Happy Valentine's Day

[MillRatUSMC]

This being the day for lovers and love is associated with the heart.
Many young and older women are trying to gain shapes like some supermodels and lowering of body fat in women below 15% leads to physical problems.
Read that average female body fat seeks to be about 22% but the norm is a little over 22-25 or more percent.
Here is some information, some for women and some for men.
Society places a high value on being thin, but taken to extreme can lead to mental and physical problems.
I workout with the thought in mind,
"It better than taking a high pressure pill".

How lean should women really be?

Women are genetically pre-determined to have a greater amount of body fat than men. Women need more body fat in order to maintain the normal reproductive processes of menstruation and pregnancy. In addition, fat is absolutely essential for many other human physiological processes such as nerve conduction, insulation of organs and insulation from cold, proper skin health, and transport of vitamins, to name a few.

The amount of body fat we consider necessary for normal physiological functioning is called "Essential Fat." 8-12 % body fat is considered Essential Fat for women. Men generally need 3-8% Essential Fat.

Other ranges of body fat correlate directly with health and fitness levels. For example, 12-18 % body fat is considered very lean for women, with 12% being the borderline for potential poor health. Excellent health is generally associated with the lean category of 18-22% body fat in women, and is much more realistic and achievable than lower levels. Body fat levels of less than 18% are usually seen in highly trained women athletes and should not be part of our general fitness expectations. Average, or normal, body fat for women is 22-26%, with 26-30 % being above normal. Body fat levels above 30% are equated with clinical obesity.

In the past, health insurance standards used scale weight as an indicator of health. This correlation became obsolete when we became knowledgeable about the importance of the relationship between body fat and lean tissue and its accuracy as an indicator of fitness and health.

In general, if your body fat falls within the average to lean categories, then whatever you weigh on the scale is appropriate for your body frame, and, you are most likely in excellent health.

Unfortunately, many women fall well within these wonderful ranges and still believe they are over fat. Some of them believe that 12-18% is most desirable. In reality, it may be unachievable, unrealistic, and a prelude to eating disorders and poor health.
Women who attempt to maintain body fat levels of less than 15%, are more prone to serious illness, injury, and fatigue. Chronic injuries, illnesses, mental and physical burnout, fatigue and amenorrhea all result from inadequate body fat.

http://www.newellness.com/physfitn/fitness.htm

Body Type Female Male
Athlete 17% 10%
Lean 17-22% 10-15%
Normal 22-25% 15-18%
Above Average 25-29% 18-20%
Overfat 29-35% 20-25%
Obese 35+% 25+%

Classification Women (% fat) Men (% fat)
Essential Fat 10-12% 2-4%
Athletes 14-20% 6-13%
Fitness 21-24% 14-17%
Acceptable 25-31% 18-25%
Obese 32% plus 25% plus

http://www.am-i-fat.com/body_fat_percentage.html

Percent Body Fat

Normal healthy-weight men range between 12-20 percent body fat
Normal healthy-weight women range between 20-30 percent body fat

LOWER - Athletes may be ideal as low as: 5-10% for men, and 15-20% for women

HIGHER - Health problems may be associated with obesity in:
Women under 40 years old over 32% body fat
Women over 40 years old over 35% body fat
Men under 40 years old over 22% body fat
Men over 40 years old over 25 percent body fat

Body Fat Distribution
Central obesity is the excess fat around the trunk of the body (aka: abdominal fat)
Intra-abdominal fat refers to fat stored within the abdominal cavity around internal organs

Women tend to store fat more commonly around the hips and thighs (pear shaped)
Men tend to store fat more commonly in the abdomen area (apple shaped)

In men and women, increased intra-abdominal fat greatly increases cardiovascular disease risks
Smoking tends to decrease body weight - but also tends to increase central obesity

http://nutrition.about.com/library/blnutritionnotesfatdistribution.htm

A term is used 'Overfat'

Overfat -- Clinically, it defines obesity as an excess of body fat that has negative effects on health.
It refers to body composition:
How much of the body weight is lean muscle mass and how much is fat.

Another term used 'Obesity'

Obesity -- The clinical term for body weight in excess of 20 to 30 percent above standard weights found in height–weight tables.
Not an accurate measure of the amount of excess fat.

So when you get out of shape or overfat, muscle does not "become" fat, it just atrophies and hides underneath it. Our goal is to get rid of the fat through diet and cardiovascular exercise and increase the relative muscle mass through weight training.

To gain definition you must lose bodyfat

Many people think that just by building big muscles they will get ripped and have passerby stare in admiration at their bodies which resemble walking anatomy charts. So they get on their Ab Roller hoping to have abs like the Himalayas, with no luck. This is because muscle definition is a function of bodyfat levels. The only way to reduce bodyfat substantially is through a caloric deficit, meaning that you use up more calories than you take in.

This principle of losing fat to increase definition goes for the entire body. Genetics and hormones determine where you put on and lose fat. You cannot target one particular area for fat reduction. Despite what you may read in mainstream fitness publications about triceps kickbacks or donkey kicks, no single exercise will reduce bodyfat in a chosen area.

There are some misconceptions about which type of workout is better for achieving definition. You will hear people argue that you high rep training is better for "cutting" while low rep, heavy weight training is better for "bulking", etc. Or you'll hear people say that Exercise X "really shreds up the quads". While there is some marginal advantage for women in working in the 8-12 rep range while trying to lose fat, there is no more effective exercise for achieving definition than the table push-away and fork put-down.

A final note;
Exercise must be match with a change in diet to achieve loss of body weight, there no such thing as "spot reduction".
Exercise and diet are like a pair of scissors, scissors need both blades to work!

Semper Fidelis
Ricardo

[thedrifter]

http://www.angelwinks.net/images/valentine/v88.jpg

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[Osotogary]

I like the term "love handles" (LOL) It is an endearing description...don't you think?

[Osotogary]

The little rascal has been busy. Happy Valentine's Day!

[sm@@thrider]

Females that get so skinny that you can put one arm around must have a problem, it looks nasty to see just ribs, a woman looks sexy as she will be fit with some meat on her body but to be in shape (think good about herself) something to be able to hold onto and not be worried to break there bones. and men to, they get to lazy once they get older, if we had more people in shape in the country do you think that other countries would come here to harm us.(no). just my 2 cents worth

[HardJedi]

LOL< nice cartoon Ostogary!

[thedrifter]

Illinois Upholds Longstanding Valentine's Day Tradition
By Samantha L. Quigley
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, Feb. 9, 2005 – Following some sound advice, 28 third-graders from Central Elementary School in Wilmette, Ill., have cut, colored and pasted "Valentines for Vets and Soldiers."

The students' teacher, Linda Garcia, got the ball rolling before Christmas. She contacted Illinois Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn's office in search of a project her class could do that would support the nation's men and women in uniform.

