pvtLayde
05-02-07, 02:52 PM
So heres the story,
Dec 12th, Recruiter SSGT Jackson. Madison Heights, MI.
Contract Signed. Hilton Hotel here I come.
Mind state - "I have no friggen clue what a Marine is, but if this is what's needed to make family proud, show who I am, what I can achieve, then this is what I need to do, to show my family there is something that can come out of me."
Prior To Enlistment - All my friends said I've always been motivated to achieve everything I've always wanted. I'm a fast learner, take things to the fullest extent, and never stop until I get what it is I'm looking for, and I become the best at doing what it is I am trying to achieve. My family, well isn't much of a family, and everything Ive ever done, has never been good enough for the parents. Dad, never knew the man, Step dad, Prior army, and theory - unless I have a job comparable to his, have been working since I was 12, or join the military, i am nothing. Mom - tries to be a mom.. sometimes.
My mind has never been so set on a defined thing. I usually have 18 different things I want to do at once, or what I want to be in life. But on December 13th. This would all change everything for the rest of my life.
Hilton Hotel, Ship Date. December 13th 2005.
4am. - Chow, 5am - Phys. till 10am., 10am Paper Signing, 1030am Briefing and Swearing In. 11am - Shipped. 12pm. - Plane to Chicago, 2:30pm - Plane to South Carolina. 5pm - Basement of South Carolina Airport. 12am - Finished (1 bag of chips, 1 20oz of water, Head Down until this time) We are instructed to line up along the wall. Taken out onto a bus where we then boarded. ~1:00am - Get off my bus, yellow footprints. (life change)
1:30am Phone call home. Now, at this time i picked up that receiver, and I pretended to dial a number, my fingers did not even press that corresponding that to my home, I simply just made a number. I was thinking at this time, there was no point in calling home. Many reasons shot threw my head (parents not answering, answering and not caring..) But mostly I new the answer. I new that if I were to call, the only thing that would have been said, is a "good luck" in a non reassuring voice as to known failure. So I tried to keep my confidence high, and just stood there with a dial tone in my ear.
I made it to training day 33. Went threw pneumonia, Infection, you know the normal Pairs Island crap. Learned how to stare threw portholes for a long period of time, unclog toilets with bare hands, Scuzz a deck, make the deck "smell good" using.. "smell good" and all the time not thinking twice about anything else. See thats one thing you get really good at, just doing. Not thinking. I remember my last day. it was a 5 mile hump. To the rifle range. Made it no problem, it really was easy, as most is.. but what I new was going to happen, thats what i feared the most.
See prior to the range, I had been on "Trial Training" 7 days. Being watched, basically to "stand out" to the other recruits to show how much your worthless to the rest of the platoon. See the thing here is, no matter how much you try, or how hard you work, your always nothing at this point, as problematic as you have made the platoon, thats exactly what you have become at this point. A problem, finding ways to get you out of the platoon is all there looking forward to do. See it started training day 28. I had pneumonia the previous week. And 2 days bed rest seemed like 2 weeks to the other recruits. Drill instructors make sure they think this, as to when you are week, you hold the whole platoon down. This wasn't my intention, just what they make you seem like to everyone else. So in the head, on our way to test (which we all know were going to pass. We all get the answers) but to recruit Johnson, (a prior army, and was a flunked out squad leader) seemed to want to come up to me and tell me what to do. Me having an attitude, told him i could do what i wanted. I tell you what, biggest mistake to do here. Telling another recruit anything negative, to all you enlisting, bad idea. Just look at your fellow recruits as one of those parrots. You tell them, then they repeat it back to people you deffenitally didn't intend for them to hear. He told the SDI what i had said, and well spending my 2 days bed rest prior (or 2 weeks to some recruits) he didn't look at me as a good sign to the rest of the platoon. I was sure to be dropped. I new this.
Rifle Range, day 33 Morning Chow hall -
Recruit James seemed to have wanted to know if I was going to finish my bread. Heres another Key fellow enlistee's Don't talk.. ever, but especially at chow. Telling Recruit James that I was indeed, had to have been the last straw. Drill Instructor SSGT Giddings (Gittengs, Gettings) however it was spelled, anyways hes a crazy ass. well he seen **** before it happened. You could be on the other side of the island, this drill instructor new exactly what you were doing wrong. I was told to get up and get out.
Standing outside for a matter of 10 mins. The rest of the platoon came out and we proceeded back to the squad bay. Today was our commanders inspection, and prior to, the Senior likes to make sure we all have the same answerers, so he proceeds to ask the same questions the commander would, "ever denied any chow" Ill tell you before hand, If any negative question is brought to your attention. Just answer no. It'll be best for you in the end. I promise.
