marinemom
10-25-05, 12:31 PM
Thank you for calling the United States Army. I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged.
Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you.
As soon as we have sorted out Iraq, Korea, the Balkans, China, marching up and down the streets of Washington, DC, and the compulsory "Consideration of Others" training, we will return your call.
Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following:
If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.
If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low-risk, high-altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force.
Please note that this service is not available after 1630 hours, or on weekends. Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can prvide additional research and development funding.
If you inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, wel in advance, to the United States Navy. Please note that the Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served, basis.
If your concern is not urgent, please press 3 for the Rapid Deployment Force.
If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4, and your call will be routed to the United Staes Army Special Operations Comand.
Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure that you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bil your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified.
If you are interested in joining the Army, and wish to shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned house miles from civiliation, and are prepared to work your ** off daily, risking your life, in all weathers and terrains, both day and night, whilst watching Congress erode your roiginal benefits package, please stay on the line.
Your call will be connected to a bitter, passed-over Army recruiter in a strip mall by the Post Office.
Have a pleasant day, and thank you for calling the United States Army.
Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you.
As soon as we have sorted out Iraq, Korea, the Balkans, China, marching up and down the streets of Washington, DC, and the compulsory "Consideration of Others" training, we will return your call.
Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following:
If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.
If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low-risk, high-altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force.
Please note that this service is not available after 1630 hours, or on weekends. Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can prvide additional research and development funding.
If you inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, wel in advance, to the United States Navy. Please note that the Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served, basis.
If your concern is not urgent, please press 3 for the Rapid Deployment Force.
If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4, and your call will be routed to the United Staes Army Special Operations Comand.
Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure that you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bil your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified.
If you are interested in joining the Army, and wish to shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned house miles from civiliation, and are prepared to work your ** off daily, risking your life, in all weathers and terrains, both day and night, whilst watching Congress erode your roiginal benefits package, please stay on the line.
Your call will be connected to a bitter, passed-over Army recruiter in a strip mall by the Post Office.
Have a pleasant day, and thank you for calling the United States Army.