reporting for wife boot camp

[cherrysupernerd]

okay well it seems that i haven't taken the opportunity to mind my southern manners and introduce myself to ya'll.
I am a newly married USMC wife, my husband deployed after we had been married for 2 months 2 days, i guess he is in kuwait, but who the hell really knows.
I am a waitress and a college student (art and communicaitons journalism major).
I have decided that while my husband is gone I am going to send myself to wife boot camp. Nobody told me that when I married a Marine that I was going to have to earn credits just like i do in college. Foreign language (who the hell knows what a CWO-3 is until you marry into the military??) and bones already hooked me up with a great link for that credit, geography (Quatar, Iraq ), writing intensive composition classes (letter after letter), psychology (how to not go crazy or drive him crazy), human relaitons, religion, computers systems technology, etc.
By the time he comes home I want to have graduated "wife boot camp" with honors.
I grew up in an AF town, and met him in an Army town. I don't live near the base, but i have organized a group to send cards letters and care packages to the Marines in his company, especially the young single guys.
They can't want him there more that I want him here but they must need him there more than I need him here, so I am making hte best of my time.
Just wanted to say hi and hope to get to know ya'll better as I learn about the newest member of my family: the USMC!

[thedrifter]

Welcome

Well you sure came to the right place....Lots of info you can learn here on the forums.....If you have any question, please feel free to ask and I know someone here will try and help you....

Welcome Again.......

Our prayers are with you and your family...and For All Our Troops....

Sempers,

Roger

[faris4life]

I never introduced myself either I'm rachel though nice to meet all of you sorry for being rude i'm kinda shy. My husbands in Iraq as well and with a 14month old it's tough to get out and do things to keep me busy. She's a handful herself she does keep me pretty busy but sometimes I get annoyed with her. I know it's not her fault I'm just worried and between her and work i'm beat. On top of that because of my husband being a marine we've only gotten to live together for 3months since we had been married. So being a marines wife isnt easy let me tell you but it's worth it I wouldnt change a thing I love my marine and i've been praying for our guys in Iraq. Just as of today I got a phone call from him he said he could call at the most once every week or two. God knows I was just happy to hear from him and know everything is okay so far. That made my day though... oh and the mail does suck while there away cause they get mail like maybe every two weeks I believe. They can only send letters via-regular mail so it doesnt get here that fast, and sending mail to them 1st class doesnt get it to them any faster as well. Anyways good luck and keep praying.

[thedrifter]

Welcome

Glad to meet you...Look around lots of info......Any questions feel free to ask....

Welcome Again.......

Our prayers are with you and your family...and For All Our Troops....

Sempers,

Roger

[JChristin]

The two of you are prime examples of courage, honor, and committment. How lucky your husbands are to be married to such wonderful women. What a blessing. I admire you.

This is true for all the wives and husbands and family members with military members away from home while serving to the needs of their country. How lucky we are to have you.


semper fi
jchristin

[lurchenstein]

Welcome to the Marine Corps family. I appreciate what you & your Marines are giving for our nation. I'll add my prayers for your success & safety. Semper Fidelis.:marine:

[wrbones]

Hey, ladies. Yer in the right place to learn more about the Corps than yer ol' man knows!

Do yer homework, it's mostly on the site, and when ya gotta question sound off!

Welcome to leatherneck.com...and welcome to the family!

[cherrysupernerd]

thanks! i will be poking my nose around here often i think in the coming months

[faris4life]

Thanks for the warm welcome. I'm learning lots as I go and I hope to learn more cause I sometimes I don't know whats true and what isnt when it comes to things i've been told. So I think this web site will be a big help in learning more of what I have to know to get by when it comes to being a marines wife. Which by the way I couldnt be more prouder to be married to one even if mine does tend to be a butt head at times lol. Thanks again I'll be around...

[cherrysupernerd]

how long would you think that it would take for someone to hear from him once he is in country. i know it varies cause my friend's finace (ARMY) has been gone for over 2 weeks and she hasn't heard from him yet, and neither has his mom. but another wife I know (AF) heard from her husband within hours. I am hoping to hear from someone soon, even if it is just the KV or someone

[faris4life]

Gosh I'm not sure since I only heard from my husband by getting a phone call as far as the mail goes God only knows...

[fishon]

Semper Fi Ladies. Be Patient. Mail is always slow but when it come it is a Morale Booster.

[faris4life]

My husband said that for v-day he sent me a card he would of sent me a camal but he didnt have the cash. I know he didnt have the cash cause he sent me his bank card which he found out later the he needed. Before he got deployed and all we went to this meeting about them leaving and they told us he wouldnt need money. Now my husbands telling me when i'm done doing what I have to do with the card he wants me to send it back to him. Wish my husband would make up my mind lol. My whole thing is I was supposed to hold onto his card so he wouldnt spend any money cause we were gonna save up to get an appartment when he gets back home. My husband has major spending prob's and I really don't want him to spend money on a bunch of crap that we wont need. So yes i'm gonna send his bankcard back to him but how can I keep him from spending so much money? This is not even cool. Maybe I should just send him my bank card lol and put money in there as I get it j/k. However I feel there's gotta be a way to chill him out on spending too much cash. Any ideas???

[jerry wozny]

welcome cherrysupernerd and faris4life, we will pray for your husbands safe returns and for all of our troops. keep the letters pouring in, they mean so much to the troops over there. being a nam vet i know the importance of getting mail and encourenging words. again they will be in my prayers as you will also. keep your chins up and they will be home before you know it.


Semper Fi

[cherrysupernerd]

1sgt you are pretty funny--see in my family my husband DOES get to wear the pants, the ones I buy him!!! haha

faris-I know that my husband didnt take his bank card or any checks b'c they were also told not to, but he is getting a certian amout of his pay sent to him every month in cash so that he can get stuff over there, from what i understand they basically have a tent px at some of the places for them to buy essentials. you don't have to worry about him hitting up burger king or the mall I don't think, and if he is a Best Buy junkie like my husband send him a catalog to look at cause that is about as close as he is gonna get!

jerry- i am trying to hold off on sending too much mail right now b/c i don;'t even know if i have the right address, i still haven't heard from him. I sent a card the day after he left but i am hesitant to send his first care package until i know he will get it. i am planning to write a letter every day and then put them all in an envelope and mail them like a week's worth of letters at a time, since i know that mail usually comes in big bunches anyways I may as well save $$ on stamps. I have also organized a letter writing campaign at my church for his company as well as asking different groups in the church to sponsor some of the younger guys who don't have much family to send them care packages and support. I am also going to the primary school wher my niece goes, and the elementary school where my nephew goes to do workshops for hte kids and send letters and art that way.
But is that too much to do, or is lots of mail better than no mail?

[mistyschwartz]

I guess I could introduce myself too. I am also a newly married marine wife. My husband was deployed after two days of living in our new apartment after only being married for one month. I know what you are going through cherrysupernerd and farris4life. I am learning so much about the marine corps--there is so much and it is overwhelming! I am a college student and just waiting for him to get back. He has been able to call me about 2 times a week. I still haven't gotten any mail from him, even though he has gotten 3 of my letters and a package my mother sent him (I have sent him 4 packages so far...he has gotten any of them). My husband brought personal checks out with him and I deposit $100 every paycheck in the account. It is tough but I am just trying to keep myself busy and make lots of friends with other Marine wives. I will include you all in my prayers when I pray for my husband (it seems I have been doing that a lot lately) Thank you and take care!

[mistyschwartz]

I also have another idea for you wives. I live with another marine wife (her husband is good friends with my husband and is deployed also) in an apartment. So we put a star and our husband's picture, rank and name on it on our door. We made a star for our husband's best friend who doesn't have a wife to do this for him. We also made a photo collage of us with our husbands and a sign that says "WE LOVE OUR US MARINES" on our door also. We have gotten so many complements on our door and everyone has kind words for us. There are several military families in our apartment complex and we have encouraged them to do the same thing, since so many marines are deployed right now. Also, my sister is Junior High schoolteacher and she put a white star on her classroom door for her brother-in-law. People in her class put stars up too if they had a family member deployed. It started a trend and every teacher in the school did the same--it attracted the newspaper to do an article about it! Everyone is so respectful and it gives a personal touch to the fact that so many military service members are leaving a lot behind to fight for our country, it makes me so proud! If you want me to e-mail you the pictures of our door so you have an idea, just let me know! Thanks again!

[thedrifter]

Welcome

Well you sure came to the right place....Lots of info you can learn here on the forums.....If you have any question, please feel free to ask and I know someone here will try and help you.... Just remember our bark is worst then our bite......;)

Welcome Again.......

Our prayers are with you and your family...and For All Our Troops....

Sempers,

Roger

[faris4life]

Lol thanks thats what I figured I should do something along those lines. Yeah pretty much I wear the pants in the family and yes I look pretty good in Levi's so I guess it was ment to be. My husband called once again today I love getting those calls they mean so much even if there not long. Now he got his mom's letter and expects to get mine tomorrow, but I still havent gotten any of his weird but thats how it goes I guess. I am so bored with out him around even if he does ruffle my feathers sometimes just not the same around here without him. I'm tryin to keep my chin up and be in a good mood as much as I can. For the first week or so man I was crabby I was getting so upset and concerned that I hadnt heard from him. Now though i'm in better spirts he made my week by giving me those phone calls. At work they even saw a change. Its silly but I feel like a little school girl when I get those calls I get all giddy and stuff. I just wish they knew when they are comming home but I havent heard any stright answers yet. Can't wait till he does he's gonna get attacked by me lol. I might be nice and share him with his other family memebers I havent decided yet lol. Well i'm gonna call it a night yall so peace, love, and purple crans!

[cherrysupernerd]

misty that is a good idea with the door--just be careful about broadcasting hte fact that your husband is away it could make you a dangerous target since it will be obvious that you are home alone, i know it is a bad way to think but being safe is always a good measure

i keep hearing that it might take a wihle to hear from my husband but it has been almost a week, is this normal (he isn't on ship, he went in the air)? This is his first deployment so i don't know what to expect.
I want to send a package, I have it ready but want to wait til i know he got his first pieces of mail before i send the big package. Any suggestions for what your husbands have asked for?

[firstsgtmike]

Ladies,

I'm glad to see a place where wives can communicate and share experiences while their husbands are deployed. I wish it had been there in MY time.

As a favor to me, Please... "marine" is spelled "Marine".

Thank you.

If I can help, if I can add some knowledge, or do whatever. Here I is.

[faris4life]

Oop's next time i'll write it as Marine sometimes when I'm in a hurry I tend to forget that. So my bad and next time I'll pay more attention.

[cherrysupernerd]

1sgt are you sure it's not Muuu-rine j/k that is one of the first things husband and everyone made sure I knew and that was that they were Marines with a CAPITAL "M"

I think it is wonderful that we have a place for Marine wives to come here, and that it is a place where we can lay our frustrations on the table and ask what we need to know. There are other sites like that, but the difference with this one is that when we air those questions or worries we get REAL answers, not answers from some other Marine's wife who is sitting on her "I've done this 1,000 times" high horse. I don't mean to be critical of those sites, but often they have poor attitudes when it comes to questions they know the answer to because they have done this before. We get truthful answers around here, even if they aren't the one that we want but we get it from a reliable source.
I think we are in a good place girls, and should be very thankful for the cooperation of these Marines for sharing a corner of their website with us, and offering their help and support.
So THANK YOU from this MARINE's WIFE!

[mistyschwartz]

Sorry about the "M"arine mistake...I didn't even realize I was doing it! I totally agree with with you cherry, this place is really awesome. I am so proud to be a Marine wife and be able to communicate with people who are going through the same thing or who are sympathetic and offer kind words.

Thanks for the advice about our door, I never thought about the safety issue involved with it. I guess sometimes I forget that I live in a big city now, not the little town that I lived in two months ago!

I also have some suggestions about what to send. Every time I talk to my husband he says that he wants pictures! So try and take as many pictures as you can and send them to him. My friends and I take pictures of each other doing everyday activities. I have sent 5 packages (and it has only been 5 weeks today) so far. I have sent him all of his favorite goodies, baby wipes (I have heard that they are useful), magazines, books, gatorade powder mix (to give flavor to the only liquid they can drink out there), a handheld voice recorder and tapes (so when the time comes that my husband cannot call anymore, we can still hear each others voices and talk to each other), racquetballs (him and his buddies love to play with them), videos (because he said they are very bored right now), more sunscreen and chapstick (in case he runs out of the stuff he brought with him), black & milds cigars and camel lights, disposable camera (I didn't know it when I bought him one but he bought one over there and took pictures and it is already in the mail to me), batteries, aspirin, and vitamins. Ok, I know it's a lot of stuff, but I worry a lot about him and I know he will appreciate and use everything that I send. I also called 1-800-ASK-USPS to see if there were any sort of restrictions on what I can send (for example: no pork products). I hope I gave you guys some ideas on what to send and maybe you can tell me yours!

I really miss my husband so much, I am often in a bad mood. But then I realized I can make a positive experience out of this, so I started to volunteer, really focus on my college classes, go to church all of the time, and work out like crazy. It has been five weeks--it has gone by really quick but it has been rough. We will get through this and our husbands and other brave Marines will seem to be back in no time (hopefully)! Thanks again, take care!