His office was looking to do something more special than usual for Valentine's Day this year, said Eric Schuller, senior policy adviser to the lieutenant governor.

The desire to expand the program to include deployed servicemembers in addition to veterans seemed to fit with the class's desire to do something special for servicemembers, Schuller said. So the third-graders agreed to become the "kick- off" class.

On Jan. 26, wearing red "Valentines for Vets" T-shirts that they had designed, the third-graders joined Quinn in encouraging school children across the state to remember servicemembers overseas and hospitalized veterans with a valentine.

"This is an excellent opportunity for all of us to let our veterans and soldiers overseas know that the people of Illinois appreciate their brave efforts, are thinking of them and that we care," Quinn said. "Let's show our appreciation by sending hospitalized vets and servicemen and women a card or a letter letting them know they are in our thoughts this Valentine's Day."

Also present for the kickoff of the program to support the troops was Debi Rickert.

Rickert is a military mom who started the Illinois chapter of Operation Support Our Troops. OST was started by military mothers across the country to show gratitude to the troops overseas.

Within a day of the kickoff, Schuller said, the lieutenant governor's office had received inquiries from no fewer than five schools interested in sending Valentines to Vets.

Valentines for Vets was started by late Chicago advice columnist Ann Landers. She used her column to encourage her readers to remember veterans at Valentine's Day.

Those who are interested in sending valentines to hospitalized veterans can go to Quinn's Web site for a list of the hospitals and their addresses. On the Operation Home Front Web site there is a link to the address for those wanting to send valentines to servicemembers overseas. Operation Support Our Troops members will collect the valentines mailed to that address and make sure they get distributed to the troops.

Schuller said the cutoff for getting valentines in is Feb. 14.

http://www.defenselink.mil/news/Feb2005/2005020905a_72.jpg

Third-graders from Central Elementary School in Wilmette, Ill., joined Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn in kicking off what is officially being called "Valentines for Vets and Soldiers."The class got involved when their teacher Lisa Garcia, to Quinn's left, inquired with his office for a project her students could do to support servicemembers. With valentines in hand, the class officially kicked off the project Jan. 26, by encouraging students across the state to join them in their efforts. Courtesy photo


Ellie

[Arlene Horton]

Nice one Gary. Appreciate your comments re:"love handles". As usual, Ellie, yours is perfect too. Thanks and hope your Valentine's Day is a good one. I'm sure Roger will be smiling on you from his post in Heaven. Semper Fi
Arlene

[bigalholmes165]

No. 1 DON'T tell your girlfriend that this has been “one of the best” Valentine’s you’ve ever had. She won’t see that as a compliment.

No. 2 DON'T celebrate your special night by ordering tequila shots – Valentine’s is already poignant enough without inviting Jose Cuervo to the party! Angry shouting and upchucking that expensive dinner you paid for do not a romantic evening make.

No. 3 DON'T try to “avoid the rush.” There’s no such thing as a romantic 4:00 PM dinner (unless you’re over 65).

No. 4 DON'T try to slip how much you spent on her gift into the conversation. She already know the going rate for cubic zirconia, dude.

No. 5 DON'T Forget to compliment your wife or girlfriend on her Valentine’s ensemble. Compliment her dress, her hair, her shoes, her nails, her makeup, her jewelry, her fingers, her toes, her kneecaps, her kidneys, etc. Just keep complimenting.

No. 6 DON'T willingly engage in any conversation during which your wife/girlfriend addresses you by your real name. If she calls you “Honey,” or “Sweetheart,” or even “Papi,” you’re good to go. But any conversation that starts with “Michael, I need to ask you a question…” is a potential minefield.

No. 7 DON'T take your Valentine to an NC-17 movie, even if it’s foreign and/or artsy. On a night like this, the only naked body you should be admiring is hers.

No. 8 DON'T be your usual, too-cool-to-wear-nice-clothes self. No need to buy a new suit, but come on man – maybe tonight isn’t the night for your “ironic” Dukes of Hazard t-shirt.

No. 9 DON'T order tequila shots. Do you hear me? I’m not kidding about this!

No. 10 DON'T play mood music that’s sexier than you are. If you’re not 100% certain you can provide genuine “sexual healing,” leave Marvin Gaye up on the shelf. Every man’s got to know his limitations.


#6 should send warning signs and bells ringing to everyone - bigal

[Osotogary]

Thanks for the tips, bigalholmes165. I forgot all about cubic zirconia ring. He!!, I've still got a couple of days left to get one. LOL. I guess playing "I'm a 60 minute man" is sort of out of the question as well.

[thedrifter]

Bankrate.com
Love, flowers and goat-meat floggings: The colorful history of Valentine's Day
Thursday February 10, 6:00 am ET
Amy Fleitas

What does it take to create the perfect Valentine's Day?

It takes nothing more than a little bit of love and an awful lot of money. According to Unity Marketing, a marketing consulting firm based in Stevens, Pa., American men and women will spend an average $135 each on gifts for Valentine's Day this year -- dinners and romantic outings excluded.

Where did it all begin?
Valentine's Day holds its place in history as a magical holiday when flowers and chocolate are exchanged, promises of love are made, and centuries ago single women were flogged in the street with raw goat meat.

They do what with the goat?
In the Christianization of cultures, ancient celebrations were often replaced by Christian holidays. Some claim that this is the case with Valentine's Day, which falls around the time of the pagan Lupercalia festival.

Lupercalia, like many great ancient rituals, included a good old-fashioned goat slaughter.

The goat meat was cut into strips, dunked in sacrificial blood and then used to lightly slap women and crops, a ritual that was supposed to make them more fertile. According to legend, single women would then place their names in an urn. Bachelors of the city would draw a name out of the urn and the couple would be paired for the year.

In the fifth century, Pope Gelasius named Feb. 14 Valentine's Day, for one of several Catholic saints named Valentine. Various stories surround St. Valentine, one that he loved a jailer's daughter and another, more popular story, that he secretly married soldiers to their lovers during a time of war when the soldiers were forbidden to marry.

Red hearts and paper doilies
A prisoner in the Tower of London wrote the oldest existing valentine. Charles, Duke of York, wrote the poem in 1415 for his wife after his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. Four centuries later, in the 1840s, the first mass-produced Valentine cards were sold in America.

The Valentine card you give my not be as historically ground-breaking -- but chances are your heart's desire won't know the difference. Unless, of course, you forego the giving of a Valentine altogether -- which really isn't financially necessary. Very pretty cards can be purchased for about $3 or sent via e-mail for free.

What's that scent?
As most romantics know, men give flowers on Valentine's Day -- a lot of flowers. Valentine's Day is the top sales day for florists, according to the Society of American Florists. And, men purchase more than half of the flowers sold. The most popular flower in the Valentine bouquet is the rose, accounting for 57 percent of cut flower sales. And around this time of year, roses carry a steep price -- $50 to $90 for a dozen.

