holy crap! now what do I do?

[HardJedi]

Ok, guy's and gals. I need some advice. As some of you know I have been dating this new girl (she's 19) for about 4 months now. I really like her, ALOT. we have tons in common, and get along great!. then tonight I get an e-mail from a girl I dated for 2 1/2 YEARS and even lived with. She's 26. ( i'm 32, for those that don't know)

basically, she wrote me this long ass e-mail saying that she wants to try again, and that she still loves me and never stopped, she just had some problems to work out. We broke up almost a year and a half ago, and in that time neither of us dated anyone else, until I started this new relationship 4 months ago. My ex doesn't know about my new relationship. I still love my ex, and spent alot of the last year and a half trying to get her back, with no success.


so NOW what? I love my new girlfriend, and get along great. and I love my ex, though i am no longer IN love with her.

the new GF is young and will go through alot of changes, the ex is more mature and settled. SO WTF do I do now?


I am SOOO confused. lord.

[Joseph P Carey]

Originally posted by HardJedi
Ok, guy's and gals. I need some advice. As some of you know I have been dating this new girl (she's 19) for about 4 months now. I really like her, ALOT. we have tons in common, and get along great!. then tonight I get an e-mail from a girl I dated for 2 1/2 YEARS and even lived with. She's 26. ( i'm 32, for those that don't know)

basically, she wrote me this long ass e-mail saying that she wants to try again, and that she still loves me and never stopped, she just had some problems to work out. We broke up almost a year and a half ago, and in that time neither of us dated anyone else, until I started this new relationship 4 months ago. My ex doesn't know about my new relationship. I still love my ex, and spent alot of the last year and a half trying to get her back, with no success.


so NOW what? I love my new girlfriend, and get along great. and I love my ex, though i am no longer IN love with her.

the new GF is young and will go through alot of changes, the ex is more mature and settled. SO WTF do I do now?


I am SOOO confused. lord.

Hate to tell you this big guy, that problem your old girl had to work out for a year, was a guy she was working out with for a year. She did it to you before, she will do it again!

There is an old saying, "You can't go back!" She has the power to make you want her; She likes using the power; but, she grows bored with it after a while!

[testforecho2112]

Like Cpl Carey said,

"Past actions dictate future behavior."

The grass is RARELY greener on the other side!

Stick with what you got bud, dont set yourself up for another incoming round...

Peace bro.


Find yourself a nice 'friend with benefits', you cant go wrong, Right, THATFEMALE? lol

Bill

[HardJedi]

i know the no going back thing, and for most of my life I always lived that way myself. I never gave anyone any second chances.


as for the ex and another guy? I know better, because during that time, when we were broken up, we still hung out all the time, and talked alot ( even spent a few nights together) there was no way for her to have hidden that from me for any length of time( I am far too nosey, and WAYYY to good at finding things out when I want to, I was a bail bondsman/ skip tracer for almost 4 years)

and even if there HAD been another guy, not like I was an angel, I just said I never DATED anyone else, never said I never DID anything else ;)
So I couldn't really hold it against her if she HAD done something else, that fact is, I love her, just not IN love with her.

whereas with the younger, new GF, I am IN love with her, know what i mean?


as far as the "friends with benefits " thing? sex, without love, to me, gets boring REAL quick. so not really looking for that.

[testforecho2112]

Whats wrong with friends comforting friends? Its not like a one night stand thing...In lieu of being in LOVE, its fun, exciting with out all the baggage.

Love is another world...Different feelings, different motivations...you know what I mean. I know what YOU mean! lol

Good luck brother. Tough spot. Any chance of getting them together? Just a thought!

Aren't you glad you asked for MY help?

Bill

[Joseph P Carey]

Hard Jedi: "as for the ex and another guy? I know better, because during that time, when we were broken up, we still hung out all the time, and talked alot ( even spent a few nights together) there was no way for her to have hidden that from me for any length of time( I am far too nosey, and WAYYY to good at finding things out when I want to, I was a bail bondsman/ skip tracer for almost 4 years)"


Kid, there are men that were married to women on this line that lived with them for years, and never knew their wives were seeing someone else, and they were sleeping with them each night! What makes you so special that you think she was not seeing anyone else, because she saw you when it was convenient for her to do so?

