fontman
07-22-07, 06:14 PM
Damn Marines!
A Story by Samantha West
July 22, 2007
I originally wrote this for Cowboy while he was at Fallujah last year. He's a salty recon Marine, pushing 60, and a LtCol who retired once and came back in after 9/11. A devastatingly handsome thing, still wild, and in-between one of his several marriages. My Bear introduced us, and yes, I give all of my Marines a nick name. You've seen Bear (helo pilot), Cowboy (recon), Movie Star (Harrier driver), Old Blue Jeans (arty), and there's Yankee (BIG beautiful grunt), and many more...
Now then, here's a little story about how the Marines stole all of Hadji's ah,,, well,,, stuff. It was Ramadan 2006, the time for peace and love and understanding. That's why incoming fires were raining down all over Camp Fallujah in Iraq. Hadji was trying desperately to show his love for his infidel nemesis, the U.S. Marines.
In the meantime during a brief stop over in the International Zone in Baghdad the world famed U.S. born British singer, Suzie Saint James-Smythe, and her entirely female crew were all agog over some jewelry one of them had purchased on one of their rare trips outside the Zone. Yes, just a little ways down Yafa Street and over the Tigris River was Omar's International Bazaar where you could get all kinds of trinkets and "man-dresses" and tons of other absolutely authentic Iraqi stuff!
Suzie couldn't stand it, she just had to have some of those earrings, after all, they were hand made, and how could she go home without them? So she found someone of some influence and convinced them to take her, and her entire entourage, to Omar's. They all piled into a heavily armored black Suburban that was centered in a convoy of two more like Suburbans and were driven by and loaded with professional security contractors. Off they went outside the safety of the Zone and to Omar's. Much to her surprise the bazaar was full of people she had seen in the International Zone. Americans, Brit's and others, some were journalists, some just worked for the news services, and some were contractors. It was like a sale at Macy's, only with some really weird odors! People were milling around and shopping, handling the merchandise and haggling with the corpulent and funky smelling Omar who was attired in a very festive "man-dress" and a Jordanian style red and white keffiyeh.
Suzie and her crew were grouped around a carousal of jewelry trying on earrings and necklaces and laughing and carrying on. Neither they, nor anyone else, noticed the young Arab man walk in. Why would they, Mohammed didn't look any different than any other Iraqi, and they certainly couldn't tell that he was wearing an explosive vest under his dishdasha. He walked to the center of the room and then with absolutely no hesitation he released the dead man's switch in his hand and in a sudden, violent ,and fiery flash, Omar's International Bazaar became a smoldering pile of rubble strewn with bloody body parts.
The Marine lieutenant shook his head and rubbed his eyes. He was disoriented. One second he was with his EOD team in Haqlaniyah, and then boom, he heard an explosion and now he was in this foggy, white place. He remembered seeing pieces of his arm tear away from his body, but it seemed okay now, and he had no memory of any pain. The sleeve of his cammy blouse wasn't torn and after bending his arm a few times he decided that it worked just fine. Off in the distance he heard some voices, but he couldn't see anyone through the fog. As he squinted in the direction of the chatter he saw two forms begin to appear.
"Sirrr!" The man yelled. "Sirrr, is that you?" Two Marines approached the lieutenant and he realized it was the sergeant and lance corporal who had been standing near him before the explosion.
"Sergeant, are you two okay?" The Marine officer reached to tap the sergeant's shoulder.
"Yes sir, we're fine now."
"Sir, you gotta come seeee this, you won't belieeeve it!" The lance corporal was grinning from ear to ear and could hardly contain his excitement. "Come on sir!" He said with the glee of a child on Christmas morning. "Follow me!" With a wave of his hand to his superiors he was off into the fog.
"Yes sir" the sergeant smiled. "You sure won't believe this." And with that the two Marines took off in the direction of the lance corporal.
Suzie had a dazed look in her eyes. She was still holding the earrings that she had been trying on but she wasn't in Omar's any more. She was in a line of women that snaked off into a white fog that was everywhere. It seemed to go on forever. Jules, one of her crew was in line in front of her and looking very confused.
