thedrifter
07-28-07, 09:56 AM
Best. Episodes. Ever.
Woo hoo! The Simpsons has been on the air for 20 years!
BY FREE TIMES WRITERS
After starting in April 1987 as a segment within the long-forgotten Tracey Ullman Show, The Simpsons has gone on to become not only the longest-running animated series in television history, but also the longest-running sitcom. The show celebrates its 20-year milestone on July 27 with the release of The Simpsons Movie.
Free Times, on the other hand, celebrates the occasion by revisiting some of the animated series’ best episodes. How do you define “best” in a highly acclaimed series that has produced some 400 episodes? Well, it’s admittedly subjective. Our list is the result of informal polling both inside and outside the office, as well as researching other publication’s polls and lists. The bottom line is a thoroughly hilarious rundown of some Simpsons high points, from Marge’s monorail mishaps to Lisa’s date with the dense Ralph Wiggum.
Perhaps there are those among you who might find a cover story on The Simpsons to be pure and utter fluff — a frivolous romp through the pop-culture field when these serious times call for something more, um, serious. To those of you, we can only say lighten up — and, by the way, you clearly don’t understand the cultural significance of The Simpsons. Because not only is The Simpsons one of the most successful shows in the history of television —Time magazine named it the best TV show of all time in 1999 and it has 23 Emmys to its credit — but it’s also one of the smartest.
So smart is the show, in fact, that even philosophy professors have been inspired to sing its praises. The 2001 book The Simpsons and Philosophy: The D’oh! Of Homer asks, in all seriousness, whether Bart is “the kind of individual Nietzsche was trying to warn us about” and what we can learn from Lisa about “American ambivalence toward intellectuals.” So there.
The show’s quick-witted satire leaves no topic untouched and no cow sacred: Religion, politics, morality, sexuality, the media, class issues, consumerism, ignorance and corporate malfeasance are all frequent themes. And while the show’s writing often demonstrates a decidedly leftist bent, even some conservatives have come around, recognizing in Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie a family that shows “a profound ability to endure the hardships of life and even underscore some of the most decent of human virtues and values,” as one Christian blogger put it.
So, whether you’re a fan or a foe of this 20-year cultural institution — or if you’ve somehow managed to remain ignorant or indifferent — here’s a chance to revel in everything that makes you excited about, or angry at, The Simpsons. — Dan Cook
1. “Marge vs. the Monorail”
Original Airdate: Jan. 14, 1993
What Happens: The citizens of Springfield, receiving a $3 million boon from Mr. Burns being fined for code violations at the nuclear plant, are tricked by a huckster who cons them into spending the money on a shoddily built monorail.
Why It’s Awesome: Falling smack-dab in the middle of season four, often considered the best of The Simpsons’ 20 seasons, “Marge vs. the Monorail” is the picture-perfect example of the show’s ability to compact an inordinate amount of infinitely quotable throwaway jokes into an episode’s 20-plus-minute runtime. There are so many gags, in fact, that it’s hard to say which is the funniest: The episode begins with a Flintstones parody, segues into arguably the series’ best Broadway homage, culminates in a guest appearance by Leonard Nimoy and muses on the life-saving properties of doughnuts. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Mayor Quimby: We will now hear suggestions for the disbursement of the $2 million.
Lisa: Don’t you mean $3 million?
Quimby: [looks around nervously] Of course. [fixes his tie] How silly of me.
Homer: Are we going to die, son?
Bart: Yeah. But at least we’re going to take a lot of innocent people with us.
Marge: Homer?
Homer: Y’ello?
Marge: There’s a man here who thinks he can help you.
Homer: [excited] Batman?!
Marge: No, he’s a scientist.
Homer: Batman’s a scientist.
Marge: [angry] It’s not Batman!
Homer: Doughnuts — Is there anything they can’t do?
2. “Cape Feare”
Original Airdate: Oct. 7, 1993
What Happens: Sideshow Bob is paroled from prison, and he has only one thing on his mind: Getting revenge on Bart Simpson. After the Simpsons enter the Witness Protection program and move to Terror Lake, Bart foils Sideshow Bob — again — by getting him to sing the entire score to H.M.S. Pinafore.
Why It’s Awesome: The definitive Sideshow-Bob-tries-to-kill-Bart episode and the series’ ultimate movie parody. We learn that Sideshow Bob has a “Die, Bart, Die” tattoo (His explanation: It’s German for “The Bart, The”), and Bart’s ever-increasing fear of Bob litters the episode with choice horror movie parodies, including Ned Flanders’ turn as Freddy Krueger and Martin Prince as Lizzie Borden. And while very few things trump Homer’s dimwitted failings to catch onto the family’s name change, the icing on the cake has to be the extended rake gag, where Sideshow Bob steps on a rake not once, not twice, but nine consecutive times. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Selma: Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon.
Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now? [A few people raise their hands]
Lawyer: Be honest. [Every hand is raised, including a priest and Selma’s sister, Patty.]
Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I’m the chief here. Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What’d you say, Chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.
3. “Last Exit to Springfield”
Original Airdate: March 11, 1993
What Happens: After the nuclear plant’s union boss disappears, Homer leads the plant workers to strike when Mr. Burns takes away the company dental plan.
