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thedrifter
02-15-05, 05:56 AM
Hillary: The Metamorphosis Begins

February 14, 2005


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by Burt Prelutsky

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We’ve all been hearing about Democrats seeking professional help for what is being called the post-election syndrome. The therapists are claiming that their liberal clients are suffering from stress-related disorders brought about by President Bush’s re- election.

Heaven forbid I should disagree with the experts, but I think the election results are merely the tip of the emotional iceberg. After all, Bush is now into his lame duck term. What’s another four years in the grand scheme of things? It’s not like sitting through a bad movie or a lousy play and not knowing if it will end in ten minutes or an hour or, in the case of something like “Phantom of the Opera,” maybe never! But, come January of 2009, Mr. Bush will be just another private citizen. So, I think the angst that has invaded the hearts and minds of so many leftists is the fear that they may never again find themselves on the winning side of another presidential election. Let’s face it, if your obvious front runner in 2008 is Hillary Rodham Clinton, the woman whose voice can cut glass, whose smile is a grimace, and whose glower can topple trees, you have cause to worry.

You can smell the panic in the air every time you hear one of the Democratic strategists formulate a game plan for the next four years.

As I understand it, they’re going to simultaneously reach out to the secular centrists and the religiously devout. By 2008, in spite of being a U.S. senator from New York, Mrs. Clinton will be spending so much time back in Arkansas, she may wind up moonlighting as a Clinton Library tour guide. (“And here is the very dress that Monica Lewinsky was wearing when…”)

In ’08, the strategy calls for Democrats to reach out to the red staters by opposing abortion on demand and Affirmative Action. They’ll oppose bi-lingual education and they’ll endorse school vouchers. They’ll be in favor of capital punishment, greater defense spending, tort reform, and the 10 Commandments, while railing against the anti- religious bigotry of the ACLU. They’ll turn their collective backs on Michael Moore, Al Franken and Hollywood’s nuttiest fruitcakes, and they will swear off presidential candidates from Massachusetts once and for all.

They’ll put a muzzle on Robert Byrd, and a saddle on Ted Kennedy so they can ride him off into the sunset.

They’ll campaign to keep “God” in the Pledge of Allegiance and “In God We Trust” on the currency. They’ll be in favor of closing the borders to illegal aliens, and they’ll dismiss gay marriages as just another goofy fad like Hula-Hoops and Cabbage Patch dolls.

In short, my friends, Hillary will run as a Republican!

Burt Prelutsky