Now thinking back to morning chow, and drill instructor SSGT Giddings, To say that I actually was denied chow, put Senior at his last straw for me. I then went from problematic recruit. to liability. Being Dropped 3 weeks back. When your dropped back you have to go threw a lot. but quickly. You see many drill instructors, commanders, Gunny's, then make your way into a platoon. Being checked into a platoon, you then go get your phsical all over again, depending where they are in training (this means your shots all over again) So after time i end up at the docs, where they ask you a lot of the same recurring questions, but this time they call your mom, to let them know your getting dropped back. Now, this is key here. If your lies got you this far, and you disclosed any info. its most important to write home, and tell your folks, don't ever say ****. Cause when mom says that you went to the docs, for this and that, just before boot. and you were on this medication, well i tell you, you just spend a lot of time on a island, and being called Paris, its not just that short of a sweet vacation.
So here it is. Mom said I was on some meds prior to boot. I got sent to EHP (evaluation. Holding. Platoon) where they like to strut you around the island, so all the drill instructors can humiliate you. Your with a bunch of sorry ass's who failed Day 1 at the moment of truth. And if your at this point. and in your mind, wanting to just be days closer to graduation, but know your never going to get there. **** just goes down hill. So I Spend about 2 weeks here, finally being dropped to RSP. (Reservation. Separation. Platoon) Then a week later. Your just cleaning up the rooms you first set your eyes on entering those huge doors that you received your name tapes outside of, The desk's you sat in and had your heads frozen to at 1:30am. And all the things you went threw, flash threw your brain. And then you think, you basically just failed the biggest thing you could have ever accomplished in your whole life. And not only that, the parents that you tried to impress so hard, and change life at home, and make one step closer to getting them just to like you for who you are, to take at least the one accomplishment and look at it as exactly that, an accomplishment. But no, you know your going to go home, and be the most worthless piece of civilization you have ever became in your life.
March 13th. Home -
Back at home. Heads down. Evetrything is exactly as thought it was going to be.
May 2nd. 2007 - Now.
I'm writing this. To know now, that basically what a marine is. But even more then that. Who I am. What I have become. What I have accomplished. And with family life being the same, I know now more then ever, that to do what i have done (Join the Marines) was the best thing i could have done, but not for the reasons before, but to know that it was for myself, and the whole time on that island, i was there for the wrong reason. I have been trying to get back since my medical cleared. I waited the 14 months for the meds. I got letters from my doc. I got my physical. Ive been trying to get back in the Marines now since April 06. and like another post I read, I just keep getting the same answers. No.
Now that must be fine, or even easy to say looking at this paper with who i was in training then, but i waited the time, and everyday when i wake up. I know that this is not who, or what im supposed to be doing. The marines did exactly that what it was supposed to do. Show me who I was, give me Honor, Courage, Make my self Committed. Self Discipline, Dignity, and i tell you what, with all these things i learned. I wouldn't have ever learned or found out who i really am without the marines. If there is a recruiter, a marine, a commander, someone out there reading this. I have a reentry code of 3-P and i know that when master sgt. asked me "will we be seeing you again, because a 3-P cant keep you out" and when i looked at him, and stated YES SIR! That day, i new. And when that YES SIR! came out of my mouth, it was the most stern, strong, and most upheld yes sir I have ever stated in my life. And from that point forward, I new that it would not be the last YES SIR! i would utter. I'm doing everything i can, daily, to maintain weigh, physical/mental/and medical health. So, if there is someone out there that can help me get back in, and if Senior Drill Instructor SSGT Anderson Of Platoon 1021 1st BN A Co. Dec 13 - March 11th or SSGT McGowan, or SSGT Giddings, or SGT Lamburgth, if any of them are here, and reading this, I want to first apologize, for not showing or knowing what exactly i was doing at that moment in time. For being disrespectful toward the platoon and others. And Mostly I apologize to Senior Drill Instructor SSGT Anderson, because of his statement which i will never forget "Your a problem layde. and i don't just walk away or send you to another platoon, because thats giving my problem away for someone else to handle. and your going to come off this island a marine in my platoon, no matter what the **** i have to do to get it out of you, your becoming a Marine." I didn't uphold his goal. I have failed him and myself. So if there is a recruiter out there, or if any of the drill instructors stated above will please recommend one more chance. I promise on the life of me, i will not fail you, or myself. I need to get back, and reclaim the title, as a United States Marine.
-Layde.
Platoon 1021 1st BN A Co.
Senior Drill Instructor SSGT Anderson
Drill Instructor SSGT McGowan
Drill Instructor SSGT Giddings
Drill Instructor SGT Lamburgth
Dec 12th, Recruiter SSGT Jackson. Madison Heights, MI.