Why It’s Awesome: With homages to Jimmy Hoffa, The Godfather Part II, Yellow Submarine, Batman, The Three Stooges, Moby Dick and “Classical Gas,” “Last Exit to Springfield” is wall-to-wall pop-culture references that are as viciously biting as they are hilarious. It’s also wall-to-wall jokes, with the conniving Mr. Burns facing off against the “brilliant” union leader Homer Simpson, and Homer facing down his own brain in one of the most excruciatingly funny drawn-out-just-long-enough jokes of the series — the infamous “Dental plan!” running gag. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Dr. Wolfe: [inside the Painless (formerly Painful) Dental Clinic] How often do you brush, Ralph?
Ralph Wiggum: [nervously] Three times a day, sir.
Dr. Wolfe: Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?!
Homer: Mmm ... organized crime.
http://www.free-times.com/Image/20.30_im/coversimphospc.jpg
Mr. Burns identifies his assailant in
"Who Shot Mr. Burns (Part Two)."
4. “Who Shot Mr. Burns (Parts One and Two)”
Original Airdates: May 21, 1995;
Sept. 17, 1995
What Happens: After stealing Springfield Elementary’s oil, Mr. Burns unveils a plan to block out the sun at a town meeting. As he’s leaving, Burns is mysteriously shot. In Part Two, Chief Wiggum and crew track down Mr. Burns’ assailant.
Why It’s Awesome: Still the only two-part episode of The Simpsons (and its only true whodunit), the “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” story arc created a widespread interest in diehard fans and casual observers alike. Part One was the finale of season six, and in the months following its airing, the country was abuzz with theories of the shooter’s identity. In addition to the overt Dallas parody, Moe’s polygraph test; Chief Wiggum’s Twin Peaks-inspired, warm-cream-induced fever dream; and Tito Puente’s slanderous mambo in Part Two are worth the price of admission alone. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you’re under arrest for attempted murder!
Homer: D’oh!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, that’s what they all say. They all say, “D’oh!”
Chief Wiggum: No jury in the world’s going to convict a baby. Mmm ... maybe Texas.
5. “Rosebud”
Original Airdate: Oct. 21, 1993
What Happens: After a disastrous birthday party, Mr. Burns pines for his long-lost childhood teddy bear, Bobo, which is now in the hands of Maggie Simpson.
Why It’s Awesome: “Rosebud” did something previously thought impossible in the world of The Simpsons: It humanized Mr. Burns. Sure, he’s still rude to Smithers and tries to have The Ramones (whom he misidentifies as The Rolling Stones) killed, but you can’t help but feel for the old coot when he laments his long-gone teddy. A near-perfect send-up of Citizen Kane, “Rosebud” also delves into Homer’s relationship with Maggie, the oft-forgotten third Simpson child. It also contains some classic non-sequiter throwaway gags, including Homer singing the Big Mac theme song and Waylon Smithers’ homoerotic Mr. Burns fantasy. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Oh, where did I lose ‘em? I’ll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I’d like to believe that this time. I really would.
Waylon Smithers: [consoling Mr. Burns] Look at all the wonderful things you have, sir: King Arthur’s Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain and that rare first draft of the Constitution with the word “suckers” in it.
6. “You Only Move Twice”
Original Airdate: Nov. 3, 1996
What Happens: Homer moves the family to a new town where he has a better job at a better nuclear power plant, but he’s oblivious to the fact that his new boss is a super-villain.
Why It’s Awesome: As we’ve now well established, The Simpsons do parody shows better than anybody else, and this thinly veiled Bond-movie mock-up is priceless. It also features multiple guest star Albert Brooks turning in his best performance as the (sort of) evil Hank Scorpio. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Oh, I can’t buy that. Only management-type guys with big salaries like me can afford things like that. [gasps] Guys like me! I’m a guy like me!
Homer: Uh, you got any sugar around here?
Hank Scorpio: Sugar? Sure. [Fumbles around in his pockets and produces two handfuls of sugar] Here you go. Sorry it’s not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh ... I ... no.
Mr. Bont: So, do you expect me to talk?
Hank Scorpio: I don’t expect anything from you, except to die and be a very cheap funeral.
7. “Homer’s Phobia”
Original Airdate: Feb. 16, 1997
What Happens: After receiving a $900 electric bill, Marge attempts to sell Grandma Bouvier’s “very rare” Civil War figurine at the mall. There, they encounter shop owner John Waters, whom Homer takes a shine to until he learns he’s gay. Homer decides Waters is making Bart gay, and various attempts to masculinize Bart fail spectacularly.
Why It’s Awesome: Great writing, biting social satire and hilarity of a scope and pace that raises the bar so high it’s cruel to compare any other show to it. Never has an episode of any television series, cartoon or live action, so perfectly handled the complex issues surrounding America’s hypocritical attitudes toward homosexuality. From Homer’s trip with Bart to a gay steel mill to an ill-fated hunting trip where reindeer turn the tables on Homer, Barney, Moe and Bart, this episode never gets old or loses its message. Also, I’d argue that Waters’ performance is the best guest-starring appearance of the entire series. — Ron Aiken
Memorable quotes:
Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals fah-laming.
