PDA

View Full Version : Marriage In The Corps



Indy_Owns
04-19-05, 12:12 AM
TRUST ME.... I've heard it a thousand times, literally.

"Break up with your girlfriend before you leave for basic"

But for the sake of my year long relationship and true love of my life. I need everything about getting married while in the corps.

I leave for basic Sept.6 and i should graduate on Dec.2. This will leave me with about a month long leave before SOI (Holidays). So I plan on getting engaged during this time. I need to know if I will get a leave after SOI, and sense i will be going infantry I understand that I will probably be deployed right out of SOI.

I am trying to put together some sort of time table on when i would have oppurtunities to have the wedding ceremony. If anyone has any information regarding marine marriage or has gone through this before your help would be much apreciated.

HardJedi
04-19-05, 08:20 AM
BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD IDEA! Look, unless you are being sent overseas out of SOI, you won't get leave. ( at least, you didn't used to) not sure WHERE you get that you get more leave because of holiday's, but ok. As far as I know, you get 10 day's boot leave, and then you report to your school. ( once again, used to be that way)

now, as far as getting MARRIED while in the infantry? BAD IDEA! give it about a YEAR after you have served with an ACTUAL line unit. if she has stuck around and put up with all the BS that comes with being gone for training and being in the field and Deployments, it's still a bad idea, but go ahead and get married.

I personally never saw a first time enlistment marriage in the infantry last. not once. all the women ended up sleeping with someone else while their Marine was deployed, or the Marine ended up sleeping with someone else while they were deployed, or the woman just up and got tired of never seeing thier husband and left.

in addition to THAT, I PERSONALLY think it is a bad idea to get married before at least 25 years of age, but that's just me. at younger ages, people just haven't had enough time to actually learn enough about life yet.

but, like I said, that's just me.

kentmitchell
04-19-05, 09:06 AM
Andy,
Where's your bio information?
As for marriage, the standard up to about E-6 is, "If the Marine Corps wanted you to have a wife, they'd have issued you one."
Take it to the bank. Young love is wonderful but not for enlisted Marines. Too little money, too much expenses and that's a recipe for disaster.

marinefamily5
04-19-05, 09:29 AM
YES I AGREE WITH THE OTHER 2 JARHEADS......IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR ALITTLE STORY PM ME AND I WILL TELL YOU ALITTLE BIT ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE WITH BEING MARRIED MY ELISTMENT.......

Indy_Owns
04-19-05, 09:44 AM
wow, this is really encouraging, at least now i know not to be hopeful. Thanks for the help guys.

Semper Fi

Indy_Owns
04-19-05, 09:47 AM
well.....Semper Fi, unless your married then i guess its only sometimes Fi.

HardJedi
04-19-05, 09:51 AM
it's not MEANT to be encouraging. it's meant to be the TRUTH.

I am sorry if I sound a little gruff, but your reply came off a little smart a$$.

If it was not intended that way, then I apologise.

Look, if you were gonna be an office clerk, or mail room orderly who got to go home everyday at 5-6 pm, then I'd say fine, get hitched. ( though still a bad idea at a young age)

but here is your scheduale in PEACETIME as an infantry Marine.

5-5:30am, report for muster, PT various training and weapons cleaning, ect ect. go home about 6-7 pm unless it's field day, then you get to go home about 11pm or midnight ( if not in the field)

If in the field? 2-15 day's out in the field, no contact with wife. then home for a couple day's, then hang out in the barracks for a few day's then repeat.

then, go to a 4-10 week CAX in 29palms. ( VERY limited contact with wife on the phone ONLY)

2 week work up for float ( no contact with wife)
minimum 6 month float or deployment ( minimal contact with wife, on phone and through letters)

come home from float, and do it all again.


OR if you are stationed overseas, like in Oki, you do NOT get to take your wife along. 1 YEAR without her.


does that sound like a good idea?

sm@@thrider
04-19-05, 10:24 AM
Dude if she is still around when you get back then go for it, if you do it now you might come back to nothing, alot of ppl get marrind and go on deployments and there spouse go on one with whomever they come in contact with (they will play while you are away), I have had too many of my soldiers come back and there GF or wifes sell everything and move on. think twice and just live each day till you come home.. the old saying!
"If you come back and she is still there then it was ment to be.."

yellowwing
04-19-05, 10:28 AM
We proudly serve our Nation. And we gladly give up many of our rights for the priveledge to serve in our Corps.

There is no room in Our Corps for it to bend over backwards for an individual's marriage. I saw a Sgt see the birth of his son, then two days later he was off to Okinawa for a year long unaccompanied tour.

The initial three month's of separation from your woman will be a good first test run. See how it goes.

Then wait some more. Go to advanced training. See how the relationship goes.

