firstsgtmike
01-18-04, 06:05 AM
Rules for living with a man.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present
yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint,
the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never
going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine.....Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do
not work! Obvious hints do not work! ...Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on our calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing
which pair, out of your thirty, would look good
with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 12 months is a
problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil. Please!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 24 hours.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like Soap Opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other way.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway;
it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want it done, not both. If you already
know best how to do it, ....just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first two months we were going out. Get over
it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of
how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle to find
out what "nothing" is.
1. I AM in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present
yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint,
the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never
going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine.....Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do
not work! Obvious hints do not work! ...Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on our calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing
which pair, out of your thirty, would look good
with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 12 months is a
problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil. Please!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 24 hours.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like Soap Opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other way.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway;
it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want it done, not both. If you already
know best how to do it, ....just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first two months we were going out. Get over
it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of
how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle to find
out what "nothing" is.
1. I AM in shape. - ROUND is a shape.