Anxiety and paranoia

[garryh123]

Anyone else dealing with this? I cannot be around large groups of people without freakin out......at night i cannot drive because i think other cars are trying to ram me.......when i walk at night or go for hikes it feels like demons are sneaking up behind me to steal my soul............my doc has done all he can and i am goin to see a shrink jan 19,,,,,but till then it's been a really hard struggle to hold on......the xanex helps when i have to leave my apt....but it is so f'n hard to stay stable.... the only thing keeping me sane is my Marine Corps training......this may seem like a senseless post..but posting this is helps me.

[HardJedi]

hey, Garry, hold tight buddy. I am not now nor have I ever been that bad, but I AM probably a bit overcautious. I have to sit in certain places, and will NOT let anyone walk on my right side, and I have to sit with my back against a wall to be comfotable, and be able to see the entire room I am in. if by chance a person DOES walk behind me, it's about all I can do to keep from spinning around to keep a watch on them. I am sure you are not alone.

[MillRatUSMC]

I still get some anxiety, when some people get too close.
My stomach starts to churn, so I know something is going on my mind.
I can control it, but I know it there.
I too have to sit where I can see everyone.
Walking at night and sometimes during the day, my eyes are searching.
Around here its for survival, as recently there been some muggings.
So that Marine Corps training comes in handy.
What you're dealing should be handled at some Vet Center.
They have people handy that have dealt with this before.
You have to take the first step.
Hang in there...there's more dealing with these same feelings.
Many before have dealt with what you feeling.
That the only advice I can give to you now.

Semper Fidelis/Semper Fi
Ricardo

[garryh123]

Thank you all for your support! When I was at the docs monday the place was packed. Had to wait 1/2 hour before the doc got to me. I was really freakin out..thought everyone was starin at me and laughin at me....I just sat there froze and sweatin my arse off...every time someone came near me I wanted to scream an toss em out a window! When the doc got me back in an exam room I started cryin like a big ol baby!

All this mental crap I inherited from my Moms side. I don't blame her for it. Out of 4 kids it seems I'm the only one hit with this. It's slowly gettin worse but at least I get to see a shrink on the 19th. The xanez seems to help...take them in the evening..that's usually when it is worse......I just suck it up and troop on!

[garryh123]

OH!...and if some of my posts in the past seemed odd(to say the least)....that was untreated paranoia combined with massive doses of alcohol that I used at that time to keep my brain quiet.

[JAG5150]

Garry, I also do not do well in large crouds, I went to Disney land once, ONCE.
Much like the rest of you my six is always against the wall when at a restaurant or any other place out in the public.
I am very cautious and always scanning the area no matter where I'm at.
You're not alone brother.

[garryh123]

At least now I know why I always had to have my back to the wall whenver I went bar hopping back in my (pre-stolen) Harley ridin days! LOL

[HardJedi]

someone stole your Harley? DAMN! thats a death penalty offense if I EVER heard one. Can't just take off with a man's bike. Thats just LOW! ;)

[garryh123]

Yup stepped in a bar for 1 drink.....had the front fork and rear wheel locked...and chained to a pole.......walked outside 10 minutes later and it was gone.......that hurt worse than my divorce(3 days earlier) !!!!!

[garryh123]

That was in 1990...to this this day....if it was possible to find out who stole it......I'd still kill the f*cker in quite a violent fashion!

[JAG5150]

Hell, it's easier to replace a wife than it is to replace a good bike.

[garryh123]

Thanks Brothers! I'm feelin good now...Now I'm off to attempt to go to the post office then raid the grocery store!

[Namvet67]

All of the above applies to me as well...you are not alone. Large crowds syndrome started for me as soon as I got off the plane that took me home from Vietnam. Back to the wall, keep everyone in site...yep. Large amounts of alcohol, bar hoppin on my Harley..yep. You sound normal to me...but it's all relative anyway.

[david43844]

your not alone brother,I do the same stuff.I'm looking for attackers out my windows etc. Hang in there,your in the club. Semper Fi......David

[garryh123]

LOL.....it got so bad that at one point every time I turned on my bathroom light i had to go in the bedroom an check to see if anyone was out there trying to shoot me thru the window! I even put foil up on the bathroom window so they could not get a clear shot!....Now that's paranoia! I can laugh about it now, but that's some f*cked up sh*t!

[JAG5150]

There is nothing wrong with being a little paranoid, keeps you alive.

[Sparrowhawk]

Every once in awhile it just feels good to kick the neighbor's dog....