Do you know what separates wise men from idiots, when it comes to women? About 30 years! I have been a PI, and a Bailbondsman, and a bail enforcer for 35 years, and I haven't seen it all yet!

[Osotogary]

What was once overheard, " Ya got two heads. Ya better start thinkin' with the one that is attached to your shoulders." LOL

I sent you a PM. but all in all, if you are really interested and you feel that the person that you are currently seeing is interested. In other words, you are both interested in being with one another...then do the best that you can (your share) to sustain it.
Adios from Gary " the advisor to the lovelorn"

[HardJedi]

thanks for the PM, Gary, I sent ya one back.

[hrscowboy]

jedi run with the one you brung and it sounds to me its the younger one.

[Namvet67]

No brainer....your ex was happy as long as you didn't have anyone new! I'm sure she got wind of your new relationship! As far as no other men....don't work that way! As mentioned above, you can't go back and if you did...you will soon find 3 unhappy people! Stick with what you got (age is not a problem)! As i have said before.....you really don't get to know someone until you have at least 8 fights and go 2 years under your belt! gbudd

[GySgtRet]

HardJedi,

Sounds to me like the new girlfriend is the keeper and the old girlfriend can take a hike. She propably as somebody else mentioned found out that you found somebody new and is trying to take advanatge of the situation. I would still try to keep the old gf as a friend but if she tried to get in between you I would ask her to back off.

Semper Fidelis

[yellowwing]

Go with the young one. Sooner or later you will remember why the other one is an ex-girlfriend. I got back with an ex once, it didn't a lastwhole month before we remembered why we split up in the first place.

[Ed Palmer]

Life is not the only thing that is SHORT

[Nagalfar]

Backwards is never the right direction.. testforecho is right on the mark when he said.. "Past actions dictate future behavior."

[USMC-FO]

Jeez Hardi...your comments: "I still love her....just not in love with her" are the EXACT words my second ex used on me when she walked out on me and our son....Do you know her ??? Either way it is all crap as far as I am concerned. And just symantics.

I don't ever believe in looking over your shoulder on someone who has split....Once gone ...then gone forever...see you later have a nice life now get the "F" away from me/us.

You have a nice new girlfriend then fly with who your with now.

I gave up on the lot of them and now buy things like boats, kayaks and motorcycles...go to balllgames with my son, take off when I want ... and get called a "fresh Bad boy" from some of the other wives in my neighborhood becasue clearly I am a threat to their own husbands.... I love it .... :-)

Frankly it is also cheaper..

[Sgtj]

I agree going back isn't always best, but you can't predict what might happen with the younger one either. Your dealing with a big age difference with the young one, but hell, she may be more mature, or she could turn 24 and do the same thing to you the older one did at that age. As I'm sure we all know, they change about as often as we change our skivvies. Good luck!

[Joseph P Carey]

Originally posted by Sgtj
I agree going back isn't always best, but you can't predict what might happen with the younger one either. Your dealing with a big age difference with the young one, but hell, she may be more mature, or she could turn 24 and do the same thing to you the older one did at that age. As I'm sure we all know, they change about as often as we change our skivvies. Good luck!

Sgt J,

I have to agree with you. We men find it hard to believe that a person that can bleed for seven days and still be alive, and to do it every month, is anything but to be trusted.

I love women, I think they are the greatest thing put on this earth, but their chemistry changes so often, that there is no real gage to define what woman we will wake with the next day. The only true gage is what they have done in the past. Any man that wishes to apply logic to the actions of a woman is a fool. Women act of feelings, not logic. They read signs that are not there, and they adjust the situation to fit their beliefs.

The gentleman, Jedi, has most definately has got a problem. He has one woman that is not old enough to understand what life is all about, and another that is using a 'power trip' over him. If he were my son, and he is younger than my son, I would tell him to forget them both, because he is lying to one, and he plans on lying to the other. In either case, he will be the loser in these events.

