marrying young

[jeremy]

i just want ed to know if u guys think its a good idea to be married in ur 1st enlistment or wait.:marine:

[Echo_Four_Bravo]

WAIT

[cmbell]

Probably best to get settled first, your life is in for a realy big change..........everything changes including you!

If it's going to pass the test of time it will, married or not.....best not to rush into things.....just remember ultimately it is your choice, but I definately wouldn't until after boot camp at the earliest!

[marinemom]

Definitely WAIT!!!

You do not know where your first duty station will be, how many "floats" you may be on, and a ton of other things as well.

If it is real, it will last for your first tour - if it doesn't, you are better off.

[TracGunny]

Wait, my experience tells me that Sergeants on their second enlistment fare much better... of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but those exceptions seem to be rare - again, this is only my observation...

[Lock-n-Load]

:marine: You are only 18 yrs [young]...for cripes sake, Don't get married at this tender age, not even in civilian life...as a Marine, the countless separations would weigh heavy on both of you...the divorce rate in the USMC amongst [18-23] is astronomical...all Marine Commanding Officers have requested their young Marines to finish the 1st hitch before getting married...fore/warned is fore/armed, jeremey...if you do enlist in USMC ...do it by your lonesome, kid....you can always get married, much later. :marine:

[jdfairman]

I swear... there should probably be an article in the UCMJ stating that one must be AT LEAST a Corporal or on their second enlistment before they are allowed to be married.
You may think that sounds harsh; however, from an economic standpoint alone, its just not all that practical to be married as a junior Marine. You also have to keep in mind that you and your significant other probably still have a little emotional growing to do. I'm not saying you can't make it or that its impossible, but I definitely wouldn't place any bets on your success at this early point in your life.
I'm a married guy myself, so if you have any questions specifically regarding being married in the Corps, post them here. I know there are many people here with a wealth of knowledge.
Good luck.

[vision836]

WAIT!! She may be the right one now so you think. I did ,after two years with my girl then bootcamp we broke up shortly after I got to my training school. Before finding the right girl you have to have fun with the wrong ones first!!

[vision836]

Now that I've got that first cup of coffee down and can think (a little) I have known quite a few LPCL and PFC's that were married just out of bootcamp and they all seemed to struggle with money and time away from each other. LOCK-N-LOAD is right the divorce rate for Marines is very high and if children are involved the situation just gets worst. I'm not saying the kids make it worst it's what they go thru that can be avoided. You will know when the time is right.

[TracGunny]

This is from a lesson plan from the “Marines Awaiting Training” Program (1998). Go to the website to read main causes and more info - TG http://www.tecom.usmc.mil/downloads/mat/Pf08-ig.doc

1. MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE STATISTICS: (5 MIN)

a. Marriage Rates. The marriage rate in the Marine Corps continues to rise. Figures on Marine Corps marriage rates show that in 1980, 33% of Marines were married. Five years later that number increased to 44%. In 1993, the marriage rate among Marines was approximately 49%.

b. Marriage Age. While the number of young people in the United States has been declining, the number of married Marines between the ages of 17 and 21 has continued to increase. The number of divorces among first-term Marines has, unfortunately, also grown significantly.

c. DIVORCE STATISTICs.

1) The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world.

2) Studies show that in 1980 when the divorce rate peaked in the United States, divorces occurred in one out of every two marriages.

3) While the civilian divorce rate has remained constant into the 1990's, the Marine Corps has seen its overall divorce rate increase.

a) Between 1980 and 1993, Marine Corps divorce rates jumped to 77%. Looking at the percentage of divorces among enlisted Marines only, there has been an increase of 95%. If one looks even more closely at the increase in divorces for first-term Marines, privates through corporals, the divorce rate has increased 117%.

b) The majority of Marines marry and divorce during their first term of enlistment. Data has further shown that military personnel are inclined to remarry sooner than civilians.

c) When one or both partners are still "on the rebound," 40% of military second marriages end in divorce within the first five years.



-Okay, so maybe the second-term Sergeant observation I alluded to in my earlier post is not just mine.... -TG

[jeremy]

ok thanks guys i will definetly take your words into consideration
but i have another question, wat about after my 1st enlistment if i still love this girl and want to marry her but since shes in the corp i cant find her and if i do n we get married, will the marine
corp station us together. SEMPER FIDELIS

[dep_baumy]

Hmmmmmmm, I dont know exactly how that works for sure, but I doubt the Corps will station you 2 together just because your in love, they will station you where you are needed the most im guessing, either way good luck with her.

[CPLRapoza]

I've heard of that happening before, with married couples getting stationed together.

[cmbell]

Either way, whether you two get stationed together or not you can expect some pretty long times apart. Besides a lot of marines come out after one enlistment. If one of you does then you'll have no problems trying to be together. The corps tends to make arrangements for you if you both stay in, but they aren't always easy, and they aren't always what you want.

If it is meant to be, it will be. If it's not then just remember that there are millions of people in this world, the one at 18 isn't always the one at 25. Give yourself time!

[TracGunny]

Joint Spouse Assignments.