"Where are we?" Suzie asked.
"I don't know." Jules said with her thick French accent. "One minute I was trying on earrings and the next minute I was here." She looked around with bewilderment. "Where is this place?"
"Doll, you're dead!" The loud announcement came from the middle-aged gum-popping, bleached blonde that was standing in front of Jules. "You're dead, and now you have to declare your status!"
"Dead? Suzie quizzed. "Status?"
"Yea, you gotta tell 'em if you're a virgin or not." The blonde rolled her eyes and then popped her gum really loudly.
Jules was clearly amused by this but Suzie got really quiet. As a teenager her parents kept a very close eye on her and her budding singing career. She wasn't allowed within ten feet of any guys without a chaperone. When she was old enough to run her own life, she always told herself that she didn't have time for men. The truth was that she didn't like any of the guys that hung around show business. They seemed too fake and never cared about anything important. Even the guys on her own crew had been too scared to come to Iraq to entertain the troops and that's how she ended up with an all girl foreign crew. How could she let anyone know she was a twenty-five year old virgin? A virgin rock star, if anyone found out it would totally ruin her career! "Oh what career!" She mused to herself, "I'm dead!"
Standing at the head of the line was a bald headed guy that looked suspiciously like a famous former SEAL, wrestler, and politician who we shall refer to as the "Bod" and who was wearing a white robe with gold feathery wings extending from his back. He was holding a big marble tablet and a laser scribe and quizzing each girl. You could hear the buzz of the scribe etching out notes in the marble while he listened to what they had to say. When they finished talking he would either point to his left or to his right and then the girl would wander off down the hall that he had pointed to. They didn't actually look like halls, they looked more like fluffy tunnels made out of blue and pink cotton candy. There weren't any markings over the pink tunnel, but over the top of the blue tunnel was a sign that was blinking "seventy-one" in bright red neon.
It was the obnoxious blonde's turn to talk to the Bod and even though Jules and Suzie were directly behind her, they couldn't make out what she was saying. Eventually the Bod pointed to the pink tunnel and off she went. Now Jules was talking to the Bod and Suzie leaned forward and carefully listened to hear what they were saying, but all she heard was a garbled mess of unintelligible words. In a few minutes Jules dashed off toward the pink tunnel and left Suzie standing there before the towering Bod.
"Miss Saint James-Smythe" the Bod's voice boomed at her as she stood frozen before him. "Miss Saint James-Smythe are YOU a virgin?" He spoke in what Suzie thought was an accusatory tone. His left eyebrow rose and he looked down his nose at her as he awaited her answer.
She shifted her eyes downward and stuttered for a few seconds and then finally in a broken whisper she answered him with the truth.
"We got one!" The Bod screamed from lips that seemed to grow huge like some wild cartoon character. Then he pointed to the blue tunnel and Suzie watched as the blinking red seventy-one change to seventy-two. Suddenly it all made sense to her, as if she had fallen into some terrible nightmare. She realized that she was one of the seventy-two virgins who would be given to some righteous Muslim as a reward.
"Well! Isn't this just fracking great!" She screamed to herself. "Two days ago I was knee-deep in gorgeous, hunky, ripped, Marines and now I'm being given to some nasty terrorist who'll probably make me sleep with his camel… or worse!" She stomped off and disappeared down the blue tunnel, and the Bod began quizzing the next girl.
Mohammed had been in the waiting room for some time now and he was getting anxious for his seventy-two virgins. He had visions of beautiful women with round breasts feeding him wine and grapes and doing his bidding. After all, he had died the martyr's death and in doing so had killed many infidels. He deserved his reward and as he paced the floor he wondered when his women would arrive.
The lieutenant and sergeant had finally caught up to the lance corporal who was knee deep in women milling around in a blue cotton candy room. They were all young and beautiful, sipping on tropical looking drinks and munching on delicious snacks. The lance corporal had caught the attention of a beautiful, doe eyed woman whose skin looked like smooth, rich, velvety dark chocolate. She was the most beautiful girl the lance corporal had ever seen and she was coming towards him. She flashed her big smile at the young Marine and asked him to slow dance with her.
