What the heck do they talk about?

[crate78]

Why is it that my wife and any one of her girlfriends can chat for two hours over a meal, and upon arriving home twenty minutes later get on the phone and talk for another hour?

What the heck do they find to talk about? It's one of the big mysteries of the universe.

Maybe I don't want to know the answer.

crate

[konman1]

Probably complaining about us:D

[3077India]

That's one of those mysteries that ranks right up there with, "Why do they always go to the public restroom in a herd?":p

[maverickmarine]

Yeah, I've never understood that. Mine will yap with her friends that we are about to see and then same thing happens after we leave. I always ask about that but have yet to get any real answer that makes sense. I think we will never know.

[DWG]

Don't complain! :( At least they aren't yapping at YOU as long as they have their friends to chatter at!:banana: :D It's all white noise anyway!

[maverickmarine]

Don't complain! :( At least they aren't yapping at YOU as long as they have their friends to chatter at!:banana: :D It's all white noise anyway!


Roger that!!!

[DWG]

My wife and her mother talk on the phone for at least 1-2 hours a day. I just consider it my "quiet time!":D

[HardJedi]

look, if the want to talk, it's more than likley about things that, all things consodered, that most guy's either don't want to know about, or don't care about. I, yself, have alway's wished my GF would spend MORE time doing things like that. after all, there's only so many times Ican tell her how I beat Madden 07 by 200 points, and that the roman empire fell. ( history Major here)

[DWG]

look, if the want to talk, it's more than likley about things that, all things consodered, that most guy's either don't want to know about, or don't care about. I, yself, have alway's wished my GF would spend MORE time doing things like that. after all, there's only so many times Ican tell her how I beat Madden 07 by 200 points, and that the roman empire fell. ( history Major here)

And I bet she looks interested every time you tell it! Thus putting undue pressure on you to return the interest when they ramble on about whatever it is they are talking about! As one ages one learns to tune in and out of these screeds, listening for buzz words that require response. Woe be to the one caught day dreaming!
:D

[thedrifter]

So is that why hubby(fontman) is always telling me shhhhh;) :D :angel:

Ellie

[HardJedi]

And I bet she looks interested every time you tell it! Thus putting undue pressure on you to return the interest when they ramble on about whatever it is they are talking about! As one ages one learns to tune in and out of these screeds, listening for buzz words that require response. Woe be to the one caught day dreaming!
:D


oh, I have perfected the art of listening withouot really hearing anything. I had lots of practive with my mother, who can talk for hours about nothing. I just wait for the pause, and go, "Hmnnnnn" or " yep", or " i see"

something like that.

[davecerami275]

who cares what the run their sewer about. as long as she is yapping with her girl-friends i can disengage my selective hearing. when they are done yapping selective hearing mode is immediateley engaged.

[DWG]

So is that why hubby(fontman) is always telling me shhhhh

Ellie

He is just signifying that he needs you to pause for a moment so he can absorb the info you are relaying before accepting any more data. This way he can devote the proper amount of attention to each "byte" and give it the correct response that is necessary.
:nerd:

Either that or he's learned the error of saying " would you PLEASE just shut the f**k up for few seconds-take a breath woman and give me a break!!!
:D :p

[thedrifter]

He is just signifying that he needs you to pause for a moment so he can absorb the info you are relaying before accepting any more data. This way he can devote the proper amount of attention to each "byte" and give it the correct response that is necessary.
:nerd:

Either that or he's learned the error of saying " would you PLEASE just shut the f**k up for few seconds-take a breath woman and give me a break!!!
:D :p

It depends on the shhhh...
I usually can tell with the sh1t eating grin on his face....winky wink

Ellie

[drumcorpssnare]

