View Full Version : I just don't know..............

01-14-05, 12:39 AM
Ok, so bear with me here, it's 12:37 AM where I am when i am writing this.

So, I was sitting hre watching that new military channel, and I got really depressed all of a sudden. I started to think about all that I have done and not done in my life.

All my life, all I ever wanted was to make a difference somehow, someway. To make a contribution. To do something of importance. To do something I could be proud of, and that my children and friends could be proud of. ( I SAy children, but as of right now, I only have one child) and I feel like so far, I have failed, and that my chances to do any of that have passed me by. ( sometimes I feel that way, like right now)

I was watching this thing on the Marines tank unit ( delta Co, 1st Marines, I think) and seeing all those guy's over there, fighting, dying, just got me to thinking about everything.

I guess, if there IS a god, and he(it) has some master plan for us all I should just be patient, but I feel like I have missed out on what I should have been a part of.

I, like alot of people, Joined the Marines, because I wanted to be a part of something, and because I wanted to serve, and because I wanted to make a difference. It just seems like I never really got the chance. Desert Storm, over tight before I graduated SOI. Who the hell even remembers anything we did in Bosnia, or Haiti in 94? and now here I am, out and to banged up to be of any use, and we have the whole 9/11 thing, Afganistan, and Iraq, and I really don't think either of those will be the end of our current troubles, and I sit by on the sidelines. I HATE IT!

Sure, I have an OK life, and I am trying to become a teacher, to make a difference in the only way I can think of that is left to me, but I just can't help feeling that I have missed what i was MEANT to do, what I was MEANT to BE. Don't get me wrong, I have no death wish, nore any desire to go "get some" or kill anyone else . Flying bullets scare the crap out of me!

My whole life I just felt like that was were I belonged, hat I was meant to do, and because of circumstance, and time, I have missed it, and now its too late for me. how is that supposed to make me feel?

look, I am sorry for venting all this here,but thanks for listening. hope it didn't bore you to death, and that it makes SOME kind of sense. I'm tired now, think I'll go to bed.

01-14-05, 01:28 AM
Brother, I know how you feel. My father was a 20 year Marine. 3 tours in Nam. I f'd my time in the Corps by screwin up my foot. Now i am suffering thru inherited problems, depression, paranoia and anxiety attacks.....seeing 2 shrinks the 19th....every day is a struggle....every day my mind screams with regrets of the past. even the xanex doesnt work anymore. I'm on short term disability.workin on the last of my booze....I ask God every day why I have to suffer thru this. I'm broke now...disabilty checks have not arrived yet...tears are flowin now because I cannot shut up my mind..it pains me that i cannot replace my Brothers in Iraq......i cant even make it out of my apt due to the paranoia......put foil on my bathroom window so noone can get a clear shot at me...LOL.....the 19th cannot get here fast enough..when i was hiking it felt like demons where sneekin up behind me to steal my soul...at night it is even worse....i just try to suck it and tough it thru...God bless you brother..you are not alone

01-14-05, 01:32 AM
My e-mail is garryh123@sbcglobal.net if you want to talk.

01-14-05, 01:35 AM
Jedi Brother we all have these moments bro I think the shrinks call it guilt syndrom or something like that. Please dont ever beat yourself up for something we have no means to control. And damn it you did make a difference just like I did and all our brothers and sisters did in there time and place. And please bro be advised that I distinctly remember Bosnia and Haiti and those were just as important as any other enemy engagements. Venting is a very good thing if ya dont you explode. God Bless you and sleep tight, tomorrow is another day

01-14-05, 01:51 AM
Hardjedi...every day i wanna kill myself. but I know that is wrong and somehow find the strength to make it thru..yes i am rambling...but venting is good

01-14-05, 01:56 AM
Look here Marine I cant bear to hear ya talk like that. We are brothers and we will freakin work this crap out. And yeah Im FUBAR too but lets get our collective sheite together Ok ? Lets talk PM me.


01-14-05, 06:06 AM

No matter what else happens in your life, always remember that the most important person you can make a difference for is already under your roof. Your child will always look up to you and that is the person you need to focus on. It is easy to be a bad parent, especially with all the technology around that parents use to 'babysit' their children (video games, tv, internet). Just focus on what is important to you, your family. Thats where you are needed and appreciated most (except for maybe your Marine brothers and sisters here). Just keep your head up and know that you have made a difference to your friends here and to your family at home. Stay motivated Marine!!