A sweeter gift
While men seem to bear the burden of the floral purchases, they are by no means left empty-handed on this holiday. This year, an estimated 36 million heart-shaped boxes of chocolate are expected to be sold for Valentine's Day in the U.S., according to the National Confectioners Association. If that's any indication of what's to come, there should be plenty of happy men this Valentine's Day -- because a recent survey conducted by the Chocolate Manufacturers Association says 50 percent of women plan on giving their man chocolate.

Boxes of chocolates have a history in the U.S. going back to 1868, when Richard Cadbury introduced the first decorated chocolate box with a picture of his daughter holding her kitten painted on the lid. It would take 44 years of chocolate poking -- the act of pushing open the bottom of a chocolate to see what's inside -- before the brilliant introduction of the Whitman's Sampler -- the first box of candy with its own diagram in the lid listing the filling for each candy.

While a gift of boxed chocolate is certainly romantic, the Whitman's company says it can actually trace some of its boxes directly to several marriages. During World War II some of the female factory workers slipped notes of support into the tins heading overseas to the American forces.

After writing letters back and forth to one another during the war, several of these pen pals ended their correspondence at the altar. While the chocolate you buy for your sweetheart this year can't guarantee such a romantic ending, it's definitely a step in the right direction.

Do I have to?
It's not necessary to break the bank to prove your love -- but that doesn't mean you can skip the holiday altogether. In fact, if you're a man who wants to hold onto his honey, beware -- half of the women surveyed by Match.com said receiving nothing for the holiday could be grounds for a breakup. So consider it payback for the goat-meat flogging and don't forget the flowers.



http://www.bankrate.com/images/ValentineChart_200a.gif

Ellie

[thedrifter]

Valentine cards to go to Marines

By Rod Ohira
Advertiser Staff Writer

This Valentine's Day is special for 11-year-old Justin Lowe.

He and other Pu'ohala Elementary School pupils have worked on a project for Kane'ohe Marines since December. They made and personalized Valentine cards for Marines deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan while their parents and the school's faculty made gift bags.

The project became especially meaningful for Justin when he thought of his sixth-grade classmate, Richard Yasuda, whose father is in Iraq.

On his cards, Justin wrote: "Dear Marine, Thank you for protecting us and our country from terrorism and helping civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan to reconstruct their countries."

The school presented the gift bags, cards, paper flowers and a large pink valentine signed by all the students to Marines yesterday. The gifts were to be distributed today at a family day celebration at the base.

"I think Valentine's this year is different because we have guys from our country in other countries," said Justin, who is not from a military family. "They are not with friends and have forgotten what being at home is like. I feel love for my family, my country, my classmates and my friends because our soldiers are protecting me."

Jennifer Kaneakalau, a 10-year-old fifth-grader, also thought of friends whose fathers are in Iraq. "They are helping people and it's important on special days for us to show respect, giving something back to their families."

Tonja Hillegass, Pu'ohala Elementary's PTA secretary, said sixth-grade teacher Mary Place, second-grade teacher Audrey Mijo and Carol Pa'aoao, the school's parent community network center coordinator, intended to do a Christmas project for families of deployed Marines but decided instead to do it for Valentine's Day. The response from notices sent to student families for donations was overwhelming, said Hillegass.

"We got dolls, stuffed animals, bubble baths, stickers, household goods, even some money," said Hillegass, who noted that Marines from the base assist the school with its fitness program, cleanups, tutoring and special events.

Marine Master Sgt. Milton White, who serves as a liaison between the school and Marines, said, "It's truly encouraging to see the community support that we at Kane'ohe receive from the community."

This project was more than a cutting, pasting and writing exercise. That some of the youngest pupils grasped the meaning of why it was being done made it a gift from the heart.

When asked what love is, 6-year-old Tatyana "Taty" Kaha'ulelio replied, "Love is pink hearts and flowers. I made mine to give to the soldiers, for good luck so they won't die. Valentine's Day is love and love is spending good times with someone ... for them, they cannot."

Harlee Jay-Pedro, 6, observed, "They have the war and caring for other people. Love means hugging people when they feel bad so I want to care about them. I want them to always come back so they can just have a happy Valentine. I don't know them but want to say hi to the Marines and Happy Valentine's Day."

Reach Rod Ohira at 535-8181 or rohira@honoluluadvertiser.com.

Ellie

[MillRatUSMC]

Two days before Valentine's Day 2005, a year to the day since I first post this message
Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me -
Where do I start?

With her first hello
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
There'd never be another love, another time
She came into my life and made the living fine -
She fills my heart.

She fills my heart with very special things
With angels' songs, with wild imaginings
She fills my soul with so much love
That anywhere I go I'm never lonely
With her around, who could be lonely
I reach for her hand - it's always there

How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much I can say
I know I'll need her till the stars all burn away
And she'll be there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

31 years to the day,
she came into my life...
Thanks Lupe, we're not getting older,
we getting more in love,
than the day you came into my life.

Just a small note from me to all here,
on this special day of our lives.
My dear wife is in the hospital,
smoking is taking it's toll.
Maybe, this time,
she will let go of that terrible habit.
But some would rather go out,
doing something they enjoy,
even if it kills them.

Semper Fidelis/Semper Fi
Ricardo

[thedrifter]

Online Dating Losing Steam, But Not for Valentine's Day
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Mike Musgrove and Frank Ahrens
Washington Post Staff Writers
Saturday, February 12, 2005; Page E01

While Internet dating services such as Match.com and Yahoo Personals represent the largest category of paid content online, the thrill may be waning for the once-torrid market. Have the online matchmakers done their job too well?

Hopeful singles still flock to online dating services such as Match.com, owned by InterActiveCorp -- the company reported a 9 percent increase in paid subscribers in the third quarter of last year, compared with the same period of 2003.

But the business appears to be cooling off. Revenue for the personals division in the third quarter of 2004 was up 3 percent, to $49.7 million, compared with the same period of 2003, but operating income was off 37 percent, at $2.8 million. The company explained the drop was due to higher marketing costs and other expenses needed to attract customers, which are expected to continue, it said.

As a business, Match.com, the largest of the online dating sites, is dwarfed by InterActiveCorp's other ventures, such as its travel Web site, Expedia.com, which booked $570.5 million in third-quarter revenue. Chairman Barry Diller, a Washington Post Co. director, said his company plans to spin off its travel businesses later this year.

Jupiter Research, which focuses on Internet analysis, forecasts that the online dating market will increase 9 percent in 2005 to $516 million, a dramatic, if inevitable, falloff from the heady early days when the industry was new and reported growth rates of 70 or 80 percent each year.

January and February are the busy time of year for dating sites. Match.com LP spokeswoman Kristen Kelly said that this month, roughly 50,000 people have been registering at the Web site every day.

