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View Full Version : Treasure each and every moment that life brings



thedrifter
10-01-06, 09:03 AM
Originally published October 1, 2006
Treasure each and every moment that life brings

By Charles Wooten
MY VIEW

Breast cancer month has become surprisingly personal to me. When I was 17, the disease took my best friend's mother. That same year, my favorite aunt had an encounter that left her disfigured and afraid for the rest of her life.

One of my cousins had a double mastectomy at 28. She was vibrant and beautiful - then crushed into a worried heap and left to trudge through a lifetime of fear of cancer.
My mother-in-law had a mastectomy in 1981. About three months ago, I learned that two of my cousins have breast cancer; one will not be with us when Christmas comes.

When I learned about the latest victims of breast cancer in my family, I felt a familiar feeling of despair. Fourteen years ago, Sharon, my wife, had breast cancer. We survived it with surgery, radiation and drug therapy.

Two years ago, it came back and we have endured numerous, extensive surgeries. Physically, Sharon has survived; spiritually, she is probably stronger; emotionally, she is fragile as a hummingbird egg.

Nowadays, I find myself wanting to reach out to others who suffer the life-changing devastation that rides the wake of cancer, but I never know how to do it gracefully.

About two months ago, Sharon and I stopped at a Hardee's in Bainbridge, Ga., for breakfast. We walked toward a corner table to drink coffee while we waited on our order.

As I approached our table, I did a redneck Texas two-step to the music piping down from a speaker in the ceiling. I've always done things to embarrass her in public; it's a courtship ritual I have practiced for nearly four decades.

An old gentleman a few feet away smiled and winked at me, then joined us. "How long y'all been married?" he asked.

"We're working on 37 years," Sharon said, "but it seems like I've never had a time in my life when we weren't together."

We made idle chit-chat for a few minutes. When our order was ready, I went and picked it up. Sharon and our new friend, Paul, were deep in a conversation when I got back. Paul said, "Mary and I met when I was in the Navy. We married on our first date; we figured, 'Why wait?' ”

Paul had been in the Navy during the Korean War and then in the Marines in Vietnam. He said the military had been good to him because that was where he met Mary, his one true love - they were never strangers, not even in the moment they met.

"We had 57 years, six months, four days and a few hours." At that, he choked up: "Breast cancer took her from me three months, nine days and a few minutes ago."

I felt a burning in my chest and a lump rise to my throat. Paul said, "She fought it for me; my Mary suffered two years of unbearable pain because I couldn't let her go. Finally, when I had seen her suffer too long just for me, I asked her to let go and end the pain. I told her I'd join her, and it wouldn't be very long."

His voice was quivering; his heart was broken.

"God, I miss her," he said. "You've got time. Make the very best out of each minute - they go by so fast you don't even know they've gone." As he composed himself, Paul said, "It's time for me to go. I've got meals to deliver to the sick and shut in. Mary would want that."

Paul left the restaurant crying. I know a lot about Paul's hurt; I am more afraid of breast cancer than I am of Osama bin Laden. The terrorist's tactics are to society what cancer is to the human body. I would gladly fight the terrorist and his whole army in lieu of facing what breast cancer has done to Sharon and others. That's a choice I can't make.

Medical services, surgery, chemicals and all kinds of therapy help us get through and extend the lives of those who are afflicted with this merciless killer. Breast cancer, like war or terror, is far worse in the carnage of its aftermath. Survivors are left devastated, crushed and feeling hopeless.

When I want to feel sorry for myself, I consider Paul and count myself lucky to have this day. Like Paul, not a single day goes by that I don't fight fears and tears. But tears don't help; fears won't go away. I still live with them, but prayer is my refuge. And I thank God that Sharon and I still have today.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, designed to promote awareness of the disease and provide information about early detection, diagnosis and treatment.

Charles Wooten is a Tallahassee resident. Contact him at WootenSM@aol.com.

Ellie