Contract Signed. Hilton Hotel here I come.
Mind state - "I have no friggen clue what a Marine is, but if this is what's needed to make family proud, show who I am, what I can achieve, then this is what I need to do, to show my family there is something that can come out of me."
Prior To Enlistment - All my friends said I've always been motivated to achieve everything I've always wanted. I'm a fast learner, take things to the fullest extent, and never stop until I get what it is I'm looking for, and I become the best at doing what it is I am trying to achieve. My family, well isn't much of a family, and everything Ive ever done, has never been good enough for the parents. Dad, never knew the man, Step dad, Prior army, and theory - unless I have a job comparable to his, have been working since I was 12, or join the military, i am nothing. Mom - tries to be a mom.. sometimes.
My mind has never been so set on a defined thing. I usually have 18 different things I want to do at once, or what I want to be in life. But on December 13th. This would all change everything for the rest of my life.
Hilton Hotel, Ship Date. December 13th 2005.
4am. - Chow, 5am - Phys. till 10am., 10am Paper Signing, 1030am Briefing and Swearing In. 11am - Shipped. 12pm. - Plane to Chicago, 2:30pm - Plane to South Carolina. 5pm - Basement of South Carolina Airport. 12am - Finished (1 bag of chips, 1 20oz of water, Head Down until this time) We are instructed to line up along the wall. Taken out onto a bus where we then boarded. ~1:00am - Get off my bus, yellow footprints. (life change)
1:30am Phone call home. Now, at this time i picked up that receiver, and I pretended to dial a number, my fingers did not even press that corresponding that to my home, I simply just made a number. I was thinking at this time, there was no point in calling home. Many reasons shot threw my head (parents not answering, answering and not caring..) But mostly I new the answer. I new that if I were to call, the only thing that would have been said, is a "good luck" in a non reassuring voice as to known failure. So I tried to keep my confidence high, and just stood there with a dial tone in my ear.
I made it to training day 33. Went threw pneumonia, Infection, you know the normal Pairs Island crap. Learned how to stare threw portholes for a long period of time, unclog toilets with bare hands, Scuzz a deck, make the deck "smell good" using.. "smell good" and all the time not thinking twice about anything else. See thats one thing you get really good at, just doing. Not thinking. I remember my last day. it was a 5 mile hump. To the rifle range. Made it no problem, it really was easy, as most is.. but what I new was going to happen, thats what i feared the most.
See prior to the range, I had been on "Trial Training" 7 days. Being watched, basically to "stand out" to the other recruits to show how much your worthless to the rest of the platoon. See the thing here is, no matter how much you try, or how hard you work, your always nothing at this point, as problematic as you have made the platoon, thats exactly what you have become at this point. A problem, finding ways to get you out of the platoon is all there looking forward to do. See it started training day 28. I had pneumonia the previous week. And 2 days bed rest seemed like 2 weeks to the other recruits. Drill instructors make sure they think this, as to when you are week, you hold the whole platoon down. This wasn't my intention, just what they make you seem like to everyone else. So in the head, on our way to test (which we all know were going to pass. We all get the answers) but to recruit Johnson, (a prior army, and was a flunked out squad leader) seemed to want to come up to me and tell me what to do. Me having an attitude, told him i could do what i wanted. I tell you what, biggest mistake to do here. Telling another recruit anything negative, to all you enlisting, bad idea. Just look at your fellow recruits as one of those parrots. You tell them, then they repeat it back to people you deffenitally didn't intend for them to hear. He told the SDI what i had said, and well spending my 2 days bed rest prior (or 2 weeks to some recruits) he didn't look at me as a good sign to the rest of the platoon. I was sure to be dropped. I new this.
Rifle Range, day 33 Morning Chow hall -
Recruit James seemed to have wanted to know if I was going to finish my bread. Heres another Key fellow enlistee's Don't talk.. ever, but especially at chow. Telling Recruit James that I was indeed, had to have been the last straw. Drill Instructor SSGT Giddings (Gittengs, Gettings) however it was spelled, anyways hes a crazy ass. well he seen **** before it happened. You could be on the other side of the island, this drill instructor new exactly what you were doing wrong. I was told to get up and get out.
Standing outside for a matter of 10 mins. The rest of the platoon came out and we proceeded back to the squad bay. Today was our commanders inspection, and prior to, the Senior likes to make sure we all have the same answerers, so he proceeds to ask the same questions the commander would, "ever denied any chow" Ill tell you before hand, If any negative question is brought to your attention. Just answer no. It'll be best for you in the end. I promise.