"We call it the New Year's resolution phenomenon," she said.

For online matchmakers, there's more competition than ever, and growth might depend on sites slicing off market share from their rivals. Other, more specialized Web sites have attracted singles looking for a more defined dating pool, such as JDate.com, which bills itself as "The Largest Jewish Singles Network." And other companies are still trying to figure out how to get into this business; Comcast Corp., for example, is launching a new video-on-demand service on Monday called Dating on Demand. Digital-cable subscribers who are seeking dates will be able to download videos of singles and upload their own videos.

Then there are the free options, such as the Washington version of the popular Craigslist Web site. There are plenty of lonely procrastinators still seeking a dinner companion or more for Valentine's Day -- though the invitations are a little on the R-rated side and do not include much verbiage about walks on the beach.

Or there are options for the cynical at heart. Web sites such as www.meish.org/vd let Web surfers send "anti-Valentine" electronic greetings, such as:

I love you

blah blah blah

hearts & flowers

yadda yadda yadda

cupid etc.

Or, romance fans might consider ordering a customized novel online from Kathy Newbern and her husband, J.S. Fletcher, at their Web site YourNovel.com. The couple offers $49.95 customized novels from a selection of 17 steamy tales ("Awake, My Love" and "Island of Love" are the names of two options). Fill out some forms at the Web site and the customized romance novel incorporates more than 20 details about a couple, including names, hometowns, occupations and eye color. While the site is up year-round, Newbern said that up to 70 percent of their business comes around Valentine's Day.

And as everything else in the world moves online, who really needs a dating service? Ordinary online hangouts can be as conducive to meeting people as the local bar. Lavale, Md., resident Mark Brickey met his girlfriend while playing a game called Ali Baba Slots at Web site Pogo.com.

"It was a surprise," he said. "I really wasn't looking."


Ellie

[OLE SARG]

Ricardo,
Your wonderful wife will be in our hearts and prayers. I quit that terrible habit in June of 2002 - one of the best decisions I ever made. Give her all your help and support - it's a big monkey to get off your back.

SEMPER FI,
OLE SARG

[Toby M]

MillratUSMC, my best to you and your wife...Here's hoping for a quick recovery!

[thedrifter]

VALENTINE'S DAY IN THE DESERT
Submitted by: 1st Force Service Support Group
Story by: Computed Name: Lance Cpl. Jeremy M. Vought
Story Identification #: 2003218112725





CAMP IWO JIMA, Kuwait(February 14, 2003) -- Even in the desert plains of Kuwait, Cupid's arrows still pierce through a battle-hard Marine's flak-jacket-protected heart.

While many spouses back in the states helped their loved one pack his or her bag for deployment, some spouses, who are also Marines, had to turn around and pack their own bags.

On Valentine's Day, some Marines at Camp Iwo Jima rushed to phones to call, while others tried to send a comforting e-mail across the Atlantic Ocean to loved ones. However, for a select few Marines here their message of love only has to travel a few miles across the Kuwaiti desert.

Being deployed together and in the same Tactical Assembly Area can have its advantages and disadvantages according to four wives who are located here.

"It's hard knowing he's so close but too far to see often," said Cpl. Brandy N. Groce, field radio operator with communications company and a native of Moore, Okla. Groce's husband, Cpl. Travis J. Groce, a multichannel operator with Combat Service Support Battalion 10, hails from Sandy, Utah.

For Sgt. Tara N. Kidd, a "Comm" Company radio supervisor, she's hopeful their deployment will soon be over because due to an earlier deployment last year her husband, Sgt. Jerad R. Kidd, a motor transport operator with the 5th Marine Regiment, and herself only spent five months together in the states.

"It's hard for me because I've only seen him once for only 20 minutes since I've been here," said Kidd, a native of Knox, Ind.

Worry fills Cpl. Adela M. Elmore's mind when she thinks of her husband Cpl. Chris J. Elmore, a field radio operator with "Comm" Company 1st Marine Division.

"It's hard for me knowing he's going to be in the front," said Elmore, a field radio operator with "Comm" Company here.

"It's been so hard being apart from each other because it's the longest since we where married two years ago," added the Saint Louis, Mo., native.

Staff Sgt. Diana Pardo an Electronic Key Management System Manger with 1st FSSG G-6 says it's better to know her husband, Staff Sgt. David L. Pardo an EKMS Manger with 11th Marines, is out here in the same situation as herself.

"It's nice being deployed together because we understand what each other is going through," said Pardo a native of San Jose, Calif.

So, what do you give your spouse for Valentine's Day when you both are surrounded by miles of sand?

"I wrapped up a (Meal-Ready-To-Eat) with hearts," said Pardo with a chuckle. Her husband and her were married in 1999 and were forced to leave their 17-month-old daughter with her mother.

A day before Pardo left she took professional photos with her daughter and on Valentine's Day she called her husband and told him to check a website where the photos are published.

Instead of roses or chocolates, Elmore bought a little romantic anniversary book and around the author's thoughts she put her own comments and memories to her husband.

Because both husband and wife are in country, what do you talk about?

Well, there's no point talking about the weather. Some of the couples plan what they might do when they get home either by e-mail, regular mail or phone.

"We've already decided to go on a cruise when we get back," Elmore said. "I'm going to pamper him."

For Groce and her husband, starting a family is in the planning stages as they "communicate with each other."

Although many married Marines find themselves away from loved ones during this deployment, a simple phrase can summarize what all couples might gain from their time apart...

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder," Groce said.

Ellie

[thedrifter]

Posted on Sun, Feb. 13, 2005




CLASSIC DAVE BARRY


Survival of mankind rides on the successful pickup line

BY DAVE BARRY


This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Sept. 26, 1999.

So I was at this party, and I wound up at a table where three attractive single women were complaining about - Surprise! - men. Specifically, they were complaining about the pickup lines that had been used on them in a bar a few nights earlier.

One woman said: ''This guy comes up to me and says, 'Are you a teacher?' I mean, is that supposed to be romantic?''

All three women rolled all six of their eyes.

Another one of them said: ''This guy says to me, 'I've been looking at you all night!' So I go, 'Hel-LO, we just GOT here.'''

At this point all three women - and I want to stress that these are intelligent, nice women - were laughing. Not me. I was feeling bad for the guys.

I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s.

So I grant that it is not easy being a female. But I contend that nature has given males the heaviest burden of all: the burden of always having to Make the First Move, and thereby risk getting Shot Down. I don't know WHY males get stuck with this burden, but it's true throughout the animal kingdom. If you watch the nature shows on the Discovery Channel, you'll note that whatever species they are talking about - birds, crabs, spiders, clams - it is ALWAYS the male who has to take the initiative. It's always the male bird who does the courting dance, making a total moron of himself, while the female bird just stands there, looking aloof, thinking about what she's going to tell her girlfriends. (''And then he hopped around on one foot! Like I'm supposed to be impressed by THAT!'').