01-14-05, 10:09 AM
Well, thanks guy's. for the advice and kind words. And Garry, I hear ya Bro, I hear ya. Thanks for the e-mail addy, I'll use it soon.

I know being a good parent is important, and of COURSE I do my best at that, but........, oh hell, I don't know. Trust me on this though, no matter how bad I feel, about ANYTHING, I'll never give up, there's always been THAT much Marine in me at least.

Koble? I would have to say, thats the first thoughtfull, intelligent, and lucid thing a 2nd LT has ever said to me ;) LOL ( sorry, even when feeling down, my sense of humor is still there)

01-14-05, 10:21 AM
Jedi...keep something in mind...It's all temporary. Look around you...somebody has it a lot worse than you. Most of us have been there before but the Marine in us will not allow us to QUIT.

Toby M
01-14-05, 10:33 AM
There are days that I get down on myself for the very reasons you guys have stated here plus a myriad of others. I don't drink or do drugs nor do I seek help from others. I, like many others on this site, rely too much on my own instincts and self intervention (not to mention too much pride) and consequently suffer none-the-less. HardJedi and Garryh, rest assured that as long as this board is up, there are others out there "listening" to you and admire you for having the courage to speak out and ask for help. Marine's are never alone...

01-14-05, 10:38 AM
Jedi, you are goin through the same thing i was 30 years ago.....and trust me, it does get better...... I was diagnosed with severe PTSD accompanied by a major case of Survivors Guilt. I spent a total of 18 months in Nam and came home without a scratch, although there were a couple of REAL CLOSE calls. It just has to run it's course, which includes thoughts of suicide, self destruction, low self esteem, and a whole bunch of other questions of which the most damaging one is Why did I come home in one piece and not my buddies? DON'T waste your time lookin for the answer to that one cause you will never find it. The only way to attack that question is to accept the fact that you ARE here, you ARE in one piece and you ARE gonna get better. After the treatment the Nam vets got for their homecoming, there were a lot of them, myself included, that thought the lucky ones were the ones in the body bags. This is the WRONG attitude to have, just ask any Nam vet and they will tell ya the same thing. War is one f**cked up situation that takes a boy and robs him of his mind and soul. But you can make it, look at me and gbudd....well, maybe not the best example but we still made it. Good luck Bro........Smitty

01-14-05, 10:39 AM
Perfect way to put it Toby..I'm much like you in the way I handle my problems (way too much pride too). But like you say..Marines are never alone. Talking about a problem always helps.

Fred Pfeiffer
01-14-05, 10:44 AM

I don't post here very often. But something told me to send you this.

I too understand your feelings and have been there myself. May I make a simple suggestion?

There is a book that you see displayed all over the place, which directly addresses your questions. It is titled "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren.

It has been on the best seller list for months. It is easy to read, not very long and you can buy it almost anywhere.

I can't guarantee anything, but if you take the time to read it and think about what is said, it should help alot. It dramatically changed my way of thinking, for the better, and others that I have talked with who have read it, tell me their way of thinking was changed in much the same way as mine was.

Give it a try. I can't hurt and will probably change your way of thinking, for the better, too.

Semper Fidelis

01-14-05, 11:17 AM
Good post Rod....PTSD yep I have a round or two with that. Agent orange exposure as well. Spent 36 months in Nam and I didn't want to go home and leave my buddies behind. I think I died in...

01-14-05, 11:22 AM
Ya see Jedi, YOU ARE NOT ALONE out here, but it takes a lot of will power and determination not to fail along with the balls to ask for help, which you did by startin this thread. That's the biggest and hardest step to take, and you made it over that one with flyin colors Bro. whether you realize it or not. Hang in there, things do get better.

01-14-05, 12:37 PM
I haven't been down your exact road but my road has been pretty close. I never asked for help. I was too proud. I really didn't have or didn't know or wouldn't allow myself to find or seek help. I knew that medication and alcohol was not going to solve my problem(s). Perhaps it did for others but I decided not to go that route. What shook me up was when I was right smack dab in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge. I dropped a piece of paper over the side to see the wind currents. Then I started to think. How was I going to go over the side? I'm serious....I actually gave that some thought. Then I thought , Oh, hell, with my luck I'll land in the stove pipe of some luxury liner that was passing under the bridge or...on a sail boat that was in some sort of sail boat race. Then I thought what dive should I do? I knew that I could do a jack-knife but I'd never done one from this distance before. Maybe a jack-knife with a twist? A swan dive? That dive was out of the question. The folks in Acupulco were way better than me. I kid you not, these were the thoughts I was having. Then it came down to ...should I wear a cape? What color and fabic would I wear? Then , and this is the kicker, I decided that jumping was too much trouble and I wouldn't be able to change my mind once I jumped. I realized that my sense of humor saved my fanny and that I was put on this earth for a reason and that I ought to start liking myself (faults and all) plus I owed it to myself to find out what that reason was. I may never know but I'm still here and I am thankful for it. Take care of yourself and utilize your resources.
God Bless you. I know that you will find your peace one step at a time.

