View Full Version : The Friday Funnies from COMNAVSAFECEN Norfolk, VA

12-03-02, 01:04 PM
Welcome to another edition of the friday funnies, which is
just like those funny home videos on teevee, except they aren't
videos and some didn't seem that funny during the ensuing
ambulance rides.
At 0230, an MM3 and several buddies are riding down a dark road
in the boondocks of New Mexico. The driver is going a tad fast,
but what the hey--they're out in the middle of nowhere and there's
no other traffic.
Well, there are those four deer that just popped up in the
headlights. Now the decision to not wear seatbelts begins to look
suspect. Actually, for the MM3 and the other guy in the back, the
decision had been taken out of their hands when the owner had
removed the seatbelts in order to (the message says) "customize"
the 4Runner into an "off-road vehicle."
He is suddenly getting a chance to see how it performs in its
new customized capacity by swerving onto the shoulder of the road.
And the survey says: not that good. He over-corrects (boy, is that
a surprise), and the vehicle does a forward roll that would have
earned a b-plus from any high-school tumbling coach in the
Amazingly, the two guys in the front keep their seats.
Predictably, the two guys in the back fly off into the darkness
(by the way, the driver had also taken off the removable top). The
MM3's two-second flight nets him four days in the hospital and
five weeks off work, thanks to a dented skull, fractured clavicle
and ruptured spleen.
While at morning quarters, an EN2 heard word passed over 1MC
about a casualty on a reefer compressor. He left aft steering and
hustled down a ladderwell without looking where he was going.
"Whee!" about sums up what happened next, and "hustled" might not
be quite the right verb. "Zoomed" is better. The starboard stores
slide was down because someone hadn't installed the retaining
pins. Thus the slide, rather than transporting boxes of groceries,
was able to transport the EN2, quickly and painfully.
Dented but determined, he took care of the compressor casualty,
then limped to medical so that docs could attend to his own
personal casualty, a sprained ankle.
Was the problem something technical or complicated? No. The
pins were in stock and available. The design was fine. Nothing was
defective--except the thought process of whoever didn't put the
pins back in after they used the slide. As the frigate did its
usual nautical shimmy and shake, the slide had just slipped down.
Incidentally, only one pin was installed on the port slide.
The crew got some refresher training on how to use and secure
the stores slide. Supervisors were reminded to check the retaining
pins once in a while. Everyone was told for the gazillionth time
to look where they're going as they navigate the ladders and knee-
knockers aboard their haze-gray estate.
When responding to a shipboard casualty, becoming one yourself
doesn't help much. Life aboard ship is demanding enough without
setting booby-traps for ourselves, doncha think?
Lots of people develop early warning systems to alert them that
something funky is going to happen. When the canary flopped over,
the coal miner started running and climbing. When the woolly
caterpillars get extra thick, country folks start chopping extra
firewood. And when I see the word "bonfire" in a message, I know
that a Friday funny episode is about to be described.
It is perhaps appropriate that the star of the following
cartoon was an FN. The ludicrous events might have had a little
something to do with the 14 beers and three-quarters of a bottle
of vodka that he had swilled between 1900 and 2300. At that point,
he was more well-lit than the fading bonfire, so he started
breaking up some pallets to feed the flames. He lost his balance,
stuck his right foot into the fire, stumbled forward to complete
the double-hotfoot, then sprinted into the ocean to cool off his
smoking extremities. His next move, and I know this is going to
amaze you, was to glug down another six-pack (hey, breaking up
pallets and doing the cha-cha on charcoal is hot work!).
Long about midnight, he and his buddies headed home, but since
the fireman's foot looked more sauteed than they had realized
(after their earlier, bleary-eyed examination in the dark), they
made a quick stop at the closest Naval Hospital. The fireman was
treated and told to return when his blood-alcohol level got down
below "flammable." They admitted him the next day with second-
degree burns to his right foot and leg. Doctors told him that if
his wooden leg had been literal instead of figurative, he would
have had to whittle himself a few new toes (naw, they didn't
really say that, but wouldn't it be great?).
Seems an MM3 was standing watch in a main machinery room whilst
his ship was underway in the Arabian Sea. He hollered to his
supervisor, who was several feet away. The supervisor was
oblivious. So the MM3, for reasons known only to himself and
goofus (the patron saint of skylarking) crept up behind the
supervisor, grabbed him by the shoulders and yanked him backward.
He toppled onto the MM3's leg. The MM3 now had his supervisor's
full attention. Unfortunately, he also had a broken tibia and
fibula (if your knowledge of the skeletal system is sketchy, just
think "10 days in the hospital, 45 days away from work and six
months of hobbling around after that").