This indeed, is a mystery that has puzzled the male of the species, for centuries. The audible sounds uttered by females, are commonly known as chatting, yapping, and the most serious...nagging. It should be understood though, that the technical term is, in fact, "white noise." This is because males have the inate ability to filter out the majority of these useless audio waves. Men are able to discern the difference, for example, between, "Why don't you relax, and watch the game?" and, "I suppose you're going to watch the game this afternoon!?" (Note the sarcastic emphasis on the word 'game.') Sarcasm clearly denotes nagging, and of course, nagging is a clinical term. To the average male, nagging is known as 'running your **********', whereas the lesser, chatting, is merely 'flapping your gums.'
While it appears normal for one woman to share with another, the severity of her 'period', it is incomprehensible why any man would care to know this information! This is why men are blessed with the afore mentioned 'filtering' capability. In fact, due to the intellectual superiority of the average male, most men are able to watch TV while enjoying a good book, and at the same time, disseminate the distinct difference between the following two phrases-
"Do these jeans make me look fat?", and "Honey, can I get you a beer?"
It has been a long uphill evolutionary battle for the male species to cope with this dreaded "white noise." In the times of the Neanderthal man, before the filtering capability came about, men were often forced to beat their women over the head with a club, and drag them back to the cave by their hair!
Then, sometime during during the Roman Empire, the Latin phrase "shutupicus maximus" came into use. This we now recognize as the ever common, "shut the hell up!"
Gradually, probably during the Middle Ages, man began to acquire the skill of seperating the 'mindless babble' of the females around him, from the occaisional 'sensible utterance.' However, the "backhand-to-the-face" was still used when needed.
With the advent of the modern age, we have seen the three fastest forms of communication. 1.) telegraph 2.) telephone 3.) tell a woman
and a German camera company recently unveiled it's newest digital camera, with a shutter-speed so fast, it claims to be able to photograph a woman not talking.
The latest on the technology horizon, is plans for a small remote control device, that would allow any male to simply push the 'mute' button while aiming it at a woman. Hopefully this will not be too long into the future.
Heaven knows, the filtering function that males currently use, is not a "fail-safe, fix-all."
So, for the time being, aside from merely 'filtering' the un-Godly 'white noise', we can always fall back on the time-tested techniques used by our fellow males throughout history.

drumcorpssnare:usmc:

[DWG]

Excellent essay, Drum. You must be an educator or a politician (no offense, intended).
;)

[drumcorpssnare]

...or a edjimicated polatishin!:D

[DWG]

...or a edjimicated polatishin!:D

oxymoron!:nerd:

[maverickmarine]

This indeed, is a mystery that has puzzled the male of the species, for centuries. The audible sounds uttered by females, are commonly known as chatting, yapping, and the most serious...nagging. It should be understood though, that the technical term is, in fact, "white noise." This is because males have the inate ability to filter out the majority of these useless audio waves. Men are able to discern the difference, for example, between, "Why don't you relax, and watch the game?" and, "I suppose you're going to watch the game this afternoon!?" (Note the sarcastic emphasis on the word 'game.') Sarcasm clearly denotes nagging, and of course, nagging is a clinical term. To the average male, nagging is known as 'running your **********', whereas the lesser, chatting, is merely 'flapping your gums.'
While it appears normal for one woman to share with another, the severity of her 'period', it is incomprehensible why any man would care to know this information! This is why men are blessed with the afore mentioned 'filtering' capability. In fact, due to the intellectual superiority of the average male, most men are able to watch TV while enjoying a good book, and at the same time, disseminate the distinct difference between the following two phrases-
"Do these jeans make me look fat?", and "Honey, can I get you a beer?"
It has been a long uphill evolutionary battle for the male species to cope with this dreaded "white noise." In the times of the Neanderthal man, before the filtering capability came about, men were often forced to beat their women over the head with a club, and drag them back to the cave by their hair!
Then, sometime during during the Roman Empire, the Latin phrase "shutupicus maximus" came into use. This we now recognize as the ever common, "shut the hell up!"
Gradually, probably during the Middle Ages, man began to acquire the skill of seperating the 'mindless babble' of the females around him, from the occaisional 'sensible utterance.' However, the "backhand-to-the-face" was still used when needed.
With the advent of the modern age, we have seen the three fastest forms of communication. 1.) telegraph 2.) telephone 3.) tell a woman
and a German camera company recently unveiled it's newest digital camera, with a shutter-speed so fast, it claims to be able to photograph a woman not talking.
The latest on the technology horizon, is plans for a small remote control device, that would allow any male to simply push the 'mute' button while aiming it at a woman. Hopefully this will not be too long into the future.
Heaven knows, the filtering function that males currently use, is not a "fail-safe, fix-all."
So, for the time being, aside from merely 'filtering' the un-Godly 'white noise', we can always fall back on the time-tested techniques used by our fellow males throughout history.

drumcorpssnare:usmc:

That's outstanding! LMAO!

[3077India]

drumcorpssnare, LOVED YOUR ESSAY.

[FistFu68]

:evilgrin: WHEN YOU REALLY NEED TO WORRY,IS WHEN THEY DON'T SAY CHIT:scared:

[DWG]

:evilgrin: WHEN YOU REALLY NEED TO WORRY,IS WHEN THEY DON'T SAY CHIT

AMEN to that!:( :confused:

[Marine84]

:evilgrin: WHEN YOU REALLY NEED TO WORRY,IS WHEN THEY DON'T SAY CHIT:scared:

You got THAT right! Cause that means we're stewin' and when the stew comes to a boil...............well............you guys know what happens.