"But there's no music." He said, and instantly nice music made just for slow dancing began playing. The beautiful girl wrapped her arms around him and the lance corporal pulled her in very close as they began dancing.
A few minutes later a gorgeous Latina came over to the lieutenant and whispered something in his ear. The lieutenant put his arm around the beautiful woman and together they walked off into the white fog smiling and talking with each other.
The sergeant looked around at the seventy some odd girls in the room but didn't see one who struck his fancy, and so he found a white chair at round white table and sat down. He looked a little weary as he sat at the table, and in a few minutes a waiter came from out of no where and placed his favorite drink and a plate of snacks in front of him, and then vanished back into no where. He took a sip of his drink and sighed.
"Will this tunnel ever stop!" Suzie complained. Just as she spoke a wall formed in front of her and two doors appeared, one on her left and one on her right. Each door had a peep hole but she didn't think it was a good idea to look into them just yet.
"Now what?" She demanded as she stomped her foot.
"Choose one." It was the Bod's voice that rumbled from above.
So Suzie looked into the room on her right and there was Mohammed pacing up and down waiting for his virgins. He was obviously stressed and becoming irrational at having to wait for so long.
"Oh yuck!" Suzie exclaimed and then she looked into the door on her left. There sat the sergeant at the white table. He looked a little familiar to her. Yea, she recognized him. He was that hunk of a Marine who had helped set up her stage a few days ago when she entertained the Marines at Haditha. She smiled real big and pushed on the left door and then she stopped and looked upward.
"What happens to him?" She motioned her head to the right door.
"Well." The big voice boomed. "Since you're number seventy-two and not one virgin wanted him, we'll put him in the basement with the rest of his buddies." There was a sigh from above. "Since about 1775 not one virgin has chosen any of these guys and they only get seventy-two chances. You gals always go for the Marines!"
Suzie smiled real big as she opened the door on the left. The sergeant looked up and there she was, she had appeared out of no where. She was that gorgeous rock star he was secretly in love with and she was walking towards him. "Man, this is heaven!" he exclaimed to himself.
A Story by Samantha West
July 22, 2007
I originally wrote this for Cowboy while he was at Fallujah last year. He's a salty recon Marine, pushing 60, and a LtCol who retired once and came back in after 9/11. A devastatingly handsome thing, still wild, and in-between one of his several marriages. My Bear introduced us, and yes, I give all of my Marines a nick name. You've seen Bear (helo pilot), Cowboy (recon), Movie Star (Harrier driver), Old Blue Jeans (arty), and there's Yankee (BIG beautiful grunt), and many more...
Now then, here's a little story about how the Marines stole all of Hadji's ah,,, well,,, stuff. It was Ramadan 2006, the time for peace and love and understanding. That's why incoming fires were raining down all over Camp Fallujah in Iraq. Hadji was trying desperately to show his love for his infidel nemesis, the U.S. Marines.
In the meantime during a brief stop over in the International Zone in Baghdad the world famed U.S. born British singer, Suzie Saint James-Smythe, and her entirely female crew were all agog over some jewelry one of them had purchased on one of their rare trips outside the Zone. Yes, just a little ways down Yafa Street and over the Tigris River was Omar's International Bazaar where you could get all kinds of trinkets and "man-dresses" and tons of other absolutely authentic Iraqi stuff!
Suzie couldn't stand it, she just had to have some of those earrings, after all, they were hand made, and how could she go home without them? So she found someone of some influence and convinced them to take her, and her entire entourage, to Omar's. They all piled into a heavily armored black Suburban that was centered in a convoy of two more like Suburbans and were driven by and loaded with professional security contractors. Off they went outside the safety of the Zone and to Omar's. Much to her surprise the bazaar was full of people she had seen in the International Zone. Americans, Brit's and others, some were journalists, some just worked for the news services, and some were contractors. It was like a sale at Macy's, only with some really weird odors! People were milling around and shopping, handling the merchandise and haggling with the corpulent and funky smelling Omar who was attired in a very festive "man-dress" and a Jordanian style red and white keffiyeh.
