SheWolf
03-11-04, 09:33 AM
: Friendship Prayer
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels
infest the crotch of the person who screws up
your day and may their arms be too short to scratch...AMEN
__________________________________________________ _______
Subject: Which Bird is it?
Which Bird Is It?
A blonde named Pam appeared on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
with
Regis Philbin.
Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a
friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million
dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it
A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."
Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a
Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer
the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be
Pam's..."
Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Carol: "Oh geez, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo."
Pam: "Are you sure?"
Carol: "I'm sure."
Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the
million?"
Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart."
Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you have
just won one million dollars!"
To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on
the
town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Carol and asks her,
"Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build
its own nest?"
"That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks."
____________
Subject: I Hate My Job
>
> > When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.
> >
> > On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
> > thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson
> > and Johnson.
> >
> > Be very sure you get this brand.
> >
> > When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
> > the phone so you will not be disturbed.
> > Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair,
> > open the package and remove the thermometer.
> > Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not
> > become chipped or broken.
> >
> > Now the fun part begins -
> >
> > Take out the literature and read it carefully.
> >
> > You will notice that in small print there is a statement,
> > "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally
> > tested"
> >
> > Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I
> > do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."
>
> > HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
THAT
> > IS WORSE THAN YOURS!
> >
> > Live well and laugh often!
__________________________________________________ _______
Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink."
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of
"MOUNT & DO."
__________________________________________________ _______
Government Announcement:
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a condom, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels
infest the crotch of the person who screws up
your day and may their arms be too short to scratch...AMEN
__________________________________________________ _______
Subject: Which Bird is it?
Which Bird Is It?
A blonde named Pam appeared on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
with
Regis Philbin.
Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a
friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million
dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it
A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."
Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a
Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer
the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be
Pam's..."
Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Carol: "Oh geez, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo."
Pam: "Are you sure?"
Carol: "I'm sure."
Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the
million?"
Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart."
Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you have
just won one million dollars!"
To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on
the
town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Carol and asks her,
"Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build
its own nest?"
"That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks."
____________
Subject: I Hate My Job
>
> > When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.
> >
> > On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
> > thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson
> > and Johnson.
> >
> > Be very sure you get this brand.
> >
> > When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
> > the phone so you will not be disturbed.
> > Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair,
> > open the package and remove the thermometer.
> > Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not
> > become chipped or broken.
> >
> > Now the fun part begins -
> >
> > Take out the literature and read it carefully.
> >
> > You will notice that in small print there is a statement,
> > "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally
> > tested"
> >
> > Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I
> > do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."
>
> > HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
THAT
> > IS WORSE THAN YOURS!
> >
> > Live well and laugh often!
__________________________________________________ _______
Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink."
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of
"MOUNT & DO."
__________________________________________________ _______
Government Announcement:
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a condom, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.