View Full Version : Getting married while in DEP.
Hey guys, I have a question and looking for some advice. I've been with my fiance for four years, and have been engaged for one. We're planning the wedding for two years from now, extending the engagement yet another year. Originally we were going to get married in October 2007, but have decided to put it off until later.
I don't mind waiting to get married, since I know we're going to be togeather forever anyway, the actual date of the ceremony is more for family than us.
But, as is true with military life, there are two great benefits to marriage. BAH and medical care.
My fiance and I are both college graduates, been togeather for a long time, and know what we're getting into. Respectfully, I don't need a lecture about rushing marriage and the military divorce rate.
What I'm looking to find out is how much of my paperwork will have to be redone if we decide to do a magistrate/paper wedding. I've already passed the physical, DEP'd in, and have a ship date. I will be shipping out October 16th or sooner. I have a POOL function next Saturday, and am going to talk to my recruiter about it then. I would like an idea about what he's going to have to do, though. I know he's going to be ****ed off, but it's my life (for now) and I need to do whats best for my fiance and I. I think that having $20,000 for a house (24 months of BAH), healthcare for both of us, and if something happens to me, death benefits, are worth the hassle.
Thanks again for any help.
ckkinders
08-19-06, 06:48 PM
Definately do it, you can just have a civil wedding and a ceremony later. It is worth it and I'm married (I'm in the DEP and my husband is a Marine.) Marriage is great, and if you know its right..then you will be fine!!!!! I think you would be fine if you already know its what you want, and you probably won't see your fiancee as much as youd see your wife. BAH is nice, and the health insurance is awesome!!!!
Yeah, I agree, thanks for the support. My recruiter is always saying that the most important thing to have a successful first enlistment is to be single and volunteer for everything. I have to question, though, if the USMC frowns upon first enlistment marriages, is it really right for me? I know I can be a good Marine and a good husband at the same time. She's staying in PA and possibly going to Law School, or at least getting her Masters, so we'll be apart either way.
ckkinders
08-19-06, 06:56 PM
Well, in my opinion...my husband is both. He is a good Marine, just went in April and in September he will already be a Lance Corporal. You just need to stay focused on what you have to do for the Marines. I think our marriage is more important than the corps to my husband. He will always be my husband first, and if you have a supportive wife (like me:) it is really great. If she's not around to "distract" you, then the Marine Corps can not frown upon it. The fact is that you do have someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and she's an important part of your life, than you have to think about her when you make your carrer choices anyways. The Marines are tough on families, but it definately brought ours closer together!!!:)
Old Marine
08-19-06, 09:33 PM
The Marine Corps is no harder on families than being married in the disorganized civilian world. It all depends the people who are getting married. As I mentioned in another thread I have been married for 50+ years and 20 of that was in the Corps. If you think your to be wife can put up with you and the Marine Corps, then take the the giant step. Lots of Luck.
Brother,
Do what is in your HEART.. but be sure to use your MIND.
Statistics show that marriages don't work well with the military, not an exception for the Marine Corps, by any means.
Just, whatever you decide, whatever happens, don't blame or let it destroy your love and ESPIRIT DE CORPS for the Marine Corps!
I wish you good luck! Just rememeber this, the Marine Corps is more than a military branch.. it's a BROTHERHOOD.. it is almost like a marriage in itself, if you will.
-Jon :iwo:
Old Marine
08-20-06, 09:01 AM
Brother,
Do what is in your HEART.. but be sure to use your MIND.
Statistics show that marriages don't work well with the military, not an exception for the Marine Corps, by any means.
Just, whatever you decide, whatever happens, don't blame or let it destroy your love and ESPIRIT DE CORPS for the Marine Corps!
I wish you good luck! Just rememeber this, the Marine Corps is more than a military branch.. it's a BROTHERHOOD.. it is almost like a marriage in itself, if you will.
-Jon :iwo:
Young Man, I am glad to see that the Marine Corps gets you very excited, but the reality of things is that for most Marines Family is First, then comes God, then my beloved Corps. If you think the Corps is 1st, then that tells me you have nothing more to turn to for insperation. You alway's have God, Country, Corps, but I rate Family as number one. Maybe that is why my marriage has lasted this long.
ArticMonkee
08-20-06, 02:25 PM
Young Man, I am glad to see that the Marine Corps gets you very excited, but the reality of things is that for most Marines Family is First, then comes God, then my beloved Corps. If you think the Corps is 1st, then that tells me you have nothing more to turn to for insperation. You alway's have God, Country, Corps, but I rate Family as number one. Maybe that is why my marriage has lasted this long.