[cherrysupernerd]

I am really mad right now, evidently our company KV has known that my husband is safely at his location for several days and didn't bother to call me, isnt' that what she is supposed to do??
She knows that I live over 2 hours from the base and don't get the usual information that other wives might get by word of mouth, so it really pi$$es me off that she is shrugging off what i feel is her responsibility. She says it is normal to not hear from them yet since they odn't have a phone center yet but will be getting one soon. I e-mailed her to ask her if i had the right address since I got two of them and she just replied yes you've got the right one, I emailed the LT back at the base and i guess he told her to get in touch with me.
It just makes me so mad to know that the one link i have to my husband right now isn't keeping up her end. Do you think it is wrong of me to find a direct contact at the base for this information, since she obviously ins't providing the support i need?

I have a care package ready to send out but I don't know the address. I stop almost everyday somewhere and pick up stuff like little games and hygeine stuff for him. I know that old spice makes these things like baby wipes that my husband loves, i sent him over with lots of those. I also made him a scrapbook to take with him with pics of our family etc in there. The dollar store is a great place to get stuff for packages--it is cheap too so you won't be out a bunch of $$ if they have to throw it away cause they can't bring it back. And most of the stuff there is pretty small. I've gotten small game sets like keychain yahtzee, and car games like monopoly and chess to send as well. Target and Wal-Mart are good for those. I have a whole list of stuff if anyone wants to see it, that i have compiled from several sources and some ideas of my own.

[thedrifter]

Now that your Marine has deployed, you are left back home wondering what to do next...how to provide that bridge between your Marine and life back home. The following are a few hints that might help you.

CARE PACKAGES
Any kind of sweets or candy, beef jerky, peanuts, dried fruit,cookies (enjoyed even if they arrive broken), chocolate covered pretzels (might melt a little), tubs of bubble gum, Mike 'N Ikes, Fig Newtons, breakfast bars, power bars, Girl Scout cookies. Small cans of tuna make a nice treat with crackers, Vienna sausages, gum..... Buy in bulk at discount warehouse stores and send things a few at a time (or send it all and tell them to share).

Powdered drink mixes like gatorade and sugar free lemonade. Juice boxes have been known to leak, so if you do send them, first seal them in zip-lock type bags. Marines also like packets of catsup, Tabasco, mustard - anything that can be added to MREs.

In general, think about the climate you are shipping to and how long it will take to get there. The longer it takes the more you should think about sending non-perishable foods.



PHARMACEUTICALS/FIRST AID NEEDS
Deployed Marines might like baby wipes for cleanliness. One mom said these were very popular. For hot climates - sun screen and Carmex for their lips. Other ideas - body powder and foot powder, cortisone cream....

For those Marines who have a cold or are stationed in remote (cold) areas, send aspirin, throat lozenges, crackers, packets of soup, apple juice, daytime and nighttime cold and flu remedies and tissues.

Chocolate is not always the best to send. They do without it so much in some locations, that when they get it, it can make them almost sick or give them diarrhea (send a product like Imodium if you think this may be a problem)

Moleskin - this stuff is GREAT! It is a thick felt-like pad with a sticky back. You cut it to size, peel off the backing paper, and put it on those sore spots on your feet (or any other body part where something is rubbing). Prevents blisters. Moleskin comes in two thicknesses and can be found in drug stores or variety stores, usually near the foot care items and/or bandages. One mom sent LOTS, all cut up in various sizes, before the Crucible, and won lots of warm mom points with her recruit and some of his buddies!! Send a pair of fold-up scissors with a package of each thickness to be a permanent part of their gear.

Another mom sent hand warmers to her recruit who was doing the Crucible in January when it was cold. You buy these at sporting goods stores. WARNING - do not send anything to recruits unless you know it is ok to send.


BEAUTY SUPPLIES
(appropriately named by one of the moms - and all our Marines are beautiful!)

Chap stick, hand lotion, Clearasil (they still don't want a bump on their face), toothbrush & toothpaste, razors, bars of soap, fingernail files and clippers (be surprised how those things can get lost), mouthwash (baggie alert here), deodorant, shaving cream, a new towel and washcloth (nice and fluffy, but hide that with a masculine color), breath mints (one mom suggested strong minty gum for when your Marine is out in the field and can't brush), their favorite cologne (baggie alert). Don't send aerosol cans, especially overseas. Your package may get returned to you.

One mom suggested fresh skivvies, and skivvie shirts part way through a deployment - so can they can be cozy again.

ENTERTAINMENT

Videos of anything - latest hit movies, local sports events, CNN, home videos, documentaries, favorite TV programs, TV specials....

A Nerf football, in a backpack for those times when they get to relax, hand held video games, decks of cards, inflatable balls (small beach balls), paddle balls, hacky sacks, frisbees..

Disposable cameras. One or two at a time. Send them with return envelopes with pre-paid postage so there is no excuse not to ship them home. Send them with a note telling your Marine you will send pictures of his friends, etc., at home as soon as you get his pictures of his new life! It never fails. Give a camera to his best friend and ask the friend to take pictures of the neighborhood, their friends, whatever.

Film for their camera, batteries for all their toys! There are mail order film developers like Seattle Filmworks that allow your Marine to drop their film in the mail. You can set up an account with a charge card, have them send the prints to your Marine, along with a fresh roll of film, and email you a set to see too. Check them out at....Seattle Film Works or call them 1-800-FILMWORKS.

Pictures after pictures - they can never get enough pictures. Send a small album (to hold 4x6 pictures) for them to keep the pictures safe and handy!

News clippings...they really love to hear about what's going on at home, even if it's the local boy scout meeting!!!! Electronic games (with batteries), card games, newspapers, magazines, (one mom said the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated was well received), paperbacks, puzzles...

One mom's creative idea.....

She bought some puzzle paper that can be put through an ink jet printer from Compoz-a-Puzzle Inc. She printed pictures of her daughter on these. She would write a letter on the other side and then take the puzzle apart and send it. It took him one hour to put it together to be able to read the letter - but he liked the idea anyway.

Envelopes (some stamped and addressed to MOM), paper, and stamps, a nice reliable pen. Fill up a small organizer with addresses of family and friends, and print some pre-addressed labels with those important addresses for your Marine to use.

Homemade calendars with important family dates, half-way days, return dates, family birthdays and anniversaries, pet birthdays, local event dates, MOTHER'S DAY!! If you are not particularly comfortable with creating this project, some print shops, like Kinkos or Office Max or Office Depot, will make calendars from your pictures.

Pillowcases!! With Pictures!!! Using a special paper, you can use a scanner to create iron-on transfers of his/her favorite pictures. You can find the paper at fabric, craft or quilt stores. It may not hold up well to repeated washings so you might want to make a few! How about some with seasonal themes?

CLEAN UP TIME

Heavy Duty Spray Starch (they use alot of this), laundry detergent, powdered bleach, shoe brushes, black shoe polish, black dress socks (for graduation).
HOLIDAYS

A delightful hint from a creative mom......

Easter baskets - "We included a stuffed chick that said "Happy Easter" along with lots of candy and a collapsed cardboard basket. I was very surprised that the chick made it home as I was sure it would go overboard after one too many "Happy Easters". Seems like anything is loved even if they get teased a little - they know it's because we love them."

Christmas stockings stuffed full, collapsible Christmas trees, fruitcake (travels well)..

Trick-or-treat bags with Halloween candy, inexpensive spooky sounds tape, one of those 59 cent paper pumpkins to "decorate" their room.
BIRTHDAYS

Birthday-in-a-box. Include balloons, small party favors, hostess cupcakes with a candle that sings "happy birthday", party napkins, have some fun here - toss in a disposable camera and tell them to take a picture of their "party"!

Great cake idea! Press warm caramel treats or Rice Krispie treats (takes two batches) into a buttered (or use Pam) bundt or angel food cake pan, press down firmly and remove when cool. Decorate by drizzling melted chocolate wafers, which come in many colors, or melted chocolate chips over the top. Add more decorations by "gluing" on candy decorations using more of the melted chocolate and coating the backs of the candies. Some suggestions are the candy cake decorations that come on cardboard, M&Ms, sprinkles, gummys, - get creative! The creative mom who sent in this tip has sent them all over the country and not had any problems. Wrap the finished cake in wax paper so the decorations don't stick, then in plastic wrap, then in foil. Pop some air popped popcorn (popcorn popped in oil could get rancid and make an oily mess of the box), put a few inches in the bottom of the box, add the cake and then more popcorn. Don't use too big a box or you will be popping all night!

INFORMATIVE SITES

Weather forecasts at : Weather Underground

Time zones (so they don't call at 3 a.m.): World Time Zone

Computer magazines with lots of suggested web sites (game magazines, Yahoo etc.)


REGULAR MAIL - SENDING PACKAGES

For individual questions about regular mail, you can visit the U.S. Post Office web

You will find definitions for various classes of mail and information on international mail. If you select "Search" at the top you will see a breakdown of available services.

There are Express boxes available at the post office for free - one mom just goes in with her items to send, fills up an express box and mails it off! Express mail offers guaranteed overnight delivery 365 days a year, and is of course, more expensive. Please remember, Express guarantees to the base, not necessarily to your Marine! Mail is distributed through the base mail system after that and may be delayed depending on where your Marine is.

If your Marine is anticipating a change of bases, tell them to save those care package boxes you mailed, because boxes may be at a premium when moving time comes!

continued...........

[thedrifter]

WIRING MONEY

If you have to get money to your Marine quickly, wiring it is the fastest and most secure. You can call 1-800-325-6000 for locations and prices or check them out at (you guessed it) Western Union

The least expensive way to send money is to take cash to the nearest agent, and your Marine will have their money available in seconds. You can also charge the amount to a credit card by phone, but this costs more and takes a little longer.


E-MAIL

E-mail access seems to vary by assignment location and job description. Some Marines have a computer available where they work, and some who are assigned for long periods in one place can get internet access in their room. Laptops seem to be the preferred computer because of their size and portability. Other possible locations for e-mail access are USOs and some libraries. Many Marines deployed on ships also have e-mail options open to them. Tell your Marine to keep asking at a new base until they find a computer they can access!

Most suggested that the best type of account is a free "hotmail" account that your son or daughter can access all around the world! With a "hotmail" account your Marine does not need their own computer. They just access hotmail.com and retrieve and send their messages from any computer.

One parent wrote in; "You can set up an e-mail address for your Marine at hotmail.com. It is free. Then send them an e-mail so they get your address right away. Only drawback is that once the account is opened, it needs to be accessed within 4 or 5 days, or it will be canceled. But, there is a way around that. Once you have the e-mail address set up for them, exit hotmail.com then go back in as if you were your Marine! After all, you made up the account so you know their sign-on and their password."

Send your Marine a blank diskette so they can type up letters at their own convenience and copy them into their e-mail messages when they get on the internet. They can also copy the messages they receive and put them on their own computer, to read at their leisure.

Arrange to meet your Marine on a private chat room and talk for hours for free! Companies like Gateway have given some Marines a loan for a laptop computer.


PHONE CALLING/PHONE CARDS
Phone cards are a convenient way for you to keep in contact with your Marine. There are three issues for you to consider.

First, how much should you pay per minute? Many parents suggested different cards and various places to buy phone cards. The lowest priced cards were found at discount warehouse stores like Costco or Sam's Club. These stores have both offered cards for 10 cents a minute. Use the 10 cent a minute gauge to determine the value of the cards you see for sale all over. Keep your eyes open, the cards are available in a variety of places for as much as 25 cents a minute. One parent reported finding a card to purchase at a gas station for 5-7 cents a minute! Keep looking!

Second, are they rechargeable? Rechargeable cards allow you to dial in, give the card number, and charge more time using a credit card. No more sending cards! One parent suggested you negotiate with your Marine how often you are willing to recharge their card for them!!!

Third, can they be used internationally? If your Marine is headed overseas the card will use up at more money per minute, depending on the distance, but at least they have a way to call.

One parent recommended that when deployed, she ordered phone cards via the AT&T 1-800 number and then e-mailed the access numbers to the ship so they do not have to wait 4 weeks or more to get the actual card. They can buy them on ship but they were frequently out of them for weeks at a time - and of course Marines are frequently out of money so this worked well and assured that more phones calls were made home.

Another parent got a restricted phone card from her telephone company. Her Marine can use it anytime, anywhere. It never runs out, the bill comes to her directly every month. But the good thing is that it is RESTRICTED. The only number that he can call is his HOME number!!! This has worked great and stops the high collect calling charges!

HOME PHONE OPTIONS
Again, many services are available all over the U.S., so your best bet is checking with your local phone companies to see what they offer. Ask for long distance options, 800 number options, and international plans for those of you with Marines overseas.

Check out AOL long distance. One parent reported a rate of 9 cents a minute and the advantage of being able to check your bill at any time online.

Another reported a Sprint 800# for $3.00 per month, 15 cents per minute. Also a Sprint plan where you pay $25.00 monthly and when your Marine calls you can call him back and talk as long as you want all weekend for free. This is great for little brothers and sisters to use.

These services change as competition grows and the communication world shrinks - keep your eyes open to new plans!


TRAVEL
Airline tickets are available for ordering via the internet and your Marine can pick them up at the counter.


