I'll Take the Heat.

[firstsgtmike]

This MAY be the wrong website, and/or it MAY be the wrong thread. However, I found this, I liked this, and I chose to share this. Therefore, I'm willing to take the heat.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your radio show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

I do need some advise from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? She's 18 and starting University. Will the slave buyer continue to pay for her education by law ?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? ....Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project ?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses help ?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16)

Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

[wrbones]

You are one sick piece of work First Sergeant!


I like that!

[Sparrowhawk]

I HAVE NOW MADE IT EASY FOR EVERYONE SO THERE WILL BE NO CONFUSION.


http://i.walmart.com/i/p/09/78/07/64/55/0978076455296_500X500.jpg

Ninety percent of Americans own a copy of the Bible, but in trying to understand the book as a whole, it's difficult to know where to begin. "The Bible For Dummies" explains in plain English what's in the Bible, how it's organized, who wrote it, and what it's all about.

This engaging guide includes a one-sentence summary of each biblical book as well as brief definitions of all the important people, places, and things.

Writing from an interfaith perspective, the authors focus on the Bible not only as a holy book for people of faith but also as a cultural reference necessary for understanding works of art, literature, and public discourse. With fascinating background information, "The Bible For Dummies" is a fascinating one-stop guide to the world's all-time bestseller.

aAHHhhhh, THERE WILL BE A TEST AT THE END OF LIFE

[firstsgtmike]

Is there a reference to Onan and Onanism in the Bible For Dummies?

Once it was established that Onan was no longer Politically Correct, his story was dropped from later versions of both the King James and Duay(sp) bibles.

"Tis better to sow thy seed in the womb of a *****, than to loose it upon the ground."

In some unabridged dictionaries, it is still possible to find a definition of Onanism, and cites the bible as the source. If it's not in your bible, I guess that Webster made it up, all by himself. He was just bullshatting when he said it came from the bible.

Oh?

When she took seriously what was poked at her in fun, she discovered that she was pregnant.

Mike Farrell
Cagayan de Oro
Philippines

[virwar]

Good thing we're not under the law anymore, huh? I've thought simular things before though:evilgrin: :banana:

[wrbones]

Hell, most people only listen to what their preachers say anyway....

They didn't learn anything from Jones, Koresh, Tilton, Baker, Swaggart or any of the rest. Let alone folks who are sanctified by the Church who prey on little kids and old people.

When a preacher says from the pulpit, "Submit to my authority." or "Don't give to the poor, give to the church." something's wrong in Israel.

Read the book people. Then read it again.

Including the Apocrypha and the little known letters that weren't sanctioned in Constantinople as a part of the canon of the Bible as we know it.

[JinxJr]

Ya know...you can take any two people, give them both identical copies of the same book (Bible, Sociology Textbook, Penthouse, etc.,) and what they will glean from it will vary. "Experts" like those mentioned by Bones and firstsgtmike prey on those who are impressed by their PhD's and the fact that they're "in" with the media (another SoapBox subject). Their opinions count and we should agree with them, right? After all, they have their own Talk Radio spots and daytime TV Talk Shows. They must know God's intent, being learned as they are !

News Flash...if you read none of the Bible or Dr. Laura's blithering, read the rules off the stone tablets, live by them and you'll do just fine in this life !

Tilton, Baker, Swaggert and the good Dr. need to go back to square one and refresh on the basics. It's a little too late for Jones and Koresh...they already got their reward.

[Sparrowhawk]

It was all the women's fault, that women God gave to us.

Heck we cna't even say, "If she hadn't been naked at the time she offered Adam that fruit to eat, all this wouldn't have heppened.

Because it seems they didnt know they were naked before they sinned.


Humm, its still the women's fault, she probably gave him that eye, lip look and he fell for it.




http://encarta.msn.com/xrefmedia/sharemed/targets/images/pho/t026/T026023A.jpg

According to the account of creation in Genesis, Adam was created from the dust of the earth and placed in the Garden of Eden; Eve, the first woman, was created from one of Adam’s ribs. Tempted by Eve, Adam ate the forbidden fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and the two were expelled from Paradise for their disobedience. Here, in the engraving Adam and Eve (1504), by German artist Albrecht Dürer, the Serpent prompts Eve to share the fruit with her mate.

<hr>


<i>Here is the catch in all this, we concentrate on the evil part learned in Eden but forget that by eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil, adam and Eve learned to do both good and evil. Let us do that which is good, but not use evil to do it. Cook</i>

[ladileathrnek]

"that eye lip look"???? tell me more tell me more. That look would be???? Do men give that look?