If you are immediately deployed see how that 7 months goes.

A year long marriage-engagement is not much to ask for both lifetime committments. To your beloved and your soon (if you graduate) Beloved Corps.

Besides, you can save up some money during that year. You will need it if you do end up getting married!

Indy_Owns
04-19-05, 10:57 AM
I understand the sacrifice, I guess I will have to wait it out and just see what happens.

Thanks for all the help guys

marinefamily5
04-19-05, 11:04 AM
AN ONE OTHER THING ABOUT THE OVER SEAS TOUR, THEY ARE IN THE MAKING OF CHANGING IT TO A 2 YR TOUR WITHOUT FAMILY OR A 3 YR TOUR WITH THE FAMILY...AND FIELD DAYS MARRIED MARINE DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE AT FIELDS........

marinefamily5
04-19-05, 11:06 AM
DA*N I LEFT OUT THE LAST PART.....BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS ALREADY..........BUT MARRIED MARINE DON'T HAVE TO BE AT FIELD DAYS ON THURSDAY NIGHT.......

LivinSoFree
04-19-05, 11:28 AM
Had a girl before I went the Island. Things were great, she was certainly the kind of person, I thought, that I could have a nice, stable relationship with. Three months later, I came back, she'd changed, I'd changed, we broke up a month after my return. Now she's getting ready to get married to ANOTHER Marine... which is kind of disturbing since she's only 18! Live and learn, poolee. Take it from the ones on this site who've been there and seen what happens. Once you get started on a career in the Marine Corps, it won't leave time for a family for quite a while.

GySgtRet
04-19-05, 02:36 PM
Indy_Owns,

I don't know your back ground or where you are from. I just know that we speak from eperiences while serving in the worlds finest fighting force. Trust us when we say thing that they are from the heart. I can't remember how many times I saw things go back for couples. Hardjedi said just about what I wanted to say but he beat me to it. I would wait, I know that you are getting a little bit of pressure or maybe a lot of pressure. In my opinion waiting for your training, etc,..would probably help you out even more by getting you adjusted first to the Corps, then bring on your new bride. It will be great at times and depending on where you go, maybe a culture shock to your new bride. Please do not forget one thing. The Marines Corps is based on needs of the The Marine Corps. It doesn't matter about your persanl problems. You are a Marine 24/7.

As far as I know boot leave is only 10 days. I think somebody else said that in here to.

Well, good luck in whatever you deceide on.

marinefamily5
04-19-05, 02:50 PM
YES LEAVE BOOT LEAVE IS 10 DAYS, THEN IF YOU GET LUCKY AND GET RECT. ASSIT. YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET ANOTHER WEEK OR SO DEPENDING ON WHEN YOUR MOS SCHOOL STARTS. I SEEN A MARINE GET A MONTH OF IT BECAUSE WHEN HIS MOS SCHOOL STARTS.

Namvet67
04-19-05, 02:51 PM
My $.02 ......DON'T GET MARRIED! The reason has been pretty well answered above! I thought about doing that myself when i was ready to leave for bootcamp. I met this girl right after i joined the Corps and she was there when i came back (after 3 tours in Nam). Wrote me every day and put up with my Marine attitude for over 30 years! Good luck!

GySgtRet
04-19-05, 04:21 PM
marinefamily5,

I do not mind that you are posting on Leatherneck, and thank you for doing so. Please go to caps lock and unlock your caps. You are yeling at everybody in hear. The lastime a Cpl yelled at me it was over thirty five years ago.

Semper Fidelis

eddief
04-19-05, 05:07 PM
Got three words for you: DON'T DO IT!!!!!!

Seeley
04-19-05, 07:49 PM
Okay, let me tell you how it is...I'm a grunt (0331) and I'm engaged. I've been in the Marine Corps since late June of last year. Amanda and I have been together for a while and have experienced some interesting times. Its hard. I'm not going to lie. Take what the others say into mind, but understand that it CAN work. Just make sure that she AND you both understand what you are getting yourselves into if you plan on getting engaged/married. I got engaged 01OCT04 (while I was home from bootcamp) and we're planning on getting married when I get back from Iraq next April. Chances are you will not get deployed "right after SOI". It will happen though. Not all women "play while you are gone." You just have to find the right one. I'm proud to say that I know I've got the right one for me. I wish you luck on your future with this girl wherever you decide to take it. But remember...if you and this girl decide to give long-term commitment a try and you do something dishonorable...don't let me find out about it. I'll kick your ass in a heartbeat. Cheaters **** me off to no extent. There are a lot of them in the Corps and there are a lot of them who cheat on Marines. Hell, there are even "brothers" of yours out there that would willingly cheat on you with your girl. This is where the saying, "I trust you with my life, not my wallet or my wife" comes in. If you can handle being gone for a long time and know that you both will be able to stay faithful and not give up on eachother, then by all means shoot for the moon. Good luck!

