booksbenji
07-08-07, 09:01 AM
:D
Presidential Candidate Checklist
Check all that apply to your lying ass..........
[ ] I have a personal net worth of at least $1 million.
Note: place a check in this box if you are sufficiently dishonest to acquire borrowed wealth from dumber people.
[ ] I am not an ugly or fat person.
Note: if you are ugly or fat, stop here.
[ ] My wife is not ugly or fat.
Note: if your wife is ugly or fat, stop here.
[ ] I can speak in sentences that involve words of two or more syllables.
Note: TEXAS candidates may apply for a waiver to this requirement.*
[ ] I have never served in the U. S. military, and I don’t know anyone who has.
[ ] I have the ability to pander to a diverse range of ethnic groups, with whom I have nothing in common, and with whom I would never associate outside of an election year.
[ ] I have the ability to speak incessantly about the need for more social programs.
Note: You must have the ability to overlook the fact that the United States has the highest standard of living in the entire world.
[ ] During a debate, I have the ability to refer to rival candidates as “my distinguished colleague,” or “my good friend,” but in all other situations I am able to refer to them as miserable slugs who should never be elected to anything.
Note: there is no such thing as character assassination when speaking about other politicians.
[ ] I have the ability to answer questions from the press in sound-bite format.
Note: It's difficult to edit a sound-bite answer into a media sound bite. Remember that a sound bite response provides credible deniability of any future statement made to the press.
[ ] I believe the importance of elective office outweighs the demand for truth.
[ ] I have the ability to appear to be politically correct.
[ ] I am able to capture my entire political platform on a bumper sticker.
[ ] I don’t know what philosophy is, and don’t really care.
[ ] I can avoid statements that involve serious political ideology.
[ ] I believe that all principles are subject to compromise.
[ ] I support ethical standards in government, but understand there is no requirement to adhere to them.
[ ] I can assert personal integrity, even though such notions are entirely subjective.
[ ] I believe that freedom is just another word for “nothing left to lose.”
[ ] I am willing to accept campaign donations from any source, including avowed enemies of the United States (such as CAIR, al-Qaeda and the Army of the People’s Republic of China).
[ ] I have no problem with lies or distortions so long as it gets me elected. (See Sound Bite, above).
[ ] I have the ability to divide people along racial, ethnic, gender, religious, or regional lines.
[ ] I can pander votes from complete idiots; residents and John "HANOI FONDA" Skerry AMERICAN MILITARY DESERTERS of Massachusetts.
[ ] I have someone to help me with my campaign, upon whom I can lay blame later on.
[ ] I have the ability to support diametric ideas.
[ ] I have “selective memory” capability.
[ ] I am able to kiss anyone’s ass, either publicly or privately – including those of Al Sharp-Less and Jesse Jack-Ass.
[ ] I do not understand the basic elements of a free-market economy.
[ ] I have never seen a tax that I didn’t adore.
[ ] I believe that programs designed to save the planet will make me loved by almost everyone.
[ ] I would never hesitate to screw a senior citizen or his or her heirs.
I think that every Presidential Candidates should fill this on TV :D
* For Bu****es this is true!!!
Presidential Candidate Checklist
Check all that apply to your lying ass..........
[ ] I have a personal net worth of at least $1 million.
Note: place a check in this box if you are sufficiently dishonest to acquire borrowed wealth from dumber people.
[ ] I am not an ugly or fat person.
Note: if you are ugly or fat, stop here.
[ ] My wife is not ugly or fat.
Note: if your wife is ugly or fat, stop here.
[ ] I can speak in sentences that involve words of two or more syllables.
Note: TEXAS candidates may apply for a waiver to this requirement.*
[ ] I have never served in the U. S. military, and I don’t know anyone who has.
[ ] I have the ability to pander to a diverse range of ethnic groups, with whom I have nothing in common, and with whom I would never associate outside of an election year.
[ ] I have the ability to speak incessantly about the need for more social programs.
Note: You must have the ability to overlook the fact that the United States has the highest standard of living in the entire world.
[ ] During a debate, I have the ability to refer to rival candidates as “my distinguished colleague,” or “my good friend,” but in all other situations I am able to refer to them as miserable slugs who should never be elected to anything.
Note: there is no such thing as character assassination when speaking about other politicians.
[ ] I have the ability to answer questions from the press in sound-bite format.
Note: It's difficult to edit a sound-bite answer into a media sound bite. Remember that a sound bite response provides credible deniability of any future statement made to the press.
[ ] I believe the importance of elective office outweighs the demand for truth.
[ ] I have the ability to appear to be politically correct.
[ ] I am able to capture my entire political platform on a bumper sticker.
[ ] I don’t know what philosophy is, and don’t really care.
[ ] I can avoid statements that involve serious political ideology.
[ ] I believe that all principles are subject to compromise.
[ ] I support ethical standards in government, but understand there is no requirement to adhere to them.
[ ] I can assert personal integrity, even though such notions are entirely subjective.
[ ] I believe that freedom is just another word for “nothing left to lose.”
[ ] I am willing to accept campaign donations from any source, including avowed enemies of the United States (such as CAIR, al-Qaeda and the Army of the People’s Republic of China).
[ ] I have no problem with lies or distortions so long as it gets me elected. (See Sound Bite, above).
[ ] I have the ability to divide people along racial, ethnic, gender, religious, or regional lines.
[ ] I can pander votes from complete idiots; residents and John "HANOI FONDA" Skerry AMERICAN MILITARY DESERTERS of Massachusetts.
[ ] I have someone to help me with my campaign, upon whom I can lay blame later on.
[ ] I have the ability to support diametric ideas.
[ ] I have “selective memory” capability.
[ ] I am able to kiss anyone’s ass, either publicly or privately – including those of Al Sharp-Less and Jesse Jack-Ass.
[ ] I do not understand the basic elements of a free-market economy.
[ ] I have never seen a tax that I didn’t adore.
[ ] I believe that programs designed to save the planet will make me loved by almost everyone.
[ ] I would never hesitate to screw a senior citizen or his or her heirs.
I think that every Presidential Candidates should fill this on TV :D
* For Bu****es this is true!!!