Moe: You ever been hunting before there, Barty?
Bart: Nope. Something about a bunch of guys alone together in the woods ... seems kind of gay.
Homer: That is a very immature attitude, young man.
John Waters: Well, Homer, I won your respect, and all I had to do was save your life. Now, if every gay man could just do the same, you’d be set.
8. “Homer’s Enemy”
Original Airdate: May 4, 1997
What Happens: Frank Grimes, the new employee at the power plant, isn’t impressed with Homer’s bad habits and lack of professional work ethic, and he becomes disgruntled when he learns Homer is more of a success than he is.
Why It’s Awesome: In an interview with Simpsons fan site NoHomers.net, former executive producer Josh Weinstein said of “Homer’s Enemy,” “We wanted to do an episode where the thinking was ‘What if a real life, normal person had to enter Homer’s universe and deal with him?’ … We wanted to show that in real life, being Homer Simpson could be really dangerous and life threatening, as Frank Grimes sadly learned.” An incredibly dark, almost Heathers-like episode, it also cements Homer as the archetypal “lazy American.” — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Hi, Grimey old buddy.
Grimes: I’m not your buddy, Simpson. I don’t like you. In fact, I hate you! Stay the hell away from me, because from now on, we’re enemies! [turns to leave]
Homer: Okay. [pause] Do I have to do anything?
Grimes: I’m saying you’re what’s wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. If you lived in any other country in the world, you’d have starved to death long ago.
Bart: He’s got you there, dad.
9. “Treehouse of Horror V”
Original Airdate: Oct. 30, 1994
What Happens: The fifth annual Halloween show includes three stories: A parody of The Shining; Homer traveling through time; and the Springfield Elementary cafeteria finding an alternate source of lunchmeat.
Why It’s Awesome: “Treehouse of Horror V” is easily the best of the series’ scattershot Halloween specials. The Shining parody is pure genius, brimming with endless pop culture references and one of the series’ greatest one-liners (“No TV and no beer make Homer ... something something.”). “Time and Punishment” involves several extended gags, this time featuring Homer repeatedly getting his hand caught in the family toaster and the bashing of prehistoric creatures. And while the “Nightmare Cafeteria” segment isn’t the strongest, it’s a perfectly cromulent way to wrap up the episode. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Groundskeeper Willie: [gasps] Boy! You read my thoughts! You’ve got the Shinning.
Bart: You mean “Shining.”
Willy: [sotto voce] Shh! You want to get sued?
Marge: [into microphone to Chief Wiggum] Hello, police? This is Marge Simpson. My husband is on a murderous rampage. Over.
Wiggum: [sighs] Well, thank God that’s over. I was worried there for a second. [turns off radio]
Homer: Television! Teacher! Mother! [lustily] Secret lover!
10. “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show”
Original Airdate: Feb. 9, 1997
What Happens: In an effort to boost sagging ratings, the creator of The Itchy & Scratchy Show is forced by the network to introduce a new character, “one that today’s kids can relate to.” The in-your-face Poochie, voiced by Homer, is universally loathed and unceremoniously killed off.
Why It’s Awesome: Besides containing perhaps the most often-quoted line in series history (“Worst. Episode. Ever.”), this show effectively serves as a behind-the-scenes look at what it takes to put The Simpsons together as the writers attempt to remain creative while dealing with corporate higher-ups who think they can improve the show by tinkering with a proven formula. The episode also lambastes the show’s own Internet fanbase, which typically was online within minutes of each show to register either their approval or disgust. This episode is also hilarious for its many small moments — Homer’s impatience with detail-obsessed fans, Homer’s touching fatherly affection for Poochie when he realizes the studio is going to kill him off and, of course, Poochie himself, that “soulless byproduct of committee thinking.” — Ron Aiken
Memorable Quotes:
Comic Book Guy: Last night’s Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Poochie: [rapping] The name’s Poochie D and I rock the telly / I’m half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli / I’m the kung fu hippie from Gangsta City / I’m the rappin’ surfer, you da fool I pity!
11. “Homerpalooza”
Original Airdate: May 19, 1996
What Happens: Fearing he’s lost his cool, Homer joins the traveling Hullabalooza music festival as part of its “Pageant of the Transmundane.”
Why It’s Awesome: The Simpsons has had its fair share of musical guests, but “Homerpalooza” brought three of the Lollapalooza generation’s acts to Springfield. Appearances by Smashing Pumpkins, Cypress Hill and Sonic Youth — not to mention Peter Frampton — cemented The Simpsons’ place in the hearts of Gen-Xers, all while ruthlessly mocking its values. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It’s a scientific fact.
Lisa: It may be bleak, but this music is really getting to the crowd.
Bart: Ah, making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Bart: What religion are you?
Homer: You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don’t work out in real life. Uh ... Christianity!
12. “Twenty-Two Short Films About Springfield”
Original Airdate: April 14, 1996
What Happens: A series of vignettes highlight the lives of various Springfielders.
Why It’s Awesome: Because it gives some of the series’ fan-favorite secondary characters time to shine. It also features a spot-on Pulp Fiction parody, replete with a discussion on the differences between McDonald’s and Krusty Burger. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Snake: [robbing Moe’s Tavern] Ho! Goodbye student loan payments!
