View Full Version : I'm a BAD American

09-29-05, 02:50 PM
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good..... and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

We need our country back!

09-29-05, 03:31 PM
Carlin didn't write that, but it's a good little rant.

09-29-05, 09:44 PM
seen this one a hundred times or more, but I still like it ;)

Joseph P Carey
09-29-05, 10:01 PM
Actually, it is part of a chain letter that was attributed to George Carlin, but he denies writing it. It sounds more like Dennis Leary though.


Rants, one-liners and other jokes are often attributed to popular comedians and other entertainers because they "kinda" sound like them. Plus, they're funnier when we think they came from a professional comedian rather than some ticked off schlub sitting in front of his computer in his basement.

A newer version of "I Am A Bad American" contains a few edits that try to make it sound more Carlin-esque, but only make it more rude and vulgar. George Carlin denies writing this oft-forwarded rant on his website, As he puts it: "Because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it."

So, who did write it? In its many forms, it has been falsely attributed to Carlin, Dennis Leary, Rush Limbaugh, and Ted Nugent, to name a few. In fact, it originally appeared in September, 2000, on the Free Republic message board under the title "I Am A Bad Republican." The author goes by the screen-name of "Bootyist-Monk," but provides no other personal details except that he writes for a living.

Take a fresh look at it. Would you find it nearly as funny if it didn't come from George Carlin? If not, Break this Chain!

09-30-05, 09:42 PM
I liked it...