Sempers,

Roger

[thedrifter]

EMOTIONAL CYCLES OF DEPLOYMENT


All members of the military must, at one time or another, deploy and those of us who love them will have our hearts beat a little faster and will be a little sadder until they are safely returned home.

We all think we are the only ones who are going through this rough time, that nobody can really understand....etc. There are several stages considered to be the emotional cycle of deployment (according to the USMC KV Training Manual) which are pretty standard for all...

STAGE 1
Anticipation of Loss
4-6 weeks before deployment
Emotional, cry unexpectedly, lots of tension
Leaving member may avoid issues/conflicts
Each one begins to distance from the other one
STAGE 2
Detachment and Withdrawal May be most difficult stage
Marriage seems out of control
Ambivalent about sexual intimacy
Physically together but emotionally separated
STAGE 3
Emotional Disorganization Initial sense of relief followed by guilt
Routines are disrupted
May get depressed, withdrawn, isolate
STAGE 4
Recovery & Stabilization
"Hey, I'm OK" New routines
Move from "ours" to "my" in thinking
Increased sense of independence and freedom

STAGE 5
Anticipation of Homecoming
4-6 weeks prior to reunion Sense of urgency to achieve goals
Reevaluation of marriage
Fears emerge

STAGE 6
Renegotiating of Marriage Contract Together physically but not emotionally
Another change as roles are re-defined
Sexual relations again strained

STAGE 7
Reintegration and Stabilization
4-6 weeks after reunion Moved from "my" to "ours"
We are a family and couple again


The above feelings and emotions are a normal part of deployments and pre/during/post separation periods. Be aware that there are many places you can go to for support. A great source of information can be brought home by your Marine in the form of a booklet printed by the US Marine Corps, Family Programs Branch, called What's Next?. This 82 page booklet is a fountain of information and covers topics such as what you should know about the Marine Corps, benefits and entitlements, personal and legal affairs, personal and family assistance, financial affairs, relocation, the Marine Corps reserve, mobilization, preparation for transition, insignias of the armed forces and also includes a list of important phone numbers.

The Key Volunteer Network will play a large role in your life during this period so be sure to know who your representative is and how to reach them.

Kathleen V. Logan, M.S., M.A.

Sempers,

Roger

[cherrysupernerd]

hey drifter!!!11 you wanna be our honorary KV while our husbands are gone?? I just got more info in the last 15 minutes reading these articles you posted than i have from anywhere, including my KV!!!!!
you are awesome, my husband would be glad to know I have found such a supportive place, and would be proud to know you I am sure.

[wrbones]

http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=24387#post24387

[faris4life]

Yeah I too was just well informed thanks and maybe you should think about being one of our KV's that would be cool. I sorta am working on putting together a care package for my Marine I think I got him the right things. Shampoo, conditioner, pens, notebook, bodywash, razers, shaving cream, deordant off the top of my head I think that's all I got him. Is this all good? I was gonna send him some gum but I can't remember for sure if I got it I recal thinking about getting it hmm... Anyways I had gotten an e-mail from my KV and it said that all these things were okay, but I thought I'd double check. I know I was gonna ask other things but I am tired so I think if it comes to me later i'll post it.

[cherrysupernerd]

faris-just make sure that the stuff you sent him like shaving cream ins't in aerosol cans b/c it might get sent back, you can't send those in the mail, they might explode.

I finally got some info from my KV cause i bugged her to death (sound familiar to any of our moderators?!?), she isn't even my KV come to find out, she is the KV coordinator for DH's company, and my KV is some other girl who i have never even met.
no one told me that this particular woman wasn't my KV and she is the only one i have heard from. she said to expect an email from MY KV soon, and that my husband made it safely to his destination.

[montana]

welcome ladys

just keep the letters to them flowing
it means everything knowing all is well
on the home front

be safe

[faris4life]

Thanks I'll double check and make sure it isnt an aerosol can. I try and write my husband much as I can my times been short last few days. He wanted me to keep busy and well lately that's all i've been but I told him the letter will be informitive just might be a little short. Far as the phone calls he actully gets to make well when I get them if I've forgotten anything in the letters I let him know over the phone. Sometime I only get to write late at night so my mind isnt working as well. You know what I noticed though? I noticed that I actully never thought about how he might be just as worried about me as I am of him. Kinda selfish of me I guess but since we had last talked I realized he was concerned about my safety as well. I felt kinda bad but now that I know that I take more time in each letter letting him know everythings cool I miss him like crazy but were getting by just fine. I also let him know I can't wait till he comes home and that I love him and our daughter loves him too. It's just as important to him as it is to me. I guess I just never figured it out before cause I thought he knew that I was gonna be ok and that I am doing my best to take care of things. However I should have known that even though when he said he had to be deployed and that I didnt cry or over react that in some way he may have thought I was holding it all in. I wasnt I knew this was comming and I had gotten told before the worst thing I could do would be over react so I didnt. Well that and sometimes when it comes to something like this sorta situation it takes awhile for it to actully hit me. I love him but when I knew he was joining the Marines I knew there would be a time when he'd be deployed and well I just sorta made myself numb I guess to the idea of him leaving. Is that wrong??? I hope not it's just I didnt want to upset him anymore then what he already was and I had hoped he knew that.

[cherrysupernerd]

i think that if i had been more adapted to the military life then I would have taken it better when we found out he had to deploy. I wasn't htere for boot camp or anything, and we got married sooner than we had planned so that we could get everything straight before he left. I don't think it is wrong at all to "numb over" I mean you get tougher the longer you are with these guys and your skin gets a little thicker with each thing that the miltiary lifestlye brings your way I think. being a Marine isn't a job for the weak in mind, body, or spirit, and being a Marine's wife isn't any different I don't think. We have to be strong people too. My husband can't believe how well i was doing, he said he really expected me to fall apart but i have held together well.

I talked to my husband for the first time last night and they did't get to go to the camp they were expecting to, the one they are at sucks and it has hardly any electricity and things arent that great. He got to call me because he and another Marine had to go to another camp to send out a FedEx order so he got to call me from there. He wants thin boot socks and film and FOOD! they got to eat at the camp they visited i think, but he says he is hungry (and this man will eat ANYTHING, I swear) so I went to Sam's and got some crackers, chips and bars, and a whole case of blowpops (for his friends who don' have cigarettes). I am going to send a huge package monday and it is going to cost a fortune but I figure just this once it won't be bad to send a really big box so that they can be a little more comfortable, it is worth the expense.

[marinemom]

One suggestion for mailing the packages. Get some of the disposable plastic storage containers - fill one with the socks, one with the candy bars, etc. - Couple of reasons for this - makes the packing of the box easier, just line those little plastic things up in rows and stack 'em - keeps the stuff fresher for them - wish they had those things when I was sending packages to Nam.

Also, not a lot of chocolate or gum - stuff melts like crazy and the taste changes.

[leroy8541]

I will try to help here since I was in your husbands situation in the first round, the money thing is really hard but heres what I needed. If he smokes he'll need money for that, if he gets a retrive from the field it would be nice to be able to buy some "junk" food, IE. hot cow, they used to cook these chickens on a skewer, good for his morale. I took 50 bucks from each pay period for this stuff and sent the rest back to my wife and two babies, one was 9 months the other was a year and 9 months. Set up a baby sitter put a little back for a vacation for when he gets back. Preferably in a place far from civilization . Thats what mine did and it was great. Your going to have to get to know each other again when he gets home he will be different, and a vacation is a good place to do it. but give him some time with the kids. I had and still have a spending problem too.
I do not envy you on your journey its going to be rough for sure hang it there 10 years from now it makes good stories to the kids, and a laugh or two from you and your Marine. I admire the toughness of the marine wife, its a tough job!!

[faris4life]

I had figured that he would act somewhat differant when he returns home, but he doesnt seem to think so I wont agrue about it I'm just gonna wait it out and see. Um, cause you know it's only been a few weeks so I wouldnt expect a change that soon. I don't think it's the being away from me that'll change him cause since we've been married the time we've actully gotten to be together has been short. On top of that his side of the family is always wanting a piece of his time I can understand and all but sometimes they expect me to stay home. Thats just wrong I am his wife but I don't B!tch I just deal. He said though when he gets home for like 2-3 days he wants to go get a hotel for us and to bring the baby too. I think he wants the baby there cause since she's been born he hasn't been able to see much of her. He couldnt be there for her birth since he was in school and he feels like he already has missed so much. My husbands known me and we've dated on and off for about 5-6yrs now so we know one another really well. It's just I know war can change people I'm ready for that somewhat it's just to what extent I wonder will the change be? I don't mind the having to get to know one another again that we've done before shortly after he came home from bootcamp. Um, I know he's not gonna want to be bothered too much about stuff like what he's been doing or the bills or blah blah blah... I know that yes he may get time to come home and see us but the time maybe short, and I've gotta be the bigger person and let him see his friends and family. Even though I want him all to myself lol. Ummm, far as the money goes I'll figure it out. I think I've got things some what covered. I don't know how our daughter will act when he comes home she's only 15months so I'm unsure. He may have to get to know our daughter all over again as well. Did I forget to mention that war sucks? I know this war has to happen doesn't mean it doesnt suck. I think it's kinda starting to get to me cause I've come close last couple of days to breaking down and crying. Seems like for no reason at all but I know why I start to cry. Then my little girl comes in the room and I stop cause I know she can sense when I'm upset and I don't want to upset her. I guess I've always kinda kept things bottled up. Except on here you guys have helped me alot get what I'm feeling out on the table thanks.

[cherrysupernerd]

faris an officers wife gave me the best piece of advice I have ever recieved when it comes to dealing with this situation:

Be strong when you can, cry when you have to and thank Jesus for another day everytime you wake up and know your husband woke up to.

It made me feel so much better, this woman didn't have any reason to e-mail me, her husband outranks mine by far, but she took it upon herself to respond, not as an officer's wife but as a MARINE's WIFE. I hope those words help you as much as they have helped me.

[firstsgtmike]

Faris,

You're concened about your daughter when your husband returns.

I recently posted this in another forum, but I think it fits better here.

My wife couldn't read or write English. When I was deployed we corresponded by audio tapes, reel to reel tapes, on a player the size of a cigar box. (Now they have cassette recorders the size of a cigarette pack.)

One side of the tape was her responding to me. The other side was her coaching our two year old son. I always played that side first.

When I responded, one side was to her, and the other side was to him.

One time, he did something wrong, so I gave him pep talk about listening to his mother, and making me proud of him.

When the response tape came back, I heard my wife asking him;"Come on Mike, don't you want to talk to daddy?" His response was a very angry "NO!"

I visited with him anyway, and when the turnaround tape came back, we were friends again.
---------------------------------

It was the constant exchange of audio tapes that truly eliminated a reunion of strangers. When you have to chat for 30 minutes, it feels strained the first couple of times. But after that, it's as natural as chatting in your living room, with you cooking and him trying to watch tv.

[faris4life]

It does to an extent I know jesus is watching over us and our guys and I've been praying for them all it's just hard still. Like tonight I guess my husband called and I missed his call I about died. I feel so bad cause I guess my aunt talked to him and she said he sounded kinda down when she told him I wasnt here. Now I feel like a jerk but I didnt think he was gonna call tonight. So now what? I dont want to have to sit and wait by the phone but at the same time if I miss his call I feel like a jerk cause he only gets to call every once in awhile.

[cherrysupernerd]

I have a cell phone that my husband calls, because when he will be able to call it will be like 3 am here, and he can't wake my family up. you could get a pre-paid one so that you wouln'dt have to have as many mintues and you can take it with you where ever you go.

1sgt-I have heard this suggestion several times but where can i get one of those do you think, i looked at walmart but the only one I could find was almost $100 and i am afraid to send something that expensive in the mail.
My husbnad took my little sister's laptop which has a CD burner on it and he also bought a webcam so that he can make me videos and take pics and download them on to a CD-Rom for my computer at home so that i can watch them. I am getting one next time he gets paid. I am sending him padded envelopes to send them back in.

[firstsgtmike]

Cherry,

Try Radio Shack. I saw them there several years ago for about $40.00.

If I were deploying again, I would prefer them to anything else, i.e. web cams, laptops, cd burners etc.

One reason is power, battery vs a.c. Another would be "opportunity" and convenience. I could sit on a sand dune in the evening and spend time alone together with her/them. ("them" being children, not girlfriends.)

In my mind, web-cams, etc would be too contrived and unnatural.

To me, it was just like being home, when, in the middle of a sentence, my wife would leave the tape running because she had to answer the doorbell, or check something cooking on the stove, come back and say "Sorry bout that", and continue on where she had left off.

But the best thing is to do what you and he are comfortable with.

My reasons are my own, and just because I share them, does not mean they have to be bought, lock, stock, and barrell.

[mistyschwartz]

I bought a small voice recorder, like what people use for voice taping professors lectures in class and sent that to my husband. I have one and he has one and they were only $20 each at Target. The tapes are 90 minutes each and only $6 for a pack of six tapes. The recorder is small and lightweight and it is a good way for us talk when he can't call me anymore. I have sent him two voice tapings, just blabbing on and hopefully I will get one from him soon. He got the 2nd package that I sent him and it only took 2 1/2 weeks. (But he hasn't gotten the first package and it has been a little over a month)

My KV has contacted me twice, I guess I have been lucky because we even had a family day where we all got together. We made a banner (everyone that had kids put thier handprints in paint and the wives put thier lip smooches with lipstick on it) and recorded a 5 minute private video message to our Marine (that was tough, fighting back the tears). I also went to a family readiness briefing two days before my husband left and we had a lot of information about the deployement explained to us. The neatest thing they had was a deployment calender. It is blank and it has a bunch of tips about while your Marine is deployed. I use it to keep track of when I sent letters and packages and when I get phone calls. Maybe you can request one from your KV.

