thedrifter
12-24-04, 09:04 AM
The Times That Try Men's Souls
December 22, 2004
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by Burt Prelutsky
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The feud between the Capulets and the Montagues, like the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys, is the stuff from which songs and plays and legends are made. The latest feud hasn’t incited anything more than hard feelings, but it’s no less passionate. It’s the one that has print journalists pitted against their hated, higher-paid, rivals on TV. For my part, I tend to vacillate. At night, I’m convinced there couldn’t be a sleazier bunch of agenda-driven bozos than the botox-addicted talking heads on the tube. But then I pick up my morning paper, and I find myself thinking I may have been too hasty in making my decision.
Of course a part of the reason that my morning paper, the L.A. Times, can so easily sway my opinion is because it could so easily be confused with the old Daily Worker, except that it has a sports section and more advertising than the Yellow Pages and the Super Bowl combined.
For my part, the best part of the paper is a page two department they have tabbed For the Record. It is an appropriately black-bordered box wherein they fess up to all their recent mistakes, and print corrections. Periodically, I collect a batch so I can share them with you. When I do, I feel like a fisherman who has had such a good day he can share his catch with friends and neighbors. And the wonderful thing about the Times is that every day the big ones are biting.
Now on the face of it, it’s commendable that the Times acknowledges its many errors. On the other hand, isn’t a daily newspaper, by its very nature, supposed to be for the record?
Unless you’re a subscriber, you may think I’m indulging in hyperbole when I state that there isn’t a single day that goes by that For the Record isn’t setting the record straight. So, for the record, I just counted up my most recent collection. There are 15 days worth in my pile, and there are 80 separate items! You do the math. Speaking of math, that is one of the areas in which the Times consistently has problems. When it comes to numbers of any kind, you can tell that the folks who work down on Spring Street are simply guessing. For instance, the paper claimed that Turkey abolished the death penalty five years ago. It seems it happened two years ago. They claimed that Wayne Rogers appeared as Trapper John on “MASH” for 12 seasons; actually it was just three before he was replaced by Mike Farrell as B.J.
The Times reported that a proposed California state bond was to be in the amount of $929 billion. Only later did they realize it was $929 million. Similarly, in ex-Police Chief Tom Reddin’s obituary, they told us that when he first joined the LAPD, in 1941, he was paid $170-a-week. It was $170-a-month.
In an article about the L.A.’s Central Library, they claimed that a 1992 fire had closed it down for a year. Actually, the fire took place in 1986, and the library didn’t re- open until 1993!
A story about the L.A. Clippers reported that the team last made the playoffs in 1993. It was 1997. In another sports story, boxer Antonio Barrera’s waist was said to measure 38 inches. Unfortunately for his opponents, it actually measures 28 inches. In an article about peacekeeping efforts in Congo, it was stated that the U.N. Security Council had voted to send in an additional 6,000 troops, bringing the total to nearly 1,700. You guessed it -- they meant 17,000.
In an obituary about TV writer-producer Edward S. Waters, the Times stated that he died on Nov. 9 th. By that time, having died on Oct. 5 th, Mr. Waters had been buried for a month.
The budget for the movie, “The Phantom of the Opera,” according to their gossip columnist Liz Smith, was $90 million, with all of it coming out of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s own pocket. It seems the budget was $70 million, and although Webber raised the total amount, he didn’t cough it up himself.
The following day, Ms. Smith referred to Ku Klux Klansmen as Klu Klux Klansmen.
In an article about the NFL, the Times reported that the league had agreed to extend its contracts with Fox and CBS for a combined $8 million, and had come to terms with DirecTV on a $3.5 million deal. The actual numbers, as you’ve probably figured out, were $8 billion and $3.5 billion. Then, not one to rest on its laurels, the Times went on to inform us that there are 30 teams in the NFL. No matter how lousy the Raiders and the 49ers are, officially there are still 32 teams in the league.
Besides math, the paper also has problems with geography.
They reported that Modesto, which is 80 miles southeast of San Francisco, was 90 miles west. Which, if true, would certainly explain Modesto’s extremely high humidity. They confused Universal City’s Universal Amphitheatre with Anaheim’s Arrowhead Pond. They topped themselves, though, when they placed the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign in Chicago. It is, oddly enough, in Urbana and Champaign. Closer to home, they stated that the Harvard-Westlake school is in Beverly Hills. It’s in Holmby Hills. Close, but definitely no cigar.