Hospital Chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant ...
Dr. Nick: But I cleaned them with my napkin.
13. “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet”
Original Airdate: Sept. 30, 1993
What Happens: Homer, Apu, Skinner and Barney rise to the top of the pops with their barbershop quartet, The Be Sharps.
Why It’s Awesome: The Simpsons score yet another hilarious mock-up, this time paralleling the story of The Beatles. It scores double points for the spoofs of “Revolution 9” and The Beatles’ final performance on the rooftops of Apple studios (prompting George Harrison’s classic line, “Eh, it’s been done.”). — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Bart: Dad, when did you record an album?
Homer: I’m surprised you don’t remember, son. It was only eight years ago.
Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can’t remember what happened eight minutes ago.
Lisa: I can’t believe you’re not still popular.
Bart: What’d you do? Screw up like The Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus?
Homer: All the time! That was the title of our second album.
http://www.free-times.com/Image/20.30_im/coversimplisa.jpg
Lisa's struggles with meat-eating are documented in
"Lisa the Vegetarian."
14. “Lisa the Vegetarian”
Original Airdate: Oct. 15, 1995
What Happens: After a trip to a local petting zoo, Lisa decides to become a vegetarian, much to Homer’s chagrin.
Why It’s Awesome: While it gets a little misty at the end, few scenes match the hilarity of the dinner scene, where Lisa’s lamb chop — and chicken breast, rump roast and hot dog — come alive. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn’t brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.
Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: [laughs] Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
15. “Homer the Heretic”
Original Airdate: Oct. 8, 1992
What Happens: Homer decides not to attend church one Sunday, has the time of his life and vows never to return again — until he sets the house on fire and is saved by Flanders.
Why It’s Awesome: Because any episode where God himself makes an appearance is destined for hilarity. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Bart: Hey, where’s Homer?
Marge: Your father is … resting.
Bart: “Resting” hung over? “Resting” got fired? Help me out here.
Marge: Don’t make me choose between my man and my God, because you just can’t win.
Homer: There you go again, always taking someone else’s side. Flanders, the water department, God ...
God: You know, sometimes even I’d rather be watching football.
16. “Lisa’s Substitute”
Original Airdate: Apr. 25, 1991
What Happens: When Miss Hoover is out sick, Lisa falls for the substitute. Also, Bart runs for class president against Martin Prince.
Why It’s Awesome: A dark-horse episode that sneaks its way near the top with its uncanny (and unexpected) quotability. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Mr. Bergstrom: That’s the problem with being middle-class. Anybody who really cares will abandon you for those who need it more.
Homer: Lisa, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand!
Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest, ugliest, smelliest ape of them all!
17. “HOMR”
Original Airdate: Jan 7, 2001
What Happens: An X-ray reveals a crayon lodged in Homer’s brain. After the crayon is removed, Homer experiences a sudden surge in intelligence, bringing him closer to Lisa.
Why It’s Awesome: Because smart Homer is just as funny — if not more so — than dumb Homer. In this episode, Homer dresses down (then de-pantses Nelson Muntz), provides codpieces for his friends and accidentally proves there’s no God. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quote:
Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.
Marge: Are you crazy? I’m not going to be a surrogate mother.
Homer: C’mon, Marge, we’re a team. It’s uter-us, not uter-you.
18. “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson”
Original Airdate: Sept. 21, 1997
What Happens: After a binging Barney Gumble loses Homer’s car in New York City, the Simpson family goes to retrieve it.
Why It’s Awesome: As bustling and crammed with content as the city itself, “City of New York” skewers tourists, Gothamites, foreign food vendors and the United Nations with unsurprising aplomb. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quote:
Marge: Of course you’ll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and the C.H.U.D.s.
19. “Homer at the Bat”
Original Airdate: Feb. 20, 1992
What Happens: To hedge his million-dollar bet with the owner of the rival Shelbyville nuclear plant, Mr. Burns hires nine Major-Leaguers to play on the company softball team.
Why It’s Awesome: Because hilarious calamity befalls every Major-Leaguer. The only healthy star is Darryl Strawberry, and even he isn’t immune to Bart and Lisa’s taunts. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Where do you think you’re going?
Lisa: To the game.
Homer: No, no, no. I don’t want you to see me sitting on my worthless butt.
Bart: We’ve seen it, Dad.
http://www.free-times.com/Image/20.30_im/coverscorpiobont.jpg
Super-villian Hank Scorpio tortures dapper secret agent James Bond in "You Only Move Twice."
20. “I Love Lisa”
Original Airdate: Feb. 11, 1993
What Happens: After receiving a Valentine from Lisa — and only Lisa — Ralph Wiggum falls madly in love with her.
Why It’s Awesome: Addressing everyone’s painful memory of their awkward first crush, “I Love Lisa” is the definitive episode for the series’ definitive cult character: Ralph. And the entire President’s Day pageant — especially the song about the “mediocre presidents” — is pure gold. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Ralph: [reading his Valentine] You ... choo-choo-choose me?
Homer: [giving advice to Lisa on how to make Ralph go away] Six simple words: I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.
