View Full Version : "WOMEN"

07-05-02, 09:19 AM


07-05-02, 09:35 AM
<b>Bob," I call him Bob, because that's his name.

"Bob" Why are women the way they are."

And he said to me, "Sparrowhawk," (not everyone calls me Sparrowhawk, Bob does and the Marines at Leatherneck.com, and Longlegs, She says <i>"Sparrow"</i> with a southern accent.)

Anyways, bob says;
"Sparrowhawk, it all started with Adam"

"With Adam?, I asked?

"Yes, with Adam. God said to him;

Everyone has a companion but you don't. I can give you one that is loving, caring, beautiful, and will do anything and everything what-so-ever you heart desires she will do it for you without question or reservations. ANYTHING!


Adam then asked God, 'what is this gona cost me?'<i>(Yep, he said gona, cause there was no women to correct him at that time)</i>

'Well, God said. It will cost you an arm and a leg!'

Adam thought, about this for awhile then said.

'What can I get for a rib?'</b>

07-05-02, 09:54 AM
God's Kids

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing He said was, "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit?

We have forbidden fruit?

Hey, Eve. . . we have forbidden fruit!"

"No way!"

"Yes, way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.


"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied (wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said,

"Did not!" "Did too!" "DID NOT!

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed!
Author Unknown




07-05-02, 11:11 AM
......for being cheap!!!! :p

should of given up an arm...LOL

07-05-02, 11:33 PM
Will never pull the wool over my eye...LMAO


07-06-02, 10:16 AM
Don't ya love 'em when they get all dressed up and go for their jewelry. Little angels always wanting presents,too.

07-06-02, 10:41 AM
All the women in here are dogs???
Or did you mean female dogs????

Someone might be getting in trouble with CAS, LL and PRMAMA. I'm taking cover.


07-06-02, 10:46 AM
all I did was post a picture! I didn't say ANYTHING like that!

07-07-02, 11:56 PM
We wimmins are things of beauty.


You guys B!@ch a lot...but think about this.

You'd all be queers without us.

me ;)


07-08-02, 12:13 AM
touche, Linda! LOL Women have always had the power..Look at Adam and Eve.....Eve said to Adam, "Eat this." Adam said, "Yes ma'am!" LoL ;) Hey Sparrow...what are the top 10 things that men know about women? ;)

07-08-02, 12:13 AM
yeah but without us men all you girls would be lezbians, and either way all guys would be hapy with either.

07-08-02, 12:53 AM
alternative 2 "the Crazy Hand Jive"

it's all just a rush

07-08-02, 01:19 AM
have a drink, dear.

07-08-02, 01:24 AM
would you like something a bit stronger?

07-08-02, 01:25 AM
I should have known one wouldn't be enough.

07-08-02, 01:28 AM
You know how much like a witch you are when you drink the hard stuff.

07-08-02, 05:19 AM
We'd all be queer without you. Well, guess we NOW know who the sexist ones really are. Personally, I'd just be fishing or hunting or at the bar alot more , without having to think if I upset your feelings or not.
But then, being a real man, I don't care to begin with.
*Barndog stands tall, waiting for it like a Marine*
Take yer shot's ladies - I can handle it.

Semper FI

p.s: bones.. you gave her Jack? I was figgerin maybe Kessler or Guckenheimer....... not our Jack...... (Barndog quickly checks bone's pulse)

10-19-02, 07:25 PM

10-19-02, 10:29 PM
That what is most important to women, from men, is honesty.

Like the other day. My wife asked me if the outfit she had put on before we headed out made her look fat.

Well, I looked her over and said, in all honesty, "no, it does not. It's that roll of blubber around your mid section that makes you look fat."


And if ya think that's amazing, I'm still alive to tell the story!

Semper Fi!

10-19-02, 10:53 PM
dang burn it I should say something in favor of women folk, but can't since I don't understand men folk and can't understand why they have a problem dealing with us...all ya gotta do is say yes ma'am :D

10-20-02, 07:51 AM
about that.

We were out shopping, and my daughter asked, mom, what's a ma'am?

Now, my daughter was only five years old, so, my wife sat her down and for about five-six minutes tried to explain to a five year old what a ma'am was.

Finally, my wife asked her, "now, do you understand what a ma'am is?"

And, my daughter still a bit confused said.

"Yes, but then why did that man over there, say to that women excuse me ma'am."


You, see WOMEN can be so confusing!