And drumcorp - I thought I was the only one that heard that white noise with the men in my life. ;)

[drumcorpssnare]

Ah yes....the "silent treatment." But remember, that goes both ways. After an argument, I didn't speak to my wife for two days. She ended up offering to give me "something I wanted" if I would resume communications with her.:D
drumcorpssnare:usmc:

[booksbenji]

This indeed, is a mystery that has puzzled the male of the species, for centuries. The audible sounds uttered by females, are commonly known as chatting, yapping, and the most serious...nagging. It should be understood though, that the technical term is, in fact, "white noise." This is because males have the inate ability to filter out the majority of these useless audio waves. Men are able to discern the difference, for example, between, "Why don't you relax, and watch the game?" and, "I suppose you're going to watch the game this afternoon!?" (Note the sarcastic emphasis on the word 'game.') Sarcasm clearly denotes nagging, and of course, nagging is a clinical term. To the average male, nagging is known as 'running your **********', whereas the lesser, chatting, is merely 'flapping your gums.'

While it appears normal for one woman to share with another, the severity of her 'period', it is incomprehensible why any man would care to know this information! This is why men are blessed with the afore mentioned 'filtering' capability. In fact, due to the intellectual superiority of the average male, most men are able to watch TV while enjoying a good book, and at the same time, disseminate the distinct difference between the following two phrases-
"Do these jeans make me look fat?", and "Honey, can I get you a beer?"
It has been a long uphill evolutionary battle for the male species to cope with this dreaded "white noise." In the times of the Neanderthal man, before the filtering capability came about, men were often forced to beat their women over the head with a club, and drag them back to the cave by their hair!

Then, sometime during during the Roman Empire, the Latin phrase "shutupicus maximus" came into use. This we now recognize as the ever common, "shut the hell up!"

Gradually, probably during the Middle Ages, man began to acquire the skill of seperating the 'mindless babble' of the females around him, from the occaisional 'sensible utterance.' However, the "backhand-to-the-face" was still used when needed.

With the advent of the modern age, we have seen the three fastest forms of communication.
1.) telegraph
2.) telephone
3.) tell a woman

and a German camera company recently unveiled it's newest digital camera, with a shutter-speed so fast, it claims to be able to photograph a woman not talking.

The latest on the technology horizon, is plans for a small remote control device, that would allow any male to simply push the 'mute' button while aiming it at a woman. Hopefully this will not be too long into the future.
Heaven knows, the filtering function that males currently use, is not a "fail-safe, fix-all."

So, for the time being, aside from merely 'filtering' the un-Godly 'white noise', we can always fall back on the time-tested techniques used by our fellow males throughout history.

drumcorpssnare


Amen brother :yes: :D :marine:

[spike7451]

You got THAT right! Cause that means we're stewin' and when the stew comes to a boil...............well............you guys know what happens.

And drumcorp - I thought I was the only one that heard that white noise with the men in my life. ;)
God I know that!
miss spike 'collects' all my misdemeanours up till she has a full load then lets rip!Last time even the cat ran away!!

[booksbenji]

:thumbup:

Mens' rules (what every woman should understand)

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1.) Men are NOT mind readers.

1.) Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.) Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1.) Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1.) Crying is blackmail.

1.) Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1.) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1.) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1.) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1.) You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1.) Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1.) Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1.) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1.) If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1.) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1.) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1.) You have enough clothes.

1.) You have too many shoes.

1.) Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight :banana: :banana:

[booksbenji]

:yes:

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

:thumbup:

[DWG]

:yes:

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

:thumbup:

That was pretty cool!

[Quinbo]

When your lady asks if "these pants make me look fat" , reply "No hun it is not the pants that make you look fat .... it is your fat that makes you look fat" :sick:

Either you will have an extended tour in camp living room or she'll quit asking stupid questions.:D

[spike7451]

Going out Saturday night to the local pub for a meal & some drinky-poos,I (like 90% of men) was ready in around 120 minutes. (Why do women take hours to get ready & you always get the moan "Come on,we'll be late" when you've een ready for ages waiting on them??)
Anyway,It was a bit cold over here & whilst walking to the pub she moaned "Bbbrrr..It's bloody cold tonight" and on entering said pub,she went & stood by the open fire to warm up!!
So why when it's bloodyfreezing cold do the majority of women wear such skimpy clothes? And stilleto heels when it's been snowing/freezing
??