01-14-05, 01:05 PM
Jedi, <br />
may sound trite at this point but I know EXACTLY how you feel brother. I go through it every day. The only thing I ever wanted to do as a kid was to be military....once I got in the Corps I...

01-14-05, 01:13 PM
Jedi....do you know how much you are saving...all this excellent advise at no charge. A shrink would charge you a bundle but you can't put a value on these posts. Marines helping Marines!!!!!!

01-14-05, 06:36 PM
WOW! All I can say , again is thanks. It really helps to know when other people feel the same as you do, and share your problems/thoughts.

thanks MUCH for sharing, and the advice and well, wishes.

I have indeed picked up that book, the purpose driven life, about a month ago, just haven't had time to read it yet.

and year, this place does cut down on the ol., shrink bills( although, some posts sure can raise my blood preassure a bit)

Semper Fi' all.

01-14-05, 08:12 PM
crap my mind is racing too fast to put the time into reading a book! LOL......I had to go out at night tonight on a resupply mission! On the drive back (only 1 mile)...got hit by a big anxiety attack....not to mention the paranioa....all the headlights flashing by......kept feeling everyone was gonna ram my car.....once i made it back the apt, almost ran inside cause it feels like demons are running up behind...took a couple hours before calming down form the shakes! DOH!.....only 5 days till i see the shrinks...can't get here fast enouh!

01-14-05, 08:59 PM
I think your Philosophy classes are getting too deep in your brain housing! There be more to humans than reasoning: Arts, World Domination, Copulating, Determining who buys the next round! Important stuff! :D

The day I turned 36 I realized, (based on avg 72yr lifespan), "Hey, I'm halfway done with this!"

Oddly enough it was one of the best days of my life! In the past four years I've done more to make myself long-term-happy, than any other time in my life.

I've made peace with most of my mistakes. I still make them, usually not the same ones.

And I'm doing everything I can to make sure my daughter will never have to go through some of the dark stuff. That in itself is a deal I made with myself to make up for crap I can't undo or personally make right.

Semper Fi!

01-14-05, 09:16 PM
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings of eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31

Look for God's plan in your life.

B A Hall
01-14-05, 10:14 PM
Here is my theriy my father a three tour nam vet,my brother former Marine,me a former Marine,and now my son a Marine.It is hard because I feel that I am not doing my part because my son is going,I have infasemema and a tumor in my right ear.I am so gung ho I hate myself because I am not there,I have had so many thoughts about the things you are thinking but I tell myself we don't kill our selfs and others don't kill us we just go to heaven to regroup.I try to be strong for my other kids and it is hard but I have to show my 3 tour nam father I can get er done.May GOD bless us all and our Troops Semper Fi.God Loves MARINES.

01-14-05, 11:44 PM
Geez, this thread is really "down to the bone". None of us will ever be the same because of it. I just told you all something that I have kept to myself for quite a while and I found comfort in doing so. My little escapade on the bridge, although pivotal, pales in comparison to what I have read. I salute all of you for the fortitude to carry on...no matter what. I've always told people that you may kill my body but you will never kill my soul. After reading everyones entry I believe that I am not alone. It doesn't get much better than this.