My husband's birthday is on Feb. 27 and I was just wondering if anybody knew a way I could send him a telegram or anything because Western Union said that they don't send International Telegrams anymore. I can't seem to find a company that will send a telegram to Kuwait, even though Kuwait does have telegram capabilities.

I really miss my husband a lot and every once in a while I get frustrated because we can't have a "normal" relationship when it's all I want in this world. I have been with my husband for a year and a half and married for two and a half months. We had a long distance relationship and I knew the moment I met him that he was the one. We finally got married and we could finally be together all of the time and he got deployed--go figure! Now he feels so guilty about leaving...is there anything I could tell him to make him feel less guilty? I don't blame him at all, I love him more than ever and even if he is deployed, it's not going to change.

You guys are all awesome, I get a lot of help from hearing what other wives and Marines have to say. All of your suggestions are wonderful--thank you!!!

[mistyschwartz]

faris
I think it would be a good investment to get a cell phone. I carry mine with me at all times, it's so much easier to know that I won't ever miss a call from my husband. One time he called and my phone accidently hung up on him so he just left a voicemail. But my friend was getting a call from her husband at the same time (my husband and her husband always stand in line together to call us at the same time) and I was screaming for her to tell my husband to call back again because the phone accidently hung up on him. So I was still able to talk to him. I listened later to the voicemail he left me and it almost killed me...he sounded like he was going to cry because he couldn't talk to me. I cry everytime he calls because it is so good to hear his voice. You should look into getting a call phone--you can find some good deals if you do your homework!

[wrbones]

You ladies have no idea what it means to your Marines to hear from you. The 'little' care packages are just bonuses!

Whatever ya do, make sure ya tell him you love him and support him no matter what!

[marinemom]

Couple of ways to send an international telegram besides Western Union - sendatelegram.com and AmericanTelegram.com - on the web. Use your credit card to send it.

My office has a couple of folks in the Kuwait area - I'll drop a few emails today and may have more info for you tonight when I get home.

As far as making him feel less guilty, that's a hard call. He is going to worry about you just as much as you do about him. Letters, packages, info about your daily activities and that you are handling with the situation are a help.

You married a Marine, my dear. You now have the toughest job in the Corps - Marine wife. While he does his duty wherever the Corps sends him, you do yours here. Honor, Courage and Commitment applies to the wives and mothers as well as to our Marines.

You will get through this - Marine wives have been getting through these things since the day the Corps was formed. Just remember that and you'll be fine.

[mistyschwartz]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate you finding out that information. I am now learning that being a Marine wife is the toughest job in Corps! (My friend even bought me a t-shirt that says "Marine Wife-toughest job in the Corps!") But I am sure that it must be also very tough to be a Marine mom.

My husband called me today at 5:00 pm-which suprised me because he usually calls at about 3:00 in the morning! I was so happy to talk to him and it really made my day. He has gotten 2 packages and 5 letters from me . But I have not gotten any letters from him and he sent the first one about 5 weeks ago! Hopefully I will get his letters soon! He sounded very sad, it breaks my heart. He said that he is really depressed. I told him that I am trying to keep a positive attitude and time seems to be going fast. But my husband has his theory about making time go fast--when he was in high school, summer vacation went really fast because he didn't want to go back to school, so if he pretends that he doesn't want to come home, then it will go by fast! He is such a kidder, but I thought that was so cute!

[faris4life]

I havent heard anything from my hubby since last thursday I think it was. Missed his call yesterday and I still havent gotten any letters I'm glad ours are making there way to the guys faster I think it really is a big help. You know every time I've gotten to talk to my husband he sounded down as well he said it was cause he's tired. I think there's more to that but my husbands always been the don't baby me type. I feel times flying some days and others it just can't go by fast enough. It must be really slow to them cause there isn't much to do and there waiting to take action on the whole war thing. On top of all that my hubby told me they get very little time to themselfs so the guys are kinda at each others necks. Lots of things factor into why there down and why there tired I felt bad too when I talked to my husband, but there tough there Marines they will get through this right! Just in case they do get down a little pampering can't hurt lol even if some of them never admit it we know they love it. Being a Marine wife is just like being married it has it's good things and it's bad hopefully the good will out weigh the bad. Hold strong ladies if anyone needs to talk I'm around I'm trying my best to hold strong as well. My family has been a big help I pray I never take that for granted. I think tomorrow I'll write my husband another letter I don't have to work so what better way to spend a part of my day right. Well I'm gonna call it a night I gotta get my little girl to bed. Talk to you all tomorrow.

[cherrysupernerd]

I am having such a hard time with our KVs here, is anyone else having that problem?
ours act like they are too busy to help us, and are rude when the call us, and what they tell us isn't accurate.
Several other wives and I have created our own support network to have each other to lean on and to share what info we do get. those who hear from their husbands share that with each other about the conditions there (which range from quite nice to down right crappy) and we are all trying to get those who haven't heard from their husbands some help by having soem of the others to look for them. Someone at the base says it is really pitiful that we have to do that and are trying to get soemthing done about this, but until then he encouraged me to keep on with what i am doing. I am afraid sometimes to push the envelope too far for fear that it will be taken out on my husband but everyone around me agrees that it is the right thing to do and we have the right to get accurate information and get it quickly.

[marinemom]

Ladies, one more time - you married Marines. Deployment ALWAYS ranges from not so bad to downright sh*tty. Listen, sympathize - not too much - and keep those cards, letters, tapes and packages going.

Getting information has always been a chore - my generation of wives had that problem as well. However, you will be told what you are allowed to be told. Remember that. It is not easy, but it is the way it is. You are able to get phone calls - they didn't have phones available at Khe Sahn.

Formimg your own support groups is a great idea - and one that always seems to come together with Marine wives. You all know the situation, you all know how much support and understanding you need and can give. Work together - like your husbands do - and you will have an awesome team.

And, if you need to vent or ask how to send a package or anything else, you can drop a PM or an email - been there, done that - and now you gals wear the t-shirt

[faris4life]

I got an e-mail from my KV that a snow storm I guess messed up this place where most our packages and mail goes So that maybe the hold up with the mail. I'll post what I got online here so you all can read it.

SUBJ: AMC MAIL DELAYS

1. AS AN APPARENT RESULT OF A RECENT SNOWSTORM, A 436TH AERIAL PORT SQUADRON WAREHOUSE COLLAPSED AT DOVER AFB. THIS HAS CAUSED MAIL DELAYS TO THE EUROPEAN AND SOUTHWEST/CENTRAL ASIA THEATERS.

2. MUCH OF THE COLLAPSED AREA OF THE WAREHOUSE WAS USED FOR MAIL PROCESSING. THE SNOWSTORM ALSO CONTRIBUTED TO DELAYS IN TRUCKING THE MAIL BETWEEN NEW YORK AND DOVER. DUE TO WEATHER RELATED TRUCKING DELAYS, MAIL VOLUMES AT THE FACILITY WERE LESS THAN NORMAL. CUSTOMERS CAN EXPECT DELAYS WITH REGISTERED MAIL AND LARGE PARCELS UNTIL USPS, AIR MOBILITY COMMAND, AND THE MILITARY POSTAL SERVICE REROUTE THE MAIL. MAIL INSIDE THE FACILITY CANNOT BE RETRIEVED UNTIL THE BUILDING IS DECLARED SAFE TO ENTER. CUSTOMERS MAY EXPECT SOME DAMAGE TO HAVE OCCURRED TO MAIL IN THE FACILITY.

3. THE FOLLOWING ARE TYPES OF MAIL AND DELIVERY AREAS IMPACTED:

REGISTERED MAIL: UNITED KINGDOM, KUWAIT, CYPRESS, NORWAY, ITALY, AND ISRAEL

REGISTERED MAIL AND LARGE PARCELS: TURKEY, EGYPT, UZBEKISTAN, TAJIKISTAN, AND SAUDI ARABIA

ALL MAIL: AFGHANISTAN, KYRGYZSTAN, AND JORDAN

4. EFFECTIVE TODAY (21 FEB 03), WITH THE EXCEPTION OF JORDAN DESTINED MAIL, USPS IS TEMPORARILY REROUTING AS MUCH MAIL AS POSSIBLE THROUGH COMMERCIAL CHANNELS AND TO OTHER AIR MOBILITY COMMAND AERIAL PORTS TO REDUCE MAIL DELIVERY DELAYS. THIS INCLUDES MAIL BACKLOGGED AS A RESULT OF WEATHER DELAYS. USPS REROUTED JORDAN MAIL TO MCGUIRE AFB, NEW JERSEY, AND AMC HAS INCREASED THE NUMBER OF WEEKLY FLIGHTS. PLEASE ENSURE WIDEST DISSEMINATION.

5. WE ARE WORKING CLOSELY WITH AMC, JMPA AND OTHER ACTIVITIES TO ASSURE ACCOUNTABILITY AND DELIVERY OF ALL MAIL AND TO RETURN SERVICE TO NORMAL.

If you mailed a parcel or something registered mail, your item may be delayed. Continue to mail items, however, as the mail has been redirected as described.

This might be why from what I read it sounds like it. Anyways thought I'd let you all know.

[wrbones]

faris4life, that post is an example of why we need you ladies around here. I'd a never thought of some of the questions, or answers some of you have!

There are some good posts on this thread!

Well done.

[Sticky blue]

Your men have no fears or worries... with ladies like you behind them.

Per Mare Per Terram
God bless

[cherrysupernerd]

well the emails have started coming in, but my DH still hasn't gotten any mail from me, 15 days after i mailed it, but he got a letter my sister mailed. that got to him within like 4-5 days, so i have started driving about 20 minutes to the post office over there to send stuff. my DH is not feeling well at all, he has a scratch on his eye and can hardly see. he went to medical a couple of times and they didn't do anything for him but he went in yesterday and they were like "oh you have a scratch, here wear this eye patch and go back to work". it kinda makes me feel powerless that he isn't well and there is nothing i can do to make him feel better, except send him stuff in the mail and hope it gets there soon.

[faris4life]

I'm sorry to hear about your DH thats sucks that he has to go through that. I got mail from my hubby today I was soooo happy to have gotten them yeah there late but still... I'm writing him as much as I can and took the advice to send him a camera. I'm busy right now with work and paying on the bills so I am beat. Hope everyone's doing ok once again sorry cherrysupernerd to hear about that happening.

[marinemom]

Ladies, vent here - not in letters or phone calls. I am willing to volunteer and go with you to have a visit with your post office - but keep the mail going. When it gets there, it is greatly appreciated.

As far as his eye - he'll be fine. It is a desert after all, and sand does that kind of stuff. Be sympathetic - but remember he is a Marine, not in the Chair Farce.

Marine wives have a special job, ladies. We keep the cards, letters and packages coming. We do not tell them the bad stuff at home, and we always remember how special our Marines are. And we so as they do - improvise, adapt and overcome.

You're all doing just finr - keep it up.

[mrbsox]

cherrysupernerd

On the eye.... been there done that....

Got scratched at Camp LeJeune, yes it hurts like He!!, no there's not much they can do. Patch to keep it clean, let the body do the rest.

Very moist area, the eye is. It will heal quicker than other areas of the body. Couple or three weeks is my guess. I wear glasses now, but I was 40 before getting them, so no fear there either.

Sempers

Terry

[cherrysupernerd]

they gave him a patch, and i am ordering him prescription goggles, because his other goggles won't fit over his glasses. He can't wear contacts for quite a while. i scratched my cornea several years ago and had to wear glasses for over a month so i figure it is worth the investment to get the prescription goggles. i sent out two packages today and am going to Sam's this week to get a case of jolly ranchers to sent to his Msgt. to fill up the candy jar they took with them. that thing was their favorite item in their office back home and they made sure to pack it when they left, but are almsot out of candy. communication is bad, their computers are up and down and phone calls are such a foreign thought from my mind. but i just consider myself very very lucky to be able to communicate with him at all, there are lots of people who don't get anything.

[sgtfowler]

The mail to Kuwait is worse than it was for me in nam,
My jarhead son is there now and a package I sent him took 5
weeks.

[cherrysupernerd]

5 WEEKS?????????????????
WOW!! my sister sent something and she put it in the mail on a friday afternoon, my husband got it wednesday afternoon, but i sent something 15 days ago and he still doens't have it. it is so screwy how the mail works over there, I am just thankful for email which isn't even working right now

[mistyschwartz]

I finally got a letter today!!! It is the very first one, it was dated Feb. 15, and I know that he sent a bunch of letters in the three weeks before that time, I guess I will never figure out the postal system. I am so happy, it was such a cute and romantic letter. My honey called me on Monday and he said it might be the last time he will call for a really long time. They will be moving, and the way mail has been going, I won't hear from him in a long time. Even though I knew the time would come when he wouldn't be able to call anymore, it still hurts just the same. But I am thankful that for the first two months of this, we have been able to talk over the phone. I am also kind of glad because my honey doesn't tell me anything that might worry me, he likes to protect me. And other wives that I talk to tell me the horrible things that their husbands tell them. After we all can't talk on the phone anymore, maybe there will be less rumors Does anybody else experience the rumor problems too? I hope you are all doing okay anyways...I'm praying for everyone.

