thedrifter
02-13-07, 08:20 AM
Inner strength
Fortitude can turn spouse’s deployment into a positive
By Kelly Thompson -
Posted : February 19, 2007
Here we go again: It’s deployment time for our family. So much has changed since that horrible day, Aug. 29, 1995, when my husband left on his first deployment as a married man.
It was his second overall; he had already done a “pump” to Okinawa, Japan. But it was my first deployment experience, and I was a month pregnant with our first daughter.
I watched him board a white bus bound for Morehead City, N.C., and drive off. I got in my car and drove home to Pennsylvania, crying all the way from Camp Lejeune to Camp Hill. For those who have no idea where Camp Hill is, it’s exactly eight hours from the main gate of Lejeune.
I had horrible morning sickness every day and slept most of the day to avoid visiting the “porcelain god” and offering up my breakfast. I cried when I was awake and slept with the nastiest PT shirt that he had left behind, so I could remember what he smelled like after work.
The days seemed like years, and six months turned into seven because of an unexpected crisis in another part of the world. I was afraid of what he would think of me when he came back. I was hugely pregnant with our daughter, and I was sure he wouldn’t be attracted to me.
When he did get back, I waited in the barracks parking lot, because I was too afraid to get out of the car. When I saw his handsome face coming toward me, I wanted to get out and run to him, and hug him, and never let go.
Eric ended up pulling me out of the car because I froze solid. I had waited for this day for seven months, and here he was finally. He looked at me and smiled, and felt the baby move. He hugged me, and I knew everything was going to be OK. We had made it over the first hurdle. The biggest test of a military marriage is a deployment. If you can make it through that, you can make it through anything.
Now, we’re on deployment No. 5. The butterflies started again as it approached, and the fear of what could happen during the deployment started to invade my mind.
I thanked God he was on recruiting duty when Operation Iraqi Freedom started. He was nondeployable, and they wouldn’t get him this time. Four years later, here I sit, in the middle of it all again. This time, I have four kids to get through it all; two of them have never had to see Daddy leave for a long period of time.
The two older ones are deployment veterans, having been through three. The little ones have found it harder to adjust to Daddy being gone, especially our son, who loves to be just like Daddy, complete with his own desert cover.
I know the older two miss their Dad as much as the younger two, but they also have faith in him, and God, and know he will be OK. The smaller ones will have to learn to adapt to Daddy being gone. They ask, “When is Daddy comin’ home?” I don’t know if “Daddy’s working” will be a good enough answer for six months.
I have always believed that to be a Marine wife, you have to be independent to a degree. The days of calling my Dad long distance for step-by-step instructions on how to hang a curtain rod are over. I grew up pretty soon after that first deployment.
When it’s your first time, though, you don’t want to be independent. You just want your husband back. Just to hear his voice. Just to get a letter. I still check my e-mail every chance I get, hoping to hear from him, and he has only been gone a month.
The kids watch you crying your eyes out, missing him. That’s a good thing for them to see, because it lets them know it’s OK to cry because you miss Daddy. It’s OK to feel sad.
But eventually, it has to end. You have to pick yourself up and start over. It’s you and the kids. You have to get them through this time, and you have to get you through it, too.
During my husband’s last deployment, I went to nursing school. This time, I have my writing to fill my time. Not to mention four kids who have different needs.
After the emotional shock of knowing you won’t see your husband for six months or more has passed, it’s time to get up. Get into a new routine, but do it slowly if you have kids. They thrive on routine, and it can be counterproductive to change things too quickly.
Take the time to learn about yourself. Focus on yourself in the evenings after the kids are in bed. Treat yourself to a home facial or manicure. Pick a new hobby or join a club. You could even join a gym and shed those extra pounds you have wanted to lose. Give yourself a new look.
Most women put their family first. We forget about ourselves. You feel alone. You feel sad. You wonder how you can do this. When it finally is about you, it seems to be negative, but it doesn’t have to be.
One day, I decided no more. My daughters needed to see that women can do everything a man can do and be independent. I went out of my way to learn to do things on my own. I learned to overcome and adapt. If we are out of putty for nail holes, I whip up my own out of flour and water. Now, when a doorknob is loose, our 10-year-old will pick up a screwdriver and fix it herself. The kids have learned to troubleshoot their own problems.
When your husband finally comes home, you can show off your new look or talent and what the little ones learned to do while he was gone.
Things take time to go back to normal, and a lot of couples have a hard time with that. The one left behind has created a new routine and gotten used to doing things her way. It may be hard to go back to sharing the chores or relinquishing some of the authority.
Now, it’s time to be a team again — and a couple. Expect the first week or two to be a little awkward, but eventually it all comes full circle, and everything will be great again. Plus, you can be proud of yourself and the way you handled everything.
There’s no doubt that your husband will be especially proud, because he found one of the few good women who can handle the lifestyle that goes along with the job he loves.
The writer is married to a gunnery sergeant with 2nd Battalion, 2nd Marines. They have four children.