01-15-05, 01:12 AM
Yup Gary, It's hard to let your feelings known to complete strangers. After chatting with several Marines on this site, I know No Marine is a stranger to me. They are all my Brothers and Sisters. Even you Gary. Right now I feel like tearing my apt up, then it switches to uncontrollable crying. I realize i may be bi-poler. Have a neice and nephew recentally diagnosed with it..Then I believe depression was just thrown in good measures! LOL. Watching some music vids now (Michael Schenker Group 1981)....music allways makes feel better.....it's hard to control the actions of meez brain switching from one extreme to another..the xanex doesnt help much.....drownin myself with booze..thoughts of jumpin off a bridge happen every day..but i know that's to easy a way out....i tough it out every day...sometimes the strain is so hard it wears me out and i just lay in bed all day..it's hard for me to sleep at night because the paranoia..but i know i'll make it till wednesday...seein 2 shrinks......knew i was crazy, just not 2 shrink crazy! LOL

01-15-05, 11:13 AM
Any Marine that has been in a combat situation is a little crazy, that's normal. I've been workin with a vet for the last couple months that I finally talked into seeing a Dr. Turns out that he was diagnosed with severe PTSD and being bi-polar. He is now on meds and doin great, but still has a "bad day" every now and then. He says his flashbacks, nightmares and blackouts have all but ceased and he is excited about life now. Guess I'm not that much of a bad apple........

01-15-05, 10:00 PM
Ialways felt that i did not fit into the so called normal world when i returned from viet nam, i am different then all my co workers and friends and family. there are faces that visit me in my sleep they talk to me asking for my help but i cant help them im powerless. i wake up in a sweat and angry because i feel that i failed these faces that just visited me in the middle of the night looking for my help.About 7 years ago i found a group that has helped me to feel that i belong that im no different then others.This group started out on a voice chat room called firetalk,firetalk died,but our group survived. We found another voice chat program called PAL TALK. Everyday our group gets together and we laugh and joke . The men that i have met on there are my brothers i feel closer to these guys then i do my blood family, because they understand and accept this old broke down doc as imperfect as i am.Our group consist of MARINES ARMY NAVY nd yes a few AIR FORCE vets.We are there for each other in the bad times when our past comes back to haunt us,and in the good times.There are members of our group that can advise you about va benfits and tell you about the latest bill that our goverment is attempting to pass regarding our benfits. We have a room on pal talk calleed viet nam vets ,but you dont have to be a viet nam vet to belong .I have a room there called viet vets and bikers COME VISIT US GET TO KNOW US AND WE WILL OPEN OUR HEARTS UP TO YOU AND ACCEPT YOU JUST AS THEY ACCEPTED THIS CRUSTY OLD DOC. WWW.PAL TALK .COM

01-15-05, 10:23 PM
Not a combat vet here..almost been sucked down a few F-4 intakes.......my sorrow is inherited...i know...said it before....my mind screams every night..tonight is the last night i am drinking.......gonna just suck it up and suffer till wednesday when i see both shrinks.....god bless all my Brothers and Squids...sometimes it is just hard to hold on

01-15-05, 11:04 PM
What I've been taught by the Elders is contrary to conventional wisdom. When a dog/wolve is attacking you, he is actually trying to extract the 'poison' in your soul.

Sometimes its very confusing. Last night I dreamed about a technology that is still in the labratories.

The dream was that I was in an upscale shushi bar with some business associates. I asked where the rest room was, and the bartender pointed to a mirrored panel.

I pushed the glass panel and found a luxurous glass room shaped like a quarter circle.

While I was looking for the p*ss hole I realized I saw cars pulling up to the parking lot and folks looking at me.

In the dream I figured out that under the leather seat cushion was the p*ss hole. So I positioned myself between it and the parking lot traffic.

Just when I unzipped, I noticed the wall in front of me was clear as day and female coworkers were looking in!

They shouted that I had to press the latch on the door for privacy. I looked at the door and sure enough there was a dog-hatch latch. I clicked it and all of the glass turned solid.

Wierd freakin' dream! That was the second dream I've had about technology that does not currently exist!

Those curuois dreams are a lot better than the nightmares about folks breaking into the apartment!

01-16-05, 08:53 AM
Originally posted by yellowwing
They shouted that I had to press the latch on the door for privacy. I looked at the door and sure enough there was a dog-hatch latch. I clicked it and all of the glass turned solid.

Wierd freakin' dream! That was the second dream I've had about technology that does not currently exist!

Gosh darn those wimen, Yellowwing, even in dreams they don't want to see your little pee pee... LMAO

Sorry bro, but yo posted it.. LOL

01-16-05, 11:04 AM
Yeah, well. I'm just glad at least ONE of them wants to see it. My darling wife of three years! :banana:

01-16-05, 12:09 PM
HardJedi, you said you wanted to make a difference, you have, this thread has made a big damn difference to me, and from the posts I have been reading this thread, I am not the only one it has made a difference too.. seems there are more than a few of us who all seem to feel the very same way, and whom are carrying around the same demons, sometimes it just takes one man with enough guts to say what he is feeling, to help everyone else with what they are feeling, and it does, it lets us all know we are not alone when we close our eyes, or drift back remembering things that would be best forgotten, but we have no idea how to forget them, and most of us are unwilling or unable to throw down first.. I for one am very glad you did find the motivation and guts to start this thread.

