thedrifter
11-15-05, 02:59 PM
November 21, 2005
Sharing stories can help Marines weather storms
The writer, a master gunnery sergeant, is an infantry small-unit leader with 3rd Battalion, 4th Marines, and has served more than 24 years in the Marine Corps.
Two things struck me this summer while I was on leave after my second tour to Iraq. First was a letter in Marine Corps Times from a mother wishing her son had received training about the pitfalls of marriage. Second was the devastation created by hurricanes Katrina and Rita.
On the surface, it may not seem that these two things have much in common, but they do. When a relationship you are totally committed to comes to an abrupt end, the emotional upheaval is no less devastating than the storms.
Not once during my career has a young Marine approached me to say, “I am considering getting married; what do you think?” In every case, I found out a Marine got married after a leave period when he asked for time to go to admin and update his paperwork.
Falling in love and getting married are not topics Marines talk about with their peers. We find it difficult to express what we are feeling, especially when every other word has four letters.
You must be pre-emptive. The best way to communicate with junior Marines on this topic is not by telling them what to do, but by sharing with them your life experiences and choices.
I tried to do this in 2004 in a Back Talk column; I also needed to talk, to get the pain out of my head. During that time, while I was in Iraq, I found out my wife of 18 years had decided she wanted a divorce. I went straight to a lawyer upon my return.
Because of the devastation I felt, there really was no alternative, and cost was irrelevant. It was difficult listening to a lawyer say, “Just think of it as a business deal.”
The hardest part was giving this person half of everything I had, including my retirement, solely because of the length of time we were together.
I have sat down with many Marines with marriage problems and wished I could have shared my story with them before they got married. After telling them my stories, they almost always feel better about themselves and their situation.
If a Marine would listen or at least be aware of how bad a relationship can be, he might use a little more caution and be reluctant to get married quickly. But love and lust are often confused, and Marines get married. I find that talking about relationship pitfalls while sitting around telling sea stories is the best course of action.
In Iraq, emotional hurricanes continue rolling through lives, laying down total devastation.
And these hurricanes take many forms:
• Trying to communicate with another to save a shaky relationship while you are deployed.
• Knowing you cannot go home to a sick parent unless the doctor words a Red Cross message correctly.
• Getting the news that family members who are close to you, but who are not considered immediate family, have died and you won’t be able to go to the funeral.
• Knowing you have brought a child into the world and won’t see his first moments.
No one ever said life would be easy or without trials. I have lived through my share and have learned one important thing from it all: A lot of good things grow out of a little faith.
Ellie
Sharing stories can help Marines weather storms
The writer, a master gunnery sergeant, is an infantry small-unit leader with 3rd Battalion, 4th Marines, and has served more than 24 years in the Marine Corps.
Two things struck me this summer while I was on leave after my second tour to Iraq. First was a letter in Marine Corps Times from a mother wishing her son had received training about the pitfalls of marriage. Second was the devastation created by hurricanes Katrina and Rita.
On the surface, it may not seem that these two things have much in common, but they do. When a relationship you are totally committed to comes to an abrupt end, the emotional upheaval is no less devastating than the storms.
Not once during my career has a young Marine approached me to say, “I am considering getting married; what do you think?” In every case, I found out a Marine got married after a leave period when he asked for time to go to admin and update his paperwork.
Falling in love and getting married are not topics Marines talk about with their peers. We find it difficult to express what we are feeling, especially when every other word has four letters.
You must be pre-emptive. The best way to communicate with junior Marines on this topic is not by telling them what to do, but by sharing with them your life experiences and choices.
I tried to do this in 2004 in a Back Talk column; I also needed to talk, to get the pain out of my head. During that time, while I was in Iraq, I found out my wife of 18 years had decided she wanted a divorce. I went straight to a lawyer upon my return.
Because of the devastation I felt, there really was no alternative, and cost was irrelevant. It was difficult listening to a lawyer say, “Just think of it as a business deal.”
The hardest part was giving this person half of everything I had, including my retirement, solely because of the length of time we were together.
I have sat down with many Marines with marriage problems and wished I could have shared my story with them before they got married. After telling them my stories, they almost always feel better about themselves and their situation.
If a Marine would listen or at least be aware of how bad a relationship can be, he might use a little more caution and be reluctant to get married quickly. But love and lust are often confused, and Marines get married. I find that talking about relationship pitfalls while sitting around telling sea stories is the best course of action.
In Iraq, emotional hurricanes continue rolling through lives, laying down total devastation.
And these hurricanes take many forms:
• Trying to communicate with another to save a shaky relationship while you are deployed.
• Knowing you cannot go home to a sick parent unless the doctor words a Red Cross message correctly.
• Getting the news that family members who are close to you, but who are not considered immediate family, have died and you won’t be able to go to the funeral.
• Knowing you have brought a child into the world and won’t see his first moments.
No one ever said life would be easy or without trials. I have lived through my share and have learned one important thing from it all: A lot of good things grow out of a little faith.
Ellie