Bart: [watching the Krusty anniversary special in slow-motion]: Watch this, Lis. You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half.
Woo hoo! The Simpsons has been on the air for 20 years!
BY FREE TIMES WRITERS
After starting in April 1987 as a segment within the long-forgotten Tracey Ullman Show, The Simpsons has gone on to become not only the longest-running animated series in television history, but also the longest-running sitcom. The show celebrates its 20-year milestone on July 27 with the release of The Simpsons Movie.
Free Times, on the other hand, celebrates the occasion by revisiting some of the animated series’ best episodes. How do you define “best” in a highly acclaimed series that has produced some 400 episodes? Well, it’s admittedly subjective. Our list is the result of informal polling both inside and outside the office, as well as researching other publication’s polls and lists. The bottom line is a thoroughly hilarious rundown of some Simpsons high points, from Marge’s monorail mishaps to Lisa’s date with the dense Ralph Wiggum.
Perhaps there are those among you who might find a cover story on The Simpsons to be pure and utter fluff — a frivolous romp through the pop-culture field when these serious times call for something more, um, serious. To those of you, we can only say lighten up — and, by the way, you clearly don’t understand the cultural significance of The Simpsons. Because not only is The Simpsons one of the most successful shows in the history of television —Time magazine named it the best TV show of all time in 1999 and it has 23 Emmys to its credit — but it’s also one of the smartest.
So smart is the show, in fact, that even philosophy professors have been inspired to sing its praises. The 2001 book The Simpsons and Philosophy: The D’oh! Of Homer asks, in all seriousness, whether Bart is “the kind of individual Nietzsche was trying to warn us about” and what we can learn from Lisa about “American ambivalence toward intellectuals.” So there.
The show’s quick-witted satire leaves no topic untouched and no cow sacred: Religion, politics, morality, sexuality, the media, class issues, consumerism, ignorance and corporate malfeasance are all frequent themes. And while the show’s writing often demonstrates a decidedly leftist bent, even some conservatives have come around, recognizing in Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie a family that shows “a profound ability to endure the hardships of life and even underscore some of the most decent of human virtues and values,” as one Christian blogger put it.
So, whether you’re a fan or a foe of this 20-year cultural institution — or if you’ve somehow managed to remain ignorant or indifferent — here’s a chance to revel in everything that makes you excited about, or angry at, The Simpsons. — Dan Cook
1. “Marge vs. the Monorail”
Original Airdate: Jan. 14, 1993
What Happens: The citizens of Springfield, receiving a $3 million boon from Mr. Burns being fined for code violations at the nuclear plant, are tricked by a huckster who cons them into spending the money on a shoddily built monorail.
Why It’s Awesome: Falling smack-dab in the middle of season four, often considered the best of The Simpsons’ 20 seasons, “Marge vs. the Monorail” is the picture-perfect example of the show’s ability to compact an inordinate amount of infinitely quotable throwaway jokes into an episode’s 20-plus-minute runtime. There are so many gags, in fact, that it’s hard to say which is the funniest: The episode begins with a Flintstones parody, segues into arguably the series’ best Broadway homage, culminates in a guest appearance by Leonard Nimoy and muses on the life-saving properties of doughnuts. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Mayor Quimby: We will now hear suggestions for the disbursement of the $2 million.
Lisa: Don’t you mean $3 million?
Quimby: [looks around nervously] Of course. [fixes his tie] How silly of me.
Homer: Are we going to die, son?
Bart: Yeah. But at least we’re going to take a lot of innocent people with us.
Marge: Homer?
Homer: Y’ello?
Marge: There’s a man here who thinks he can help you.
Homer: [excited] Batman?!
Marge: No, he’s a scientist.
Homer: Batman’s a scientist.
Marge: [angry] It’s not Batman!
Homer: Doughnuts — Is there anything they can’t do?
2. “Cape Feare”
Original Airdate: Oct. 7, 1993
What Happens: Sideshow Bob is paroled from prison, and he has only one thing on his mind: Getting revenge on Bart Simpson. After the Simpsons enter the Witness Protection program and move to Terror Lake, Bart foils Sideshow Bob — again — by getting him to sing the entire score to H.M.S. Pinafore.
Why It’s Awesome: The definitive Sideshow-Bob-tries-to-kill-Bart episode and the series’ ultimate movie parody. We learn that Sideshow Bob has a “Die, Bart, Die” tattoo (His explanation: It’s German for “The Bart, The”), and Bart’s ever-increasing fear of Bob litters the episode with choice horror movie parodies, including Ned Flanders’ turn as Freddy Krueger and Martin Prince as Lizzie Borden. And while very few things trump Homer’s dimwitted failings to catch onto the family’s name change, the icing on the cake has to be the extended rake gag, where Sideshow Bob steps on a rake not once, not twice, but nine consecutive times. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Selma: Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon.
Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now? [A few people raise their hands]
Lawyer: Be honest. [Every hand is raised, including a priest and Selma’s sister, Patty.]
Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I’m the chief here. Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What’d you say, Chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.
3. “Last Exit to Springfield”
Original Airdate: March 11, 1993
What Happens: After the nuclear plant’s union boss disappears, Homer leads the plant workers to strike when Mr. Burns takes away the company dental plan.