HardJedi said;
look, I am sorry for venting all this here,but thanks for listening. hope it didn't bore you to death, and that it makes SOME kind of sense.

sorry? never, I wish I had the guts to say what you have said.. bore us? lol.. as far as I am concerned.. you have something to say, belly up the bar anytime you like.. you made a difference here.

01-18-05, 10:19 PM
Originally posted by yellowwing
I think your Philosophy classes are getting too deep in your brain housing! There be more to humans than reasoning: Arts, World Domination, Copulating, Determining who buys the next round! Important stuff! :D

You may be right, people ALWAYS are telling me that I think too darn much. But it beats going through life fat, drunk and stupid! ( animal house refernce for ya there)

Greensideout? Thanks, as always for your kind words and good intentions, but the bible, and every OTHER religious text, hold no real meaning FOR ME. I am not running down any religion, but there is just too much FAITH involved in religion for me to accept it. I am a person who always has to see ALL the things that make something up. never accept at face value. probably another one of my biggest problems.

and thanks VERY much nagalfar. You are right, this thread has hepled me alot. it is always better when you know you are not the only one feelinga certain way. You don't feel so....isolated, when others share your thoughts.

Thankls again to EVERYONE

01-19-05, 11:05 AM

You say you are banged up now? You have a permanent injury? I feel what you are feeling also. I've been feeling that guilt for a few years too. I actually have an opportunity to get back in the Corps at my age (just turned 40, still in denial). Even though I was told that I cannot go on Active Duty, I can probably still get in Reserve. Thankfully, I have no permanent injuries but the running is kickin my butt. I plan on getting a 1st class PFT and completely freaking out the recruiters when they see my score at my age. Kicking smoking is the biggest obstacle, but the more I run, the less I smoke.

Looking at your profile, you were there Marine! You were standing by for a fight and as I see it, you did your job.

01-19-05, 11:41 AM
When the **** hits the fan, the world becomes a very small place. Imagine if you will, standing on the beach. The incredibly blue Pacific stretched out before you as the sun peeks over the horizon behind you. The sky slowly edges from black to purple to pink. You can smell the coffee brewing as the soft, sweet music from the radio lulls you, caresses you, takes you back home to her, to Mom's bread baking, to Dad's pipe smoke, to Grandpa's farm where the fresh cut alfalfa makes the air even better than this salt-fresh air. Back home, they would all be getting ready for church, this being Sunday morning. As you stare out over the crisp blue ocean at the sea birds flying almost as if in formation, it slowly dawns on you that they really are flying in formation. What kind of birds fly like that? Well, they are flying in to shore, so pretty soon you will be able to identify them. Maybe write back home to let everyone know about them. But they are not birds. They are planes. Japanese Zeros.
The world explodes into noise, heat, and smoke. Steam from ship's boilers mixes with the screams of dying men. The smell of the bombs mixes with the blood and death. As of this second, your world becomes those things you can reach. The men below deck are foriegners, in some other world, well beyond your influence. They might as well be back on Grandpa's farm, they are so far away. The population of the world has just become those men who are in your sight.

When the **** hits the fan, the world becomes a very small place. Put yourself back in the ville. It has been dark for hours. The mosquitos whining have replaced the flies buzzing around your face. The smell of the night has replaced the stench of day. The fear of ambush has replaced the terror of waiting for a mortar to crash into your hootch. It is a different world as you stare through the Starlight into the green. You know the other half of the CAP is right over there... 200 yards away, watching the same world you are. But when the green tracers start coming into the other half, when the red tracers start going out, your world suddenly moves 200 yards. Time no longer exists. What matters is your buddies. The radio becomes your connection to the human race.

When the **** hits the fan, the world becomes a very small place. The white markers stretch out as far as you can see. Taps comes from somewhere out in Arlington, echoing off your past, your kids' future, your grandkids' heritage. There is no world other than what these men in front of you have bought with their courage, their kids' lives, their grandkids' heritage.

When the **** hits the fan, the world becomes a very small place. The Dragon has come to drag you back into Hell. The fight is intense, and surrender would be so simple. The world has become what is inside your skull. The nightmares, the hypervigilance, the fear all come back in living color. You want to fight back, but you are so very tired.

