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yellowwing
05-27-04, 08:18 PM
John Kerry to undergo sex change operation
Published in The Spoof (http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i3992)
By Zap

In a shocking revelation, Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry announced at the National Association of Lumberjacks Summer Saw-Fest and Tree-Trimming Festival that he will undergo a sex change operation in Sweden this coming December whether or not "I beat that F*ckin' Bush."

The saws fell silent and the logs stopped rolling as the Senator from Massachusetts continued "I have always been a woman trapped inside a man's body. Even as a youngster I used to steal the maids uniforms and frolick. I knew that most young boys didn't steal their maids uniforms...or even frolick for that matter...but it wasn't until I was in Nam' being a war hero that I realized my nuts were just gettin' in the way."

Spokesman for Senator Kerry noted that it "takes a real man to admit he's a woman," and that plans for the campaign would still go ahead. When asked if this was some mere publicity stunt the spokesman said; " I can assure you it is not! The Senator has been taking Hormone Therapy for a while now, and underneath that suit there is quite a rack!"

President Bush was contacted and immediately offered this view "This just goes to show you that what I've been saying all along was true. Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction... and John Kerry is a wuss!"

When questioned further, the President pulled down his pants and proclaimed "It takes a man to admit when he's wrong, and it takes a man to be able to write his name in the snow . Now I ask you, do you really want someone running this country that can't write his name in the snow? John Kerry doesn't have a plan for this country...and soon he won't have a weenie . The President must have a plan, and The President must have a weenie!"

Senator Kerry's office has since issued a press release confirming the Senator's plans, and noting that the Senator would like to be known by his new name "Lawanda Antoinette" and would, from now on, be making all his appearances dressed as a woman. "It has worked for Hillary Clinton," said noted political advisor David Gergen, "so I don't see why It shouldn't work for John...errr Lawanda."

A poll taken immediately after the announcement showed that, surprisingly, the American public was little affected by the shocking announcement, as Senator Kerry's numbers among transvestites and transsexuals have actually increased.

People that were not transvestites or transsexuals could not be polled, because they were not at home to answer the phone, but probably felt the same way anyhow. The margin of error for the poll was plus or minus fifty percent...give or take another 25 percent.

The senator's wife, Ketchup heiress Whatsherface, could not be reached for comment, because, quite frankly, this reporter couldn't care less what she thinks.

Sparrowhawk
05-27-04, 10:35 PM
Kerry can't make up his mind about anything!