Why It’s Awesome: With homages to Jimmy Hoffa, The Godfather Part II, Yellow Submarine, Batman, The Three Stooges, Moby Dick and “Classical Gas,” “Last Exit to Springfield” is wall-to-wall pop-culture references that are as viciously biting as they are hilarious. It’s also wall-to-wall jokes, with the conniving Mr. Burns facing off against the “brilliant” union leader Homer Simpson, and Homer facing down his own brain in one of the most excruciatingly funny drawn-out-just-long-enough jokes of the series — the infamous “Dental plan!” running gag. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Dr. Wolfe: [inside the Painless (formerly Painful) Dental Clinic] How often do you brush, Ralph?
Ralph Wiggum: [nervously] Three times a day, sir.
Dr. Wolfe: Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?!
Homer: Mmm ... organized crime.
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Mr. Burns identifies his assailant in
"Who Shot Mr. Burns (Part Two)."
4. “Who Shot Mr. Burns (Parts One and Two)”
Original Airdates: May 21, 1995;
Sept. 17, 1995
What Happens: After stealing Springfield Elementary’s oil, Mr. Burns unveils a plan to block out the sun at a town meeting. As he’s leaving, Burns is mysteriously shot. In Part Two, Chief Wiggum and crew track down Mr. Burns’ assailant.
Why It’s Awesome: Still the only two-part episode of The Simpsons (and its only true whodunit), the “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” story arc created a widespread interest in diehard fans and casual observers alike. Part One was the finale of season six, and in the months following its airing, the country was abuzz with theories of the shooter’s identity. In addition to the overt Dallas parody, Moe’s polygraph test; Chief Wiggum’s Twin Peaks-inspired, warm-cream-induced fever dream; and Tito Puente’s slanderous mambo in Part Two are worth the price of admission alone. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you’re under arrest for attempted murder!
Homer: D’oh!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, that’s what they all say. They all say, “D’oh!”
Chief Wiggum: No jury in the world’s going to convict a baby. Mmm ... maybe Texas.
5. “Rosebud”
Original Airdate: Oct. 21, 1993
What Happens: After a disastrous birthday party, Mr. Burns pines for his long-lost childhood teddy bear, Bobo, which is now in the hands of Maggie Simpson.
Why It’s Awesome: “Rosebud” did something previously thought impossible in the world of The Simpsons: It humanized Mr. Burns. Sure, he’s still rude to Smithers and tries to have The Ramones (whom he misidentifies as The Rolling Stones) killed, but you can’t help but feel for the old coot when he laments his long-gone teddy. A near-perfect send-up of Citizen Kane, “Rosebud” also delves into Homer’s relationship with Maggie, the oft-forgotten third Simpson child. It also contains some classic non-sequiter throwaway gags, including Homer singing the Big Mac theme song and Waylon Smithers’ homoerotic Mr. Burns fantasy. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Oh, where did I lose ‘em? I’ll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I’d like to believe that this time. I really would.
Waylon Smithers: [consoling Mr. Burns] Look at all the wonderful things you have, sir: King Arthur’s Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain and that rare first draft of the Constitution with the word “suckers” in it.
6. “You Only Move Twice”
Original Airdate: Nov. 3, 1996
What Happens: Homer moves the family to a new town where he has a better job at a better nuclear power plant, but he’s oblivious to the fact that his new boss is a super-villain.
Why It’s Awesome: As we’ve now well established, The Simpsons do parody shows better than anybody else, and this thinly veiled Bond-movie mock-up is priceless. It also features multiple guest star Albert Brooks turning in his best performance as the (sort of) evil Hank Scorpio. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Oh, I can’t buy that. Only management-type guys with big salaries like me can afford things like that. [gasps] Guys like me! I’m a guy like me!
Homer: Uh, you got any sugar around here?
Hank Scorpio: Sugar? Sure. [Fumbles around in his pockets and produces two handfuls of sugar] Here you go. Sorry it’s not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh ... I ... no.
Mr. Bont: So, do you expect me to talk?
Hank Scorpio: I don’t expect anything from you, except to die and be a very cheap funeral.
7. “Homer’s Phobia”
Original Airdate: Feb. 16, 1997
What Happens: After receiving a $900 electric bill, Marge attempts to sell Grandma Bouvier’s “very rare” Civil War figurine at the mall. There, they encounter shop owner John Waters, whom Homer takes a shine to until he learns he’s gay. Homer decides Waters is making Bart gay, and various attempts to masculinize Bart fail spectacularly.
Why It’s Awesome: Great writing, biting social satire and hilarity of a scope and pace that raises the bar so high it’s cruel to compare any other show to it. Never has an episode of any television series, cartoon or live action, so perfectly handled the complex issues surrounding America’s hypocritical attitudes toward homosexuality. From Homer’s trip with Bart to a gay steel mill to an ill-fated hunting trip where reindeer turn the tables on Homer, Barney, Moe and Bart, this episode never gets old or loses its message. Also, I’d argue that Waters’ performance is the best guest-starring appearance of the entire series. — Ron Aiken
Memorable quotes:
Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals fah-laming.