[mistyschwartz]

I have sent 7 packages to my husband total and he has gotten three. The first one I sent, he got in 6 weeks, the second in 3 weeks, the third one in 2 weeks and the four others are making their way over there. He has gotten seven of my letters, those seem to average about one to two to three weeks to get to him. My husband has never been able to e-mail me, they don't have the capabilities.

[cherrysupernerd]

from what i can tell the mail is very sporadic and has no rhyme or rhythm as to when they get it, it depends on where it is coming from and where it is going and where it ends up along the way i guess. my husband does get to email me, but he has to use someone else's account, which makes no sense to me because there are people out there who dont even NEED email addresses and have them and my husband NEEDS one to do his job and they won't give him one. they don't have phones where he is, but they may be getting them in about 3 weeks when the next roudn of stuff gets there. i think that any communication is better than nothing and that is what a lot of wives have to deal with.

i don't live near the base, so i can't say much about the rumor mill but i am going to my first spouse social this weekend so i am sure there will be rumors flying and that the wives who do get to communicate with their husbands will make some of the other wives even more depressed with their stories. i know one wife who emails me every time she gets and email or anything she does this to several other wives too. she and her husband have no regard for the fact that other people need to use those computers, he thinks of it as "his" and they talk for hours, they send one another attatchments and stuff all the time, even though they have been told it messes up the email system to send stuff like that. i really like them both but it does irritate me that they dont ever bother to think about any one else.

i am expecting aletter any day now, and hoping that DH gets some mail from me soon, i have numbered/dated them all so he will know which one i wrote when.

[wrbones]

He's out in the field, darlin'. Ain't nothin' to worry about 'til ya hear somethin'.

The postal system had a facility of theirs collapse under snow awhile back. Mighta been part of yer problem, but when they're out in the field ya can't count on access to some things.

Don't fret. Take each day as it comes and do what ya can. Other than that yer just takin' responsibility fer things ya got no control over. It'll drive ya nuts if ya do that.

[thedrifter]

A Letter from a Marine's Wife


The challenges and hardships which are a part of Marine life are fairly well known. What may not be readily known or more appreciated is the extent to which these same challenges and hardships affect another critical element of many Marines: the Marine wife as well as their offsprings. The nature of Marine operations imposes tremendous psychological and emotional pressures on Marine wives. These are manifested in the expeditionary character of Marine operations which require Marines to be ready to deploy at short notice for extended periods of time in distant locations, frequently in very hazardous and difficult conditions. Nothing compares to her fear and anxiety for the safety of her husband and father to her children. In this context, the support which a Marine wife extends to her husband as is a critical element in enabling him to focus his attention on his work far from home. These same challenges and hardships compel the Marine wife to endure an additional level of stress and pressure beyond that which are a part of a normal married life. This letter from an anonymous marine wife clearly depicts the pain in enduring the life married to a Marine and her understanding to his calling for the sake of country and people.



Dear Daddy,

Have you ever felt so weak and so empty because of loneliness? Like tears would just roll down your eyes for no apparent reason? Like you can't see what you're writing anymore when you make a letter? I'm exactly what that is right now, my love. My chest and throat hurts already because I keep on holding back the tears that are about to roll down. I'm not ashamed anymore; I guess there is nothing wrong in missing the most important person in your life. Right now I keep on whispering to God to give me serenity to accept the fact that forever I will be like this. Forever I will keep on missing you everytime you are far, everytime the country needs you to serve her, with nothing but prayer for comfort. Sometimes I keep on asking why of all the professions, you are called for to be a Soldier? Why a Marine? Why be where danger is? I try to answer it myself and the only thing I come up with is that you are 'special', that is why. The harsh reality that your life is always in danger is enough to kill every nerve in my body. Your job is not something I should be happy about, but it is what GOD had prepared for you so it is what you are right now. You are called to serve the country, your fellowmen without regard to your own self, and to the family you are just starting to build. In the very few times that we were together after our wedding I've known that in your heart you have kept what you have learned in your training in the academy, you are what patriotic is defined. At the start I was hoping that my very person and your love for me can make you think in another sense, but I was wrong. I guess the influence of your school and your personal love for your country was too much for me to compete with. Now I know better, my role is to support you in all things you plan with your career. I will be an ally instead of an enemy. You are a very young officer, so idealistic, so loyal to your country and career. To oppose you and remake what you are will be the biggest mistake I would do. With all my heart, I will be at your side. I will be as strong and unafraid as you are, taking loneliness as nothing. To be a wife of a soldier, so much more of a Marine is not easy, but because of the love that you yourself never fail to show despite all the other things that you do. I will be here always. Rest assured that I would also do my part the way you do yours. You will have nothing from me that you will be ashamed of. You go on with your chosen path and I promise to be there no matter how hard it is. I love you and miss you in a way no word can describe. I pray that all the conflicts in the world will be over so that finally our country that you love so well can return you to me completely.

With all my Heart,

Mommy



Sempers,

Roger

[thedrifter]

Marine Wife's Perspective


Here are some of my experiences as to what it has been like being married to a Marine for the past 25 years.

EATING HABITS: When cooking dinner I am always careful to ensure that food is served on red and gold dinner plates. Food should be arranged in alphabetical order and in a clockwise pattern. Different foods should never touch each other. Husband tends to be suspicious of anything other than the basic meat, potatoes and gravy. Choice of wines depends on which year he was in Vietnam, i.e. 1965 was a good year for Mateus, 1972 was Cold Duck. Never mention the words Nouc Mam or C-Rats.

CLOTHING: He doesn't understand why he has to wear "civvies." His clothes are all conservative and about 15 years out of date. He doesn't care because his friends all dress the same way. The colors are usually tan and brown. They blend in nicely with dirt. It took 20 years to get him to change from "Cash Sales" boxer shorts to jockeys.

TERMINOLOGY: I now think that I have figured out the meanings of the following: bulkhead, ladderway, stairwell, head, excessive sink rate, behind the power curve, approach turn stalls and translational lift. Speaking of terminology, during the early years, I never knew there were so many people named "Butt Head" and "*******".

SAFETY HINTS: When standing near a group of Marine helicopter pilots engaged in war stories, remain at a safe distance. If you are too close, you could end up with a black eye or a drink spilled on you. You see, they don't know how to talk without using their hands. While driving, don't even attempt to tell a Marine he might be lost. It's hopeless, they just don't listen. Don't tell them any jokes either. They've heard 'em all and won't laugh at yours. Never mention, or think the name of Jane Fonda!!

OBSERVATIONS: It never ceased to amaze me how important he was. Every time there was a PCS household move to be done, he suddenly became indispensable at work! He likes to watch action movies with lots of flying in them. Sometimes he will use the toilet plunger as a make believe "stick" firmly planted on the floor in front of him during the show. Finally, Marines are quite unique specimens and need a lot of TLC. They are the few, the proud, and heaven help them....they will always be MARINES!


Sempers,

Roger

[cherrysupernerd]

Thanks to our wonderful "adopted Key Volunteers!!"
i saw a lot of my own feelings and perspectives reflected in those posts, since DH has been gone, and am learning lots about what he does. especially the vocabulary part, speaking of,
i did find a way to stop him from saying "i've gotta hit the head" right before he left (every time he says it, say "me too" and smack his head!), and now it is going to take forever to break him when he comes home!

what worries me most is knowing that i can't trust the KV network at our base, so if something does happen god only knows what they will tell me, or even if they will. I am trying to be very understanding, but it is hard to since i don't know much about the military or what to expect during all this. I am trying to keep such a large group informed back home, and it is hard to get relay information when i am not getting that much myself!

[faris4life]

I haven't heard from my husband in like 4days now I got his letters I don't know if there are anymore then what I recieved. Last conversation we had didnt end very well cause well he wants another baby and I told him yeah at first I was excited, but then i thought some more about it. I figured after he got back would be too hard concidering were not living in our own home. He's gonna be leaving again shortly after he comes back and I just felt that for now one was enough since I'm the one taking care of her since she's been born. I felt kinda bad after we talked about it I actully cried when I got off the phone cause I think it upset him. He's missed so much with the first one I think he feels maybe he can make up for it with the second. So then I thought about it some more and prayed that night. Now I think if we talk more about it and if I'm going to be able to have him around a bit more maybe we could have a second baby. I havent heard from him since that night though and I've been waiting for a call but nothing yet. Maybe he's like some of your husbands and isnt able to make anymore calls. Maybe he's upset with what we had talked about I'm not sure and I am a little concerned. Hope maybe I'll get a letter or a phone call shortly to let me know everythings cool. All's I can do is keep busy and wait to hear from him. Just felt bad is all I guess...

[cherrysupernerd]

faris, sorry to hear you sounding so worried, the communication over there is so unpredictable, so don't get too worried. i have only taljked to my DH once sine he has been gone and it was for literaly 2 minutes ona cell phone and i couldn't understand a WORD he was saying hardly. we do get email though but it is hard to tell how someone is really doing like that. i stillhaven't gotten any mail and he hasn't gotten anything form me yet either.
there arelots of wives out there who don't get to communicate with their husbands at al, except for letters, so let's not forget that we are among the lucky ones!!!
i am not a seasoned deployment veteran but i personally think that this may not be the time to discuss having another child, he may be just trying to make sure he has something to look forward to when he comes back, my husband is already planning our vacation when he gets home, and he hasn't even been gone a month. I think that when you are seperated it is too emotionally stressful on both of you to try to discuss big planns like another child. you guys haven't had much time to get to be a family and you are right he probably feels like he can make up for the first one if you have another one, but you guys need to get settled back in to being around each other before you talk about such a big issue. you need to have that discusion face to face, and after you are used to being a family. it will be a big enough adjustment getting used to that, without the added stress and expectation of such a big thing. that is just my honest opinion I am not sure if it helped or not, or even if i am right, that is just how i feel, but then again this is my first deployment, and i haven't been married that long and we ndon't have kids. just someting for you to think about.
i hope you hear from him soon!! and in the mean time, kiss that baby you have now goodnight for him and try not to worry too much

[marinemom]

Okay ladies, I have said this before and I will say it again - you married MARINES!

Their time right now MUST be spent focused on the job - whether he is a grunt, with the chopper guys or even as admin pogue. He needs to keep that focus, and help his buddies keep theirs, so that he does the job, does it properly and comes home.

Guys who do not stay focused and do their jobs have a higher risk of coming home in a body bag. That's harsh I know - but reality sometimes bite.

Marine wives do not have the same deployments as wives in other branches of service - our Marines do not sleep in beds with clean sheets and a great mess like the Chair Farce. They don't stay on board ship a good distance from the arena like the Navy - welll the corpsmen are a different story - they are nuts. thank God. And they don't sit and wait to go in after the softening up has been done like the Army. Some of the time we do not even know where they are - but we improvise, adapt and we DO overcome!

Stress? You cannot believe the stress they are under - especially the unit NCOs - who want their men to come home safely and will do whatever it takes to get that outcome. Marines are a team - and their forcus will be on the team FIRST right now - and you must be second for a while.

You're job right now is to be supportive and understanding.

Supportive means that you do NOT bring life's daily little crap into the picture - either by phone or by mail.

Supportive means that you do whatever it takes to be certain that your Marine knows you are functioning on all cylinders and conquering the world while he is on deployment.

Supportive means that you do all you can to keep him focused on the job he has to do. And it means making sure that whoever is in contact with him from the extended family does the same thing.

Understanding means that you NEVER show any negative feelings towards his chosen profession. I have seen too many good men leave the service because of the wife's opinion, and they regretted it later.

Understanding means that you do not b*tch and moan about the delays in communication, but take it in stride.

Understanding means the when he comes back, you do NOT ask a lot of questions about what he did. If he can he will tell you - and if he does not say a word - don't push.

Understanding means that you realize that anything he says in calls or letters are his feeling of the moment - and they can change in a milisecond. Decisions made now need to be revisited later.

And understanding a Marine really means unconditional love for him - and, through him, for the Corps. If you don't have that love for the Corps, he will know. It will affect his performance.

It ain't fun when they are away - it is less fun when they are in harm's way. But, if we wanted a life of glamour, tons of money and fun all the time, we would not have married Marines.

Marine wives have survived deployments and wars since the birth of the Corps. You will also survive. You will overcome.

And when somebosy asks you what you do - you will proudly answer I am a MARINE WIFE!

[thedrifter]

Thanks Mom.........



The Marine and His Wife

By Barbara Bates

A Marine by day, he stands the watch alone.
A man by night, dreaming of wife and home.
At home she waits, as hours give way to days.
Sometimes she cries, as alone in the night she prays.

He thinks a lot of freedom, that's why he joined the Corps.
He wanted to be all he could be, and then a little more.
She married the man she loved, committed to him for life.
Knowing it wouldn't be easy, being a military wife.

The days in the field were long, the nights were longer still,
But he was born to serve, duty was his will.
Steadfast by his side, though thousands of miles away,
Unconditional support, she gave to him each day.

