View Full Version : Something to offend everyone!

07-10-02, 04:47 PM
Q. What's the Cuban national anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with a recipe.

Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
A. A northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****."

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States. <~~and that ain't NO lie!!!

07-10-02, 05:07 PM
'bout southern boys...we can clean 'em, cook 'em, and eat 'em... and it'll taste good, too!...and ....all of OUR fairy tales are true! LMAO

07-10-02, 05:20 PM
When I joined the Los Angeles Police Department.

They asked me quite seriously if I had ever said an ethnic joke.

Now they wanted an answer, and of course either way you answer would only further question your intregrity.

So I said to him

"Do Pollock Jokes count?"

07-10-02, 05:53 PM
LOL Wrbones!!

Sparrow, you're too much. I'm sure pollock jokes don't
count in LA....LOL!!! You're lucky if you can find one!
Wait, does the word "lucky" make sense there?!!...LMAO!

07-11-02, 08:42 AM
I especially love the Irish Vacations!!:D

07-11-02, 09:21 AM
...I'm not offended at all. :D

07-11-02, 01:29 PM
What is brown and grey and rolls around on the beach?
A seagul and a Filipino fighting over a fish.

What do you call two Filipino pilots?
A pair of pliers.

How can you tell if a woman is ticklish?
Give her a test tickle.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
9... 1 to do it and 8 to tell her how she did it better than a man.

What do you call a brunette with blonde roots?
Artificial Intelligence.

Why did the blonde have bruises all over her belly?
Her boyfriend was blonde too.

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away from her?
You would too if your name was Awaahawaaahaaahwaaaa.

The Soldier says "My tank broke down!"
The Sailor says "My ship is sinking!"
The Marine says "My rifle is jammed!"
The Airman says "Hey, the cable is out again!"

Say this phrase out loud. Or, get a friend to say it for you.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Unknown, has yet to be attempted.

Why are so many dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.

Hear that the US Navy has a new designation? USMCTS...
Untied States Marine Corps Taxi Service.

A woman comes home to her husband sitting in his recliner and drinking some very expensive imported beer. She says, "what are you doing home so early?" He says to her, "babe, pack yer bags, I just won the lotto!" She scrambles around the house and gets her bags then, just as she begins to pack them, goes to him and asks, "hon, should I pack winter clothes or summer clothes?" He says, "pack 'em all, cuz yer outta here!"

If people from Poland are called Poles.. Why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The navies of the world...
United States has USS = United States Ship
England has HMS = His/Her Majesties Ship
Itally has DAB = Datsa My Boat

It has been said, "a horse is a mode of transportation that you can eat." Several million French can't be that wrong. The French also think Jerry Lewis is the greatest comedian of all time. Hypothosis... You need a sense of humor to eat a horse.

I had a conversation with a young man who had recently graduated from Army Basic Training and was bragging about his being an Army of One. He stated that he had gotten into a fight with some Marines and that it took three Marines to bring him down. He asked me what I thought about that.. His being an Army of One and with the Marines being so tough that it took three of 'em. I told him, Marines stick together. It may be an Army of One, but it's a Corps of Marines. I don't think he liked my answer.
I say, you gotta have pride in who and what you are. If you gotta bring others down to make yourself feel better about your choices in life, you chose the wrong path.

I've got some Marine Corps jokes.. but thsoe are sure to offend!

SF everyone, I hope these brought a smile to your face.

07-11-02, 01:33 PM
I wanta hear them! I won't be offended...unless they're about Wingers! LMAO

07-11-02, 01:37 PM
I want to hear em barrrio!

We are adults and can handle a few jokes!

07-11-02, 02:59 PM
Why don't Marines bathe before going into battle?
They'll just wash up on shore.

What do you call the flap on the front of the Navy Cracker Jack trousers?
A bib for a Marine.

A Marine and a Sailor are in a head. The Marine finishes up first and heads for the door. The Sailor stops him and says, "in the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands after taking a leak." The Marine replies, "in the Marine Corps they teach us not to p.ss on our hands."

What is the lowest form of Marine life?

Oldie but a goodie....
How do you kill a Marine?
Put sandpaper on the wall and tell him to hit the beach.

What happened when the sh.t hit the fan?
It made a m-ah-ah-ah-r-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-i-n-e

This one isn't so much of a joke, but it sure can get a few to spin.
What does the rope on the anchor of the EGA represent?
It is a fouled anchor, as Marines do not serve an apprentiship. But since they are of a maritime service, this makes 'em 'poor seamen.' Go where you want with that one!

Know why they let Marines on board ship?
Sheep are too obvious.
(For those of you who have been on ship, we know it's to field day.. cuz the Navy sure don't know how it's done!)

Why do 2nd Lt's have gold bars?
To distinguish them from officers.

What do Capt's bars represent?
1st Lt, 2nd award.

Do you know the difference between a PFC and a 2nd Lt?
PFC has been promoted. (2nd Lt's hate that one!)

Why is the SgtMaj's MOS 9999?
Highest number you can get without a zero in it.

If a 2nd Lt is busted, will that make him a CWO or a SgtMaj?

In the wing we had a saying..
It takes a college education to break 'em and a high school education to fix 'em.

IYAOYAS.. without ordnance, it's just another mode of transportation.

The Army calls 'em Choppers
The Navy calls 'em Helos
The Air Force calls 'em Copters
The Marines call 'em *pointing up* oh oh oh oh

True story...
Fresh graduates from SOI/ITS are sitting on a hill looking watching the flight line at Pendleton. A plane captain (Sgt or SSgt - it's his plane, he just lets an officer fly it) in a small transport sees them and calls 'em over.. says, "boys we need some help. We can't seem to get this thing started, would you give us a push?" The Marines help out and push this plane down the tarmak. As they get up to fair speed, the plane captain hits the breaks (makes the aircraft bounce) and flips a starter switch, which makes the engines turn but not start. He tell's 'em, "try it again boys!" And they do. He does the thing with the breaks and starter again. He then says, "okay, boys.. 3rd time's a charm! Give her a good push!" These young Marines were near a full run with the aircraft, the plane captain hit the breaks.. then started the engines. These young Marines were very proud of themselves yelling how the Air Wing needed them! There were Capt's and Maj's on the ground rolling with laughter.

Okay.. here's my best.. I love this one cuz I'll tell the others and get some laughs with people from other services but when I tell this one, the guys from the Navy don't see the humor in it. Maybe you can see why.

Sailor is taking a leak in a public restroom. A little boy comes in and stands beside him. Looking up, the boy asks, "are you in the Navy?" The Sailor says, "I sure am, would you like to wear my hat?" The boy says, "Sure" and puts on the hat. A Marine walks in and goes to use a urinal. The boy looks to him and asks, "Are you a Marine?" The Marines says, "Yep, wanna suck my c..k?" To which the boy replies, "Nah.. I'm not really in the Navy, I'm just wearing this guys hat."

07-11-02, 03:50 PM
That's some funny ****! LMAO