PDA

View Full Version : I'll Give you Three



firstsgtmike
12-21-02, 07:33 AM
1st Christmas Letter...

Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at
the Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only
thing made out of wood!).

So they stick us in this stable
full of stale hay and stinking animals and guess what???
I go right into labor.

My OB doc said: "Make the trip."

Anyway, we have a new baby boy that we think is truly
special. But it's been a madhouse ever since! First,
we can't agree on a name. Joseph likes Emmanuel - I'm
holding out for Jesus.

Next, all these shepherds stop by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad enough). At least those three camel jockeys brought gifts (ever try to exchange myrrh without a receipt?)

We can't get a good night's sleep with that strange star shining through the cracks in the ceiling, and every store in town is
sold out of swaddling.

Well, got to go!

Joseph had another one of his goofy visions so I guess we're off to Egypt. This time, I make the reservations!

All my love, Mary

firstsgtmike
12-21-02, 07:40 AM
Second One:

God had a hectic week, and the angels suggested that he take a vacation.

They discussed various places in the galaxy, until one brought up the subject of the planet Earth, in the galaxy of the Sun. He hadn't been here for a while.

"Not only NO, but HELL NO. I was there about 2,000 yours ago, knocked up that little Jewish broad, and they've been talking about it ever since.

firstsgtmike
12-21-02, 07:48 AM
Third one. (You get to vote on your choice.

The Pope died and, naturally, went immediately to heaven. St. Peter told him that since he was a VIP, he had one free wish coming.

The Pope chose to meet Mother Mary, the Virgin Mother.

"Mother Mary, I have adored you all of my life. I have read everything that was written about you, and rejoiced in every painting of you.

I noticed that in every painting, you looked so sad. Why is that?"

And she answered, with a shy smile, "Well to tell you the truth, I really wanted a girl."

firstsgtmike
12-21-02, 08:39 AM
Now, Buddy Hackett style, Chinese food.

Choose one from column A, and one from column B. Flied Lice is included flee with every order.

The owner started out as the coolee responsible for providing water and meals to the guys working in the mines.

Six guys were hired that day, and he was hired as Supply Sgt.

At the end of a looooooong hot, dry, day, after the crew had no food or water since they arrived, they went looking for him.

He couldn't understand what the problem was. He waited until the search party was passing the boulder he was hiding behind, jumped out, and shouted "Supplize !"

firstsgtmike
12-21-02, 10:50 AM
Morton Downey Jr. was fired from his job as radio talk show host in Sacramento as a result of that joke.

I had been on his show a few days previous to that, promoting my book and investment advisor servises.

Some months later, Morton became the host of a nationally syndicated tv show.

I guess the powers that be preferred his jokes to whatever anyone else had to offer.

Politically correct or not, I still thought the joke was funny.

(So did he.)

wrbones
12-21-02, 11:49 AM
It's only a bad pun! LOL. **** 'em if they can't take a joke.

When we can't laugh at ourselves, we've lost something that makes us human.

What's the name of yer book, First Sergeant? I ask so that folks'll know we ain't all as illiterate as I am! :D

Art Petersn
12-21-02, 03:16 PM
Nominated for "Quote of the Year" is the statement made by Texas
Congressman Dick Armey when asked: "If you had been in President
Clinton's place, would you have resigned?"

Armey responded: "If I had been in the President's place, I would not
have gotten a chance to resign. I would be lying in a pool of my own
blood, looking up, and listening to Mrs. Armey saying, 'How do I reload
this damn thing?'"