When one military member is married to another military member, both must apply to be assigned together. This is called a "Joint Spouse Assignment."

The military will try as hard as it can to assign spouses together (it's considered a "success" if the couple are assigned within 100 miles of each other).

There are no guarantees, however. Right now, the "success-rate" for Joint Spouse assignments is about 85 percent. That sounds pretty good, until you realize that means 15 percent of married military couples are currently not assigned to within 100 miles of each other.

Joint-Spouse assignments work better when both are members of the same service. It's a lot easier, for instance to assign two Air Force people together, as they can usually be assigned to the same Air Force base (depending, of course on their jobs).

However, if one is in the Air Force and the other is in the Marine Corps, it would be much more difficult, as there are few Marine Corps jobs on Air Force bases, and few Air Force jobs on Marine Corps bases, and few Air Force bases and Marine Corps bases within 100 miles of each other.

http://www.usmilitary.about.com/library/weekly/aa092302d.htm

Ask your Recruiter about Joint-Spouse Assignments - TG

[RoboRobinson17]

My Series Gunnery Sergeant told us before we graduated, the best advice for Junior Marines. He told us, no matter how much you love a girl, never marry her. Put a ring on her finger, buy her nice things, take her everywhere you go: but never marry her. Gunnery Sergeant said that if your married, it would seriously limit your options in the Marine Corps. And then he told us that if the Marine Corps wanted us to have wives, they would have issued them to us! Bottom line: its your decision. The long deployments, the floats, the never having enough money. Think about the quality of life, and if thats really what you want. Yeah, you might be able to survive, but do you want to just survive, or have a good quality of life, without worrying about what bills to pay? Now toss in a baby...because if your gone so much, shes going to want some company...a constant reminder of you. Suddenly, that PFC, LCPL. pay doesn't quite make it anymore. Just look at the whole picture. If she wants to be with you, really wants to be with you, she will wait.

Just my opinion...Good Luck

[USMC-FO]

It seems everyone has pretty much given you the same "skinny" here. So let me chime in too.

YOU'RE ONLY 18 ! !!

You should NOT even have this issue on your radar! Let it pop up when you're between 25 and 30 at a minimum !

Never mind what the Corps will expect from you, this sort of thinking is REALLY not in your best interest as a person or this girls either.

DON'T DO IT !! DUMB DUMB DUMB...

[Sparrowhawk]

Originally posted by jeremy
ok thanks guys i will definetly take your words into consideration
but i have another question, wat about after my 1st enlistment if i still love this girl and want to marry her but since shes in the corp i cant find her and if i do n we get married, will the marine
corp station us together. SEMPER FIDELIS


After boot camp and if you score high on the rifle range and if you get to go to a hot spot and shoot at least three enemy soldiers, the Marine Corps issues you a bride. :marine:



Sometimes they let you pick one from the village you liberated but most often, depending on your commanding officer they make arrangement for you to marry a female Marine, that has more rank then you do. :banana:

[TracGunny]

...that explains it; I always scored "low" expert...no wonder I never married during my tour...

[airframesguru]

WAIT. Trust the advice. Wish I had listened. I got off easy w/o payments or a kid. Others are not so lucky. If you think its bad being "lonley" conpare it to being broke, in legal, explaining issues to the SgtMjr, and so on.

MW

[Chevy2233]

jeremy, I am an 18 year old PFC in the Marine Corps, and I'll tell you what, it is very hard. Being away from you wife for so long sucks big time, trust me. Ive got married after MCT on New Years day. I was with my wife for about 3 days after and then I got sent to Camp Johnson, NC. I've been in forming for over a month and still haven't picked up and my dam school is going to be 3 months long, so who knows how long I'll be here and when I'll see her again. I put in for my BAH when I first got here, that was like a month ago, and they still aint giving it to me, So me and her are both living on the paycheck of a single PFC. I don't know what the hell ADMIN is doing, but they sure are sticking one to me. Im broke as a joke every pay check. If I miss the chow hall, I don't eat. Thats how bad it is. And if you like your sleep like I do, I hardly ever get breakfast. We live from pay check to pay check. Trust me, it hard. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my wife very much and I'm know she loves me, and we both can't wait for school to end, so I can get stationed and we can be together, at least for a little while. I'm just saying if you are going to make the sacrafice financially, and emotionally, make sure shes the right one, and make sure she knows what its going to be like with you gone all the time. Well, anyway, good luck to ya

[Super Dave]

I saw some young guys marry some GOD AWFUL things when I was in. Some I think it was the 1st time they ever had any and fell in love on the spot.
I told myself that the only way I would get hitched while in is if I made it a career. But NO way was i getting married on my 1st tour.

[Christl]

Boy oh Boy you guys all have me scarred. My son (20) got married to his girlfriend (19) before boot camp. He will graduate next week - we are so proud of him - , they will also have a baby soon. I am worried about the long separations that will most likely happen. Someone also talked about financial problems, the recruiter told him, financially they would be fine.
I so hope their marriage will work for the Baby's sake alone. I hope statistics lie.

