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thedrifter
12-18-04, 07:49 AM
December 17, 2004
'Tis The Season To Be Jolly?


by Gwen Melnick
Pentagon Stress Management Team


"'Tis the season to be jolly'" is a frequently heard refrain from a popular holiday song. However, just as festive decorations, holiday parties, family gatherings, and hopes for the New Year begin to flourish, many people are unable to experience a sense of joy. This can be, for some, a time of self-reflection, loneliness, dwelling on past disappointments, and concern about the future. Rather than partaking in celebration and holiday cheer, these people suffer from the "holiday blues."

Biological factors, living/working in a high stress environment, minimal supports, as well as a personal history of loss, abuse, or trauma often put someone at risk. The "holiday blues" is milder and more transitory than clinical depression. During the holiday season, stress, tension, and fatigue often develop as we try to keep up with the demands of shopping, travel, family reunions, holiday guests, and financial pressures.

Military families carry an extra level of risk. They're often concerned about the safety of a deployed loved one, economic hardship, the demands of single parenting, or they "just" miss their partner. Even returning home from combat can be problematic. A sense of emotional letdown can follow the family celebrations. This sometimes results from the disappearance of "combat-related" adrenalin. Alternatively, it can speak to unrealistic expectations regarding reunions. Additionally, the death or serious injury of a loved one can be uniquely devastating during the holiday season for both adults and children. Sometimes children "act out" or regress.

The following suggestions from the National Mental Health Association may be useful:

(sum) Remain connected to others and talk about your concerns. Contact someone you've lost touch with.

(sum) Maintain proper nutrition, sleep, and exercise habits.

(sum) Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Organize your time and prioritize!

(sum) It's fine to take a time-out, feel sad, and/or cry when needed. Try to put things into perspective and be kind to yourself.

(sum) Do something positive (volunteer, give blood, send "care packages"). Find new ways/places to celebrate (e.g., attend free activities, go on vacation). Light a candle in your absent loved one's honor or fill their stocking with gifts and donate them to a charity.

(sum) Make a conscious and comfortable plan for the holiday versus hiding from it. If you attend a party, it's "OK" to leave early.

(sum) Help children express their feelings. Comfort them but don't provide false reassurances. Maintain some family routines.

(sum) Find time for yourself! Remember that the approach of the holiday often causes more pain than the day itself.

During the holiday season, the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" is played repeatedly on TV. This speaks to the high prevalence of the "holiday blues" within our society. The movie focuses on one character (George Bailey) and his initial sense of despair and suicidal ideation during the holidays. Ultimately, with "outside assistance" from an angel, Bailey is able to embrace a more positive view of himself and the world.

It is important for all of us, not just the Bailey character, to be cognizant of both the "holiday blues" and of ways to improve the situation. Drawing on the personal skills you've developed in the past for handling hardships may facilitate your meeting current challenges.

However, if you are feeling significant despair during this holiday season or beyond, you might want to consider talking to a professional who can help. The Pentagon Stress Management Team (703-602-2893) provides a confidential setting in which to explore your concerns. We may not all be lucky enough to reap personal guidance from an angel, but we are all entitled to at least some joy during the holiday season.


Ellie