thedrifter
02-27-07, 06:40 AM
In basic training, boys will need their mommie
Paul Carpenter
The verbal abuse in Texas seemed to come from a deep rage, with the screamer approaching the screamee until noses were 2 inches apart.
Maybe a recruit at Lackland Air Force Base did not have an item he was supposed to have. ''Then [naughty word for defecate] me one,'' a furious instructor would loudly demand.
Or, at drill, the instructor would yell, ''Lay-or HACE,'' which is Air Force patois for ''left face,'' and somebody would turn the wrong way. ''Your other left,'' the instructor would scream, suggesting the recruit had two left feet and was otherwise worthless.
Other verbal abuse was more colorful, but I can't repeat it in a family newspaper.
You'd think the military's medical people would be more sensitive, but I once stood at attention in a group of naked men, waiting for unspecified exams, when a sergeant behind me barked, ''Bend over. I want to look up your name and address.'' (I don't really believe he found them there.)
Still, this was the Air Force, where basic training was very mild compared to that of the Marines or Army Airborne. Have you ever met Marines or Airborne soldiers? Did you get the impression they have significant self-esteem problems?
Self-esteem was an issue in ''The Family Project'' feature in Monday's a.m. Magazine.
''How can I protect my sons from their dad's verbal abuse?'' wailed the headline.
The mother of two boys, 11 and 14, was quoted as saying her husband ''rants and raves'' at the boys, although he has never inflicted physical harm.
She said he refuses to get counseling for himself, and ''says things that are very cruel and hurtful [to the boys] … ruining their self-esteem.''
A panel of ''parenting professionals'' at The Family Project advised counseling for both mother and boys. Panelist Joanne Nigito said counseling ''will help them feel better about themselves,'' and she suggested that the dad must have a personality disorder.
I sort of wish I had such professionals with me at Lackland, when the meanies there were being cruel and hurtful. It could have been explained to my instructors that they had a personality disorder and needed therapy to get over it.
On the other hand, I never have regretted my military experiences and I think of basic training as a strengthening influence. Since those days, I have met hundreds of people who also went through basic training, and every one of them felt the same way.
We relics of the past also consistently believe that self-esteem does not come from counselors or parenting professionals. It does not come from therapy. It cannot be dispensed , like heroin or Ritalin.
It comes from personal accomplishment, from making it through a task that is difficult and challenging — such as meeting the expectations of a demanding parent or the requirements of basic training.
This may be a subversive point to make, but Monday's article did not contain any suggestion that, maybe, dad was trying to correct shortcomings on the boys' part. If that's the case, if those boys are less than perfect and need to be corrected, what would be the impact if mom — instead of undermining dad's admonitions — helped present a united parental front?
What happens when kids realize they cannot divide and conquer parents? Might it become less necessary for dads to rant and rave? (Might it also force a few counselors to go out and get real jobs?)
Anyway, if the two boys mentioned in Monday's article ever decide to join the Marine Corps, or even the Air Force, I recommend that they take mommie with them to basic training, to make sure nobody says anything mean to them.
Frankly, however, I do not expect them to enter the military. It's far more likely they'll grow up to be, say, counselors .
paul.carpenter@mcall.com 610-820-6176
Ellie
Paul Carpenter
The verbal abuse in Texas seemed to come from a deep rage, with the screamer approaching the screamee until noses were 2 inches apart.
Maybe a recruit at Lackland Air Force Base did not have an item he was supposed to have. ''Then [naughty word for defecate] me one,'' a furious instructor would loudly demand.
Or, at drill, the instructor would yell, ''Lay-or HACE,'' which is Air Force patois for ''left face,'' and somebody would turn the wrong way. ''Your other left,'' the instructor would scream, suggesting the recruit had two left feet and was otherwise worthless.
Other verbal abuse was more colorful, but I can't repeat it in a family newspaper.
You'd think the military's medical people would be more sensitive, but I once stood at attention in a group of naked men, waiting for unspecified exams, when a sergeant behind me barked, ''Bend over. I want to look up your name and address.'' (I don't really believe he found them there.)
Still, this was the Air Force, where basic training was very mild compared to that of the Marines or Army Airborne. Have you ever met Marines or Airborne soldiers? Did you get the impression they have significant self-esteem problems?
Self-esteem was an issue in ''The Family Project'' feature in Monday's a.m. Magazine.
''How can I protect my sons from their dad's verbal abuse?'' wailed the headline.
The mother of two boys, 11 and 14, was quoted as saying her husband ''rants and raves'' at the boys, although he has never inflicted physical harm.
She said he refuses to get counseling for himself, and ''says things that are very cruel and hurtful [to the boys] … ruining their self-esteem.''
A panel of ''parenting professionals'' at The Family Project advised counseling for both mother and boys. Panelist Joanne Nigito said counseling ''will help them feel better about themselves,'' and she suggested that the dad must have a personality disorder.
I sort of wish I had such professionals with me at Lackland, when the meanies there were being cruel and hurtful. It could have been explained to my instructors that they had a personality disorder and needed therapy to get over it.
On the other hand, I never have regretted my military experiences and I think of basic training as a strengthening influence. Since those days, I have met hundreds of people who also went through basic training, and every one of them felt the same way.
We relics of the past also consistently believe that self-esteem does not come from counselors or parenting professionals. It does not come from therapy. It cannot be dispensed , like heroin or Ritalin.
It comes from personal accomplishment, from making it through a task that is difficult and challenging — such as meeting the expectations of a demanding parent or the requirements of basic training.
This may be a subversive point to make, but Monday's article did not contain any suggestion that, maybe, dad was trying to correct shortcomings on the boys' part. If that's the case, if those boys are less than perfect and need to be corrected, what would be the impact if mom — instead of undermining dad's admonitions — helped present a united parental front?
What happens when kids realize they cannot divide and conquer parents? Might it become less necessary for dads to rant and rave? (Might it also force a few counselors to go out and get real jobs?)
Anyway, if the two boys mentioned in Monday's article ever decide to join the Marine Corps, or even the Air Force, I recommend that they take mommie with them to basic training, to make sure nobody says anything mean to them.
Frankly, however, I do not expect them to enter the military. It's far more likely they'll grow up to be, say, counselors .
paul.carpenter@mcall.com 610-820-6176
Ellie