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View Full Version : Panic, Chaos During Air Force-Wide Facebook Outage



irpat54
11-07-15, 08:47 AM
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these guys are off the rails funny
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BARKSDALE AFB, La. — The United States Air Force has been rocked by what insiders describe as “chaos and confusion” as a result of a service-wide Facebook outage that began last Friday, Duffel Blog has learned. Mid-level leaders at Barksdale AFB report an “excessive level of rioting” while other bases have issued “shelter in place” orders, or held surprise commander’s calls to distract personnel.

“Airbase commanders all around NORTHCOM are reporting a Facebook outage on their computers, along with lowered morale, and even armed gangs in the streets,” explained Maj. Gen. Richard Clark, 8th Air Force commander, during an emergency meeting at Air Force Global Strike Command headquarters. “I tried contacting the comm squadron for help, but they haven’t picked up. Probably just a coincidence.”

While the cause of outage isn’t clear, it has caused significant unrest among the lower ranks, as junior airmen and NCOs now have to focus on work instead of messaging their Dungeons & Dragons teammates. The situation has been exacerbated by rumors of internal sabotage by cyber airmen. Already, dozens of military and civilian personnel have walked out of work and formed a mob in front of the 2nd Communications Squadron.

“I don’t get why leadership is telling us not to point fingers — clearly, it was those daggone comm boys!” said a visibly irritated Sr. Airman Mark Gibbons, a weather specialist at the 26th Operational Weather Squadron who left work to join the riot. “Who else would want to block us from getting on Facebook and getting these computers all virusy [sic] and stuff? This is their way of avoiding work by not having to debug our computers every two days!”

A few bases are returning to “a semblance of normal,” according to Master Sgt. Chuck Marsh, a NORTHCOM spokesman, with some airmen returning to their regular jobs. Productivity has increased sharply at squadrons and flights whose work mostly involves computers, such as airfield management and personnel, but has remained seriously low in maintenance, construction, and special tactics units. Meanwhile, Public Affairs offices have nearly ceased all operations, as they actually require access to Facebook to do their job.

Senior Army officers at Fort Polk offered assistance in the form of the service’s last-remaining messenger pigeon, but had to scrap the plan when the bird flew into a Black Hawk’s rotor blades.

silveradomick
11-07-15, 10:23 AM
Duffel blog is always quality satire. Great stuff there!

29palms
11-07-15, 02:02 PM
I wish they would eliminate face book, most stupidest thing ever invented. And cell phones too.

mexbearlll
11-07-15, 11:01 PM
Hey now, lets not get rough about cell phones. I love Mine, now that My kids taught Me how to Skype with My Grandkids !!! Waiting on a letter and photos like in "old Days " just don't cut it when it comes to Grandkids. S/F

irpat54
11-08-15, 08:08 AM
Hey now, lets not get rough about cell phones. I love Mine, now that My kids taught Me how to Skype with My Grandkids !!! Waiting on a letter and photos like in "old Days " just don't cut it when it comes to Grandkids. S/F
:thumbup:

29palms
11-08-15, 03:36 PM
It is a great tool no doubt about it, however, too many people spend way too much time on it, it is very irritating. Instead of looking over and making conversation, they look at their little Ipad or cell phones and finger away.

USMC 2571
11-08-15, 04:49 PM
We overdo things, like everything else. Palms is right, you look at five people who know each other, three of them are texting or checking the phone they checked thirty seconds ago, to see what's "new" (in the last thirty seconds). Not real conducive to social skills being developed or even used.

Old Marine
11-08-15, 06:19 PM
We overdo things, like everything else. Palms is right, you look at five people who know each other, three of them are texting or checking the phone they checked thirty seconds ago, to see what's "new" (in the last thirty seconds). Not real conducive to social skills being developed or even used.

Don't own one, have never owned one, nor do I have a use for one. I still use smoke signals when I feel a need to communicate.

USMC 2571
11-08-15, 07:39 PM
Willie, that's a lot of trouble, though---going outside, flapping that blanket after starting a big fire.

LitLover84
11-08-15, 09:24 PM
Haha! Nice. <br />
<br />
As for Facebook, I do have it, but I use it quite a bit for school. I'm in charge of mentoring a handful of new grad students, and I use a private fb page as a central location to...

FistFu68
11-10-15, 11:37 AM
Plugged in2 that High Current that's tapped in2 your F-en Brain got a bunch of Humans jumping like Lab Rats ! :scared:

advanced
11-10-15, 11:43 AM
If I was on Facebook they'd most likely kick me off as I heard you have to worry about the feelings of others. <script type="text/javascript" src="safari-extension://com.ebay.safari.myebaymanager-QYHMMGCMJR/24ccd4e1/background/helpers/prefilterHelper.js"></script>

LitLover84
11-18-15, 01:03 AM
Oh, I don't know about that, Advanced. I see plenty of people on Fb everyday who could not care less about being nice or "hurting people's feelings." It can get nasty fast. Comment wars blow up at the drop of a hat. Often between folks lacking in common sense or basic thinking skills. It's sad but ridiculously funny all at the same time. It's a Fb pastime to grab a metaphorical bag of popcorn and sit back to watch the idiots spar. Given the quality of your material demonstrated on here, I think I just might pay to see you go a few rounds with some of those types.
:)

advanced
11-18-15, 09:40 AM
Thank you for your kind words but as you mentioned I'm just 2 easy going to get into with others. I'm the kinder gentler version of my old self now.<script type="text/javascript" src="safari-extension://com.ebay.safari.myebaymanager-QYHMMGCMJR/f5d43161/background/helpers/prefilterHelper.js"></script>