10-20-02, 08:51 AM
I don't think I ever really understood the concept of ma'am. I get called that alot now in respect for my age. :P I remember when it first started happening, feeling a bit irritated with it. I never considered myself a ma'am. But I reckon there isn't any other way to polietly address a woman. :confused:

10-20-02, 04:42 PM
Awww Bones..you know I don't drink the hard stuff. It makes me all fluzzy and amorous. I fact, I haven't even had a beer in 2 months. Dang no wonder I ain't gettin none.:confused: :cry: :D


House Mouse
10-21-02, 09:28 PM

10-21-02, 11:24 PM
...I've got some hard stuff for ya dear....;)

11-08-02, 01:53 PM
Well, yer in the 'state of portland' J, there's plenty of 'em to be found... do ya turn out for the parade? LOL

11-08-02, 08:02 PM
wimmin.....vant live without um.....pass the beer nuts

kinda like um meself

11-27-02, 10:00 PM
At the 2002 World Women's Conference the first speaker from England stood up: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.

After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

The crowd cheered.

The second speaker from America stood up: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."

The crowd cheered.

The third speaker married to a Marine stood up: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

11-27-02, 11:34 PM
Dam Sparrow, ain't that the truth..struck too close to home

11-28-02, 02:38 AM
To politely address a woman?

Well, I think ya say, "Here darlin'", as you hand her what she was wearing just a little bit ago, "Isn't this address you were wearing a little bit ago?"

11-29-02, 09:24 AM
This comic reminded me first of Ladyleatherneck, ROTFLMAO and something Barrio-Rat once said, he told his wife.......LMAO

He's lucky he's still alive, I may not be once LL sees the above..LMAO


11-30-02, 10:16 AM
LOL... right on! Well, at least my wife has a sense of humor... most days. Can only say a joke like that before you take her out to some fancy place... like Wendy's. ;)

Here's one for ya.

St. Peter is at the gates to heaven and there's two lines - one is very long and the other only has one man standing in it. The sign for the long line reads MEN WHO WERE HEN PECKED BY THIER WIVES, the sign above the man standing alone read MEN WHO WHERE THEIR OWN MEN. St. Peter goes over to the man and asked him why he was the only one standing there. The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me I should stand here."

11-30-02, 02:45 PM
The ONLY good answer to...

"does my butt look big"


to just....



Yea Baby :D :D :D

11-30-02, 05:36 PM
We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything
that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it
brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption
the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those
budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have
to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton
rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the
first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus
through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little
cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and
water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day
leaning over Brother John.

Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live
with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night
and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once
flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our
pants every time we sneeze.

When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will
invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our
big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff
and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming,
Mrs. In-Labor.

Calm down and push. Just one more (10 more) good push," warranting a
strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the b******d square
in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb.
bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all
that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking,
jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

The teen years. Need I say more?

The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual
prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while Horny Dude had his somewhere around
his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early hot
man sex got you pregnant in the first place).

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grand- mother of
all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those
now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat
like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the
head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men
get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee
in the woods without soaking their socks?

I love being a woman (call me crazy) but "Womanhood" would make the
Great Gandhi more spiteful!!!

And they say women are the "weaker sex." HA!

11-30-02, 08:31 PM





11-30-02, 09:38 PM
Yeah Sophora.... Just think what it's like to have the hard job us men have! LOL

11-30-02, 10:07 PM
Nice piece of work Janine! When I get done laughing I'll finish here! All you women must be related somehow! Your words, but my wife's voice! BUT, do you realize how hard it was to command a unit of a wife and three daughters? Give me a marine fire team anyday, with that I can relax!

12-02-02, 09:35 PM
Dammm Bones i wouldnt be in your shoes for nuthin.

12-04-02, 12:13 PM
Here ya go...


Once upon a time,
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and setup housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever
feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't fvcking think so.

12-04-02, 12:17 PM

Great One Barrio!!!

Cellar Rat
12-04-02, 02:24 PM
Ya gotta love the women, who else is gonna cook and clean our hooches? Well, I love em dearly, especially when they drive cars, it's amusing and an experience to say the least.

But God, do I love Women

Semper Fi

Been away awhile, how is Life in here as we know it?

12-04-02, 02:36 PM
Parallel parking? Nope... must be perpendicular parking! LOL

12-04-02, 02:50 PM
Greensideout, I wish I could take credit for that piece. A friend of mine sent it to me. Author is unknown I reckon.

01-03-03, 12:00 PM
Hay I just had A thought??? darndest thing ...and tryn as i may it just wont go away....so here it is...... Ma'am is a rather nice way to greet a woman
being that it may be more proper as Ma'ams
or Mammary
hummmmm guess we could just say Howdy ti!s

Hummmmm..........think ill stick with Ma'am...and just think the other one