Ellie
Fortitude can turn spouse’s deployment into a positive
By Kelly Thompson -
Posted : February 19, 2007
Here we go again: It’s deployment time for our family. So much has changed since that horrible day, Aug. 29, 1995, when my husband left on his first deployment as a married man.
It was his second overall; he had already done a “pump” to Okinawa, Japan. But it was my first deployment experience, and I was a month pregnant with our first daughter.
I watched him board a white bus bound for Morehead City, N.C., and drive off. I got in my car and drove home to Pennsylvania, crying all the way from Camp Lejeune to Camp Hill. For those who have no idea where Camp Hill is, it’s exactly eight hours from the main gate of Lejeune.
I had horrible morning sickness every day and slept most of the day to avoid visiting the “porcelain god” and offering up my breakfast. I cried when I was awake and slept with the nastiest PT shirt that he had left behind, so I could remember what he smelled like after work.
The days seemed like years, and six months turned into seven because of an unexpected crisis in another part of the world. I was afraid of what he would think of me when he came back. I was hugely pregnant with our daughter, and I was sure he wouldn’t be attracted to me.
When he did get back, I waited in the barracks parking lot, because I was too afraid to get out of the car. When I saw his handsome face coming toward me, I wanted to get out and run to him, and hug him, and never let go.
Eric ended up pulling me out of the car because I froze solid. I had waited for this day for seven months, and here he was finally. He looked at me and smiled, and felt the baby move. He hugged me, and I knew everything was going to be OK. We had made it over the first hurdle. The biggest test of a military marriage is a deployment. If you can make it through that, you can make it through anything.
Now, we’re on deployment No. 5. The butterflies started again as it approached, and the fear of what could happen during the deployment started to invade my mind.
I thanked God he was on recruiting duty when Operation Iraqi Freedom started. He was nondeployable, and they wouldn’t get him this time. Four years later, here I sit, in the middle of it all again. This time, I have four kids to get through it all; two of them have never had to see Daddy leave for a long period of time.
The two older ones are deployment veterans, having been through three. The little ones have found it harder to adjust to Daddy being gone, especially our son, who loves to be just like Daddy, complete with his own desert cover.
I know the older two miss their Dad as much as the younger two, but they also have faith in him, and God, and know he will be OK. The smaller ones will have to learn to adapt to Daddy being gone. They ask, “When is Daddy comin’ home?” I don’t know if “Daddy’s working” will be a good enough answer for six months.
I have always believed that to be a Marine wife, you have to be independent to a degree. The days of calling my Dad long distance for step-by-step instructions on how to hang a curtain rod are over. I grew up pretty soon after that first deployment.
When it’s your first time, though, you don’t want to be independent. You just want your husband back. Just to hear his voice. Just to get a letter. I still check my e-mail every chance I get, hoping to hear from him, and he has only been gone a month.
The kids watch you crying your eyes out, missing him. That’s a good thing for them to see, because it lets them know it’s OK to cry because you miss Daddy. It’s OK to feel sad.
But eventually, it has to end. You have to pick yourself up and start over. It’s you and the kids. You have to get them through this time, and you have to get you through it, too.
During my husband’s last deployment, I went to nursing school. This time, I have my writing to fill my time. Not to mention four kids who have different needs.
After the emotional shock of knowing you won’t see your husband for six months or more has passed, it’s time to get up. Get into a new routine, but do it slowly if you have kids. They thrive on routine, and it can be counterproductive to change things too quickly.
Take the time to learn about yourself. Focus on yourself in the evenings after the kids are in bed. Treat yourself to a home facial or manicure. Pick a new hobby or join a club. You could even join a gym and shed those extra pounds you have wanted to lose. Give yourself a new look.
Most women put their family first. We forget about ourselves. You feel alone. You feel sad. You wonder how you can do this. When it finally is about you, it seems to be negative, but it doesn’t have to be.
One day, I decided no more. My daughters needed to see that women can do everything a man can do and be independent. I went out of my way to learn to do things on my own. I learned to overcome and adapt. If we are out of putty for nail holes, I whip up my own out of flour and water. Now, when a doorknob is loose, our 10-year-old will pick up a screwdriver and fix it herself. The kids have learned to troubleshoot their own problems.
When your husband finally comes home, you can show off your new look or talent and what the little ones learned to do while he was gone.
Things take time to go back to normal, and a lot of couples have a hard time with that. The one left behind has created a new routine and gotten used to doing things her way. It may be hard to go back to sharing the chores or relinquishing some of the authority.
Now, it’s time to be a team again — and a couple. Expect the first week or two to be a little awkward, but eventually it all comes full circle, and everything will be great again. Plus, you can be proud of yourself and the way you handled everything.
There’s no doubt that your husband will be especially proud, because he found one of the few good women who can handle the lifestyle that goes along with the job he loves.
The writer is married to a gunnery sergeant with 2nd Battalion, 2nd Marines. They have four children.
Ellie