Osotogary
04-19-05, 08:13 PM
You should be on some mountain top, Seeley! Damn profound stuff you are spewing plus you make some very good common sense points. Good stuff, admirable as all get out.

HardJedi
04-19-05, 09:26 PM
Originally posted by marinefamily5
DA*N I LEFT OUT THE LAST PART.....BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS ALREADY..........BUT MARRIED MARINE DON'T HAVE TO BE AT FIELD DAYS ON THURSDAY NIGHT.......

hmnnn maybe things are different now. every unit I was in, the Married Marines had to stay for field day just as long as anyone else. they WERE part of the unit after all, and they usually got stuck doing all the common areas.

marinefamily5
04-19-05, 09:32 PM
well i just got out about 6 months ago and the only time i ever had to field day was when i was in okinawa because i lived in the barracks but other then that the married marines had to field day the company office during the afternoon.......

HardJedi
04-19-05, 11:05 PM
just curious, where you a grunt?

Indy_Owns
04-19-05, 11:46 PM
Thanks Seely, I agree with all of your words. I am proud of your acomplishments and I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming marriage.

"Cheaters **** me off to no extent."- I agree 100%

kentmitchell
04-20-05, 08:02 AM
Re Marinefamily5 <br />
<br />
I remember the days when I was a Cpl in charge of my barracks and the trouble I had with married pvts. and pfcs. They were late quite often, and had a really bad attitude about...

marinefamily5
04-20-05, 08:15 AM
Well 1st Marines might be different then 2d Marines and the Wing...he*l the Wing was my last duty station and during field day the brown baggers didn't even have to do that, with the company office that is.

Old Marine
04-20-05, 09:15 AM
I became a Marine in 1953 and was sent to Korea after ITR. In 1956 I married my high school sweetheart. I was a Sgt.E-4, and 21, she was 17. It was never easy and when we first got married, we ate a lot of cereal.(It wasn't so expensive back then) Upon my retirement at MCRD, SD, the CG gave her a certificate thanking her for her 20 years of service to the Marine Corps. We are still married to this day any will be having our 49th anniversary in June. We have 2 sons, 6 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren.

If you find the right woman, it can work......

It won't be easy, but what the hell is easy in life.

Do what your heart tells you to do and good luck.

lprkn
04-20-05, 12:28 PM
Originally posted by Seeley
Okay, let me tell you how it is...

That's classic, a 19 year-old PFC. He's got it all figured out, and he's willing to dispense his hard-earned wisdom from his many years of experience. Wish I had things as figured out as he does.

lprkn
04-20-05, 12:37 PM
Hey there, Indy_Owns and usmcsemperfi, I'm glad that you're on this website seeking knowledge, but you need to post where you're supposed to. I think the forum description for the Open Squad Bay is "Exchange thoughts and ideas with your Band of Brothers." You have not become a Marine yet, therefore you are not part of my few, my happy few, my band of brothers (to paraphrase Shakespeare). There are forums on this messageboard for you. They are the Pool(ee) Hall and Marine Mentor. Use them.

Indy_Owns
04-20-05, 04:39 PM
ya.......*cricket*.........your cool

LivinSoFree
04-20-05, 04:54 PM
Hey poolee... don't step over the line... This is still a Marine Corps Community... first and foremost for Marines. Respect is paramount here, and seeing as how you haven't earned the title yet, I'd suggest you show some.

yellowwing
04-20-05, 05:11 PM
That's right Indy_Owns, you came to us for advice. If you can't hack it, pack it!

You have no idea what we have gone through. If you don't like what we have to say, tough. On serious issues like this no one will bullsh*t you. We have taken up our valuable time to tell you our experience.

If you do not repsect that...:mad:

GySgtRet
04-20-05, 06:36 PM
Indy_Owns,

I gave you some advise yesterday or the day before. I haven't yet seen any response from you. I take it that you know everything that it is to know then. By the way. You will make a good sea lawyer. I am not used to junior Marines or Marine wantabees not responding. You will find out soon how fast you will respond to a Marine. Good luck.

Indy_Owns
04-21-05, 12:16 AM
I apologize to everyone for any disrespect. I am just becoming frustrated with all of the negative feedback.
I respect all of your words and I will definitely consider everything that everyone has to say.

But I will not simply give up. I would rather have my relationship fail miserably then to have never given it a chance at all. I'm sure you understand.

I apreciate all of your help, and I guess that I will have to learn the hard way.

