Why did the elephant cross the road?

[wrbones]

because the rooster retired.......




OH, Come on! I thought ut was funny! LMAO! :D

[SHOOTER1]

Told ya Bones, its the drugs.

[thedrifter]

Bones take a look outside.....The man in the white coats are coming to get you......HA....HA....HA...HA...LMAO........


Jerry I believe you are working Bones too much.....LOL

Sempers,

Roger

[wrbones]

Hey! I said I thought it was funny!

I didn't say it was any good! Hell, they can't ALL be good! LMAO


anyone remember Dr. Demento? "They're coming to take me away, ha ha! They're coming to take me away, ho ho!"

[SHOOTER1]

Thats Ok Bones, when they git you in the cross your heart jacket, Ill sneak in a few six packs now and then. He He , HO Ho.:banana:

[USMC0311]

Ive seen it before Warren. It's called "burned out" :no:

next you'll be wanderin from site to site, talkin to stranger women and askin people If they know where you belong:D

You Need Sum "Liberty" Marine:yes:

[wrbones]

LMAO @ Joe. Liberty? WTF is that. Wingers don't get liberty! We just get time off to go get a clean uniform. (And it ain't dirty til ya can wring oil, hydraulic fluid and JP-5 outta it!)



( Dr. Demento went geek on us! http://www.drdemento.com/index.html )

[USMC0311]

Originally posted by wrbones
LMAO @ Joe. Liberty? WTF is that. Wingers don't get liberty! We just get time off to go get a clean uniform. (And it ain't dirty til ya can wring oil, hydraulic fluid and JP-5 outta it!)



( Dr. Demento went geek on us! http://www.drdemento.com/index.html )

In that case Bones, You need "GreenPeace" and PhonAhooker

[wrbones]

Dang, Joe. I think ya got a plan there....


Not that I ever did anything like that on government property or with a government phone.....:D

[USMC0311]

Originally posted by wrbones
Dang, Joe. I think ya got a plan there....


Not that I ever did anything like that on government property or with a government phone.....:D

I'm sure I'd get a :D outa lotsa **** you never dun Warren ;)

[wrbones]

ME? I was always a poster Marine, bro! Honest Injun! :D

[USMC0311]

Originally posted by wrbones
ME? I was always a poster Marine, bro! Honest Injun! :D


Yah Marine I believe that.

CO to Gunny: "Gunny! wtf is all that booze doin in the hanger and why is that truck full of women by the hanger and where is Sgt. Bonesteel :evilgrin:

[wrbones]

The C.O. never caught me!

and I made sure I bribed the Gunny first! :D

[thedrifter]

How can you tell an elephant has been in your frig??????????

By his foot prints in your butter...........LOL

Bones you started this.........LMAO

Sempers,

Roger

[wrbones]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?
A: Squash



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?
A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won't close.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?
A: No, of course not.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.

[Barrio_rat]

Thanks Bones.. that was fun...

And now for something completely different.........

Okay, here's mine;

Why do ducks have flat feet?

To stamp out forest fires.

Why do elephants have large round flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.

[marinemom]

Well bones - after seeing that last post - all I can say is MEDIC!!MEDIC!!! MEDIC!!!

[greensideout]

I think Bones could use some time setting by the fire and talking with Chesty! LOL

[SHOOTER1]

Shades of the 60s Bones, LSD flashback, but thats ok, Id forgotten most of them and still got a chuckle out of them.:banana:

[leroy8541]

The Elephant asks the rabbit does sh!t stick to your fur when you take a dump?rabbit says no, at that the Elephant picks up the rabbit and wipes his a$$ with him.

[wrbones]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: Can't get the fridge door closed.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW parked outside it.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get 8(!) elephants in a fridge?
A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge, A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW discover?
A: The sun roof.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: The Lion (king of the animals) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the VW.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW?
A: None, the elephants are in there!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..")





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed?
A: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
A: A dead ant.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many elephants can you fit into a Mercedes?
A: 5. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.

[wrbones]

If you think that's bad, wait til I get started on Dr. Seuss!

[SHOOTER1]

Let the Dr. in Bones, let it rip.:banana:

[lurchenstein]

Im a Seuss fan too. Bring it on Bones!:D

[wrbones]

One Fish, Two fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish?

One of my favorites!

The use of alliteration to tell bad puns and jokes was sublime!

I'll go to the library tomorrow and get a copy so I can post the whole thing here!

[wrbones]

My scanner's down, so I'll have to just post the text, which is pretty good all by itseflf, but here's a taste!

[wrbones]

I was lookin' fer somethin' else and I jusd hadda bump it.

Some dang kid had that Dr. Suess book checked out at the library.I'll get it next time I'm over there.