Male insects have it the worst. The Discovery Channel announcer is always saying things like: ''After the mating, the female mantis bites off the male mantis' head, and then she and her girlfriend mantises use it to play a game that looks a lot like Skee Ball.''

Because I live in Florida, my patio is basically a giant singles bar for lizards. On any given day during mating season, I'll see dozens of male lizards out there making their most suave lizard move, which consists of inflating and deflating a red pouch under their chins. They seem to think that female lizards really go for a guy with a big chin pouch, but I have never once, in 14 years of close observation, seen a female respond. They just squat there looking bored, while all around them males are blinking on and off like defective warning lights.

Every now and then you'll see an offbeat TV news story about some animal, usually a moose, that has for some reason fallen in love with, and decided to relentlessly court, something totally inappropriate, such as a lawn tractor. This animal is ALWAYS a male. On the TV, they show it hanging around the lawn tractor with a big, sad, moony look, totally smitten, while the lawn tractor cruelly ignores it.

My point here is that, in matters of the heart, males have the brains of a walnut. No, wait! That is not my point. My point is that perhaps you women could cut us males a little bit of slack in the move-making process, because we are under a lot of stress. I vividly remember when I was in 10th grade, and I wanted to call a girl named Patty and ask her to a dance, and before I picked up the phone, I spent maybe 28 hours rehearsing exactly what I was going to say. So when I actually made the call, I was pretty smooth.

''Hello, Dance?'' I said. ''This is Patty. Do you want to go to the Dave with me?''

Fortunately Patty grasped the basic thrust of my gist and agreed to go to the dance. This was a good thing, because if she had shot me down, I would have been so humiliated that I would have never have been able to go back to school. I would have dropped out of 10th grade and lied about my age and joined the U.S. armed forces, and as a direct result the Russians would have won the Cold War.

That is the awesome power that you women have over us men. I hope you understand this, and the next time a guy walks up and uses some incredibly lame, boneheaded line on you, I hope that, instead of laughing at him, you will remember that he is under the intense pressure of wanting to impress you enough so that you might want to get to know him better and maybe eventually, perhaps within the next 15 minutes, mate with him, thereby enabling the survival of the human race, which believe me is the only thing that we males are truly concerned about.

In conclusion, let me just say to all females everywhere, on behalf of all males everywhere, that you are very beautiful and your eyes are like two shining stars, unless you're a female fly, in which case your eyes are more like 2,038 shining stars. So please give us a chance. And if you're not interested, could you introduce us to your lawn tractor?

Ellie

[thedrifter]

Love Doc: Kissing the Best Valentine's Gift
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By DOUG ESSER
Associated Press Writer

SEATTLE (AP) -- This Valentine's Day, forget the flowers and chocolate. Cherie Byrd has a better idea: Learn to pucker up.

Byrd, a psychotherapist who teaches kissing, thinks Americans should use their lips to speak to their sweethearts instead of their wallets.

"We're so money-oriented, so consumer-oriented that our relationships get drawn into that quality as well," she said. "This is one day when we might want to step back from this sense of possession and ask ourselves: What is the real gift we want to offer our beloved?"

For Byrd, the answer is clear: A smooch. And with this gift, it's definitely the thought that counts.

"A lot of people say, 'Am I putting too much tongue? Is there too much nibbling? Is there too much mashing of lips? Well, all of those things can get in the way. More importantly what gets in the way is there's no connection. It's kind of a dead fish kiss that's the real bummer," she said.

Byrd, author of "Kissing School: Seven Lessons on Love, Lips and Lifeforce," has instructed 400 couples in one-day "playshops." Her advice? Breathe, concentrate and engage "the electricity in your body."

Or more precisely: "Cultivate the art of the merging of the lips and the merging of the heart and the merging of the connection with your partner."

Sound a little advanced? Step one: Relax.

"Slowing way down is really helpful, getting really focused, really feeling into your own heart," she said.

Step two: Make eye contact and deliver a message - perhaps of love or tenderness.

"Whatever that message is, it needs to be carried into the quality of the kiss," she said.

Step three: Forget multitasking; pay attention.

"Focusing is essential and it means all of you, right down to the curling of your toes needs to be engaged in this," she said.

If after all that, the kiss fails to deliver, maybe you should find another Valentine. A bad kiss, Byrd said, "foretells the kind of disconnect that might be happening should the relationship continue."

On the Net: http://www.kissingschool.com/


Ellie

[thedrifter]

Childhood, teen sweethearts become lifelong partners
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By TOM CARR
Record-Eagle staff writer

TRAVERSE CITY, Mich. - Richard Scott can trace his love for his wife Joanne all the way back to his decision to not pelt her with snowballs.

That was in 1957, when he was about 12 and she was 11. His family regularly stayed at the camper they had parked on the east side of Traverse City.

He and friends used to see this "tomboy" in red leggings walking to a store and a bunch of them decided to bombard her with snowballs.

"We were all running and then a voice went through my head and said, 'You will marry that girl someday,'¡" he said.

He never used his icy ammo and seven years later, true to his premonition, the two were married.

They're among many couples who met each other in childhood or high school and built a long-term relationship from there.

Statistics say such young love is not likely to hold up. About 43 percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years, according to a study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control. The report also found that the older the bride is, the longer the marriage will last.

Yet not all who meet young marry young, and there are still many who do who stick with it for the long haul.

Gary Cadaret of Alden didn't attend the same school as his future wife Sally while they were growing up in Dearborn, but he lived near it.

"I was the long-haired, public school kid. She was the Catholic school girl in her cute little uniform," he said.

One day, as Sally and her friends hung out in the park near their school, her friends called him over and invited him to a club that evening. He ended up dancing with Sally all night.

"When she asked me if I was going to dance every dance with her, I replied, 'Yes, to make up for every day I let you walk on by,'¡" he said.

"Ohhh, that's sweet," Sally said when she was reminded of his comment.

The initial attraction wasn't necessarily mutual for all of the couples.

Donald Thomas of Kingsley used to see his future wife when he'd arrive at band class just as her orchestra class was letting out back in the late 1970s.

"I would be waiting for orchestra to get out when I first saw her," Donald said. Donald the trombonist would smile at Rebecca the violinist and she'd smile back, though she now tells him she doesn't remember seeing him waiting for the class.

He got a chance to talk to her while they were both at the same party with friends.

Jealousy got Chelle Six of Traverse City together with her future husband Steve Six when she was in first grade and he was in second.

"He was kissing my sister on the fire escape of the South Boardman Elementary School," she said. "I saw it and became upset because I liked him. I ran across the street to his house and told his mother I was going to marry him before I turned 20."

They married in 1969 when they were both 19. But before they married, they were friends. That's important, Chelle said.

"You make them your friend first and love grows from the relationship," she said.