My advice to Jedi: Go find someone else, and cut the blanket with what you seem to have with the two of them, because you are not willing to be honest with either one of them. More men have gone to ruin for much less.

[sgt.r.n.davis]

IT LOOKS AS IF IT WAS OVER 2 YEARS AGO! STOP FOR ONE MOMENT AND THINK? WHY SO LONG??? GO WITH THE NEW LADY I THINK THAT IS YOUR WISEST CHOICE AND THE ONLY CHOICE . ITS NOT THAT HARD OF A DECISION....IT SOUND TO ME THAT THE JURY JUST CAME BACK. THERE IS A LOT OF GOOD OLD TIME FOLKS WITH THE SAME EXPERIENCE ,THAT ANSWERED YOUR EASY QUESTION.
ENJOY YOUR NEW AND BEST LOVE!!! YOU'LL SEE!!!GIVE IT TIME!:yes:

[top1371]

Stay with the GF, as for what I can tell she has never done you wrong. The ex had her chance....

[Phantom Blooper]

Dear Abby,

Q.) My old girlfriend still pines for her old boyfriend....ME,after two years! I'm afraid she will not be faithful.And I am now in a relationship with another woman,younger than the first.Should I mention this to my girlfriend of three months?What should I do? Any advice?

A.) A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having this other women, your ex partner is really trying to get back in your life and increase her love for you.But she should have thought about that two years ago.My advice,"tell her she had her chance and now take a long hike."

Best thing to do is to buy your new partner a nice expensive present, take her to a nice restaurant, and then take her back to your place for a long night of passionate love and don't mention this aspect of this other woman's behavior ever again.:)

[Osotogary]

"Best thing to do is to buy your new partner a nice expensive present, take her to a nice restaurant, and then take her back to your place for a long night of passionate love and don't mention this aspect of this other woman's behavior ever again."

Phantom Blooper-
Can he just take her to his place for a long night of passionate love with out buying her an expensive gift? LOL

[Phantom Blooper]

That's the bribe! LOL! S/F Chuck Hall:banana:

[david43844]

Jedi!!!! Pay Attention smiles..........

[Phantom Blooper]

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.




So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.




He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.






She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you!




She will bear your children.




and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.




"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."




Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"


God replied, "An arm and a leg."




Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"


Of course the rest is history...................... :)

[CHOPPER7199]

LETS SEE,YOUNG VS OLD, TAKE THE YOUNG, IN THREE MONTHS THE CORP. CHANGED YOU, BUT THEN AGAIN IT CHANGES EVERYONE THATS MAKES IT. IF YOU HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS ITS EASIER TO TALK TO THE YOUNG ONE. BE HONEST TO YOURSELF AND HER. LET THE OTHER ONE GO AND GET ON WITH HER LIFE, AS YOU SHOULD. FORGET THE PAST AND REMEMBER WHAT YOU LEARNED FROM IT ONLY. ENJOY YOUR NEW FOUND LOVE. GOOD LUCK.

[THATFEMALE]

HardiJedi,

First off stay with the new girlfirend. Your ex is not stupid. You spent all your time togther and then suddenly you stop? Well she knows what's up. She most likely wants you back because she hasn't found the one yet. The fact that you have found something steady first drives her nuts I bet. With the new girlfriend you'll get to go through the changes togther which in the end will make your relationship stronger. Why go through all the crap with the ex again? A word to the wise though. Never underestimate the power of a woman. While she may have not been in a commited relationship with anyone, I bet she was also out getting hers. Friends with benefits are sold by the crap load. What makes you think you are so special? More than likely she kept you around because you were guaranteed di*k!(Sorry to be blunt) If the situation were reversed she wouldn't give you another thought trust me. You said it best,"I love her but I'm not in love with her." Just think with your heart, not your head.

[c5down2]

Doesn't sound like the older one is mature at all as you claimed. You know what to do, we just confirmed it for you. The older one enjoyed the attention of you trying to get her back, now its her turn, let her know that once you make a decision you have to stick with it. I teach my kids that daily. You'd be surprised how much it has helped them. It makes them think things thriough. Go with the 19. Good luck.
P.S. I also think she got wind of the relationship. Why else this "convenient" timing?