Now thinking back to morning chow, and drill instructor SSGT Giddings, To say that I actually was denied chow, put Senior at his last straw for me. I then went from problematic recruit. to liability. Being Dropped 3 weeks back. When your dropped back you have to go threw a lot. but quickly. You see many drill instructors, commanders, Gunny's, then make your way into a platoon. Being checked into a platoon, you then go get your phsical all over again, depending where they are in training (this means your shots all over again) So after time i end up at the docs, where they ask you a lot of the same recurring questions, but this time they call your mom, to let them know your getting dropped back. Now, this is key here. If your lies got you this far, and you disclosed any info. its most important to write home, and tell your folks, don't ever say ****. Cause when mom says that you went to the docs, for this and that, just before boot. and you were on this medication, well i tell you, you just spend a lot of time on a island, and being called Paris, its not just that short of a sweet vacation.
So here it is. Mom said I was on some meds prior to boot. I got sent to EHP (evaluation. Holding. Platoon) where they like to strut you around the island, so all the drill instructors can humiliate you. Your with a bunch of sorry ass's who failed Day 1 at the moment of truth. And if your at this point. and in your mind, wanting to just be days closer to graduation, but know your never going to get there. **** just goes down hill. So I Spend about 2 weeks here, finally being dropped to RSP. (Reservation. Separation. Platoon) Then a week later. Your just cleaning up the rooms you first set your eyes on entering those huge doors that you received your name tapes outside of, The desk's you sat in and had your heads frozen to at 1:30am. And all the things you went threw, flash threw your brain. And then you think, you basically just failed the biggest thing you could have ever accomplished in your whole life. And not only that, the parents that you tried to impress so hard, and change life at home, and make one step closer to getting them just to like you for who you are, to take at least the one accomplishment and look at it as exactly that, an accomplishment. But no, you know your going to go home, and be the most worthless piece of civilization you have ever became in your life.
March 13th. Home -
Back at home. Heads down. Evetrything is exactly as thought it was going to be.
May 2nd. 2007 - Now.
I'm writing this. To know now, that basically what a marine is. But even more then that. Who I am. What I have become. What I have accomplished. And with family life being the same, I know now more then ever, that to do what i have done (Join the Marines) was the best thing i could have done, but not for the reasons before, but to know that it was for myself, and the whole time on that island, i was there for the wrong reason. I have been trying to get back since my medical cleared. I waited the 14 months for the meds. I got letters from my doc. I got my physical. Ive been trying to get back in the Marines now since April 06. and like another post I read, I just keep getting the same answers. No.
Now that must be fine, or even easy to say looking at this paper with who i was in training then, but i waited the time, and everyday when i wake up. I know that this is not who, or what im supposed to be doing. The marines did exactly that what it was supposed to do. Show me who I was, give me Honor, Courage, Make my self Committed. Self Discipline, Dignity, and i tell you what, with all these things i learned. I wouldn't have ever learned or found out who i really am without the marines. If there is a recruiter, a marine, a commander, someone out there reading this. I have a reentry code of 3-P and i know that when master sgt. asked me "will we be seeing you again, because a 3-P cant keep you out" and when i looked at him, and stated YES SIR! That day, i new. And when that YES SIR! came out of my mouth, it was the most stern, strong, and most upheld yes sir I have ever stated in my life. And from that point forward, I new that it would not be the last YES SIR! i would utter. I'm doing everything i can, daily, to maintain weigh, physical/mental/and medical health. So, if there is someone out there that can help me get back in, and if Senior Drill Instructor SSGT Anderson Of Platoon 1021 1st BN A Co. Dec 13 - March 11th or SSGT McGowan, or SSGT Giddings, or SGT Lamburgth, if any of them are here, and reading this, I want to first apologize, for not showing or knowing what exactly i was doing at that moment in time. For being disrespectful toward the platoon and others. And Mostly I apologize to Senior Drill Instructor SSGT Anderson, because of his statement which i will never forget "Your a problem layde. and i don't just walk away or send you to another platoon, because thats giving my problem away for someone else to handle. and your going to come off this island a marine in my platoon, no matter what the **** i have to do to get it out of you, your becoming a Marine." I didn't uphold his goal. I have failed him and myself. So if there is a recruiter out there, or if any of the drill instructors stated above will please recommend one more chance. I promise on the life of me, i will not fail you, or myself. I need to get back, and reclaim the title, as a United States Marine.
-Layde.
Platoon 1021 1st BN A Co.
Senior Drill Instructor SSGT Anderson
Drill Instructor SSGT McGowan
Drill Instructor SSGT Giddings
Drill Instructor SGT Lamburgth