When I become a Marine that is exactly how it will be my family, god and the Corps. Doesnt mean I am any less dedicated. But for JWG its different since hes still young and not married. I dont think love has bounds so if your married and are in love (not in love with being in love) then you can be as dedicated as those non married Marines. I am a father and husband but I know it wont make me any less when I get through bootcamp then the others.
Young Man, I am glad to see that the Marine Corps gets you very excited, but the reality of things is that for most Marines Family is First, then comes God, then my beloved Corps. If you think the Corps is 1st, then that tells me you have nothing more to turn to for insperation. You alway's have God, Country, Corps, but I rate Family as number one. Maybe that is why my marriage has lasted this long.
Very well put. Thank you.
I know Jon meant well from his thoughts, but they're not what I was looking for, but rather, what he wanted to say. As I said before, I know the statitistics, and I know why Military marriages fail. I also know how military marriages succeed.
I know there were good intentions, but I'll take the lectures about Marine brotherhood from my Dad, Step-Dad, and Uncles who are all former Marines. Or my mother, who lived and raised me in that enviroment. It doesn't carry the same weight from a POOLee thats in a similar station of life as myself. Not that I don't appreciate your enthusiasm and moto, but perhaps you need to further understand what is being said before you add your contribution. Tact is one of the 14 leadership traits for a reason.
I do thank everyone for their support, however. I thought for sure I'd have people giving me hell for not getting married before DEP'ing. The original question still stands, though, what kind of paperwork do you all think I'll have to do to straighten this out?
hrscowboy
08-20-06, 06:19 PM
If our beloved Marine Corps wanted you to have a wife you would be issued one...
Marine84
08-20-06, 07:04 PM
You said you didn't want to catch hell so..............
Well, whatever the matter, I was merely trying to help you, my friend.
I may have mis-read.. but you asked for advice.. I TRIED my best to help guide you.
If you don't like motivation from me, then we won't get along well, I fear.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
-Jon :iwo:
WJason777
08-21-06, 05:40 AM
All have to say is do what you think is best for you, when i signed up for the Marines i told my girlfriend that i didnt want to be with here anymore and lets be friends. I just didnt want her getting in the way. I just didnt want to be that guy and RT always thinking about his girl and whats shes doing, or if shes cheating on me with some other guy with more money. I am not saying that your wife will cheat, but thats how i will look at it for me.
The Sandman
08-23-06, 06:01 AM
If you love her I would personally say to marry her. I too am facing what you are in a way. Granted I am not a poolee, yet, but I am in a position to get married before or after I am a Marine. You feel you will have her forever and that the ceremony is more for family than the two of you. First of all, its for her ;) and she wants it ;) and I am sure she wants it sooner than later. ;) Also, once you have become a Marine you will always be a Marine. Once you, the man, have been taken out of the Corps she will STILL be there. (This is based on your belief that you will be together forever.) Basically what I am saying is you kind of owe it to yourself and her. Besides, on graduation day... well, wink wink nudge nudge say no more say no more.
I'd also like to tell you what my girlfriends dad, a former Marine general, has said on the matter regarding my girlfriend and I. (in a nutshell) If you get married before boot camp you go into boot camp with a wife, not a girlfriend. This is a union recognized by law. A lot of stuff can happen at boot camp, SOI and mos training. If something happens to you, God forbid, then she is entitled by law to be informed and she maintains the rights of a wife to gain access to you. Not to mention whos to say you have enough time to get married between any of these things or the finish of your training and deployment. Basically if you are serious about this girl, prove it.
Family, God, Marine Corps. Whats your order?
ChiefUSMC
08-23-06, 10:57 AM
From experience, it has it's up's and downs what you got to remember is that you are joining the Marine Corps, most Marines have a problem with bringing work home or vise versa make sure to keep the other half informed about everything that goes on. Communication is key to your success in marriage I do not claim to be a counselor on marriage!! I am telling you this because this has been my down fall with two marriages. Unlike myself, they do work the benefits are great. Just make sure its the right one and you will be fine.
Semper Fidelis
GySgt James A. Rowley
NCOIC RSS Wichita North
Office (316)943-8132
Fax (316)942-7010
Cell (316)655-1183
“SUCCESS IS MEASURED NOT SO MUCH BY THE POSITION THAT ONE HAS REACHED IN LIFE AS BY THE OBSTACLES WHICH HE HAS OVERCOME WHILE TRYING TO SUCCEED.”
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