[Joseph P Carey]

Originally posted by c5down2
Doesn't sound like the older one is mature at all as you claimed. You know what to do, we just confirmed it for you. The older one enjoyed the attention of you trying to get her back, now its her turn, let her know that once you make a decision you have to stick with it. I teach my kids that daily. You'd be surprised how much it has helped them. It makes them think things thriough. Go with the 19. Good luck.
P.S. I also think she got wind of the relationship. Why else this "convenient" timing?

Truthfully, I can not see where he wanted to be honest with either of the women, so, I can not see a future with either of the women. Pick up your fishing pole, Kid, and go drop a line in another pond, and when you finally catch one that you would not even entertain the idea of another, other than her, than you have found your fishing spot for the rest of your life.

[Phantom Blooper]

Hard Jedi,Don't you think you should change your screen name to Rodney Dangerfield? Because you just ain't gettin' no RESPECT! LOL!


Semper-Fi! "Never Forget" Chuck Hall (alias-"Dear Abby):)

[ridingcrops]

I'm sure there is another guy, there always is. And since it didn't work out with him she just wants to get you back till something better comes along. Even if it doesn't work out with the new one you shouldn't waste anymore of your time with the old one.
I had the same thing happen and she had anopther guy and we had been together for 6 years, she knew him 2 weeks. When he dumped her she was SOOOOOOO sorry and would never make that mistake again. But then she told me about Larry and how he made her feel funny when she saw him. I was just expected to wait around till he was done stick her. And you know he dumped her too and she started calling again and she was SOOOOO sorry.
Too many fish in the sea pal.

[tntmondy]

Take it from a female, leave the past in the past. You are just another toy in her toy chest.

[Jarhed]

At the risk of sounding like a male chauvanist pig (which I am), do em both til you get caught.

[sm@@thrider]

From Thatfemale and First off stay with the new girlfirend. Your ex is not stupid. You spent all your time togther and then suddenly you stop? Well she knows what's up. She most likely wants you back because she hasn't found the one yet. The fact that you have found something steady first drives her nuts I bet. With the new girlfriend you'll get to go through the changes togther which in the end will make your relationship stronger. Why go through all the crap with the ex again? A word to the wise though. Never underestimate the power of a woman. While she may have not been in a commited relationship with anyone, I bet she was also out getting hers. Friends with benefits are sold by the crap load. What makes you think you are so special? More than likely she kept you around because you were guaranteed di*k!(Sorry to be blunt) If the situation were reversed she wouldn't give you another thought trust me. You said it best,"I love her but I'm not in love with her." Just think with your heart, not your head.
She is rite my ex tried that as well now she tried to sepparate us with calling and acting like she wants me, she is jelous stay away from her..

[Joseph P Carey]

Originally posted by Jarhed
At the risk of sounding like a male chauvanist pig (which I am), do em both til you get caught.

Truthfully Jarhead, it sounded like that was what he wanted to do, and he was hoping for more validation from his fellow Marines, which he did not get.

When it comes to women, if given a choice, I would prefer to attack a machine gun emplacement over an open field, alone, rather than pi$s off a woman that thinks she is the only one, and is cheated on. All the MG can do is kill you once. Women can make you feel like dying for the rest of your life, whatever life is left for you. They will make living on earth a Hell for the poor dumb creature that thinks he can get away with it.

Why ask for the trouble? There are roughly 150 Million women in this country, if he can not find the one that he would not entertain the notion of cheating on, he is just not looking that hard or that serious. It is called wrong-head thinking.

[BB61]

Well Hardi.. You say that you are 26 and that your new Gf is 19, now age makes diff when you really love some-one. the best thing for you to do is explane to your old Gf that you have found some-one new, and that you would like to remain friends with her. And if she does not understand, or does not want to do that then you have done you done all that you have can. and you must let her go.
Peace. be with you brother. And treat this New girl right and love her with all you heart.