Connie Stone was in ninth grade when she met her husband Jerry Stone at Tanz Haus, a teen dance club that used to be in Acme. When Jerry came up and asked her to dance, her friend told her, "That's Jerry Stone and he's a good dancer."

She danced with him that night and they went out a few times. He joined the Marines in 12th grade and went to Vietnam.

It wasn't until a few years later, when Connie and that same girlfriend were "cruising the pit" - the term teens had for driving around Front and State streets looking for friends - that Jerry pulled up alongside them.

He actually dated her friend at first. Yet one night, they were at the friend's house and "she was not being very nice to him," Connie said.

"I got mad and left and he followed me," she said. They became engaged that November and married the following February.

She and others had the same advice for staying together for a long time:

"Never go to bed mad," she said.

Joanne Scott said that's worked for her as well. It doesn't hurt that she and husband Richard have developed many of the same interests, including three-wheeling, snowmobiling and camping.

Richard said it also helps that he still sees the pretty tomboy in Joanne that he first saw back in 1957 walking to the store in red leggings.


Ellie

[thedrifter]

Valentine's Day Maintenance
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February 13, 2005
by Eva Ellsworth

Some men are probably worried that they haven't done enough for their special ladies for Valentine's Day. Most of them can relax. I believe many of men's perceived expectations don't come from women, but from advertisers. Most women do not expect a great deal, yet some do, so Valentine's is a good occasion to check out a woman's character.

As a woman, I hate the stereotype of women as gold-diggers, but I have to admit that some are. If a woman needs more than a card and some time with her special guy, she is probably either a gold-digger or an insecure, high maintenance type. Some insecure women judge how much they are loved by what their men buy for them, do for them and give up for them. That could run a guy ragged after a while. It shouldn't take a bouquet of long stemmed roses and diamond earrings for a man to show he loves a woman. There is nothing wrong with exchanging gifts on Valentine's Day, but those were meant to be relatively small tokens of affection, not items that will wipe out the bank account.

Another clue to a woman's character is what happens if a man disappoints her on Valentine's Day. Does she sulk if the man didn't spend enough or if he didn't make the occasion "special" enough? That isn't a good sign. If she stays angry for days, it is a warning. One of life's mysteries to me is why the meaner some women are to men, the more those men like them. I might understand it if these women looked like supermodels, but some of these ball-busters are just average looking.

If a man plans to give a gift for Valentine's Day, the best thing to do is to ask the woman what she wants. If the woman says, "You should know", watch out. An honest woman will tell a man what she wants. A manipulative one will make him guess.

It is also good for a man to assess why he is doing something special for his lady. If it is because he cares for her and wants to please her, that's great. If it is to stay out of the doghouse, the couple has problems. In that case, it would be better to deal with the relationship issues than to try to buy a reprieve.

Now a few tips on buying a card or gift for that special woman. Many women judge whether or not a relationship is going well by the cards and/or gifts their men choose for them. Greeting cards are a big deal to most women and many women keep them forever. When you buy that special lady a card, make sure you read the card first. It needs to match your feelings for her. A woman who gets an "I'll love you forever" card will have higher expectations about where the relationship is headed than she would if she got a "Be my Valentine" card. This can lead to problems if you are just casually "seeing" a lady, but you give her the "I'll love you forever" type of card - she may start looking for the wedding venue.

Women use gifts to judge how well men know them and listen to them. If your plan to buy her a gift, tread carefully. Most women don't care about the monetary value of the item, but they care a great deal about how well it shows you know her tastes and interests. A woman will thank you for flowers, candy and the other items marketed for Valentine's Day, but they may not mean much to her. I have heard many women say, "He put no effort into that gift!"

Also, be careful about things all women are supposed to like. Your lady may be one of the exceptions. For example, most women love spa days, but I would rather have a root canal. Again, the best way to know is to ask, "Do you like day spas/chocolate/whatever?" If you plan a surprise, make sure she likes surprises first. I associate surprises with broken appliances, flat tires and IRS audits. Other women may like surprises.

An item selected specifically for her, such as a new book by her favorite author, will probably be a cherished gift. As a bonus, she'll think you are wonderful and thoughtful. If you have no ideas about what she would like, it is time to question whether or not you're really interested in her. If you do decide you really like her, but still don't know what to buy, here are a couple of suggestions. If you go with clothes, (only safe if she isn't insecure about her weight), or jewelry, pick the styles and colors she usually wears. It is safe to assume she likes the things she picks out. Cute, sentimental gifts like teddy bears are usually a safe bet.

No comments on Valentine's Day would be complete without mentioning lingerie. Don't buy it. It is a gift for you. If the time is right and a woman wants to please you, she'll provide the lingerie.


Ellie

[thedrifter]

Valentine’s Day Advice for Men: Don’t Get Caught with your Pants Down

February 14, 2005


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by Kimberly Miles

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Romance is a dying art, and men’s fashion is to blame.

If that’s what you call it.

Back in the 50’s men knew how to dress. They wore suits everywhere. To work, church, movies, even baseball games. If a man had anywhere to go, he stepped out stylishly in wing tips and a Fedora.

Why did men put so much time and effort into their dress? To get lucky, of course.

See, in those days a man’s dress was part of his overall strategy to impress and attract the opposite sex. Men instinctively knew that if a woman would see him in his true loincloth she wouldn’t look twice.

So he donned the shining armor and feigned interest in what she was saying. He brought flowers on the first date, opened the door for her and on rare occasions even ate with utensils. Dressing like a gentleman caused him to be one, and he often got the girl.

Those days are gone. Between gnarly facial hair and hooded sweatshirts, untucked shirts and humungous pants, young men have never appeared so apathetic and, well, downright unemployed than they do today. And they’re wondering why they can’t get a date.

The simple truth: it’s hard for a woman to get excited about a guy when he looks like he just knocked off a bank.

Along with style went chivalry. How is a guy expected to open the car door for his date when he needs both hands to hold his pants up? How will he woo her when he can’t even tuck in his shirt? We want men to sweep us off our feet, not watch you get swept off yours as you trip on your pant legs.

So we ladies are left to fend for ourselves, thanks to your high maintenance clothing. And romance has paid the price.

If you want to know why, just ask Tommy and Calvin. Better yet, take a look at their ads.

Once upon a time, fashion designers knew how to make men look good. But yesterday’s suave fashion models have been replaced with gangly Charles Manson groupies. With good reason: the old coots are trying to make young guys look like delinquents so that they can keep the chicks for themselves.

After all, women want men who are successful and self-assured, but that’s a little hard to pull off when your waistband is down around your thighs. We want confidence, not butt cracks. Hilfiger, Klein and their cronies know better than anyone that when you put a guy in ripped jeans and wool cap he’s more likely to appear in a line-up than her date book.

Meanwhile, the old schoolers would never dream of leaving the house without a double-breasted suit and a twenty-something year old blonde dangling from their arms.

