thedrifter
06-25-07, 07:08 AM
June 25, 2007 - 12:00AM
Spouse support group shares pain
CHRISSY VICK
DAILY NEWS STAFF
Sometimes Vivianne Wersel has a bad day, and she can't explain why.
But the women in her surviving spouses' support group already know the reason. Sometimes, they're the only ones who understand.
"We all gain from each other in different facets," said Wersel, who unexpectedly lost her husband in February 2004 shortly after he returned from Iraq. "We are bonded and we are all connected because we all lost our husbands. We will always be there for each other."
The Surviving Spouses' Support Group at Camp Lejeune began in April 2006 when II Marine Expeditionary Force sponsored the idea, led by a chaplain aboard the base. With a growing number of spouses losing their Marines and sailors in the Global War on Terrorism, many saw a need.
Wersel's husband, Lt. Col. Rich Wersel, 43, returned from a deployment to Iraq in early 2005. A week later he suddenly collapsed in the gym and died of a fatal dysrhythmia.
Wersel, an audiologist, decided to stay in the area due to her teenage children. She knew she needed the support group to get past her husband's sudden death. But she ended up being the only spouse meeting regularly with the chaplain.
That's when she decided to make the surviving spouses' support group her mission.
"We don't have any programs that help us leave the Marine Corps, so for us not only are we shocked about our husband, we're not ready to let go of the Marine Corps," she said. "So I proposed a program that would transition us until we're strong enough to say goodbye."
After Wersel and Cmdr. Dale White, the chaplain that oversees the group, received the full support of Lt. Gen. Keith Stalder of II MEF, the two moved forward with a revamped program.
The now "structured and sanctioned" group includes a governing board and a regular biweekly lunch date, Wersel said. It also provides a network for spouses who move away from Camp Lejeune and back to their home state.
Since the group began meeting earlier this year, it has grown to include about a dozen wives, of which the majority have lost their husbands in combat during the Iraq war.
Jacksonville resident Erin Payne said the group has been a great help since her husband's death last year. Cpl. Bradford Payne of 2nd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, was killed in Iraq in October.
Their first child, Dylan Gauge, was born earlier this year.
"I just needed that support," she said. "I love my friends and family, but you feel like nobody knows what you're going through - like you're the only one that's ever gone through it. But with the support group, everyone understands."
Payne said it causes her to feel less lonely.
"It makes me feel like I have someone," she said. "We don't get judged there for the way we're grieving."
White, the chaplain for Marine Forces Special Operations Command, said connecting is the first goal of the group.
"Anything we can do to take care of our surviving spouses is so important," White said. "A lot of them have been with their husbands in the Marine Corps for 15 or 20 years and they feel disconnected. We're here to make sure they continue to feel a part of the family."
White, alongside Capt. Bryan Weaver, the II MEF chaplain, provides support to the group, while keeping the spouses up to date on events aboard the base.
Wersel said more widows are choosing to stay in the area instead of going back to their home state.
"We are staying here because we have a home that has been purchased, children that are connected in school and doing well," she said.
As many as 40 surviving spouses could now be living in the Jacksonville area.
"I chose to stay here because I'm proud of the Marine Corps life," Payne said. "I'm proud of what my husband did. It's easier to be around the military family."
Anyone who has lost an active duty Marine or Navy spouse since Oct. 7, 2001, can join the support group. The spouse's death doesn't have to be in combat, Wersel said.
"All of us had them one minute and the next minute we didn't - that trauma is the same," she said. "We went through the same shock, disbelief and suffering. Nobody understands the pain that we have - it's this gut wrenching pain - but we do."
For more information on the Surviving Spouses Support Group, contact White at 450-9584 or Wersel by e-mail at viwersel@yahoo.com.
Contact staff writer Chrissy Vick at cvick@freedomenc.com or by calling 353-1171, ext. 8466.
Ellie
Spouse support group shares pain
CHRISSY VICK
DAILY NEWS STAFF
Sometimes Vivianne Wersel has a bad day, and she can't explain why.
But the women in her surviving spouses' support group already know the reason. Sometimes, they're the only ones who understand.
"We all gain from each other in different facets," said Wersel, who unexpectedly lost her husband in February 2004 shortly after he returned from Iraq. "We are bonded and we are all connected because we all lost our husbands. We will always be there for each other."
The Surviving Spouses' Support Group at Camp Lejeune began in April 2006 when II Marine Expeditionary Force sponsored the idea, led by a chaplain aboard the base. With a growing number of spouses losing their Marines and sailors in the Global War on Terrorism, many saw a need.
Wersel's husband, Lt. Col. Rich Wersel, 43, returned from a deployment to Iraq in early 2005. A week later he suddenly collapsed in the gym and died of a fatal dysrhythmia.
Wersel, an audiologist, decided to stay in the area due to her teenage children. She knew she needed the support group to get past her husband's sudden death. But she ended up being the only spouse meeting regularly with the chaplain.
That's when she decided to make the surviving spouses' support group her mission.
"We don't have any programs that help us leave the Marine Corps, so for us not only are we shocked about our husband, we're not ready to let go of the Marine Corps," she said. "So I proposed a program that would transition us until we're strong enough to say goodbye."
After Wersel and Cmdr. Dale White, the chaplain that oversees the group, received the full support of Lt. Gen. Keith Stalder of II MEF, the two moved forward with a revamped program.
The now "structured and sanctioned" group includes a governing board and a regular biweekly lunch date, Wersel said. It also provides a network for spouses who move away from Camp Lejeune and back to their home state.
Since the group began meeting earlier this year, it has grown to include about a dozen wives, of which the majority have lost their husbands in combat during the Iraq war.
Jacksonville resident Erin Payne said the group has been a great help since her husband's death last year. Cpl. Bradford Payne of 2nd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, was killed in Iraq in October.
Their first child, Dylan Gauge, was born earlier this year.
"I just needed that support," she said. "I love my friends and family, but you feel like nobody knows what you're going through - like you're the only one that's ever gone through it. But with the support group, everyone understands."
Payne said it causes her to feel less lonely.
"It makes me feel like I have someone," she said. "We don't get judged there for the way we're grieving."
White, the chaplain for Marine Forces Special Operations Command, said connecting is the first goal of the group.
"Anything we can do to take care of our surviving spouses is so important," White said. "A lot of them have been with their husbands in the Marine Corps for 15 or 20 years and they feel disconnected. We're here to make sure they continue to feel a part of the family."
White, alongside Capt. Bryan Weaver, the II MEF chaplain, provides support to the group, while keeping the spouses up to date on events aboard the base.
Wersel said more widows are choosing to stay in the area instead of going back to their home state.
"We are staying here because we have a home that has been purchased, children that are connected in school and doing well," she said.
As many as 40 surviving spouses could now be living in the Jacksonville area.
"I chose to stay here because I'm proud of the Marine Corps life," Payne said. "I'm proud of what my husband did. It's easier to be around the military family."
Anyone who has lost an active duty Marine or Navy spouse since Oct. 7, 2001, can join the support group. The spouse's death doesn't have to be in combat, Wersel said.
"All of us had them one minute and the next minute we didn't - that trauma is the same," she said. "We went through the same shock, disbelief and suffering. Nobody understands the pain that we have - it's this gut wrenching pain - but we do."
For more information on the Surviving Spouses Support Group, contact White at 450-9584 or Wersel by e-mail at viwersel@yahoo.com.
Contact staff writer Chrissy Vick at cvick@freedomenc.com or by calling 353-1171, ext. 8466.
Ellie