He loved her with a passion; for her he'd gladly die.
He'd sell his soul in a moment, just to look inside her eyes.
She lived her life for him, each and every day.
Waiting for his return, her love so far away.

He was a United States Marine, some said she was but his wife.
But she was his strength, the very inspiration of his life.
No matter the distance between them, they were never apart.
He was the Marine, but she gave him the heart.


Sempers,

Roger

[thedrifter]

For Our Moms...........


“OWED” TO A MARINE'S MOM

Marines are forged in fire
to the very highest degree
Trained to fight and maintain honor,
Our history is plain to see

Each has another history,
The home that built the man
The heart of it a Mother
Who first held a tiny hand

From the distant shores of Tripoli
Montezuma and Gitmo Bay,
Bougainville and Tarawa,
Marines are remembered to this day.

Their mothers came in many forms
But shared a common goal,
Her child would grow up sound and strong
Be there as she grew old

We held the Marshall Islands
Iwo Jima and Peleliu,
Okinawa and Japan,
The Chosin Reservoir too.

Their mothers often held their breath
As each stood up at first
They cheered each new accomplishment
And fixed the little hurts

We fought a war in Vietnam
A war our Nation denied
From Saigon to the DMZ
Marines still fought with pride

Their Mothers watched the news each night
Heard names of cities far
Fought tears as they heard the body counts
dear God - that's where they are.

Brothers fought and Brothers fell
From Khe Sanh to Con Thien
We battled long and battled hard
We were faithful to the end

Their Mothers fought the dread inside
Please God; not mine or others'.
They shared the battles; shared the pain
This Honor Roll of Mothers,

We thank each Mother who gave her child
Who honored the Marine Corps creed
Who gave the very best they had -
A United States Marine!

Richard D. Preston & Lucille J. Biscaglio
©1999

“Semper Fidelis”

Sempers,

Rpger

[cherrysupernerd]

maybe that works for your Marine, but it might not work for them all, my husband tells me every day that he is glad that i do not act like things are just hunky dory now that he is gone, it makes him know that he is needed, and that if i lied to him about how things really were it would make it that much harder. we are always honest with each other, and i think it is better that way. to me that is real support and understanding. the wives i know that lie to their husbands about how great thigns are at home have lousy marriages and they fight with their husbands all the time, whether they are together or deployed.
maybe these things have worked for you, or people you know, but offer them as suggestions, not as a die hard fact, it may not work for everyone, personally i feel that I see no reason to urge women to lie to themselves and their husbands, if their husbands are so dumb that they can't see through it then God help us all.

[Ploft]

Roger Was That From Ellie ? Wounderfull Job Ellie

Ploft

[firstsgtmike]

cherrysupernerd,

You're right. God help you lady. And if he comes home in a body bag, just pray that he didn't take anyone else with him.

And if it's a lie for a wife to tell her husband that they both have jobs to do, that he better do his, and she will do hers, then I thank God I was married to a liar. She brought me home!

And when I came home, she showed me how she fixed the commode, changed a tire, repaired a broken screen, had the roof patched, kept our son's bicycle repaired, and took care of the other million and one "emergencies" that occur on a daily basis.

When I woke up screaming in the night, soaking wet from sweat, she held me, and never asked the questions I couldn't answer.

Maybe you'd like to hear about HIS day, while you're telling him how rough you are having it.

"Well honey, he got blood all over my uniform when I cut his throat in front of his three friends. I got their attention, and they gave me the information I needed. But dammit, blood is hard to wash out of a uniform. Do you have any suggestions? Oh and by the way, don't forget that an oil change is due next month on the car, and I'll fix the hole in the screen when I get home. Uh Oh, gotta run now, they're shooting at me. Thanks for calling, Love You, Bye. "

And in your prayers at night, pray that you NEVER get a letter from HIS First Sergeant.

[faris4life]

I agree with you cherrysupernerd my husband and I've always been honest with one another also. He's always honest with me and I know he expects the same repect. Yes Marinemom it may have been a sper of the moment type of comment, but it was said and so I felt we needed to talk about it alittle bit. I understood when he told me that he'd rather talk about it when he gets home so after that I left it alone. My husband wants to know how my day went and whats been paid and if I'm having any probs. He knows I love him no matter what and that I'm here and I do support him we have our little issues but who doesnt? We talk them out and we over come. If we didnt have time to talk about it I would of just let it be but we did and he wanted to know how I felt. Sometimes certin Marines put there family before there job they can still focus still work. I do thank you for any comments you may have about my situation I can always use advice. However I feel just cause my husband chooses to put his family first doesnt mean he's going to die or get hurt other wise why would they get married if we were in the way? So I don't believe that just because I'm not doing ok or I miss him too much that he shouldnt hear it if he asks. My husband isn't dumb and he can tell when somethings wrong with me so if he asks I tell him. He only gets mad when he knows somethings wrong and I don't say anything. He told me before he doesnt want me tip toeing around his feelings if somethings wrong he wants me to come out and say it so I do.

[SheWolf]

[ On top of that his side of the family is always wanting a piece of his time I can understand and all but sometimes they expect me to stay home. Thats just wrong I am his wife but I don't B!tch I just deal.


Are you sure they expect you to stay home, or are you just taking it that way? And I'm confused,,, you don't think they have a right to some of his time too,, yes you are his wife,, but they are his family

[SheWolf]

[ very well cause well he wants another baby and I told him yeah at first I was excited, but then i thought some more about it. I figured after he got back would be too hard concidering were not living in our own home.


I think you're smart to wait,,,, as much as he will want to make up for what he's missed with the first one,, it really won't,, just take lots of pics and keep him well informed of what the baby does,,,, that will help.....

and especially if he's gonna be gone soon again...

[SheWolf]

Originally posted by cherrysupernerd
maybe that works for your Marine, but it might not work for them all, my husband tells me every day that he is glad that i do not act like things are just hunky dory now that he is gone, it makes him know that he is needed, and that if i lied to him about how things really were it would make it that much harder. we are always honest with each other, and i think it is better that way. to me that is real support and understanding. the wives i know that lie to their husbands about how great thigns are at home have lousy marriages and they fight with their husbands all the time, whether they are together or deployed.
maybe these things have worked for you, or people you know, but offer them as suggestions, not as a die hard fact, it may not work for everyone, personally i feel that I see no reason to urge women to lie to themselves and their husbands, if their husbands are so dumb that they can't see through it then God help us all.

there is a difference between being honest with them and letting them know how much you miss them and even need them than making a whine fest out of the letters and calls,,, yes they need to know they are needed, but they also need to know that you can take care of the basics yourself,,, they need you to be independent and able to handle things for them,,,,,,


Good luck and God bless

[firstsgtmike]

I addressed my post to Sherrysupernerd. Now I will also add faris4life as an additional action addressee.

[cherrysupernerd]

i only posted MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, and made it very clear that is what it was. there is no reason to rip me up for that, or faris either, just because we actually have taken the iniiative to learn about what our husbands do, and to BE OPEN to suggestions on how to deal with our situations, there is no reason to be rude, or judgemental, shove your experiences in our faces, or to tell us that our husbands are going to come back in body bags if we try to promote a healthy relationship with them. there is no reason to treat us in this way, no reason at all.

[faris4life]

First off she wolf i'm not whining to him when we talk I do tell him how much I miss him and how much I love him. I was just tryin to make it clear that I tell him whats going on and how I feel about things while he's away he asks me too. Yes his family makes it quite clear that they want some alone time with him so sometimes I end up being left at home. His mom is just starting to come around about liking me but we have our times. I feel though that because I am his wife I should be included I think we should all be able to spend time with him and not try to streach him 50 differant directions. On another note thanks for saying I was smart on waiting on the baby thing I feel since I've rasied our first one mostly by myself that I need some sort of break, but I am open to my husbands feelings and thoughts on the situation. If when he gets home and he's ready to talk about it we will and from there I'll get a chance to see his side of things. I just feel that this was supposed to be a place where we could share our thoughts about our situation and get some sorta support not to be bashed. I've learned from these last few posts that cherrysupernerd seems to be a good person and I am sure a good wife. I know also that I must be a pretty good wife myself cause when I do talk to my husband he complaments me on how well I've handled everything. I've put up with a lot of crap from my husband same on his end with me like I said before we both have our prob's but we work through them. My husbands a great guy wouldnt change him for the world and I do support him in whatever he wants to do or go be. I just came here to talk and get some help to get through these tough times like this when I'm not really getting any answers. I dont come on here to hurt or upset anyone just to talk and make some friends cause its just not the same with him gone. So you can choose to talk and help out or not just please dont say mean things about one another cause it isnt right thats not what were here for... least i'm not. I'm not trying to be mean or anything and some people on here with certin comments about the way I feel are making me feel bad thats not what this place was like when I first started chatting.:cry:

[cherrysupernerd]

faris thank you for the compliment, i feel much the same about you,and i agree with you that we are not here to be bashed for trying to do the right thing when we aren't getting very much of the support that we came here searching for.

[faris4life]

Far as sgtmike I see what your saying and all of us have a right to our own opinion, but for one thing you don't have to put it like you did. I know what my husband does for a living I know he puts his neck out on the line everyday. I'm not tryin to get him killed by telling him whats wrong and I don't think its going too. Before we ever got married I made it clear to my husband what I felt built a strong foundation for a realtionship and a marriage. Being truthful is one of them he agreed and told me he never wants me to lie about how I feel. I don't cause if I did I wouldnt just be hurting myself i'd be hurting him by holding my feelings back. Sorry if you'd feel differantly thats your choice, but in the same token I'm intitled to how I feel and how I look at things. Oh and about this little picture you painted for all of us...

Oh and one more thing about that last comment about Maybe you'd like to hear about HIS day, while you're telling him how rough you are having it.

"Well honey, he got blood all over my uniform when I cut his throat in front of his three friends. I got their attention, and they gave me the information I needed. But dammit, blood is hard to wash out of a uniform. Do you have any suggestions? Oh and by the way, don't forget that an oil change is due next month on the car, and I'll fix the hole in the screen when I get home. Uh Oh, gotta run now, they're shooting at me. Thanks for calling, Love You, Bye. "

And in your prayers at night, pray that you NEVER get a letter from HIS First Sergeant.

I told my husband I'd never ask what he went through if he wanted to talk about it we could, but I would never in a million years think about pushing the issue on him. I have nothing but respect for my husband in return I get the same. I think the picture you painted here was a little harsh and you could look at it like that, but thats not what I am saying at all I don't think cherrysupernerd was either.

[wrbones]

Yer perceptions are yer own, kids. I can't change that for ya.

First Sergeant Mike has expressed a legitmate concern. It may seem pretty harsh, but this is a harsh business we're all involved in. I've known this man fer awhile on this site and I have the highest respect for him and his opinions.

Some of the advice that has been presented is just that. Advice. Take it or leave it.

I think that it is advice well worth considering without taking offense.

Where ever ya go, there ya are.

This place hasn't changed. When you voice your goals and thinking on any subject in an open forum, you will not always hear what you want to hear or want to believe is true.

People are like that. We're different and we have different opinions and beliefs on a variety of subjects.

When I ask an opinion, or ask advice of those who have nore knowledge and experience about things than I have, I tend to listen, whether I like what I hear or not. I don't have to follow their advice, but I will listen and then after gathering all of the information I can find, I will make my own decision and be responsible for my own opinion, and thereafter, my own actions and feelings.

A couple of Marine wives have addressed some of your concerns ladies. A combat experienced Marine or two have also made some recommendations. Might be worth considering what they have to say before you dismiss them out of hand as being mean or harsh.

When you ask for opinions in a public forum, you might stop and wonder why their responses upset you so.

Your emotions are raw and open for everyone to see. You have been dealt with gently, yet firmly and have begun to take offense at every turn, and express denial at every turn.


It may be time to re-assess your goals here.

What do you want or need from us? Some things no one else but you can provide. No other person can complete you or give you what you need either emotionally or spiritually. You must have strength within yourselves. It is there.

We are here to provide support, but we cannot do it for you.

This place has not changed. Ask some of the POOL-ees and DEPers and a few other folks around here. We will help. But you must want, first, to be helped.

Whiners and crybabys are not a part of the program. Some of you have shown initiative and have been doin' for yourself and have found many good things to be involved in while your ol man is overseas. This is a good thing. Keep it up.

I'm willin' tohelp, as are many others here, but first, you must be willing to help yourselves.

Bones

[faris4life]

I am sure that sgtmike is a nice person I'm sure alot of these people are. Like I said I see where there coming from and not dismissing there points of view. Like I said I know what my husbands does for a living. I was just posting my concerns about certin situations that have been happening. I'm not whining or being a crybaby I don't do that. I did feel some of the views be they true or not were worded in a harsh manner. I know what could happen I've known what could happen since my husband choose to join the Marines. I'm not pretending that he couldnt die or that he might end up hurt, but I don't feel it has really anything to do with me having a bad day and telling him about it. I just felt that maybe it may have upset him that I decided that I didnt want to have another baby right away when he came home. It was just a concern nothing more nothing less I care about his feelings so I agreed to wait and talk about it when he comes home. I felt that was best anyways since you only get like 15mins to talk if that but I don't think that what we talked about could get him killed or hurt. I don't think I should sit there and tell him ok hunny lets have like 2 more after that if it would make you happy so you can get through the day. I don't think I should pull any punches or bull sh!t with him when all he wants is me to be truthful. Maybe this place hasn't changed just feels like it had cause when cherry and I started talking on here at first people were wishing us luck praying for us and our husbands. Just seem's that because we felt a little concerned or upset about somethings that some people got a little harsh. Or maybe like you said bones maybe we misread what they wrote but if we had maybe they could have misread what we wrote also. I guess it doesnt matter really I just wanted to have people to talk too who had some kinda idea of what I was going through but be equals. Alright well i'm done for the night...