[Tracker]

You already figured this caper out, if you are not IN LOVE with her any more it don't matter if you love her, move on Marine...

[Don Faria]

Out with old and in with the new...

[Phantom Blooper]

WHERE ARE WE AT NOW?

Hard Jedi! You are leaving some of us in suspense with this "Soap Opera Saga" What's the deal? It has been 11 days without a post. Have you been hung,or is it still hangin'?

This is typical soap opera fare,two months from now we will get the thickened plot..will the cast of characters be the same?

Come out in the open young man......We are here to help!Or have you changed networks?




:banana: ;)

[Fox 2/23]

I don't see much future with either of them. The older one played you and the younger one, well come on man, she's 19! She's a kid! Anyway...

[Phantom Blooper]

BUMP,BUMP,BUMP!!!:banana:

[Phantom Blooper]

He was here and he left..............

S/F Chuck Hall

[Joseph P Carey]

The new version of the "Never ending story!"

[ringoffire]

I just have put my 2 cents in. Stick with the new, younger girlfriend. "THATFEMALE" couldn't have said it better. I totally agree. If you are not IN love with the old gf, why bother. Keep the past in the past...blah, blah. I don't want to repeat whats been already said. There's good advice on this thread, LISTEN.

But you have to keep us updated on whats going on. I don't feel the need to watch General Hospital after reading about your "girl problems". Don't keep us hanging here, we want to tune in tomorrow.

[Phantom Blooper]

BUMP :banana:

[HardJedi]

ok, not to drag this whole thing out, But I promise un update on all of this soon. heck, this entire THREAD is the reason I have been absent from these boards for basically the last couple months. I do not enjoy having my integrity questioned by people, especially people who do not even BEGIN to know me, and there is one person throuoghout all this that has basically called me a liar, and a dishonest person. it has taken me THIS long just to be able to respond to that without doing so in anger. so, with that said, I am at school right now, and will try and give you all an update on what has happened sometime this weekend.

to everyone who offered helpfull advice, and warm wishes, thanks.

[yellowwing]

ok, not to drag this whole thing out, But I promise un update on all of this soon. heck, this entire THREAD is the reason I have been absent from these boards for basically the last couple months. I do not enjoy having my integrity questioned by people, especially people who do not even BEGIN to know me, and there is one person throuoghout all this that has basically called me a liar, and a dishonest person. it has taken me THIS long just to be able to respond to that without doing so in anger. so, with that said, I am at school right now, and will try and give you all an update on what has happened sometime this weekend.
Relax Michael. There's always one ;) You know your Bros got your back 100%

[Catz1611]

WOW does this ever sound familiar to me! LOL although I was the 19 year old.

I had been dating a Marine when I was 19 he was 25. He had dated a girl who had broken his heart. (can't remember the reason she left him) He went to Iraq (the 1st one) and while over there got a letter from his Ex. Now Years had passed since she'd left him and she did basically the same thing as your girl.. wrote him while he was in Iraq..telling him how she still loved him blah blah blah...

Long story short..he dumped me..went back to her..they were married and last I'd heard they were still married with 2 children.

at the time I was FURIOUS and hurt but I was 19 and wasn't ready to settle down at all and I was still young. I'm glad things worked out the way they did.

guess you just have to sort out how you really feel about your Ex..I don't agree that if she left once she'll do it again..she may have realized what she lost and is being genuine about the whole thing.. your new GF is only 19 she's still a teenager & she still has a lot of growing up to do yet.

[HardJedi]

ok, so quick and dirty update.

First and foremost, I told EVERYONE involved (both girls) what was going on and why I was having a tough time. Both understood.

I am now and still with my 19 year old GF, and things have never been better.

In fact, I have introduced the two of them and we have even double dated. ( not me with both girls at the same time, me and my GF, with my Ex and some guy that asked her out)

so all is well. started the new semester at college, Was on the honor roll for the third straight term for the summer classes, I now have a 3.7 GPA, and I have started a new job, sow all is well in my world. thanks again for the support!