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thedrifter
02-20-06, 07:31 AM
A Day With The White House 'Gaggle'
By Vincent Fiore
February 20, 2006

Editor's Note: While this column is satire it isn't far from what actually took place in White House briefings last week.

Lately, a typical day in the life of the mainstream media sounds something like your average trial-by-mob assemblage.

For our purposes here, the setting will be the White House press room. On "trial" is the entire Bush administration. Specifically, the main topic of discussion is the recent accidental shooting of a fellow hunter and friend by Vice President Cheney.

White House press secretary Scott McClellan holds what is commonly referred to as the "Gaggle," a near-daily briefing given to the chief White House correspondents of their "respected" news outlets.

Here then, is a day in the life of the mainstream media and its oft-times rambunctious and conspiracy-obsessed questioning regarding anything this White House does.

Scott McClellan: Good afternoon, everyone. I'd like to begin with a little preview of tomorrow's remarks in Ohio. The president will be traveling to Dublin, Ohio, tomorrow to deliver remarks on his health care agenda. The president has outlined a comprehensive plan to make health care more affordable and available for all Americans. It is focused on expanding choice, lowering cost, and improving quality of care through common-sense, innovative reforms.

With that being said, I will be glad to take your questions. David?

David Sanger, New York Times: Scott, do you think it was appropriate for the vice president to wait so long in telling the world--and by that I mean us in the media--about this shooting?

McClellan: Accidental shooting, David. I believe the vice president's office had a

statement within...

Sanger: That's not what I asked. Why are you delaying here, Scott? Are you hiding something?

McClellan: Not at all, David. We give it to you, the press, as soon as we know...

Helen Thomas, Hearst Newspapers: Ari, why the hell is the vice president hunting buffalo in New Jersey while there are children starving in New Orleans?

McClellan: Helen, I assume you mean my predecessor, Ari Fleisher, who is not here any longer. As to children starving in New Orleans, I do not believe...

Thomas: Did the vice president shoot a buffalo or not, Ari?

McClellan: (sigh...) No, Helen, the vice president never got a clean shot. Matt?

Matthew Cooper, Time: Scott, is it true that the man that vice president Cheney shot is a covert agent for the FBI, CIA, DOI, and DWI? Isn't Harry Whittington, in fact, Sir Charles Lytton, AKA the notorious "phantom"?

McClellan: Wait a minute, Matt. That's a character in a movie, I believe, played by...

Cooper: A movie made by this White House team in 1964, Scott? Knowing that it might be useful on just such an occasion? Did Karl Rove do the casting?

McClellan: Let's stick to the topic, gang. I have a progress report on Mr. Whittington that I will be handing out after the briefing. David?

David Gregory, NBC: Scott, why hasn't the president stepped in on this? Is there any truth to the rumor that the ranch in Texas where this so-called "accident" took place is where he and the vice president have hidden the WMD's to be shipped to Iraq at a future date? To support his "rational" for going to war?

McClellan: David, I don't think that is a fair characterization of...

Gregory: What did you say, you over-fed and over-paid White House knickknack? Stop trying to make me look like a jerk...we know an answer when we hear it. We'll decide whether or not the answer fits our agenda, Scott.

McClellan: David, can we try to keep this on a professional...wait...you're getting excited...oops! Could someone get David's pacifier? It fell out of his mouth and rolled, I believe, under the CNN correspondent's chair...Dana? Thank you.

Gregory: (arms flailing, eyes flashing) We ARE the unbiased and partisan-free final word...the guardians of America...

McClellan: Yes, David. I see you're hosting "Hardball" again tonight. Jim?

Jim VandeHei, Washington Post: Scott, is this shooting an impeachable offense? Or possibly a resignation of office? I mean, were talking about a shotgun blast to the face here...

McClellan: Jim, that's stretching it a bit too far. The vice president has done nothing criminal here, he...

VandeHei: The vice president? No, I mean President Bush! It's obvious that this goes to the top of the food chain here. First the Enron scandal, then the Tsunamis in Asia, then Hurricane Katrina, and now a "shooting" incident...does the president want to apologize to the American people for any this?

McClellan: Jim, I think you may have misplaced some key events here. You forgot 9/11, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and the fight against terrorism in general. Why not get the president to apologize for everything while you are at it, including the sinking of the Titanic? Last Question ... Jessica:

Jessica Yellin, ABC: A two part question --There have been accounts that Republicans on the Hill feel that this has damaged the party, in general. Is that a message that was conveyed to the president when they had breakfast here with him? And do you see a correlation -- as many reportedly do see -- a connection between the shooting of Mr. Whittington and the recent publication of some of the old pictures from Abu Ghraib? Are you upset with the publication at this time? And on Guantanamo, is there any credibility to U.N. calls to close down Guantanamo? Does the administration admit to the fact that the vice president shot Mr. Whittingham in order to deflect public and media scrutiny regarding the "domestic spying program" enacted by the NSA?

McClellan: I count about six questions there, Jessica, but so what? That's what you people of the press are here for -- to ask the relevant and important questions that help keep a democracy a democracy. The people of the country are well-served when a free and open press -- professionals with years of journalistic experience -- can accurately report on events, political or otherwise.

But until that happens, we'll just have to muddle along with you people. Thank you all.