[SheWolf]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by faris4life
[B]First off she wolf i'm not whining to him when we talk I do tell him how much I miss him and how much I love him. I was just tryin to make it clear that I tell him whats going on and how I feel about things while he's away he asks me too.
OK, I DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE WHINING, I SAID THERE WAS A DIFFERENCE....

Yes his family makes it quite clear that they want some alone time with him so sometimes I end up being left at home.
SOMETIMES, JUST AS YOU BOTH NEED ADJUSTMENT TO BEING A COUPLE, A FAMILY NEEDS ADJUSTMENT TO BEING IN-LAWS, I WONDER THO, DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S THEY WANT ALONE TIME, BUT THAT THEY DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO BE THERE? JUST A THOUGHT....

His mom is just starting to come around about liking me but we have our times. I feel though that because I am his wife I should be included I think we should all be able to spend time with him and not try to streach him 50 differant directions.

YOU SAID IN THE EARLIER POST, THAT YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING, SO, IF YOU WANT TO BE INCLUDED AND FEEL THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING INCLUDED, THERE IS A WAY TO NICELY SUGGEST IT,,,,

On another note thanks for saying I was smart on waiting on the baby thing I feel since I've rasied our first one mostly by myself that I need some sort of break,

FROM YOUR POSTS I'D SAY THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND REALLY NEED TO TAKE SOME MORE TIME TO BE TOGETHER AS A FAMILY BEFORE ADDING MORE TO THE FAMILY,,, HE MAY CHANGE SOME BY THE EXPERIENCE HE'S GOING THROUGH AND HE MAY THINK THAT HE'S READY FOR MORE CHILDREN RIGHT AWAY,, BUT (AND THIS IS JUST MY OPINION) I THINK YOU SAID THAT YOU HAVEN'T ACTUALLY BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME,,,,AND THAT WILL TAKE SOME ADJUSTMENT TOO

I just feel that this was supposed to be a place where we could share our thoughts about our situation and get some sorta support not to be bashed.
'
I'M SORRY IF YOU TOOK MY POSTS AS BASHING,, I WAS RESPONDING TO WHAT YOU WROTE WITH MY OPINION,, AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I MIGHT BE WRONG.....
I'm not trying to be mean or anything and some people on here with certin comments about the way I feel are making me feel bad

I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE FEEL BAD, I MISS MY SON AND IT'S TOUGH,,,

TRY TO TAKE THE COMMENTS HERE WITH AN IDEA THAT THOSE WITH MORE EXPERIENCE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE JUST AS THOSE MORE NEW MAY HAVE A NEWER OUTLOOK ON THINGS,,THE TWO CAN GET ALONG.....

[faris4life]

Okay Ive read your new post shewolf I now understand where your coming from in what your saying. I understand you miss your son and I am sorry it is tough but we'll cope.

FROM YOUR POSTS I'D SAY THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND REALLY NEED TO TAKE SOME MORE TIME TO BE TOGETHER AS A FAMILY BEFORE ADDING MORE TO THE FAMILY,,, HE MAY CHANGE SOME BY THE EXPERIENCE HE'S GOING THROUGH AND HE MAY THINK THAT HE'S READY FOR MORE CHILDREN RIGHT AWAY,, BUT (AND THIS IS JUST MY OPINION) I THINK YOU SAID THAT YOU HAVEN'T ACTUALLY BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME,,,,AND THAT WILL TAKE SOME ADJUSTMENT TOO

Just have one thing to say about this part my husband and I have been a couple for about 5years. Being a married couple thats only been 1year so it's not too much differant from the last few years un-married. Cause for awhile there he pretty much lived with me and my family, but as a married family out on our own that was only for a couple months. I had to come back home cause my grandma wasnt doing well so we only lived like that for like 3months. I just kinda want to start over again when it comes to this web site I think maybe cause I was upset I may have misread what people wrote and took it to heart. I have been worried about my husband and I have been stressed. I am just really tired and just tryin to make it through to the next day is all.

[wrbones]

Good deal, babe. We're just tryin' to help. Don't ferget to take care of yerself. H.A.L.T. is a simple way to check yerself.

Don't get too Hungry. Don't get too Angry. Don't get too Lonely. Don't get too Tired. Other than that, in all things remember to KISS.


Keep It Simple, Stupid! :D

[SheWolf]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by faris4life
[B]Okay Ive read your new post shewolf I now understand where your coming from in what your saying. I understand you miss your son and I am sorry it is tough but we'll cope.

FROM YOUR POSTS I'D SAY THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND REALLY NEED TO TAKE SOME MORE TIME TO BE TOGETHER AS A FAMILY BEFORE ADDING MORE TO THE FAMILY,,, HE MAY CHANGE SOME BY THE EXPERIENCE HE'S GOING THROUGH AND HE MAY THINK THAT HE'S READY FOR MORE CHILDREN RIGHT AWAY,, BUT (AND THIS IS JUST MY OPINION) I THINK YOU SAID THAT YOU HAVEN'T ACTUALLY BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME,,,,AND THAT WILL TAKE SOME ADJUSTMENT TOO

Just have one thing to say about this part my husband and I have been a couple for about 5years. Being a married couple thats only been 1year so it's not too much differant from the last few years un-married. Cause for awhile there he pretty much lived with me and my family, but as a married family out on our own that was only for a couple months.

THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIVING WITH SOMEONE WITH YOUR FAMILY AND ACTUALLY LIVING WITH SOMEONE ALONE, I KNOW,, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT,,, WHEN IT'S JUST THE TWO OF YOU (TWO ADULTS, THAT IS) IT IS DIFFERENT,,,AND THREE MONTHS IS NOT A LONG ENOUGH TIME TO REALLY ADJUST. I UNDERSTAND THAT KNOWING HIM FOR 5 YEARS GIVES SOME KNOWLEDGE, BUT IT IS REALLY A DIFFERENT STORY WHEN YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.
. I just kinda want to start over again when it comes to this web site I think maybe cause I was upset I may have misread what people wrote and took it to heart.
THAT'S EASY TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED AND WORRIED,,,, :banana:

[faris4life]

Thanks for understanding... I got to talk to my husband tonight by the way. He sounds good per-usual he's a little tired and he says he hates sand. I let him talk to our daughter well try to talk she only says a few words but she trys. He says he loves us and thought he'd check up on things. He told me that he can do the e-mail thing now which is cool it's alot faster then snail mail. So once again I'm in a cheery kinda mood and I'm sorry if I acted like a jerk yesterday or whatever just stressin' but I put myself in check today. So peace out and I'll be on tomorrow good night God bless and don't forget to tip your waitress!

[SheWolf]

Originally posted by faris4life
Thanks for understanding... I got to talk to my husband tonight by the way. He sounds good per-usual he's a little tired and he says he hates sand. I let him talk to our daughter well try to talk she only says a few words but she trys. He says he loves us and thought he'd check up on things. He told me that he can do the e-mail thing now which is cool it's alot faster then snail mail. So once again I'm in a cheery kinda mood and I'm sorry if I acted like a jerk yesterday or whatever just stressin' but I put myself in check today. So peace out and I'll be on tomorrow good night God bless and don't forget to tip your waitress!

glad you got to talk to him:bunny:

[wrbones]

I always tip the waitress, dear! If she's any good she'll get more than 15%, too! ;)

[SheWolf]

Originally posted by wrbones
I always tip the waitress, dear! If she's any good she'll get more than 15%, too! ;)

dare we ask how much more??????????????
:p

[thedrifter]

SheWolf, you just opened up another can of worms with bones.......He is our resident comedian..........LMAO

Sempers,

Roger

[wrbones]

It depends on how....good....she is! :banana:

[SheWolf]

Originally posted by wrbones
It depends on how....good....she is! :banana:

Define good,,, good being she doesn't mess up the order?
good being she doesn't drop your food?
or good being she wears a short skirt drops the food and bends over in front of you????????/:yes: :evilgrin:

[wrbones]

Poor, innocent SheWolf.....


That's too easy and I might shock ya darlin'.

Good is when she's sweatin' when she's done............

[SheWolf]

Originally posted by wrbones
Poor, innocent SheWolf.....


That's too easy and I might shock ya darlin'.

Good is when she's sweatin' when she's done............


hahahahah I think I like you .....:D

[faris4life]

Oh boy you guys maybe I shouldnt have said that waitress thing altough it turned out to be a funny conversation piece. Anyways got another call from my hubby this morning so that made me a happy camper! I also recieved an e-mail so that was cool as well. He told me though that he doesnt know how long the e-mail will be up and running cause sooner or later it may get shut off, but I think in one of the past post's someone said something about them not being able to get e-mails from there husband anymore. Thats alright just glad that I got to hear from him twice in one day even if it can't happen all the time. Well i'm gonna jet might go bowling with the family. Talk to you all laterz!

[mistyschwartz]

Wow...I was gone for a few days and I sure did miss a lot! I talked to my husband on Sunday and he didn't think that it would be his last call. But this morning one of his friends called me and told me that my husband is on the move and he won't be able to call me anymore and that he is okay and he loves me and he is sorry he didn't get the chance to call me for the last time. So it sucks. Anyways, I have gotten two letters though, so at least I have that. And as far as the whole discussion about not whining to your husand--I tell my husband everything that happens to me during the day in my letters, regardless of whether it was good or bad. I can't pretend that everything is okay all of the time. I am a very independent person and I manage just fine, it's just that my husband is my best friend and I tell him everything. He loves getting letters from me and he likes that I write everything that is going on with me. I don't ask the same of him though, I understand that he has a job to do and to focus on. I just tell him how proud I am and I support him. I am kinda late on the whole discussion but everyone had really good points and I just wanted to add in my 2 cents!

[firstsgtmike]

LADIES!

Marine commits suicide in Kuwait
March 13, 2003

By C. Mark Brinkley
Times staff writer

LOGISTICS SUPPORT AREA-7, Kuwait — A Marine from 3rd Light Armor Reconnaissance Battalion committed suicide here March 13, stepping out of the midday sun into the privacy of a portable toilet before firing a shot to his own head with his M-16A2 service rifle.

Potential suicides are a focus for leaders at all levels here, and depressed Marines are counseled by commanders and chaplains. Any bad news from home, or no news at all, is discussed as soon as it comes to light.
----------------------
I refer you back to my previous posts on this thread.

I bet that right now, there's a widow asking herself; "But he told me to be honest with him and to discuss my problems with him. What did I do wrong?????"

If they publicize his name, I'll track down his widow's phone number for you and you can discuss it with her, after she receives the letter from his First Sergeant.

Someone caused the death of this Marine, and THAT ****es me off.

[SheWolf]

this is so sad,,, but we don't even know if he was married or what was going on,,, so I'll not say anything other than to just be careful what and how you say something to your loved one,,
I'm not saying not to be "honest" with him,, but you need to reassure him/her that you can handle things and it will be taken care of,,,,,, they have enough to worry about without additional burdens, even if they tell you they can handle it... they are under a great deal of stress,,,, always remember that,, so if they don't talk long, or often,, don't push too hard,, in fact, don't push at all.
But keep those cards, letters, packages going,, no matter what,, they need to hear from you,,,,,

My condolences to the family of this Marine, and his Marine brothers and sisters,,,, suicide affects everyone around it,,,,

[firstsgtmike]

SheWolf,

If you start from the beginning, and read the posts, you will see that we are both saying the same thing.

Hopefully, they will believe it from you. It must be a man-woman thing. When they hear it from me, they want to argue. The difference is, I've been there, done that, and while we wait for the coin to stop spinning, I know it will either be heads or tails. They have bet it will stand upright, on edge.

I KNOW they lost. I'm just waiting to see if it comes up heads or tails.

Teach them! Tell them! Show them!

I admit I'm a chauvenist. I don't want ONE Marine lost because of a wife's need to be pampered.

And if someone chooses to argue the point , let's wait until the identity of this one is released, and then they can argue, with his widow.

I may be an *******, but I am consistant, and I am RIGHT.

I survived because of the strength of MY wife.

She would accept NOTHING from me, but my best. She DEMANDED that I do MY job as well as she did hers.

She died of cancer nineteen years ago.

She is still my inspiration, my guiding light.

Remarried, with four new children, each one is entrusted to her care.

You "ladies" , twenty years after, will you deserve the same eulogy?

Why? Or Why Not?

Living for today is Great. As long as you don't expect a tomorrow.

Choices. We all have them. We all live with them. Some better than others.

[faris4life]

Sgtmike did you ever think that this Marine might have killed himself because he didn't really have anyone? My husband is friends with a Marine who hasn't gotten anything letter wise or package's from friends or family and thats bringing him down. However now that my husband told me this I'm making a care package and so is my husbands mom and her friends. Even if this Marine who killed himself does have a wife there's plenty of other reasons he could have ended his life. You shouldnt be so quick as to point the finger at the wife of a Marine it could of been anything that sent him off the deep end.