Suzie and her crew were grouped around a carousal of jewelry trying on earrings and necklaces and laughing and carrying on. Neither they, nor anyone else, noticed the young Arab man walk in. Why would they, Mohammed didn't look any different than any other Iraqi, and they certainly couldn't tell that he was wearing an explosive vest under his dishdasha. He walked to the center of the room and then with absolutely no hesitation he released the dead man's switch in his hand and in a sudden, violent ,and fiery flash, Omar's International Bazaar became a smoldering pile of rubble strewn with bloody body parts.
The Marine lieutenant shook his head and rubbed his eyes. He was disoriented. One second he was with his EOD team in Haqlaniyah, and then boom, he heard an explosion and now he was in this foggy, white place. He remembered seeing pieces of his arm tear away from his body, but it seemed okay now, and he had no memory of any pain. The sleeve of his cammy blouse wasn't torn and after bending his arm a few times he decided that it worked just fine. Off in the distance he heard some voices, but he couldn't see anyone through the fog. As he squinted in the direction of the chatter he saw two forms begin to appear.
"Sirrr!" The man yelled. "Sirrr, is that you?" Two Marines approached the lieutenant and he realized it was the sergeant and lance corporal who had been standing near him before the explosion.
"Sergeant, are you two okay?" The Marine officer reached to tap the sergeant's shoulder.
"Yes sir, we're fine now."
"Sir, you gotta come seeee this, you won't belieeeve it!" The lance corporal was grinning from ear to ear and could hardly contain his excitement. "Come on sir!" He said with the glee of a child on Christmas morning. "Follow me!" With a wave of his hand to his superiors he was off into the fog.
"Yes sir" the sergeant smiled. "You sure won't believe this." And with that the two Marines took off in the direction of the lance corporal.
Suzie had a dazed look in her eyes. She was still holding the earrings that she had been trying on but she wasn't in Omar's any more. She was in a line of women that snaked off into a white fog that was everywhere. It seemed to go on forever. Jules, one of her crew was in line in front of her and looking very confused.
"Where are we?" Suzie asked.
"I don't know." Jules said with her thick French accent. "One minute I was trying on earrings and the next minute I was here." She looked around with bewilderment. "Where is this place?"
"Doll, you're dead!" The loud announcement came from the middle-aged gum-popping, bleached blonde that was standing in front of Jules. "You're dead, and now you have to declare your status!"
"Dead? Suzie quizzed. "Status?"
"Yea, you gotta tell 'em if you're a virgin or not." The blonde rolled her eyes and then popped her gum really loudly.
Jules was clearly amused by this but Suzie got really quiet. As a teenager her parents kept a very close eye on her and her budding singing career. She wasn't allowed within ten feet of any guys without a chaperone. When she was old enough to run her own life, she always told herself that she didn't have time for men. The truth was that she didn't like any of the guys that hung around show business. They seemed too fake and never cared about anything important. Even the guys on her own crew had been too scared to come to Iraq to entertain the troops and that's how she ended up with an all girl foreign crew. How could she let anyone know she was a twenty-five year old virgin? A virgin rock star, if anyone found out it would totally ruin her career! "Oh what career!" She mused to herself, "I'm dead!"
Standing at the head of the line was a bald headed guy that looked suspiciously like a famous former SEAL, wrestler, and politician who we shall refer to as the "Bod" and who was wearing a white robe with gold feathery wings extending from his back. He was holding a big marble tablet and a laser scribe and quizzing each girl. You could hear the buzz of the scribe etching out notes in the marble while he listened to what they had to say. When they finished talking he would either point to his left or to his right and then the girl would wander off down the hall that he had pointed to. They didn't actually look like halls, they looked more like fluffy tunnels made out of blue and pink cotton candy. There weren't any markings over the pink tunnel, but over the top of the blue tunnel was a sign that was blinking "seventy-one" in bright red neon.
It was the obnoxious blonde's turn to talk to the Bod and even though Jules and Suzie were directly behind her, they couldn't make out what she was saying. Eventually the Bod pointed to the pink tunnel and off she went. Now Jules was talking to the Bod and Suzie leaned forward and carefully listened to hear what they were saying, but all she heard was a garbled mess of unintelligible words. In a few minutes Jules dashed off toward the pink tunnel and left Suzie standing there before the towering Bod.
