thedrifter
02-12-06, 09:16 AM
Dear Diary, Lynn Swann haunts me
By Eric Heyl
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Sunday, February 12, 2006
I>Excerpts from Gov. Ed Rendell's diary:
Feb. 5, 2006
Dear Diary,
How he haunts me.
I'm in Detroit for the Super Bowl. My beloved Philadelphia Eagles aren't in the big game, but I can root for the Steelers -- they're from Pittsburgh, which is practically in Pennsylvania, right?
So just before the game begins, I'm wolfing down some chicken wings -- or maybe it was a cheesesteak, a piece of pizza or some bratwurst, I don't remember -- and all these former Super Bowl most valuable players are introduced.
I look down on the field. There he is.
Lynn Swann!
That dastardly ex-Steeler wide receiver, my likely Republican opponent in the November election, is down there on the field waving to people!
I can't believe it. Hundreds of millions of people see his smiling face on TV, and it didn't cost him a dime in campaign money.
I swear, I almost choked on my chicken wings -- or maybe it was a cheesesteak, a piece of pizza or some bratwurst, I don't remember.
Feb. 7, 2006
Dear Diary,
I'm in Pittsburgh -- get this, it is in Pennsylvania -- for the Steelers' Super Bowl victory rally. In an election year, I figure it can't hurt to be seen cheering along with 250,000 ecstatic fans, even if they don't root for the Eagles.
Hoping some TV camera might spot me, I elbow my way to within about 100 feet of the stage where the Steelers will address the crowd. Who suddenly appears onstage to introduce the Steelers and receives nearly as much applause as the players themselves?
Lynn Swann!
My blood pressure skyrockets. How I wish my beloved Eagles had won the Super Bowl instead.
Feb. 9, 2006
Dear Diary,
I'm back in Pittsburgh holding an expensive fundraiser at LeMont. If I'm going to beat this Swann character, I'm apparently going to need every dollar I can get.
Truth be told, I also need to get Swann out of my mind, and it's kind of dull hanging out with all these stiffs who just handed me checks. When Pittsburgh Mayor Bob O'Connor suggests bolting across town to catch the Pitt-West Virginia basketball game, I say, "Way to go, Bobby O!"
No sooner do we take our seats when O'Connor nudges me and points to a guy shaking hands with fans just a few sections away. Guess who it happens to be?
Lynn Swann!
I curse my miserable fate.
Feb. 10, 2006
Dear Diary,
I awake in good spirits. I'm still in Pittsburgh -- a city I wish wasn't in Pennsylvania -- but I will be returning to Harrisburg right after breakfast. I plan to spend the entire day secluded in the basement of the governor's mansion so there's no way I can run into you-know-who.
My mood sours the moment I open my hotel room door and pick up my courtesy copy of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.
I grimace at the huge headline spread across the top of the front page. I skim the story underneath, which contains polling results for the governor's race indicating I am in a statistical dead heat with Lynn Swann!
How he haunts me, dear diary. How he haunts me.
Eric Heyl can be reached at eheyl@tribweb.com or (412) 320-7857.
Ellie
By Eric Heyl
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Sunday, February 12, 2006
I>Excerpts from Gov. Ed Rendell's diary:
Feb. 5, 2006
Dear Diary,
How he haunts me.
I'm in Detroit for the Super Bowl. My beloved Philadelphia Eagles aren't in the big game, but I can root for the Steelers -- they're from Pittsburgh, which is practically in Pennsylvania, right?
So just before the game begins, I'm wolfing down some chicken wings -- or maybe it was a cheesesteak, a piece of pizza or some bratwurst, I don't remember -- and all these former Super Bowl most valuable players are introduced.
I look down on the field. There he is.
Lynn Swann!
That dastardly ex-Steeler wide receiver, my likely Republican opponent in the November election, is down there on the field waving to people!
I can't believe it. Hundreds of millions of people see his smiling face on TV, and it didn't cost him a dime in campaign money.
I swear, I almost choked on my chicken wings -- or maybe it was a cheesesteak, a piece of pizza or some bratwurst, I don't remember.
Feb. 7, 2006
Dear Diary,
I'm in Pittsburgh -- get this, it is in Pennsylvania -- for the Steelers' Super Bowl victory rally. In an election year, I figure it can't hurt to be seen cheering along with 250,000 ecstatic fans, even if they don't root for the Eagles.
Hoping some TV camera might spot me, I elbow my way to within about 100 feet of the stage where the Steelers will address the crowd. Who suddenly appears onstage to introduce the Steelers and receives nearly as much applause as the players themselves?
Lynn Swann!
My blood pressure skyrockets. How I wish my beloved Eagles had won the Super Bowl instead.
Feb. 9, 2006
Dear Diary,
I'm back in Pittsburgh holding an expensive fundraiser at LeMont. If I'm going to beat this Swann character, I'm apparently going to need every dollar I can get.
Truth be told, I also need to get Swann out of my mind, and it's kind of dull hanging out with all these stiffs who just handed me checks. When Pittsburgh Mayor Bob O'Connor suggests bolting across town to catch the Pitt-West Virginia basketball game, I say, "Way to go, Bobby O!"
No sooner do we take our seats when O'Connor nudges me and points to a guy shaking hands with fans just a few sections away. Guess who it happens to be?
Lynn Swann!
I curse my miserable fate.
Feb. 10, 2006
Dear Diary,
I awake in good spirits. I'm still in Pittsburgh -- a city I wish wasn't in Pennsylvania -- but I will be returning to Harrisburg right after breakfast. I plan to spend the entire day secluded in the basement of the governor's mansion so there's no way I can run into you-know-who.
My mood sours the moment I open my hotel room door and pick up my courtesy copy of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.
I grimace at the huge headline spread across the top of the front page. I skim the story underneath, which contains polling results for the governor's race indicating I am in a statistical dead heat with Lynn Swann!
How he haunts me, dear diary. How he haunts me.
Eric Heyl can be reached at eheyl@tribweb.com or (412) 320-7857.
Ellie