Click and take a journey into my world...


http://vietnamdiary.bizland.com/cookpoems.jpg (http://vietnamdiary.bizland.com/Contents.chtml)

[garryh123]

A little paranoia! DOH! My doc has me on short term disability till the shrink can get me on meds that actually work. Till then I'll be here postin stuff that make no sense and **** everyone off...just being an all around confusing pain in the arse! LOL

[garryh123]

Thanks Sparowhawk! My dad did 3 tours in Nam...he never talks about it

[garryh123]

Those poems brought a tear to my eyes....thank you Sparrowhawk....my pain is caused by a short circuited brain....i cannot even imagine what combat vets live with every day. Still, If i could save the life of one Marine in this war on terror by taking his or her place, i would.

[garryh123]

I actually remember the 1st time I realized my problem was getting worse.......somebody pi**ed me off at work and I threw a monitor at him........And I didnt get fired!LOL DOH!.....saw the doc soon after that! LOL

[yellowwing]

The only time I regularly get paranoid is when I have to go escort the wife back from her Girl's Night Out. The watering hole is only a few blocks, but I'm tense as hell looking everywhere.

I did almost freak out downtown once. I started thinking about the bombings in Iraq and Israel. At first I was happy that its not happening here.

Then that tactical thinking took over and I started looking for the most likely and effective places, and where would I dive for cover.

After five minutes of that I was getting pretty f*cked up!

[garryh123]

Imagine your paranoia intensified by %1000...that's me

[garryh123]

Right now i just wanna scream till my voice gives out.....time for a happy pill

[femalemarine_89]

Dont feel bad garry.. The only way I can deal in a big group of people is to be drinking alcohol.. and usually I have to be pretty well on my way before I can be in large groups.. Lets all get liqured up and go.. LOL


http://www.wtv-zone.com/coplove/Cops/trprcar.gif

[JAG5150]

I don't do well in large groups of people, I have been known to get a little hostile and aggressive at times.

[greensideout]

You all sound normal to me---89, slide a beer down the bar.

[garryh123]

I just have to make it till the 19th(shrink)...and yes...I'm hitting the bottle...100 proof vodka....had it kicked once.....but I can't keep my thoughts quiet......not suicidal........just tryin to cope....my doc has me on lexapro....low serotonin levels....causes lack of comm between nerve cells....results in depression.....it helped for awhile then just totally bottomed out....the xanex helps some, but not enough.......during the day i'm fine( by myself) at night the paranoia starts...19th cannot get here fast enough

[femalemarine_89]

Round of drinks are on me.. Order up and its yours :D
BUT NO DRINKING AND DRIVING.. LOL


http://www.wtv-zone.com/coplove/Cops/trprcar.gif

[garryh123]

WOW...I almost sounded smart there for a second! LMAO..I can't even work.....i keep feelin everyone is lookin at my and laughing at me........not to mention the paranoia of thinkin demons are sneakin up behind me....

[garryh123]

I used to be a Deputy here..1986-1989......I only drink at the place i'm spendin the night at........used to drink with some troopers....they far out drank me! LOL

[garryh123]

WHOAH! Xanex is kickin in! Me feel many much happy good time now! LOL

[garryh123]

just got 2 new messages in my message folder.....why cant i see them?...I'm drunk...but not that drunk

[yellowwing]

Try this (http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/private.php?s=).

Your lucky, I'm only on my third double Stoli!

[garryh123]

ok..just got 4 new private messages......I know i am nuts...but i cant see them......i'm gonna log off for now...my mind is playin games with me....thank all of you for ur help....but i seem to be losing it again. I build pcs for myself and my family..i repair monitors at work...so i am not retarted...i'm login of and will check back tomorrow...good night for now

[garryh123]

Sh*t...got more private messages....still cant see them.....i'm insane.....will check again tomorrow....thank all of you for your support

[yellowwing]

Don't worry about it 'Bro. When I wake up in the middle of the night to take a leak, I still go make sure the doors are locked, and take a peek out the front window.

[garryh123]

Thanks yellowing..have already tired that...none of my new messages seem to show up

[garryh123]

Thank you all of my Brothers and Sisters... the private messages are still not showing up....I'm logging off and will try again tomorrow...Its good to know i have friends....even though i have never met you

[Lotus_fire1]

garryh123: sorry to read that you are going through a lot of problems. Well a good thought that will help you just look up and pray man and be honest it helps me when I am down and helps me carry on. Thanks for reading this message. Take care.

[femalemarine_89]

Hope it gets better Garry..


http://www.wtv-zone.com/coplove/Cops/trprcar.gif

[garryh123]

What the heck am I doing up this early?! With all this time off i should be sleeping the day away......oh well...guess I'll just stay up and pi** people off! LOL D'OH!

[garryh123]

HMMMMM...I don't have a hangover and i actually feel good! Something has to be wrong! LMAO

[Sparrowhawk]

Originally posted by garryh123
What the heck am I doing up this early?! With all this time off i should be sleeping the day away......oh well...guess I'll just stay up and pi** people off! LOL D'OH!

I feel like its gona be one of those days as well...