"Miss Saint James-Smythe" the Bod's voice boomed at her as she stood frozen before him. "Miss Saint James-Smythe are YOU a virgin?" He spoke in what Suzie thought was an accusatory tone. His left eyebrow rose and he looked down his nose at her as he awaited her answer.
She shifted her eyes downward and stuttered for a few seconds and then finally in a broken whisper she answered him with the truth.
"We got one!" The Bod screamed from lips that seemed to grow huge like some wild cartoon character. Then he pointed to the blue tunnel and Suzie watched as the blinking red seventy-one change to seventy-two. Suddenly it all made sense to her, as if she had fallen into some terrible nightmare. She realized that she was one of the seventy-two virgins who would be given to some righteous Muslim as a reward.
"Well! Isn't this just fracking great!" She screamed to herself. "Two days ago I was knee-deep in gorgeous, hunky, ripped, Marines and now I'm being given to some nasty terrorist who'll probably make me sleep with his camel… or worse!" She stomped off and disappeared down the blue tunnel, and the Bod began quizzing the next girl.
Mohammed had been in the waiting room for some time now and he was getting anxious for his seventy-two virgins. He had visions of beautiful women with round breasts feeding him wine and grapes and doing his bidding. After all, he had died the martyr's death and in doing so had killed many infidels. He deserved his reward and as he paced the floor he wondered when his women would arrive.
The lieutenant and sergeant had finally caught up to the lance corporal who was knee deep in women milling around in a blue cotton candy room. They were all young and beautiful, sipping on tropical looking drinks and munching on delicious snacks. The lance corporal had caught the attention of a beautiful, doe eyed woman whose skin looked like smooth, rich, velvety dark chocolate. She was the most beautiful girl the lance corporal had ever seen and she was coming towards him. She flashed her big smile at the young Marine and asked him to slow dance with her.
"But there's no music." He said, and instantly nice music made just for slow dancing began playing. The beautiful girl wrapped her arms around him and the lance corporal pulled her in very close as they began dancing.
A few minutes later a gorgeous Latina came over to the lieutenant and whispered something in his ear. The lieutenant put his arm around the beautiful woman and together they walked off into the white fog smiling and talking with each other.
The sergeant looked around at the seventy some odd girls in the room but didn't see one who struck his fancy, and so he found a white chair at round white table and sat down. He looked a little weary as he sat at the table, and in a few minutes a waiter came from out of no where and placed his favorite drink and a plate of snacks in front of him, and then vanished back into no where. He took a sip of his drink and sighed.
"Will this tunnel ever stop!" Suzie complained. Just as she spoke a wall formed in front of her and two doors appeared, one on her left and one on her right. Each door had a peep hole but she didn't think it was a good idea to look into them just yet.
"Now what?" She demanded as she stomped her foot.
"Choose one." It was the Bod's voice that rumbled from above.
So Suzie looked into the room on her right and there was Mohammed pacing up and down waiting for his virgins. He was obviously stressed and becoming irrational at having to wait for so long.
"Oh yuck!" Suzie exclaimed and then she looked into the door on her left. There sat the sergeant at the white table. He looked a little familiar to her. Yea, she recognized him. He was that hunk of a Marine who had helped set up her stage a few days ago when she entertained the Marines at Haditha. She smiled real big and pushed on the left door and then she stopped and looked upward.
"What happens to him?" She motioned her head to the right door.
"Well." The big voice boomed. "Since you're number seventy-two and not one virgin wanted him, we'll put him in the basement with the rest of his buddies." There was a sigh from above. "Since about 1775 not one virgin has chosen any of these guys and they only get seventy-two chances. You gals always go for the Marines!"
Suzie smiled real big as she opened the door on the left. The sergeant looked up and there she was, she had appeared out of no where. She was that gorgeous rock star he was secretly in love with and she was walking towards him. "Man, this is heaven!" he exclaimed to himself.