View Full Version : New Marine Corps Policy (well, kinda)

09-23-02, 02:17 PM

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for fiscal year 2003, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this new plan, older Marines will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger Marines who represent our future.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Marines who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the service. SLAPPED Marines can request a review of their service records before actual retirement takes place.

This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All Marines who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with their commanding officers. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the
new policy, any Marine may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the commands deems appropriate.

If any Marine follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any Marine who has received HERPES or CLAP will
no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the Marine Corps.

We wish to assure our younger Marines who remain on board that the Marine Corps will continue its policy of training Marines through our Special High Intensity Training (SH!T). We take pride in the amount of SH!T our Marines receive. We have given our Marines more SH!T than any other service. If any Marine feels they do not receive enough SH!T on the job, see your First
Sergeant. Your First Sergeant is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SH!T you can stand. And, once again, thanks for all your years of dedicated service with us.

09-23-02, 06:33 PM
Sir, This has been going around for years.