Even show business, a subject the Times constantly boasts it covers better than anyone in the universe, gives them nothing but headaches.
In writing about actor Lance Henriksen, the paper not only claimed he had reprised a role in “Alien vs. Predator,” which he hadn’t, they informed us that he’d written the screenplay for “The Terminator,” which he didn’t.
In a drama review, it was reported that the play “As Vishnu Dreams” was the world’s oldest recorded epic. On second thought, they admitted that, according to most scholars, that distinction belongs to “Epic of Gilgamesh.” (And what a double-bill they would make!)
Along those same lines, the Times, in a review of “Masterpiece Theatre’s Henry VIII,” declared that Henry’s Tudor ancestors fought the War of the Roses, although the House of Tudor hadn’t even been established at the time the war took place. But there is simply no area in which the Times can’t rise to the daily challenge of embarrassing itself. In the old days, Chevy Chase didn’t trip over his feet as often as this paper does.
In a book review, they attributed a line by James Joyce to William Butler Yeats. They mistook the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia for the U.S. 9 th Circuit Court of Appeals.
In the obituary of painter Erna Rosenstein, they said her art evoked Nazi Poland! They spelled Cecil B. DeMille’s first name Cecile. They spelled USC’s Viterbi’s School of Engineering Virbili.
They claimed safety Josh Smith played defense for Army. Actually he suits up for Navy. They also said that Democratic assemblywoman Hannah-Beth Jackson was a Republican.
They confused the Federal Communications Commission with the Federal Trade Commission.
They identified actor Dan Gunther as Dan Guntherstar. I guess they have high hopes for his future career.
In an article about William Boyd, better known as Hopalong Cassidy, the Times stated that he’d made all 66 of his Hopalong movies at Paramount from 1938 to 1948. It seems he made them at Paramount from 1935-1941, and then at United Artists from 1942-1948. That alone would have been par for the Times. What made it extra special is that they didn’t say Mr. Boyd starred in all those 66 movies, they said Hopalong Cassidy did!
And, finally, in Howard Keel’s obituary, the Times reported that his original surname was Leek. Which, interestingly enough, is Keel spelled backward. The only trouble is, his original surname really was Keel. Backward or forward or upside down, you can count on my L.A. Times to get the story right.
Eventually.
Burt Prelutsky
Ellie
December 22, 2004
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
by Burt Prelutsky
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The feud between the Capulets and the Montagues, like the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys, is the stuff from which songs and plays and legends are made. The latest feud hasn’t incited anything more than hard feelings, but it’s no less passionate. It’s the one that has print journalists pitted against their hated, higher-paid, rivals on TV. For my part, I tend to vacillate. At night, I’m convinced there couldn’t be a sleazier bunch of agenda-driven bozos than the botox-addicted talking heads on the tube. But then I pick up my morning paper, and I find myself thinking I may have been too hasty in making my decision.
Of course a part of the reason that my morning paper, the L.A. Times, can so easily sway my opinion is because it could so easily be confused with the old Daily Worker, except that it has a sports section and more advertising than the Yellow Pages and the Super Bowl combined.
For my part, the best part of the paper is a page two department they have tabbed For the Record. It is an appropriately black-bordered box wherein they fess up to all their recent mistakes, and print corrections. Periodically, I collect a batch so I can share them with you. When I do, I feel like a fisherman who has had such a good day he can share his catch with friends and neighbors. And the wonderful thing about the Times is that every day the big ones are biting.
Now on the face of it, it’s commendable that the Times acknowledges its many errors. On the other hand, isn’t a daily newspaper, by its very nature, supposed to be for the record?
Unless you’re a subscriber, you may think I’m indulging in hyperbole when I state that there isn’t a single day that goes by that For the Record isn’t setting the record straight. So, for the record, I just counted up my most recent collection. There are 15 days worth in my pile, and there are 80 separate items! You do the math. Speaking of math, that is one of the areas in which the Times consistently has problems. When it comes to numbers of any kind, you can tell that the folks who work down on Spring Street are simply guessing. For instance, the paper claimed that Turkey abolished the death penalty five years ago. It seems it happened two years ago. They claimed that Wayne Rogers appeared as Trapper John on “MASH” for 12 seasons; actually it was just three before he was replaced by Mike Farrell as B.J.
The Times reported that a proposed California state bond was to be in the amount of $929 billion. Only later did they realize it was $929 million. Similarly, in ex-Police Chief Tom Reddin’s obituary, they told us that when he first joined the LAPD, in 1941, he was paid $170-a-week. It was $170-a-month.