[SheWolf]

OK,, Mike and Faris,,,,

First I'll address Mikes post,,,, they will learn Mike,, and I'm willing to help them,,, I understand your grief at this loss,,, the military is a family and as I said,, suicide affects the family,,,, especially a close knit family such as the military tends to be,, sure they may fight amongst themselves ,,, but don't let an "outsider" do the same,,,, and it applies to the aspect that you may not have even met this Marine, but he is still your brother,,,,, I understand...


Faris,, I understand too, that we don't know exactly what drove this tragic act,,, maybe he was married, maybe not,, maybe he had a g/f who wrote him a dear john letter,, maybe not,, the maybe's go on and on,,,,, what I would ask is that you think about Mike's feelings on this

but he is grieving, and he has actually been there, done that,,,,

you are experiencing the role of a military wife,, but both you and your husband are new to that life,,,,,, so I hope you understand the intent of my post and I hope that you will come to understand why Mike is feeling this way,,,,,

[SheWolf]

wow......

well, I hope you find a place,,,,, as for no reason to say what we say here,,,, that's not true,,,, there is a reason,,, you may not agree with the reasons,,, that's your right,,,

you people cover a whole range of folks cherry...
I'll let mike speak for himself,, as for me,, I came here for support and to offer support....

I have experienced some of this before,,,,,

you can choose to learn from the experience offered or not,, but you shouldn't throw it back ....

you can learn two things from others experience...
that it works .... then it's a great thing
that it doesn't work for you.... then at least you know to try something different....


enuff said,,, you can stay or you can go...
I wish you and your husband the best...
may God watch over you both

[thedrifter]

I would advise some folks.....to read the posts.....fully and carefully...

I will not tolerate direct attacks ........

So think before you write.....

We are here helping each other........

Here is the full article the firstsgtmike was talking about......
http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4797

Sempers,

Roger

[faris4life]

I did read the post fully it caught my attention. Yes I'm sorry a member of our family has died I am every time one of them does. However I just felt that we shouldnt point fingers to the reasons this Marine felt he had to end his life. Who knows why it happenend even with a non-Marine when they kill themself there will always be that question that no one can answer but the one who killed themself. Just thought I'd reword what I ment to say...

[wrbones]

You don't seem to have understood, darlin.

Please change the topic to somethin' else.

[thedrifter]

You all came in here seeking our help and our advise.........When we give you straight facts and good advise, you either blast back at us or you close your minds to what is said.

I was an NCO in Viet Nam, I saw what happened to my Marines when they received whinning letters from home........Some went over the edge, some just burned the letters. We all were in a stressful and dangerous situation and only looked forward to cheerful/good news and words of encouragement.

You have to realize that the Marine Corps comes first and you are not in their boots. You all sound like all you care about is yourselves and not thinking of your husbands and the other Marines they are serving with.

This is the last post I desire to see in this thread on this subject. Change the subject, if it continues apporpriate action will be taken.

The Drifter

[Lock-n-Load]

This post will be from the other side of the wire compound...I joined up at 18 and spent 3x4 yrs in the Korean war...I was a single Marine and in Boot I promised never to get married while a Marine...as you know, we are under tremendous pressure, especially in combat...I had all I could do to stay sane sometimes, but if I had a young wife, I would have cracked up, maybe...who needs that...I only pulled liberties with young single Marines...we tore the place up to let off stress...to me, staying single those 4 yrs I gave to the Corps was a must to me, and I never regretted it...after reading the anguish, yearning and self/inflicted guilt in here...reinforces my insight for me....I pray all in here see their Marine[s] come home safely and soon!! God Bless!! Semper Fidelis:marine: :marine:

[greensideout]

Well said Lock-n Load.
While over there, (Nam) I never wrote to my girlfriend. I didn't need that to deal with. For me too, it was best not to have a wife at that time.
I have now been married to her for four month's shy of forty years.
My point of this? As First Sgt Mike put it, no pressure, no questions. "Hello, we are doing great", is what he wants to hear. Nothing more!
You feel that some comments were harsh?
As Drifter said, wake up and smell the coffee. What they are doing and how they live is HARSH!
Just tell them that you love them, wear a smile and say that all is well. Belive me, that's all they want to hear!
You can't watch over them, pray that God does!

[faris4life]

Alright thank you for your advice I've read it and it's understood. I just want to say sorry if we may have misunderstood each other. I do love my husband dearly he's one of the most important human beings in my life. I must be learning something from all of you because my daughter had a cold and an inner ear infection. Well I didn't write my Marine and complaine about it or say how worried I was. I just asked how he's doing and told him I was proud and a few other things thrown in letting him know I care. I told him that I'm taking care of things and for him not to worry everythings cool. Which with the exception of my daughter having the cold everything is going good. Thanks again it's been a real eye opener for me and I needed to learn this stuff...

[SheWolf]

Originally posted by faris4life
Alright thank you for your advice I've read it and it's understood. I just want to say sorry if we may have misunderstood each other. I do love my husband dearly he's one of the most important human beings in my life. I must be learning something from all of you because my daughter had a cold and an inner ear infection. Well I didn't write my Marine and complaine about it or say how worried I was. I just asked how he's doing and told him I was proud and a few other things thrown in letting him know I care. I told him that I'm taking care of things and for him not to worry everythings cool. Which with the exception of my daughter having the cold everything is going good. Thanks again it's been a real eye opener for me and I needed to learn this stuff...

that's what we are here for,, to help and support,,, we don't always agree but hey,,, we don't have to

I'm glad that you are able to learn, it will help you support your husband better,,,,,


take care,, :bunny: :yes:

[leroy8541]

Good deal Farris. Boredom, and not having the ability to do anything, and the lack of daily communication are extremely frustrating for a deployed Marine away from family. What seems to be the norm for us here at home I.E. the children being sick, are a big thing for them over there. Small things in life here are monumental on the minds of a daddy away from home. I am grateful that my wife didn't convey these things to me now 12 years later, although I wasn't at the time. When you are responsible for the lives of other men in war, little things at home are very distracting there. They need to be 100% "on the job" now so they can all come home sooner.
Job well done Faris4Life, hope your daughter is feeling better.

[wrbones]

Originally posted by faris4life
[... it's been a real eye opener for me and I needed to learn this stuff... [/B]


Welcome to the Marine Corps, darlin'.

[faris4life]

Daughter seem's to be getting better thanks for asking leroy8541 but now I'm the one with the cold. I would of rathered me be sick then her but it didn't turn out that way. I got what I think will be my last e-mail for awhile from my husband last night he said he might be able to call, but I already knew he more then likely couldnt. I've been keeping up on the news so I'm sure I knew somethings that were going on before he did since were like what 8hours behind them. Anyways have a goodnight ya'll and keep the prayers going our guys and there familys are gonna need them.

[firstsgtmike]

Let me share part of an e-mail I received from a Marine friend's wife.

" I last heard from Terry six days ago. Reading the papers and watching the news, I am worried and more than just a little bit concerned.

I'm worried and concerned about Saddam Hussain, and he should be too. You see, my husband is over there, and he's going to kick ass."

[wrbones]

Yep. She's part of the family!!!

[wrbones]

Lisa Smith speaks at home March 20, 2003, about her concerns for her husband who is currently deployed to the Middle East. (AP Photo) ‘Normal Life’
Marine’s Wife Takes Care of Home While Husband Is Overseas

By Gary D. Robertson
The Associated Press


J A C K S O N V I L L E, N.C., March 21 — Lisa Smith does what most stay-at-home moms do every day — picking up the kids at school, helping with homework, thawing out chicken legs in the sink for dinner.




But an undertone of anxiety shades every moment. Smith is the 38-year-old wife of Marine helicopter pilot Capt. Tres Smith, who is on the edge of war in Kuwait.
On Thursday, less than a day after the United States began its assault on Iraq, she allowed herself only a little hope that Tres might get a few minutes to call home.

"He won't," Smith said. Nevertheless, she collected her cell phone for a grocery-shopping trip: "I don't want to miss that call."

Smith said she won't let herself be paralyzed by the uncertainty ahead. She can't. With two kids at home and a third on the way, she hasn't had time for fear in the month since her husband left.

"Life is normal," she said while 6-year-old Wes and 3½-year-old Gillian ran around the house at the end of a cul-de-sac in Jacksonville, home of Camp Lejeune and New River Marine Corps Air Station.

"But only in the quiet of the night, you come down and you deal with the feelings," she said. "You cry, you get it over with, and then you wake up the next day and you make the kids' breakfast."


Thousands Left at Home

Smith, originally from Reston, Va., is one of thousands of military spouses left behind throughout the United States. Here in North Carolina, well over half of the 36,000 Marines at Camp Lejeune and New River are overseas.

Most spouses are used to months-long deployments, a routine of military life that presents unique challenges, Smith's neighbor said.

"There's no other job in which you're separated for that amount of time," said Katie Schneider, 30, whose husband is still at New River. Like Smith, Schneider is a Virginia native — from Woodbridge — expecting another child this summer. They help each other with baby-sitting and sometimes eat together.

A volunteer network of Marine spouses at New River and Camp Lejeune also helps those left behind during the war.

"There are so many support groups out there," said Judy Pitchford, executive director of the USO in Jacksonville and a retired Marine. But she adds: "I feel that military wives are very strong. They need to be strong."

Smith said she doesn't let the details of her husband's deployment worry her. She knows little about his job in Kuwait except that he's not flying the Huey helicopters he does at New River.


Her Worries Are Not His

In turn, she's not about to let him worry about the minor problems at home that are hers to fix.

"I don't want to tell him about that mouse in the attic and how his five-months pregnant wife is going up there trying to get it out," she said. "He trusts me. He has a lot of confidence in me."

Tres Smith, 35, has been on other deployments since the couple married in 1995 — in one year, he spent a total of nine months away from home. But there's no doubt that this time is different.

"Of course, it's a little harder," she said after helping Wes, a first-grader, with some rhyming homework at the kitchen table. "I think about him being over there more as a concept and not a reality. Then you see it on the news and everything and it hits you."

Smith credits her faith, renewed more than two years ago, with helping her handle the stress of life without her husband.

She attended the Thursday morning women's Bible study at First Baptist Church in Jacksonville. About half of the 60 participants this week were military spouses.

"Women need to share," Smith said as she drove her Honda minivan to the New River commissary in the afternoon. "I can always count on God to get me through anything."


Music, Then Reality

Rain-soaked guards toting military-issue shotguns let Smith onto the base for her weekly grocery trip after she showed her military ID. The commissary feels like any civilian supermarket, as the 1970s pop hit "Still the One" blared on the speakers and Smith urged her kids to behave while she looked for prepackaged breakfast sausage and biscuits.

But reality set in again when the music ended, replaced by a news report of burning oil fields and missile launches in Iraq.

The family had exchanged e-mails regularly with Tres; Wes got to type them, telling his dad about the latest Power Rangers characters. But the military pulled the plug on messages as the conflict neared.

Smith speaks in vague words to Wes and Gillian about their dad's dangerous assignment.

"He's fighting a really, really bad guy," Wes said.

Smith acknowledges her husband could be in harm's way but knows she has to press on with her daily life, and hoping for moments to hear from him.

"You don't have any other option," she said. "You have to have a certain resolve."


Copyright 2003 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

[marinesupporter]

faris4life (my dear cousin lol) I think you should just keep the card and send him some cash at times, that way you know how much he has and how much you need to pay off bills and such.
it seems totaly logical to me at least if you disagree though please let me know. I love you and i pray for your husband and all the troops everyday. you know that :)

[marinesupporter]

If anyone has any names and addresses to marines that need pen pals please e-mail me at disturbed2213@hotmail.com i will put together a website for those who need pen pals. thanks :)

[firstsgtmike]

To the wives.

I sent this response to a PM. I felt it worth sharing.



First, read the posts that were made to support her, and everyone like her.

Then, remind her that TODAY, there are 300,000 OTHER families,(wives, husbands, children, and parents) that are in the same situation she is in. Her situation is NOT unique. God is NOT trying to get even with HER.

Trying times are tests of strength, for him AND for her. She has a choice; she can either reach up to his level, or try to drag him down to hers.

And if she is unfortunate enough to bring him down to her level, she doesn't have a husband to admire, she shares a house with a sob-sister.

I'm out of it, but when I was there, I looked up to, admired, and respected my wife for the support and encouragement she gave to me.

I would have despised her, and myself, if she tried, and if I had allowed her, to castrate me and change me from a man to a frightened child.

And if she succeeded, she would come to despise ME, for not being the MAN she married.

[faris4life]

I see your point firstsgtmike. I just would like to say that I don't feel like I'm unique at all in this situation. I know with that post you wern't refurring to any certin person I'm just commenting. Since the war started I've watched the news I've prayed hard for my husband and for all our troops out there. I don't want to bug him I just want to support him and let him know I care and that I'm waiting for him. Sometimes it's hard but he does have a job to do and if it doesn't get done he doesn't come home. It's well understood...
marinesupporter
a.k.a. my cousin I already got the whole bank card thing figured out. So we need not worry about that thanks for your idea's though. Anyways I gotta jet thanks for everything guys peace, love, and purple crans!:bunny: