Ed Palmer
11-19-05, 12:07 PM
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Scientists Successfully Clone West Virginian
10/17/2003 - William Grim
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Wheeling, West Virginia - Scientists at the Ferlin Husky Center for Biomedical Research of the University of Northern West Virginia today announced the first successful cloning of a West Virginian. Hailed as a medical triumph, experts believe that the successful cloning of a West Virginian may enable scientists one day to clone a human being.
The West Virginian who was cloned--who for privacy purposes is identified only as Buford P.--is said to be resting comfortably and feasting on a typical West Virginia diet of possum innards, Cracker Jacks and Carling Black Label beer and is said to be delighted with his clone.
The cloned Buford P. has DNA identical to the original and is an exact duplicate in all ways, even having the same four teeth and mullet haircut. Testing reveals that the cloned Buford P. has an IQ of 53, which puts him at the top range for West Virginians.
State officials from West Virginia are ecstatic over the cloning and said that the procedure allows West Virginians to preserve their unique cultural heritage. “West Virginia is a state where we have closely-knit families, if you catch my drift,” said Opal Hudnutt, West Virginia’s Secretary of Culture. “And we’re the only state where marrying your first cousin is not only permitted, it’s required by law. So, cloning allows us to take incest to the next level.”
In related news, this reporter has learned that Buford P. has asked the cloned Buford P. for its hand in marriage. Sources says that the cloned Buford P. has accepted the matrimonial proposal and that the couple will wed in the summer of 2005 when the cloned Buford P. reaches West Virginia’s statutory legal age of 2.
Scientists Successfully Clone West Virginian
10/17/2003 - William Grim
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wheeling, West Virginia - Scientists at the Ferlin Husky Center for Biomedical Research of the University of Northern West Virginia today announced the first successful cloning of a West Virginian. Hailed as a medical triumph, experts believe that the successful cloning of a West Virginian may enable scientists one day to clone a human being.
The West Virginian who was cloned--who for privacy purposes is identified only as Buford P.--is said to be resting comfortably and feasting on a typical West Virginia diet of possum innards, Cracker Jacks and Carling Black Label beer and is said to be delighted with his clone.
The cloned Buford P. has DNA identical to the original and is an exact duplicate in all ways, even having the same four teeth and mullet haircut. Testing reveals that the cloned Buford P. has an IQ of 53, which puts him at the top range for West Virginians.
State officials from West Virginia are ecstatic over the cloning and said that the procedure allows West Virginians to preserve their unique cultural heritage. “West Virginia is a state where we have closely-knit families, if you catch my drift,” said Opal Hudnutt, West Virginia’s Secretary of Culture. “And we’re the only state where marrying your first cousin is not only permitted, it’s required by law. So, cloning allows us to take incest to the next level.”
In related news, this reporter has learned that Buford P. has asked the cloned Buford P. for its hand in marriage. Sources says that the cloned Buford P. has accepted the matrimonial proposal and that the couple will wed in the summer of 2005 when the cloned Buford P. reaches West Virginia’s statutory legal age of 2.