thedrifter
09-14-04, 07:31 PM
Humor...:D
Breaking News:
Some disturbing news has just come in from the Moynihan Institute’s Washington D.C. Bureau. Renowned filmmaker and super-sized liberal, Michael Moore, has apparently swallowed former movie icon and political activist Jane Fonda. The freakish lunch time accident occurred at Maggiano’s Little Italy Restaurant, one of Moore’s favorite places. The two were discussing strategies for the upcoming Presidential election and things were going great for the two liberal power brokers. Hanoi Jane gave the filmmaker some tips on sabotage, subterfuge and propaganda, while Moore advised Fonda on her new production company ventures (Are workout tapes making a comeback???) Everything was going fine but Moore was shoveling food into his mouth at a rate of 90 mile per hour. Some marinara sauce had spilled on Fonda’s arm and the next thing you knew, WHOOMPFFF, Jane was gone. At first, Moore and the other diners didn’t know what had happened. Did she get up to go to the bathroom and no one saw her? Did she fall through some sort of trap door in the dining room? A few minutes lapsed when Moore’s cell phone starting ringing. It was Fonda - luckily she had her phone with her and was calling him from the depths of his stomach. She explained where she was and was getting nervous about her predicament.
Call it luck or the Grace of God, but at that very moment John Forbes Kerry walked into Maggiano’s. Moore explained what happened and Kerry got a chance to talk on the cell phone with Jane. After catching up on old times, they came up with a plan that would rescue Jane while at the same time, give Kerry a much needed photo opportunity. They brought Moore outside to one of the maritime launches in the area and pulled down the big man’s trousers to around his ankles. From there a swift boat was launched up his ass with the heroic John F. Kerry as the ship’s commander. Of course a second swift boat was sent up the rectum so as to capture the courageous efforts of the junior Senator from Massachusetts. While cruising around the colon, Kerry faced some choppy waters, littered with undigested meats, cheeses, and donuts. Several McDonalds cheeseburgers still wrapped in their original wrappers made the going quite rough. Suddenly, some pasta and French fries choked up the motor, so it was quick thinking on Kerry’s part that saved the day. He jumped out of the swift boat with a wind surfer and continued the dangerous odyssey up the large intestines until he reached the stomach. There was Jane, splashing around in stomach acid and Pepsi, using a pumpernickel bagel as a life raft. John pulled her up on the windsurfer and cruised down the muddy channels where he was ejected violently by a blast of methane gas. The camera crew got farted out as well, although not in such an epic fashion.
Everyone is safe now and we hear that the whole ordeal may be made into a movie or book someday. We are thankful to be able to offer this breaking news only at the Moynihan Institute. We’ll keep you posted on further developments.
http://moynihaninstitute.org/page_22.html
Ellie
Breaking News:
Some disturbing news has just come in from the Moynihan Institute’s Washington D.C. Bureau. Renowned filmmaker and super-sized liberal, Michael Moore, has apparently swallowed former movie icon and political activist Jane Fonda. The freakish lunch time accident occurred at Maggiano’s Little Italy Restaurant, one of Moore’s favorite places. The two were discussing strategies for the upcoming Presidential election and things were going great for the two liberal power brokers. Hanoi Jane gave the filmmaker some tips on sabotage, subterfuge and propaganda, while Moore advised Fonda on her new production company ventures (Are workout tapes making a comeback???) Everything was going fine but Moore was shoveling food into his mouth at a rate of 90 mile per hour. Some marinara sauce had spilled on Fonda’s arm and the next thing you knew, WHOOMPFFF, Jane was gone. At first, Moore and the other diners didn’t know what had happened. Did she get up to go to the bathroom and no one saw her? Did she fall through some sort of trap door in the dining room? A few minutes lapsed when Moore’s cell phone starting ringing. It was Fonda - luckily she had her phone with her and was calling him from the depths of his stomach. She explained where she was and was getting nervous about her predicament.
Call it luck or the Grace of God, but at that very moment John Forbes Kerry walked into Maggiano’s. Moore explained what happened and Kerry got a chance to talk on the cell phone with Jane. After catching up on old times, they came up with a plan that would rescue Jane while at the same time, give Kerry a much needed photo opportunity. They brought Moore outside to one of the maritime launches in the area and pulled down the big man’s trousers to around his ankles. From there a swift boat was launched up his ass with the heroic John F. Kerry as the ship’s commander. Of course a second swift boat was sent up the rectum so as to capture the courageous efforts of the junior Senator from Massachusetts. While cruising around the colon, Kerry faced some choppy waters, littered with undigested meats, cheeses, and donuts. Several McDonalds cheeseburgers still wrapped in their original wrappers made the going quite rough. Suddenly, some pasta and French fries choked up the motor, so it was quick thinking on Kerry’s part that saved the day. He jumped out of the swift boat with a wind surfer and continued the dangerous odyssey up the large intestines until he reached the stomach. There was Jane, splashing around in stomach acid and Pepsi, using a pumpernickel bagel as a life raft. John pulled her up on the windsurfer and cruised down the muddy channels where he was ejected violently by a blast of methane gas. The camera crew got farted out as well, although not in such an epic fashion.
Everyone is safe now and we hear that the whole ordeal may be made into a movie or book someday. We are thankful to be able to offer this breaking news only at the Moynihan Institute. We’ll keep you posted on further developments.
http://moynihaninstitute.org/page_22.html
Ellie