When the **** hits the fan, the world becomes... just you and your buddies.

When the **** hit the fan, we counted on our buddies. It seems possible that every Medal of Honor recipient was just protecting his world, his buddies.

When the **** hits the fan, the world becomes just you and us.

Semper Fidelis

01-19-05, 11:46 AM
Welcome home Deduke...thought I was back in Nam while reading your post. Your message is loud and clear.

01-19-05, 12:06 PM
Just got back from my shrink today. Depression, anxiety and ptsd. Now ain't that sh*t!

01-19-05, 12:16 PM
So what's your game plan now...garryh123? I've had all three at one time or another. It can't keep a good Marine down for long!

01-19-05, 12:22 PM
I feel so lucky that I've gotten all 3 at once! LOL I'd like to thank the academy, my mgr, the producers.....LOL
Gonna be off work 3 more months for treatment.....starting the ptsd meds tonight. Not to mention the anti-depressants and anxiety pills!...Taking Risperdal for the ptsd..sh*t...I just want my brain to be quiet and the nightmares to stop....I'm toughin it out...quit drinkin to...drank like a fish just to get to sleep at night. Time to suck it up and start over!

01-19-05, 12:34 PM
Terrific news, garry123! In a very remote way it's like what used to be said about quiting smoking. There is not one placebo in the world that is going to help you quit smoking entirely until you decide that this is what has to be done. It was said that everyday with out a cigarette allows the body to heal itself. I believe that this principle, in part or whole, can be applied to most anything. I am happy for you. One step at a time.
Good for you.

01-19-05, 12:36 PM
garryh123....you mentioned that you quit drinking...that will be a big plus if you can stick with it...it makes thing worse in the long run (if you keep drinking). I speak from experience. Good luck brother!

01-19-05, 12:44 PM
I actually feel better after talkin to both shrinks. Now I know why i've been drink so hard for so long. Been sober for a week. The paranoia and anxiety have been bad(like driving thru that snow storm to see the shrinks!). I'm lookin forward to a quieter brain and peaceful sleep. I've stayed before awhile before till the nightmares and paranoia started again.

01-19-05, 12:50 PM
Once you get all that alcohol out of your body, you will notice a world of difference...and believe me..it don't leave your body in a couple of days if your were drinking as hard as you say you were. We are talking weeks if not months. Again...I speak from experience. Hey it's not like you can't ever have a drink again...just get everything back running ok first.

01-19-05, 12:53 PM
That's the plan! Where did I put that bottle? LOL Just kidding! D'OH!

01-25-05, 10:45 PM
Tonight is a hard night. Memories from the past keep peekin round the corner. Yup, couldn't deal with it so i got some cheap beer. good thing the shrink gave me her direct line. why do i have to suffer..what did i do to deserve this. I know i'm strong enough. just gota suck it up and pull thru

01-25-05, 10:57 PM
I know how you feel HardJedi. Hell we went to Haiti in March of 1994 just to be turned away because a angry mob was waiting for us at the main port in Port au Prince. The US invaded Haiti not even 5 months later and we was left out of it. I was so ****ed.

But my unit did something in Bosnia. We rescued Scott O'Grady and that is something I will always be proud to say I was a part of no matter what. I'm just glad the QRF I was with wasn't needed. The rescue went down without a hitch. Well almost besides SAM's and small arms being fired at our helos. Other then that it was a perfect TRAP mission. Heck I even got a Navy Unit Commendation and Armed Forces Service Medal out of the deal and I also got to meet the 31st Commandant of the Marine Corps General Charles Chandler Krulak when we came back to Camp Lejeune. I thought that was way cooler then meeting "Slick Willy". I mean how many Marines get to shake hands with the Commandant of the Marine Corps?

I know how you feel not being able to help out in Iraq, but we served our time and don't get down on yourself just cause you didn't see war. Not all Marines get a CAR you know! Not all Marines see Combat. Not all Marines want to either. I know I joined up to see some action, but to be honest when the time came and we was on ALERT 30 with our ammo, weapons and gear out ready for war... I prayed to God we wouldn't be needed. But all of us Marines on the USS Kearsarge was ready to kill some Serbs.

Only an idiot would wish to go to war. I was an idiot at one time wishing I'd see combat. Thank God I don't get everything I wish for!

Semper Fi bro!