Vincent Fiore is a freelance political writer who lives in New York City. His work can be seen on a host of sites, including the American Conservative Union, GOPUSA, ChronWatch, and Opinioneditorials. Vincent is a staff writer for the New Media Alliance and a contributing writer for NewsBusters.org. He receives e-mail at: Anwar004@aol.com

Ellie

thedrifter
02-20-06, 07:54 AM
What if Dick Cheney Hadn’t Stiffed the Press?
February 20th, 2006
Herbert E. Meyer

For more than a week now, the press has been beating up on Vice President Dick Cheney for his handling – or, rather, for his mis-handling – of how the accidental shooting of his friend while on a hunting trip in Texas was disclosed. The theme that runs through all this criticism is that the Vice President made a terrible mistake in not arranging for news of the shooting to be disclosed immediately, rather than waiting 14 hours to put out the word.

But what if Dick Cheney hadn’t stiffed the press? Let’s conduct what scientists call a “thought experiment.” Let’s press the rewind button and go back to the very moment of the accidental shooting….

Cheney spots a quail, pulls the trigger—and to his horror Harry Whittington falls to the ground. Without a moment’s hesitation the Vice President reaches into his pocket, pulls out his cell phone, and calls NBC News White House Correspondent David Gregory.

Gregory? This is Cheney. I’m hunting in Texas and I’ve just accidentally shot my friend.

When?

Thirty seconds ago, maybe forty. Took a while to find your number.

Is he dead or alive?

Don’t know. But I thought I better call you to get the word out fast.

While this conversation is taking place, another conversation is taking place on television:

Welcome to Hardball, I’m Chris Matthews. According to a new MSNBC poll, the Bush Administration is now the most hated and distrusted Administration in our country’s history. The question is, why. My guests today have two very different perspectives on all this. Nancy Pelosi is the House Democratic leader, and Katrina Vanden Heuvel is the highly-respected editor of the non-partisan magazine, The Nation. It’s a pleasure to have you ladies on the show today. I must say, both of you are not only brainy, but gorgeous – I mean, really hot. I wonder why it is that Democrats aren’t afraid of smart, good-looking women. I was just talking with my kid brother in Philadelphia – did I mention he’s just been nominated for Lieutenant Governor – and he was saying…..Wait a minute. We’ve got breaking news from David Gregory. David, you’re on the air.

Chris, the Vice President has just shot his friend in Texas. Right now, that’s all we know, but –

My god, David, you really are a great reporter. What a scoop. You’re amazing. What you’re saying is that Cheney’s first thought was the public-relations, that all he really cares about is getting out first with the news so that he can control the spin.

That’s right, Chris. As you know, that’s the one thing this White House really does well. Frankly, I was astonished by my conversation with the Vice President. I got the impression he cared more about getting out the word than about his friend’s life.

Well, remember David, Cheney used to run Halliburton and in the corporate world life is cheap. I just can’t get over the way this Bush Administration gave all those fat contracts in Iraq to their friends in the business community. Congresswoman Pelosi, what’s your take on this? By the way, it really is an honor to have you on the show. You’re great, the way you cut through all the spin and –

Thank you, Chris. It seems to me that –

No, really, it’s people like you that make politics a respected profession. We’re just about out of time and –

—there’s a lot to this story we just don’t know. Right now we only have the Vice President’s word that the shooting just happened and –

I want to bring Katrina into this. Katrina – by the way, that leather jacket is just stunning – what’s your take on this? We’re just about out of time and –

This is just so typical of this gun-loving Bush crowd. They have no regard whatsoever for human life. Why would anyone be surprised that Cheney shot someone? We’re killing people in Iraq every day, and this Administration has tried to jail photographers who’ve tried to take pictures of dead –

Katrina, you’re great. Just fantastic. That’s it for today’s edition of Hardball. I’m Chris Matthews, and we’ll be back tomorrow with more about this new scandal involving the Bush Administration’s latest maneuver to manipulate public opinion about the war.

Now, let’s fast-forward to the 5PM editors’ meeting at The New York Times, where key decisions are made about the next day’s edition…. On second thought, let’s not. You get the point: The mainstream press hates the Bush Administration generally, and the Vice President in particular. Its only objective is to discredit the Bush Administration, and by doing so to increase the chances of a Democratic victory in the upcoming 2006 elections and, of course, in the 2008 Presidential election. So rather than cover the news, they manufacture one “scandal” after another.

Simply put, the mainstream press was looking for an excuse to stick it to Dick Cheney, and they found one. The only thing we can be sure of is that it won’t be long before another senior member of the Bush Administration becomes the victim of a manufactured “scandal” – and then another, and another…..

Herbert E. Meyer served during the Reagan Administration as Special Assistant to the Director of Central Intelligence and Vice Chairman of the CIA’s National Intelligence Council. His DVD on The Siege of Western Civilization has become an international best-seller. In his own one and only appearance on Hardball, Herb was not described by Chris Matthews as either brainy or gorgeous. Herb would have settled – happily—for one of the two.




Ellie

OLE SARG
02-20-06, 09:18 AM
Draw a picture of a little bitty, tiny, tiny, penis and label it "White House Media"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are all a bunch of pricks!!!

SEMPER FI,

Osotogary
02-20-06, 06:25 PM
Seems like there is a whole lot of gaggling going on.