In an article about the L.A.’s Central Library, they claimed that a 1992 fire had closed it down for a year. Actually, the fire took place in 1986, and the library didn’t re- open until 1993!
A story about the L.A. Clippers reported that the team last made the playoffs in 1993. It was 1997. In another sports story, boxer Antonio Barrera’s waist was said to measure 38 inches. Unfortunately for his opponents, it actually measures 28 inches. In an article about peacekeeping efforts in Congo, it was stated that the U.N. Security Council had voted to send in an additional 6,000 troops, bringing the total to nearly 1,700. You guessed it -- they meant 17,000.
In an obituary about TV writer-producer Edward S. Waters, the Times stated that he died on Nov. 9 th. By that time, having died on Oct. 5 th, Mr. Waters had been buried for a month.
The budget for the movie, “The Phantom of the Opera,” according to their gossip columnist Liz Smith, was $90 million, with all of it coming out of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s own pocket. It seems the budget was $70 million, and although Webber raised the total amount, he didn’t cough it up himself.
The following day, Ms. Smith referred to Ku Klux Klansmen as Klu Klux Klansmen.
In an article about the NFL, the Times reported that the league had agreed to extend its contracts with Fox and CBS for a combined $8 million, and had come to terms with DirecTV on a $3.5 million deal. The actual numbers, as you’ve probably figured out, were $8 billion and $3.5 billion. Then, not one to rest on its laurels, the Times went on to inform us that there are 30 teams in the NFL. No matter how lousy the Raiders and the 49ers are, officially there are still 32 teams in the league.
Besides math, the paper also has problems with geography.
They reported that Modesto, which is 80 miles southeast of San Francisco, was 90 miles west. Which, if true, would certainly explain Modesto’s extremely high humidity. They confused Universal City’s Universal Amphitheatre with Anaheim’s Arrowhead Pond. They topped themselves, though, when they placed the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign in Chicago. It is, oddly enough, in Urbana and Champaign. Closer to home, they stated that the Harvard-Westlake school is in Beverly Hills. It’s in Holmby Hills. Close, but definitely no cigar.
Even show business, a subject the Times constantly boasts it covers better than anyone in the universe, gives them nothing but headaches.
In writing about actor Lance Henriksen, the paper not only claimed he had reprised a role in “Alien vs. Predator,” which he hadn’t, they informed us that he’d written the screenplay for “The Terminator,” which he didn’t.
In a drama review, it was reported that the play “As Vishnu Dreams” was the world’s oldest recorded epic. On second thought, they admitted that, according to most scholars, that distinction belongs to “Epic of Gilgamesh.” (And what a double-bill they would make!)
Along those same lines, the Times, in a review of “Masterpiece Theatre’s Henry VIII,” declared that Henry’s Tudor ancestors fought the War of the Roses, although the House of Tudor hadn’t even been established at the time the war took place. But there is simply no area in which the Times can’t rise to the daily challenge of embarrassing itself. In the old days, Chevy Chase didn’t trip over his feet as often as this paper does.
In a book review, they attributed a line by James Joyce to William Butler Yeats. They mistook the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia for the U.S. 9 th Circuit Court of Appeals.
In the obituary of painter Erna Rosenstein, they said her art evoked Nazi Poland! They spelled Cecil B. DeMille’s first name Cecile. They spelled USC’s Viterbi’s School of Engineering Virbili.
They claimed safety Josh Smith played defense for Army. Actually he suits up for Navy. They also said that Democratic assemblywoman Hannah-Beth Jackson was a Republican.
They confused the Federal Communications Commission with the Federal Trade Commission.
They identified actor Dan Gunther as Dan Guntherstar. I guess they have high hopes for his future career.
In an article about William Boyd, better known as Hopalong Cassidy, the Times stated that he’d made all 66 of his Hopalong movies at Paramount from 1938 to 1948. It seems he made them at Paramount from 1935-1941, and then at United Artists from 1942-1948. That alone would have been par for the Times. What made it extra special is that they didn’t say Mr. Boyd starred in all those 66 movies, they said Hopalong Cassidy did!
And, finally, in Howard Keel’s obituary, the Times reported that his original surname was Leek. Which, interestingly enough, is Keel spelled backward. The only trouble is, his original surname really was Keel. Backward or forward or upside down, you can count on my L.A. Times to get the story right.
Eventually.
Burt Prelutsky
Ellie