How else could it be that Donald Trump always lands women half his age? It certainly isn’t the comb-over. But one thing is for certain, you’d never catch him in a big ugly sweat suit with bling around his neck.

Guys, it’s time you know the truth. The old geezers are getting your chicks ‘cause you’re letting them dress you like slobs. While you’re trying on the latest pair of tent-sized cargo pants, they are out wining and dining your girlfriends. So if you want to beat those old boys at the game of love, it’s time to take back the dressing room.

Get off your skateboards, tune out your MTV and stop trying to look like M&M. Trust me. When women dream of the man they want to be romantic with, getting tangled up in wiry facial hair and a tongue ring usually doesn’t factor into it.

Take a lesson from the old guys. Shave your goatee, donate your pants to someone in need of shelter and put on some self-respecting clothing. When you start dressing like you care, women will start caring to date you. Perhaps with the proper dress you’ll find it within yourself to woo a lady with flowers and a fine restaurant. Then, maybe, romance can blossom again.

And for God’s sake, remember to use your utensils.

Kimberly Miles

Ellie

[thedrifter]

Jocasting About
In Search Of Men Who Want To Marry Mommy

February 14, 2005


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by Fred Reed

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It is becoming a constant, like gravity: Maureen Dowd opens her mouth, and I get email from guys saying, “Fred! Geez, man, how much do apartments go for in Guadalajara?”

Maureen is the resentment columnist for the New York Times. She serves as newsprint megaphone for the angry, selfish, wretchedly unhappy career woman who can’t understand why she is living alone in an apartment with two cats. (I understand the alone part. I question the judgement of the cats.)

Maybe I can explain.

In a recent column, headed "Men Just Want Mommy," Maureen tells us, “A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: ‘I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women.’"

The bastards.

Here we have the eternal cry (at least it’s beginning to feel eternal) of the unhappy feminist: “The whole world can’t stand me. What’s wrong with the whole world?” If men don’t want to marry a self-absorbed menopausing ocelot, there is something wrong with men. I listen to this stuff and I want to marry someone’s personal assistant, just to be sure I don’t get drunk and marry a very beautiful actress.

But more of Maureen and the personal assistants. She continues observantly, “I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.” Men want to marry Mommy, she implies, with forty-weight passive-aggressiveness you could lube a diesel with.

Actually, what men very much do not want is to marry Mommy. The problem for Maureen is that she is Mommy: censorious, moralizing, self-pitying, endlessly instructive, and so achingly tedious that men find themselves thinking of moldy bath sponges. I have never seen her and don’t know how old she is. She may be twenty-three, radiantly gorgeous, and have seven husbands. She writes as if she were fifty, a tad overweight and, having grossly overestimated her value in the meat market, missed the train. (I have a federal license to mix metaphors like that.) Since nothing can be her fault, that leaves men.

Now, why might a man want to date his secretary instead of some virile pit-viperess of a lawyer, forever coiled to strike? To start with, twenty-five is more appealing than fifty. Sorry, but there it is. Second, secretaries usually lack the misandry, vanity, and abrasiveness of the viperess. (Think Alan Dershowitz in drag, but hostile.) Which leads to, Third, the secretary is likely to be lots more fun. You don’t have to spend time comparing penises with her. She won’t always be looking for discrimination, like a chicken clucking after bugs in a barnyard. You won’t get the throwaway snotty remarks about men.

I can’t imagine doing a fast double-step jitterbug in a dirt bar in Austin with a warlike partner from Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe—you know, Little Richard shrieking Long Tall Sally, skirts flying in the twirls. A secretary is likely to think it is a hell of a good idea.

Maureen pretty much answers the question of why these creatures stay single. In another column she says, “When I asked a 28-year-old friend how he and his lawyer-girlfriend were going to divide the costs on a California vacation, he looked askance. ‘She never offers,’ he replied. ‘And I like paying for her.’”

Maureen knows lots of these. “Carrie, a publicist in her late 20's from Long Island, is not unwilling to dig into her Kate Spade bag. ‘He can get the jewelry, the dinners, the shoes and the vacations,’ she says. ‘I'll get the cab.’"

Who would marry that? Carrie is a parasite, like a screw-fly larva. You could find better leaning against a lamppost. Honest prostitution is preferable to dissimulated. (Incidentally, Stanford did a genetic study in which they found that a New York career woman shares ninety-five percent of her genes with the common tape worm. The remaining five percent, speculated the scientists, explains why tapeworms, though parasitic, are not uncivil.)

Maureen’s women are forever nattering about sexual equality. Maureen, speaking of some movie: “Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.” Actually art isn’t doing anything. A woman who wants a man to pay her bills is already a selfish narcissist.

I find myself wondering what parallel universe Maureen inhabits, and how she found the door. In fairness to at least some career women, maybe most of them, I dated mostly such for a decade or two in Washington, and expected them as a matter of course to split the bill. They did. It didn't seem to bother them. And—surprise—I thought of them as equals. They acted that way.

So little of what Maureen says tracks with the world I know. She thinks men don’t like smart women. I know a lot of bright guys, and they all look for bright women. They just want agreeable bright women.

Further—am I alone in this?—I don’t think of women I date in terms of superiority and inferiority. Sally is my date, not my competitor. Does it run through Maureen’s tiny little mind that I walk along with a secretary thinking, “Hah! Mere secretary. My inferior. Hah!”? Actually I think, “How’d I get so lucky? Hope she doesn’t think of that.”

This erosion of pecking order by mating explains why the military doesn’t want officers to date enlisted women: A cute corporal is on equal terms with an admiral by virtue of seeing him. Hierarchy doesn’t survive romance. But, as Maureen’s status-obsessed women discover, neither does romance survive a relentless concern with hierarchy.

Thing is, the times have changed. The age-old bargain was that women exchanged sex for whatever they wanted, and men exchanged whatever they had for sex. Part of the deal was that the woman would be reasonably agreeable. A career woman today, being independent, no longer has to be agreeable, and frequently isn’t. On the other hand, a man doesn’t have to commit himself to anything to get sex. So the man dates his secretary, and the career woman sits in her apartment with the cats.

I’m going to move to Mexico. (Though come to think of it, I already have.)

Fred Reed

Ellie

[thedrifter]

Cupid's arrows and traps


By Suzanne Fields


Valentine's Day changes with the ages. In pagan Rome, young women dropped their names into a great urn and young men retrieved them with high hopes.
Thus began a courtship that often led to marriage. Early church fathers perceived sexual dangers in such pagan ceremonies and substituted the names of saints for young men to emulate. Not quite so much fun.
In the Middle Ages, the drawing of names was revived and a young man drew a young woman's name from a bowl and wore it on his shirt for a week, thus giving meaning to the saying that a young man sometimes wears his heart on his sleeve.