Moe: You ever been hunting before there, Barty?
Bart: Nope. Something about a bunch of guys alone together in the woods ... seems kind of gay.
Homer: That is a very immature attitude, young man.
John Waters: Well, Homer, I won your respect, and all I had to do was save your life. Now, if every gay man could just do the same, you’d be set.
8. “Homer’s Enemy”
Original Airdate: May 4, 1997
What Happens: Frank Grimes, the new employee at the power plant, isn’t impressed with Homer’s bad habits and lack of professional work ethic, and he becomes disgruntled when he learns Homer is more of a success than he is.
Why It’s Awesome: In an interview with Simpsons fan site NoHomers.net, former executive producer Josh Weinstein said of “Homer’s Enemy,” “We wanted to do an episode where the thinking was ‘What if a real life, normal person had to enter Homer’s universe and deal with him?’ … We wanted to show that in real life, being Homer Simpson could be really dangerous and life threatening, as Frank Grimes sadly learned.” An incredibly dark, almost Heathers-like episode, it also cements Homer as the archetypal “lazy American.” — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Hi, Grimey old buddy.
Grimes: I’m not your buddy, Simpson. I don’t like you. In fact, I hate you! Stay the hell away from me, because from now on, we’re enemies! [turns to leave]
Homer: Okay. [pause] Do I have to do anything?
Grimes: I’m saying you’re what’s wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. If you lived in any other country in the world, you’d have starved to death long ago.
Bart: He’s got you there, dad.
9. “Treehouse of Horror V”
Original Airdate: Oct. 30, 1994
What Happens: The fifth annual Halloween show includes three stories: A parody of The Shining; Homer traveling through time; and the Springfield Elementary cafeteria finding an alternate source of lunchmeat.
Why It’s Awesome: “Treehouse of Horror V” is easily the best of the series’ scattershot Halloween specials. The Shining parody is pure genius, brimming with endless pop culture references and one of the series’ greatest one-liners (“No TV and no beer make Homer ... something something.”). “Time and Punishment” involves several extended gags, this time featuring Homer repeatedly getting his hand caught in the family toaster and the bashing of prehistoric creatures. And while the “Nightmare Cafeteria” segment isn’t the strongest, it’s a perfectly cromulent way to wrap up the episode. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Groundskeeper Willie: [gasps] Boy! You read my thoughts! You’ve got the Shinning.
Bart: You mean “Shining.”
Willy: [sotto voce] Shh! You want to get sued?
Marge: [into microphone to Chief Wiggum] Hello, police? This is Marge Simpson. My husband is on a murderous rampage. Over.
Wiggum: [sighs] Well, thank God that’s over. I was worried there for a second. [turns off radio]
Homer: Television! Teacher! Mother! [lustily] Secret lover!
10. “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show”
Original Airdate: Feb. 9, 1997
What Happens: In an effort to boost sagging ratings, the creator of The Itchy & Scratchy Show is forced by the network to introduce a new character, “one that today’s kids can relate to.” The in-your-face Poochie, voiced by Homer, is universally loathed and unceremoniously killed off.
Why It’s Awesome: Besides containing perhaps the most often-quoted line in series history (“Worst. Episode. Ever.”), this show effectively serves as a behind-the-scenes look at what it takes to put The Simpsons together as the writers attempt to remain creative while dealing with corporate higher-ups who think they can improve the show by tinkering with a proven formula. The episode also lambastes the show’s own Internet fanbase, which typically was online within minutes of each show to register either their approval or disgust. This episode is also hilarious for its many small moments — Homer’s impatience with detail-obsessed fans, Homer’s touching fatherly affection for Poochie when he realizes the studio is going to kill him off and, of course, Poochie himself, that “soulless byproduct of committee thinking.” — Ron Aiken
Memorable Quotes:
Comic Book Guy: Last night’s Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Poochie: [rapping] The name’s Poochie D and I rock the telly / I’m half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli / I’m the kung fu hippie from Gangsta City / I’m the rappin’ surfer, you da fool I pity!
11. “Homerpalooza”
Original Airdate: May 19, 1996
What Happens: Fearing he’s lost his cool, Homer joins the traveling Hullabalooza music festival as part of its “Pageant of the Transmundane.”
Why It’s Awesome: The Simpsons has had its fair share of musical guests, but “Homerpalooza” brought three of the Lollapalooza generation’s acts to Springfield. Appearances by Smashing Pumpkins, Cypress Hill and Sonic Youth — not to mention Peter Frampton — cemented The Simpsons’ place in the hearts of Gen-Xers, all while ruthlessly mocking its values. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It’s a scientific fact.
Lisa: It may be bleak, but this music is really getting to the crowd.
Bart: Ah, making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Bart: What religion are you?
Homer: You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don’t work out in real life. Uh ... Christianity!
12. “Twenty-Two Short Films About Springfield”
Original Airdate: April 14, 1996
What Happens: A series of vignettes highlight the lives of various Springfielders.
Why It’s Awesome: Because it gives some of the series’ fan-favorite secondary characters time to shine. It also features a spot-on Pulp Fiction parody, replete with a discussion on the differences between McDonald’s and Krusty Burger. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Snake: [robbing Moe’s Tavern] Ho! Goodbye student loan payments!