[jeremy]

thanks gunny you helped alot. semper fidelis

[TracGunny]

Boy oh Boy you guys all have me scarred Christl:

I hope the intent of all the posts to this thread was not to scare anyone; it certainly is not my intent. Marriage by anyone in their teens or even early twenty’s is risky; the maturity to handle the commitment and responsibility just is not there yet. Being in the Marines does seem to amplify the situation due to the inherent environment the young family is thrust into dealing with; long deployments, constant moves, days away during training, and other stresses that anyone will face, military or not. I have always viewed the Marine spouse as a single parent with none of the freedoms.

I sent you a PM with some “support group” sites and other Marine related sites that may help you and your daughter-in-law deal with and participate in the life of a Marine that is about to invade your worlds. Please follow the links I posted for Jeremy; knowledge is power. Your son and his wife can succeed, and it is entirely up to them, their commitment to each other AND the Corps, and how fast they “grow up” together.

[Das Behaelter]

WAIT-

The worst thing I EVER did was marry so young. Finish your first enlistment at least. You just can't give enough of yourself to the Corps at the beginning of your enlistment by getting married so young.

If it was meant to be, then she'll understand, and comply. If she doesn't wait, then she isn't Marine Corps dependant material. She won't last, and it will end up biting you in the arse.

There is a HELL of a lot more to being the spouse of a Marine than anyone who isn't can understand. I think some young pups have a tendency to be blind on the affects of marriage, not only to themselves, but to their spouses as well.

[snipowsky]

Not a good idea! Listen to Chevy2233! Sounds like he's a man beyond his actual years!

Most the guys in my unit that got married really young, well when we deployed and we got back they were in divorce court while the rest of us was having fun on our leave! If you do it, just make sure she's your mate for life and not some dirty girl who you know will mess around on you anyways!

I should know I was engaged to one of them girls who cheated on me while I was serving my country, and I'm telling you I could have went without that hurt, but it happened and I moved on like any Marine would!

P.S. She was my High School sweetheart, so think before you leap!


LMFAO@Sparrowhawk!

[Dvan]

Since you are asking advice on this issue of marriage I think you are already showing an unusual level of maturity. You are acknowledging and weighing the risks, which is very wise. I got engaged long-distance (over the phone) when I was in my final week of bootcamp at Parris Island. My boyfriend was stationed on the West Coast at the time. When I graduated from Admin School at CampPen, we got married in the base chapel at MCAS El Toro. (chaplain Don Jukum did the honors). We've been married 22 yrs now, and the Marine Corps is no longer an 'issue'.

However, we too went into marriage with our eyes open. There are a LOT of issues that complicate military marriages, many of which have been discussed here already. If you are determined to go through with this wedding, here's the advice I would offer you:

Take pre-marital counseling. It was required by the chaplain who married us. Chaplains deal daily with Marine marriages and the inherent stresses thereof and are well-versed in the challenges facing the military couple.

Do NOT have kids. I know it sounds harsh, but be real. If your both Marines, wait. My husband was left to care for the baby while I went TAD...are YOU ready to be a single man caring for a baby while your wife is deployed? Kids aren't toys or pets, to be left in the care of others while you fulfill your obligations to your enlistment.

Marine marriages can work, but be prepared for all the extra work involved.

[Sparrowhawk]

Originally posted by Super Dave
I saw some young guys marry some GOD AWFUL things when I was in. Some I think it was the 1st time they ever had any and fell in love on the spot.
I told myself that the only way I would get hitched while in is if I made it a career. But NO way was i getting married on my 1st tour.

Super Dave, you brought back some memories of Crater Face in Bangkok.

She always said, to the Marines she was with, " I love you too much," and it was not unusual for a Marine to have both her picture and love letters with him.

Many fell in love with her, until one finally married her as her name disappeared from the hotel roster. LOL

[USMC-FO]

I know of many Marines in Japan--Mt Fuji area--pre VN that fell hard for the ever lovely "Gotemba Ruby" A sort of creature that ate Japan.....much boom boom heard she married some young Marine but never confirmed. I recall paying some yen with some other guys to Ruby to pop a cherry for an 18 yr old...

Ah the memories...

[vision836]

I love you long time does,nt mean the rest of my life.

[usmchauer]

Good article from TracGunny on Marriage in the Marine Corps here,
http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=12490

[Sixguns]

I didn't marry unitl I was a 23-year-old sergeant. That was in my second tour. (fives years of service under my belt). I think some sound advice has been offered here.

Sixguns

[jeremy]

thanks guys i told your advice on waiting and told my girlfriend
she seemed bothered by it but didnt say anything. im thinking about buying her an engagement ring just to assure her i still want to marry her later on down the road. SEMPER FIDELIS.

[MillRatUSMC]

jeremy, marriage is a life-long commitment by both, some rush in and than down the line head for the divorce court. <br />
In the military, there's the extra stress of all these deployments. <br />
Those take...

[GreenSB]

Everyone I talked to said wait until your get to your first duty station..................well I got sent unaccompanied to Japan....and since I wanted my son to have a father.....I got married on leave between school and here.................. It has been impossibly tough........ I would definately recommend waiting until you're in a "stable" location.............