Old Marine
04-21-05, 12:03 PM
Originally posted by lprkn
Hey there, Indy_Owns and usmcsemperfi, I'm glad that you're on this website seeking knowledge, but you need to post where you're supposed to. I think the forum description for the Open Squad Bay is "Exchange thoughts and ideas with your Band of Brothers." You have not become a Marine yet, therefore you are not part of my few, my happy few, my band of brothers (to paraphrase Shakespeare). There are forums on this messageboard for you. They are the Pool(ee) Hall and Marine Mentor. Use them.

At the very top of this site it says "Marines, Past, Present and Future."

Tom Hansen
04-21-05, 02:07 PM
Indy:

Marines take care of each other, the advice you have been given is sound. My last year full year in part of my unit went on West Pac. We left mid March and did not return until Thanksgiving weekend. There was a guy in our S-3 section who was married for about 2 years, it was a rocky marrage. We where gone 4 months she wrote him that she was 3 months preganet, she told him it was his kid. Beleive it or not he bought it. Prior to leaving for West Pac he made a allotment out to her for all his pay all he kept was $25 per pay day. She was going to send him money every pay day. She never did send him money, we pooled money a couple of times so he could have some thing for port calls, he ended up getting a tatoo with here name on it with some of the money. Just after we got back she had the kid, it was 1/2 another race. Considering that he was a Red Headed Irishman this one was not a hard one to figure out.
Why I'm I telling you this? Kinds of sounds far fetched does it not? Every word is true, I'm sure other Marines have heard of similar stories. Life as a married Marine is tuff, very tuff even more so just starting off in the Corps. I was to have been married the 1st year I was in, glad I got Dear John'd, it was a blessing that it happened, you could not tell me that at that time. In the 5 years I was in I had almost 2 years sea duty, back then that was alot. I was in a Harrier Squadron, back then there only where 3 active duty Harrier Squadrons, so we where always on the move either overseas or in the states. These Marines are telling you how it really is, it's up to you to listen or not.

marinefamily5
04-21-05, 02:55 PM
Hey there Hansen trust me i know what your friend went thru.....and to tell you all the truth i went thru it myself also....i told him this stuff in a privite message....i went more into detail about it in the msg which i won't get into in the open post, but he never responed back to me.

kentmitchell
04-21-05, 05:07 PM
Indy_owns
It ain't negative feedback. A married Pvt. or PFC is negative feedback.

kentmitchell
04-21-05, 05:11 PM
Old Marine
I saw just about what you went through. My son in law joined the Air Force when he was 20--my daughter was 18 and they had a baby boy when he left for boot.
They went through hell.
Yet, they just had their 20th anniversary.
Now, my youngest daughter listened when dad told her she could fall in love with a rich guy just as easily as she could a poor guy.
They've lived the good life--as long as he minds her. She's kinda tough.

marinefamily5
04-21-05, 06:13 PM
Indy_owns:

do you want to know how hard it is being married and being a Pvt or PFC. my wife and i lived off of abourt 250 a paycheck because i had to pay child support of 360 a month. and that 250 a paycheck had to go for buying food doing cable and phone and car insurance, gas to go back and for from home to work and to the store. there were times that my wife and i was eating roman noddles for dinner. hell my wife would eat MRE's just because she liked them......but i will tell you this IT WILL NOT BE EASY doing it as a Pvt or Pfc. if you want to see how much your BASE pay will be here is a link to it.........

http://www.dod.mil/militarypay/pay/bp/paytables/Jan2005_Basic_Pay.html

2091351
04-21-05, 06:58 PM
Marriage is not required for the first enlistment. (period)

Marriage is not required after the first enlistment. (period)

Steve

lprkn
04-22-05, 03:26 PM
Except for a few, the main consensus in here is, "Don't do it!" In the end, you'll get to decide what you're going to do, but it wouldn't hurt to take some advice. These Marines here have been around the block once or twice, and usually know what they're talking about, especially when it comes to stuff like this.

Just enlist, do the long distance thing for awhile. If she's still there for you after four years, she's a winner. You gotta get a feel for how this green machine works before you go and commit to something as life-changing as marriage.

And my earlier point still stands, why would there be specific forums for poolees and wannabees to post in if the whole forum was open to them? Before I was a Marine, and new to this site, I posted in the Open Squad Bay forum, and my post was quickly deleted by a moderator, and I was sent a stern warning to wait until I was a Marine for that kind of thing. Maybe things have changed on that, but there was no announcement that I recall.

kentmitchell
04-23-05, 09:31 AM
Nothing new going on here.
Someone asks for advice. You lay the facts on the table and they aren't the ones he wants to see, so he calls it negative.
Facts aren't positive or negative, they're just facts, and the facts back up the huge problems of the lower enlisted grades and marriage.
Even if they weren't Marines, in wartime, just the problems of that age group make marriage a pretty tough proposition.
The only place love conquers all is in the movies. This ain't the movies.