Hospital Chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant ...
Dr. Nick: But I cleaned them with my napkin.
13. “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet”
Original Airdate: Sept. 30, 1993
What Happens: Homer, Apu, Skinner and Barney rise to the top of the pops with their barbershop quartet, The Be Sharps.
Why It’s Awesome: The Simpsons score yet another hilarious mock-up, this time paralleling the story of The Beatles. It scores double points for the spoofs of “Revolution 9” and The Beatles’ final performance on the rooftops of Apple studios (prompting George Harrison’s classic line, “Eh, it’s been done.”). — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Bart: Dad, when did you record an album?
Homer: I’m surprised you don’t remember, son. It was only eight years ago.
Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can’t remember what happened eight minutes ago.
Lisa: I can’t believe you’re not still popular.
Bart: What’d you do? Screw up like The Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus?
Homer: All the time! That was the title of our second album.
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Lisa's struggles with meat-eating are documented in
"Lisa the Vegetarian."
14. “Lisa the Vegetarian”
Original Airdate: Oct. 15, 1995
What Happens: After a trip to a local petting zoo, Lisa decides to become a vegetarian, much to Homer’s chagrin.
Why It’s Awesome: While it gets a little misty at the end, few scenes match the hilarity of the dinner scene, where Lisa’s lamb chop — and chicken breast, rump roast and hot dog — come alive. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn’t brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.
Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: [laughs] Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
15. “Homer the Heretic”
Original Airdate: Oct. 8, 1992
What Happens: Homer decides not to attend church one Sunday, has the time of his life and vows never to return again — until he sets the house on fire and is saved by Flanders.
Why It’s Awesome: Because any episode where God himself makes an appearance is destined for hilarity. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Bart: Hey, where’s Homer?
Marge: Your father is … resting.
Bart: “Resting” hung over? “Resting” got fired? Help me out here.
Marge: Don’t make me choose between my man and my God, because you just can’t win.
Homer: There you go again, always taking someone else’s side. Flanders, the water department, God ...
God: You know, sometimes even I’d rather be watching football.
16. “Lisa’s Substitute”
Original Airdate: Apr. 25, 1991
What Happens: When Miss Hoover is out sick, Lisa falls for the substitute. Also, Bart runs for class president against Martin Prince.
Why It’s Awesome: A dark-horse episode that sneaks its way near the top with its uncanny (and unexpected) quotability. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Mr. Bergstrom: That’s the problem with being middle-class. Anybody who really cares will abandon you for those who need it more.
Homer: Lisa, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand!
Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest, ugliest, smelliest ape of them all!
17. “HOMR”
Original Airdate: Jan 7, 2001
What Happens: An X-ray reveals a crayon lodged in Homer’s brain. After the crayon is removed, Homer experiences a sudden surge in intelligence, bringing him closer to Lisa.
Why It’s Awesome: Because smart Homer is just as funny — if not more so — than dumb Homer. In this episode, Homer dresses down (then de-pantses Nelson Muntz), provides codpieces for his friends and accidentally proves there’s no God. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quote:
Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.
Marge: Are you crazy? I’m not going to be a surrogate mother.
Homer: C’mon, Marge, we’re a team. It’s uter-us, not uter-you.
18. “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson”
Original Airdate: Sept. 21, 1997
What Happens: After a binging Barney Gumble loses Homer’s car in New York City, the Simpson family goes to retrieve it.
Why It’s Awesome: As bustling and crammed with content as the city itself, “City of New York” skewers tourists, Gothamites, foreign food vendors and the United Nations with unsurprising aplomb. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quote:
Marge: Of course you’ll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and the C.H.U.D.s.
19. “Homer at the Bat”
Original Airdate: Feb. 20, 1992
What Happens: To hedge his million-dollar bet with the owner of the rival Shelbyville nuclear plant, Mr. Burns hires nine Major-Leaguers to play on the company softball team.
Why It’s Awesome: Because hilarious calamity befalls every Major-Leaguer. The only healthy star is Darryl Strawberry, and even he isn’t immune to Bart and Lisa’s taunts. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Homer: Where do you think you’re going?
Lisa: To the game.
Homer: No, no, no. I don’t want you to see me sitting on my worthless butt.
Bart: We’ve seen it, Dad.
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Super-villian Hank Scorpio tortures dapper secret agent James Bond in "You Only Move Twice."
20. “I Love Lisa”
Original Airdate: Feb. 11, 1993
What Happens: After receiving a Valentine from Lisa — and only Lisa — Ralph Wiggum falls madly in love with her.
Why It’s Awesome: Addressing everyone’s painful memory of their awkward first crush, “I Love Lisa” is the definitive episode for the series’ definitive cult character: Ralph. And the entire President’s Day pageant — especially the song about the “mediocre presidents” — is pure gold. — Patrick Wall
Memorable Quotes:
Ralph: [reading his Valentine] You ... choo-choo-choose me?
Homer: [giving advice to Lisa on how to make Ralph go away] Six simple words: I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.
Bart: [watching the Krusty anniversary special in slow-motion]: Watch this, Lis. You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half.