How we celebrate Valentine's Day today is more complicated, determined by the changing relationships betweenthe sexes. Nevertheless, Cupid's capricious use of his bow and arrow continues to make trouble, some of it delicious. But Cupid is blindfolded, so most of the time he doesn't know what he's doing. He makes a lot of bad matches. Cupidity is not an attractive quality.
Mating has always been a difficult business because the first stages of love hide the darker side of human motivations. These only emerge with familiarity. Traditional values once contributed to coupling, for better and for worse, bringing people with similar assumptions together in a marriage.
But such traditions were blasted away when the patriarchy came tumbling down. As women entered the workplace and gained financial independence for themselves, which certainly has its advantages, they were bound to face consequences they hadn't expected. Sigmund Freud famously said that the sources of happiness were "love and work," but he was talking about individual choices, specifically for men. We all know he didn't have a clue to the female psychology, infamously asking, "What do women want?" (Aren't men supposed to know that?)
Today love and work is an issue for couples, and if Freud were around to ask the question, it would be, "What do men and women want together?"
Working women have become prey for gold diggers. "Now that women are snaring a majority of both college degrees and professional jobs, they're getting a taste of something else that used to be a male-only province: gold-digging dates," the Wall Street Journal tells us. As women have been liberated to be ambitious in their careers, some men have become slackers. They only want to be supported by women.
Not so long ago, "marrying up" subjected men to the ridicule of other men, and career women were often abandoned to a lonely office at the top. Now women must fret that they're only loved for that office. Match.com, a dating Web site with 15 million users, reports a significant rise over the past three years in men who specify that a date must make above a certain income.
They want a honey with the money, a doll with the dollars, something gorgeous with the green. True.com, a dating Web site with 2.7 million users, reports that 35 percent of their male customers request women who make more money than they do. Honeys and dolls, gorgeous or not, beware.
In their defense, some men say they're searching for high-dollar earners because such women are more interesting. Of course. But has anyone ever heard a gold-digging women stress Mr. Bigbuck's "poisonality"? Most women who married for money were honest: Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Those famous two little girls from Little Rock were not looking for little rocks.
The gold-digging guy is mainly a problem for a woman in her twenties or thirties. Women usually wise up as they get older, and have greater expectations of older men. But older couples have a different set of love-work problems. Many husbands retire before their wives, which alters the marriage relationship in the sunset years. The reversal changes the nature of identities. "This is the first generation that's ever had to deal with this, because in the past it was one retirement per family, and that was the husband's," Phyllis Moen, a sociologist at the University of Minnesota, tells the New York Times.
When the retired husband has been on the golf course all day, and his wife has had a strenuous day at work, husband and wife come home with different expectations. Even if he gets more money from his retirement plan than she gets from her paycheck, time is money, too. Who cooks? Who cleans? The rules require renegotiation, debate and sometimes wounded egos. Men become defensive, women resentful.
But it wasn't Cupid who promised rose gardens, and the hearts pierced by his arrows have always learned the hard way to overcome obstacles to true love. Shakespeare, as he always does, said it best: "Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps."


Ellie

[thedrifter]

Those Valentine's Day dilemmas remain unsettled
February 14,2005
PATRICIA SMITH
DAILY NEWS STAFF

Today, children will exchange candy hearts with sweet messages, dads will bring home chocolates and stuffed animals to their kids.

Men will send long-stemmed red roses to their ladies or plan an elaborate night out, profess their affections and some will get down on their knees and propose.

It's Valentines Day, of course, Feb. 14, when the color fuchsia reigns and couples get all gooey-eyed for no real reason at all.

For those in love, it's the most romantic day of the year.

For everybody else, well they sit back and watch, either with envy or delight.

Whoever thought up this holiday, anyway?

Oh the Internet is full of Web sites that give possible origins for Valentine's Day.

In the most popular version, the early Christian church established the holiday in honor of St. Valentine to replace a pagan fertility ritual. Valentine, a bishop during the reign of Claudius II, defied the emperor's ban on marriage and performed wedding ceremonies in secret.

Over the years, the church activity grew into the card and flower sending frenzy we know today.

Surely those early church fathers never foresaw Valentine's Day as it is today.

Why, it can be downright tumultuous.

Here are a few examples from my life:

Dilemma No. 1: You've just started going out with someone. You really like this person and want to give a gift that reflects this. But since you've only had two dates, you think it may be a little too early to tip your hand.

Dilemma No. 2: You're in a long-term relationship with someone who doesn't put much effort into Valentine's Day (or any other holiday for that matter) and finds it silly that you do. Should you get a present for someone you truly love, knowing full well the gesture will not be returned?

Dilemma No. 3: You're single and you haven't had a date for weeks. Now it's Valentine's Day. You wonder if you should shrug it off, call your single friends and go out in a group or just stay home and indulge your self-pity in a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia?

Then again, none of these problems ever gave me a heart attack (though I suspect enough Cherry Garcia could).

I guess Valentine's Day is something we all must just get through one way or another.


Patricia Smith is the fisheries and environmental reporter for Freedom ENC and is based in Morehead City. Her column appears each Monday.


Ellie

[thedrifter]

Separated by war, couple wins $20,000 wedding
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Robin L. Flanigan
The Rochester Democrat & Chronicle
February 14, 2005

After a long-distance telephone proposal, two postponed wedding dates and a last-minute civil ceremony - the bride held up a cell phone so her parents could hear the vows - Michael and Cathy Parsons will walk down the aisle in style.

The couple won a wedding contest worth more than $20,000 from the Nuptial Network of Greater Rochester, a consortium of bridal specialists who wanted to honor someone who had served in Iraq. Their story of commitment through years of military separation beat out 24 others, earning them the chance to reaffirm their vows next Jan. 22, followed by a lavish reception at the Harro East Ballroom.

"I bought my dress about two years ago, and it's been sitting in my closet ever since, the poor thing," says 23-year-old Cathy, in a phone interview from California's Camp Pendleton, where her husband is stationed. "I'm on Cloud Nine. I can't believe it."

Michael, 24, a native of Piffard, Livingston County, quit college after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks to join the Marines. He proposed just before being shipped off to Iraq for the first time in 2003. Their plans to marry nine months after his return were nixed when Michael, home four months, got word that he was heading back overseas.

Plan B was a quick civil ceremony. Cathy, from Byron, Genesee County, flew to San Diego on Christmas Eve 2003, and they tied the knot with strangers as witnesses. The newlyweds spent eight days together before Cathy had to head back to college. She saw him only five more days, in February 2004, before he left for the Middle East.

A proper honeymoon is part of the prize package.

Contest organizer and wedding planner Angela Hall hopes to increase donations by about $30,000.

"Every time I talk to her, I cry," she said. "Their story really makes you want to do everything for them."

Especially now that Michael is scheduled for a third tour in Iraq.

Ellie