[femalemarine_89]

Heck I think I beat you all being up. I woke up and was out of bed for awhile the first time at 0130. and now here I am up again for the duration at 0730.. LOL

[Toby M]

I don't even drink and I have a "hangover" headache...must be a reminder from the old day! Hope you're feeling better this morning Garryh123! We're hanging in there with you Mister...
On second thought, maybe my headache is your fault-you know, "sympathy pains..." LOL!!!

[garryh123]

HAHAAA! so my evil plan has worked! (just kidding) LMAO

[femalemarine_89]

LOL.. no hang over here garry.. Guess you had a wonderful time lastnight.. Hope you didnt do anything that you are going to regret.. LOL

[garryh123]

Nah....i may feel bad about things i have done in the past...but the past is the past....."No Remorse, No Regrets" ...Who gets that quote? LOL

[garryh123]

Ok..one of the side effects of these meds are hiccups.......this sucks

[garryh123]

ok. i'm logging off.......these hickups suck....hopefully i can sleep it off

[garryh123]

Ok..the hiccups are keepin me awake.....sh*t...gues i gotta wait em out.

[yellowwing]

I swear this works. Take a glass of water, lean way over and gulp from the opposite side of the glass.

[garryh123]

Ok..tonight is really bad. I wanna kill myself....I know it's not me....it's my short circuited brain.....I know God has a plan for me but i just feel so f'n bad.......I have the xanex the Doc gave me..but I don't wanna waste em till I get to see the shrink. my brain is racing 100 mph....I know i should take the pill..i dont know what to do

[garryh123]

Pulled my head out of me a** an took the pill...feel better...but this still blows moose

[garryh123]

7am on a monday morning and i don't have to go to work.....life is good......then why the F am I up this early! LMAO

[JAG5150]

Garry, what's up brother? How are you feeling today, any news from the doc. yet?

[garryh123]

Feelin pretty bad today..Don't see the shrink till the 19th...have xanex to take the edge off...just dont wanna waste em.

[garryh123]

Watchin some metal music vids....helps to calm me down

[JAG5150]

Brother, do what you gotta do, if you feel the need take the xanex, that is what they are for. Put yourself in that good spot and think about that.

[garryh123]

Thank you Brother.....it's been a hard road. But the support of my Brothers and Sisters does help. But sometimes it just gets too hard to handle. thats when I take the xanex.

[JAG5150]

We all have done things that we may ot regret but will haunt us for the rest of our days. I thank God that I am/was able to deal with the things that I've done for God and country. I have a very supportave wife, I think/know that without hermy life would be very different, Ive told her things that nobody else knows. I wish you all the strength that you need and when you are feeling weak, just log on and borrow the strenght of this site. I know that I speak for us all when I say that you are welcomed to use us, one and all.

[Koble_USMC]

Gary - we will keep you in our prayers. Keep us posted on the situation especially after you see the Doc. Hang in there Devil Dog.

[garryh123]

My problems are inherited. Thank all of you for your support...I really feel like crap now...gonna go lay down till it passes..my sister called awhile ago...helped me boost my spirits. Once again. thank you all

[JAG5150]

Any time you need us, you know where we are. Take care Brother.

[garryh123]

Sh*t...being crazy seems to keep me from sleeping......guess i should force myself to it stay away from that friggin bottle of 100proof vodka.....just cannot seem to sleep

[garryh123]

Hey 2nd LT Koble!.....Thank you and all by brothers and sisters!...Downed many a Phantom at MCAS- Yuma due to Butter balls who ****ed me off!.......nothing personal...they just thought they knew the Phantoms better than me.....Pride..I knew the F-4j and s better than any 2nd LT. God Bless you and i hope you learn well from your NCO's! SEMPER FI!

[garryh123]

Ok...i'm gonna try to go to sleep...just gotta try to get my brain to shut up.....thank all of you for your support.

[garryh123]

Im going crazy...please someone talk to me.. don't see the shrink till the 19tm....i'm f'n losin it ....

[garryh123]

I'm callin everyin i know...but they are all alsep

[yellowwing]

Sheet, I just had one of those bad dreams. My first two dreams were kind of cool, problem solving dreams that turned out okay.

That last one was just to much.

[garryh123]

Thanks Yellowwing....I cant stop crying..why does this depression,paranoia amxiety sh*t suck so bad....I feel so lost

[garryh123]

I cannot get ahold of any of my family...they are all asleep....took another xanex....i'm so tired...cannot sleep..f*ck this

[yellowwing]

Hang in there, (and read your damn PMs!) :marine:

[garryh123]

Great talking wih you Bother!....Me go sleepy long time! LOL

[garryh123]

Oh!...and thank you for talkin me down

[garryh123]

Thanks horse cowboy.......i cant sleep no mtter how much i drink....me no sleepy long time!