[3077India]

When my ex-girlfriend and I would go out I would always ask her, "What would you like to do tonight?" To which she would always respond, "Oh whatever you want to do is fine with me." Shortly before we broke up, she complained, "Everytime we go out, everything seems to always have to center around what you want to do." :scared: So I replied, "Honey, what is the one question I always ask you when we go out?" there was absolute silence so I answered my own question with, "I always ask you what do you want to do, and do you remember how you always answer?" again silence (obviously this is news to her; where have you been throughout this relationship), so I reminded her, "You always say, 'whatever you want to do...'" midway through she remembered and finished my sentence for me. At that point the argument was over, she didn't have a leg to stand on. Women... go figure... :mad:

[Zulu 36]

Your EX girlfriend, I note.....:D

[DWG]

Going out Saturday night to the local pub for a meal & some drinky-poos,I (like 90% of men) was ready in around 120 minutes. (Why do women take hours to get ready & you always get the moan "Come on,we'll be late" when you've een ready for ages waiting on them??)
Anyway,It was a bit cold over here & whilst walking to the pub she moaned "Bbbrrr..It's bloody cold tonight" and on entering said pub,she went & stood by the open fire to warm up!!
So why when it's bloodyfreezing cold do the majority of women wear such skimpy clothes? And stilleto heels when it's been snowing/freezing
??
Spike, you're 39 yrs. old and you haven't figured out why they dress like that? :scared:

Who says the Irish aren't a "bit thick"? :banana: :D

[DWG]

When my ex-girlfriend and I would go out I would always ask her, "What would you like to do tonight?" To which she would always respond, "Oh whatever you want to do is fine with me." Shortly before we broke up, she complained, "Everytime we go out, everything seems to always have to center around what you want to do." So I replied, "Honey, what is the one question I always ask you when we go out?" there was absolute silence so I answered my own question with, "I always ask you what do you want to do, and do you remember how you always answer?" again silence (obviously this is news to her; where have you been throughout this relationship), so I reminded her, "You always say, 'whatever you want to do...'" midway through she remembered and finished my sentence for me. At that point the argument was over, she didn't have a leg to stand on. Women... go figure...

Obviously, what she wanted to do was- SOMEONE ELSE!!!:scared: =:mad: =:beer:

[3077India]

Obviously, what she wanted to do was- SOMEONE ELSE!!! Ha Ha, you're so funny. NOT!:p

[crate78]

I heard once about a 737 airline pilot who misunderstood the directions of a female ATC and wound up nose to nose on a crossover with another airliner.

The ATC totally blew up, and engaged in a rant. She yelled, "Now look what happened! You've screwed everything up! It will take a half hour to get straightened out again!" She raved on and on until other pilots were afraid to even make rountine transmissions.

Finally a voice came over the airwaves, "Was I married to you once?"

crate

[spike7451]

Spike, you're 39 yrs. old and you haven't figured out why they dress like that?

Who says the Irish aren't a "bit thick"?

OI!!I'll have you know that women are the greatest mystery known to man!!Especially Irish women!!!!:p My missus swears blind she's a veggie but she eats fish!:scared:Women are full of contradictions.........


And I'm not thick....I'm not irish!!!:D

[DWG]

And I'm not thick....I'm not irish!!!:D

Who in the world but a Mick, or a masochist, would live in Belfast?:confused:

And your missus probably just thinks fish are very fast plankton ! Like chickens are actually bushes that move around quickly; thus are veggie allowable!:D

[spike7451]

Who in the world but a Mick, or a masochist, would live in Belfast?:confused:

And your missus probably just thinks fish are very fast plankton ! Like chickens are actually bushes that move around quickly; thus are veggie allowable!:D

Ooohhh Always liked a bit of S'nM (Sarnies 'n Milk!)
Nah,Met the missus while here on tour & settled down....
And I have the sneaky suspision she's having a secret afair with a Bacon Sarnie...:cool:

[DWG]

Ooohhh Always liked a bit of S'nM (Sarnies 'n Milk!)
Nah,Met the missus while here on tour & settled down....
And I have the sneaky suspision she's having a secret afair with a Bacon Sarnie...:cool:

Could somebody translate the first and third lines of this for me? Whatsa sarnie?:nerd:

[spike7451]

Sandwich

[maverickmarine]

Could somebody translate the first and third lines of this for me? Whatsa sarnie?:nerd:

LMAO! I was thinking the same freakin' thing.

[DWG]

Sandwich

Okay! The whole thing makes sense now. So you're a retired RM in Belfast? Couldn't you find a nice cottage in Ramadi or outside of Kabul? I take just being married to an Irish lass isn't dangerous enough on it's own?
:)