At least he didn't die alone. Too many people do, even on a crowded battlefield or city street.

You are under no obligation to have deep feelings of sadness for the death of a stranger as though he were your father, or someone close.

Thank you Marines. You've helped me alot.

[chili77bowl]

i can tell you how NOT to deal with death...

1. don't drink it away...it doesn't go away, you just wreck your life with the bottle.
2. Don't start living life like there is no tomorrow...because doing that will eventually speed up your own demise.
3. Don't hold it in. Talk to a professional (and Marines that have BTDT are NOT professionals)