thedrifter
02-02-06, 07:52 AM
Military Engagement: The closer we get, the further away I feel
By Theresa Stahl
Thursday, February 2, 2006
Editor's Note: This continuing series follows the lives of Luke Anderson, 25, and Daily News reporter Theresa Stahl, 28. The couple was engaged in May and are planning an April wedding — after Luke returns from Iraq.
Although our wedding is less than three months away, it doesn’t feel any closer than it did when the deployment began five months ago.
I’ve been finalizing the invitations and tux rental and my first bridal shower is this weekend. However, most of my attention is on Luke’s return, which makes the wedding almost an afterthought.
As I count days until he returns in April, I find myself not only missing him, but also desiring a sense of normalcy that our relationship has never really enjoyed.
Everything we’re going through is the opposite of what most people go through. It should be a time that we focus on getting to know each other in ways that will prepare us to be husband and wife, a time to discuss important decisions for our future, a time to cherish.
Instead, I struggle just to find a way to communicate with him. Our phone calls have turned into reports, not conversations.
When we have to wait three weeks to talk because of an operation, as it was this past Sunday, we spend most of our time just trying to get caught up. I find myself talking quickly, trying to get everything in, but when we hang up I feel more like I finished a press conference than a conversation with my fiancé.
Part of it is because the phone center on Luke’s base gives him little privacy (sometimes I catch parts of conversations from Marines sitting next to him).
Part of it is the delay that happens with the VOIP phones (Luke swears he will never invest in that technology).
But mostly is because our conversations don’t seem tangible. At the end all I have to look forward to is more waiting for another phone call.
E-mail isn’t any better. Although we enjoy consistency, it removes much of the intimacy of hearing each other’s voice.
Letters are better because there is much effort to produce them, but there is significant delayed gratification.
But for all the struggles to communicate, the deployment also has brought us together. The lack of convenience means that both of us make sacrifices to try to overcome the distance.
When you can see weekly examples of the sacrifice a person is willing to make for you, you can’t but help love them more.
When the long lines at the phone center meant that our conversations were getting cut short, Luke started getting up at 2:30 a.m. several mornings a week, when there was no line, just so we could talk longer. Last time we talked, he had only slept three hours the night before.
He’s told me how much it means to have an e-mail waiting for him each morning. At last count, we have exchanged almost 200 e-mails — at least one every day, except when he has been away from a computer. While he’s out on a mission, I still write to him every night.
Even while we are thousands of miles apart, we both set aside time in our schedules to reach out. And those expressions have deepened my love for Luke. He has told me that the same is true for him.
While Luke has been gone, I’ve made friends with some of the wives and girlfriends of his military buddies, and they say it’ll be exciting when we get into the homestretch of the deployment.
I’m more than ready for it. I want to be more excited about the wedding, too. Hopefully with the bridal shower, I’ll feel like the wedding is coming up and that we’re on our way to having a normal relationship.
Military Engagement appears in Neapolitan on alternate Thursdays, through the couple’s wedding date is on April 29. The next column will appear on Feb. 16. To read previous columns, go to web.naplesnews.com/special/militaryengagement/. Theresa Stahl can be contacted at tmstahl@naplesnews.com.
By Theresa Stahl
Thursday, February 2, 2006
Editor's Note: This continuing series follows the lives of Luke Anderson, 25, and Daily News reporter Theresa Stahl, 28. The couple was engaged in May and are planning an April wedding — after Luke returns from Iraq.
Although our wedding is less than three months away, it doesn’t feel any closer than it did when the deployment began five months ago.
I’ve been finalizing the invitations and tux rental and my first bridal shower is this weekend. However, most of my attention is on Luke’s return, which makes the wedding almost an afterthought.
As I count days until he returns in April, I find myself not only missing him, but also desiring a sense of normalcy that our relationship has never really enjoyed.
Everything we’re going through is the opposite of what most people go through. It should be a time that we focus on getting to know each other in ways that will prepare us to be husband and wife, a time to discuss important decisions for our future, a time to cherish.
Instead, I struggle just to find a way to communicate with him. Our phone calls have turned into reports, not conversations.
When we have to wait three weeks to talk because of an operation, as it was this past Sunday, we spend most of our time just trying to get caught up. I find myself talking quickly, trying to get everything in, but when we hang up I feel more like I finished a press conference than a conversation with my fiancé.
Part of it is because the phone center on Luke’s base gives him little privacy (sometimes I catch parts of conversations from Marines sitting next to him).
Part of it is the delay that happens with the VOIP phones (Luke swears he will never invest in that technology).
But mostly is because our conversations don’t seem tangible. At the end all I have to look forward to is more waiting for another phone call.
E-mail isn’t any better. Although we enjoy consistency, it removes much of the intimacy of hearing each other’s voice.
Letters are better because there is much effort to produce them, but there is significant delayed gratification.
But for all the struggles to communicate, the deployment also has brought us together. The lack of convenience means that both of us make sacrifices to try to overcome the distance.
When you can see weekly examples of the sacrifice a person is willing to make for you, you can’t but help love them more.
When the long lines at the phone center meant that our conversations were getting cut short, Luke started getting up at 2:30 a.m. several mornings a week, when there was no line, just so we could talk longer. Last time we talked, he had only slept three hours the night before.
He’s told me how much it means to have an e-mail waiting for him each morning. At last count, we have exchanged almost 200 e-mails — at least one every day, except when he has been away from a computer. While he’s out on a mission, I still write to him every night.
Even while we are thousands of miles apart, we both set aside time in our schedules to reach out. And those expressions have deepened my love for Luke. He has told me that the same is true for him.
While Luke has been gone, I’ve made friends with some of the wives and girlfriends of his military buddies, and they say it’ll be exciting when we get into the homestretch of the deployment.
I’m more than ready for it. I want to be more excited about the wedding, too. Hopefully with the bridal shower, I’ll feel like the wedding is coming up and that we’re on our way to having a normal relationship.
Military Engagement appears in Neapolitan on alternate Thursdays, through the couple’s wedding date is on April 29. The next column will appear on Feb. 16. To read previous columns, go to web.naplesnews.com/special/militaryengagement/. Theresa Stahl can be contacted at tmstahl@naplesnews.com.