thedrifter
01-13-04, 07:57 AM
I Love Those Clowns
(This article about the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey clowns was written by Bob Hope for the 80th Edition of The Greatest Show On Earth, and published in the 1950 Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus Magazine & Program.)
By Bob Hope
Ah, the circus … with its bright lights, outlandish costumes, and all kinds of freaks. It looks like Saturday night on Hollywood Boulevard. I love the circus, I’ve loved it all my life. When I was younger, I used to sneak in by digging a tunnel under the tent. One day I came up in the baboon’s cage. A lady baboon took one look at me and said, “Whadda ya know, that lonesome hearts club finally came through!”
As a matter of fact, my first love was a bearded lady in the circus, but we parted. I either had to stop kissing her or give up smoking.
Last year, when the circus came to Los Angeles, I went to see it and I sat in the front row. But not anymore. A clown came up to me and asked me how I put on my makeup.
But I love those clowns. You know what a clown is … he’s a guy who makes a profession out of dressing like Bing Crosby.
At that show, a tightrope walker ran back and forth five times before he found out the rope wasn’t there. That California smog is pretty strong stuff. One promoter in Hollywood made a fortune after the circus left town. He borrowed the fat lady’s girdle and runs midget auto races in it.
I once tried out for the circus. I had a great act. I dived 5,000 feet from the top of the arena, did 87 somersaults in mid-air, while singing “Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean” and landed in a Dixie cup filled with water. But I could never get any work … I sang off-key.
The circus shouldn’t bother carrying its Big Top around. They might just as well borrow the fat man’s underwear, put a tent pole through each sleeve and set up a ticket booth near the flap.
My whole family was always interested in the circus. When I was a little kid, I wanted to run away and join the circus but my parents wouldn’t let me. They wanted to run away and join the circus.
And my two brothers … they were lion tamers. In fact, I’ve got a picture of one of them at home, with his head in a lion’s mouth. He’s looking for my other brother.
One day at the circus grounds, I saw a girl walking around with a whip and a chair. I said, “Animal trainer?” She said, “Not exactly, I’ve got a date with a wolf.”
A newspaperman friend of mine went to the circus with me and immediately rushed out to wire his paper. “America is really unprepared,” he wired, “now they have to shoot people out of cannons.”
My brother used to be the guy they shot out of a cannon, but one night the cannon backfired and shot him 20 feet into the ground. Last I heard he was getting married to a gopher.
And the circus had another accident. A midget dived 1,500 feet into a cup of coffee last week … and fractured his skull … he forgot and used lump sugar.
Those animals in the circus are really wonderful, but I think they’re carrying that elephant training too far. As I walked by one elephant, he looked up at me and said, “Put something in the snout, boy.”
I was touring with my radio show one year and we visited a Marine Camp. The circus was in town that day so we all went. One Marine substituted K-rations for peanuts and fed it to an elephant. He took one bite and it’s the first time anybody ever saw an elephant doing the rumba with a B-29 at 2,000 feet.
Those Marines really got excited when they heard the circus was in town, but then they found out they wouldn’t be allowed in with flame throwers to see the Hula Hula dancers.
That day a gorilla broke loose from the circus and landed at the camp. Before they found out about it, the quartermaster had issued him a uniform … he was assigned to an LCI … and I hear he wound up in the brig at Leyte for refusing to salute a superior officer.
Some of the circus acts are amazing. I saw one where a strong man stood on a tightrope wire 150 feet above the ground, holding 17 people on his shoulders, each one on a bicycle, playing a musical instrument. But they only did the act once. The strong man sneezed.
Yessir, I’m all for the circus. By the way, you know what a circus is. It’s “Gee, this hot dog is good … I think I’ll have another glass of pink lemonade … pass those peanuts … sure I’ll have some popcorn … gosh, this frozen custard is great … yeah, I’ll have some more cotton candy … OH! OH! Either I’m looking in one of those funny mirrors or I’m sick!”
Sempers,
Roger
:marine:
(This article about the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey clowns was written by Bob Hope for the 80th Edition of The Greatest Show On Earth, and published in the 1950 Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus Magazine & Program.)
By Bob Hope
Ah, the circus … with its bright lights, outlandish costumes, and all kinds of freaks. It looks like Saturday night on Hollywood Boulevard. I love the circus, I’ve loved it all my life. When I was younger, I used to sneak in by digging a tunnel under the tent. One day I came up in the baboon’s cage. A lady baboon took one look at me and said, “Whadda ya know, that lonesome hearts club finally came through!”
As a matter of fact, my first love was a bearded lady in the circus, but we parted. I either had to stop kissing her or give up smoking.
Last year, when the circus came to Los Angeles, I went to see it and I sat in the front row. But not anymore. A clown came up to me and asked me how I put on my makeup.
But I love those clowns. You know what a clown is … he’s a guy who makes a profession out of dressing like Bing Crosby.
At that show, a tightrope walker ran back and forth five times before he found out the rope wasn’t there. That California smog is pretty strong stuff. One promoter in Hollywood made a fortune after the circus left town. He borrowed the fat lady’s girdle and runs midget auto races in it.
I once tried out for the circus. I had a great act. I dived 5,000 feet from the top of the arena, did 87 somersaults in mid-air, while singing “Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean” and landed in a Dixie cup filled with water. But I could never get any work … I sang off-key.
The circus shouldn’t bother carrying its Big Top around. They might just as well borrow the fat man’s underwear, put a tent pole through each sleeve and set up a ticket booth near the flap.
My whole family was always interested in the circus. When I was a little kid, I wanted to run away and join the circus but my parents wouldn’t let me. They wanted to run away and join the circus.
And my two brothers … they were lion tamers. In fact, I’ve got a picture of one of them at home, with his head in a lion’s mouth. He’s looking for my other brother.
One day at the circus grounds, I saw a girl walking around with a whip and a chair. I said, “Animal trainer?” She said, “Not exactly, I’ve got a date with a wolf.”
A newspaperman friend of mine went to the circus with me and immediately rushed out to wire his paper. “America is really unprepared,” he wired, “now they have to shoot people out of cannons.”
My brother used to be the guy they shot out of a cannon, but one night the cannon backfired and shot him 20 feet into the ground. Last I heard he was getting married to a gopher.
And the circus had another accident. A midget dived 1,500 feet into a cup of coffee last week … and fractured his skull … he forgot and used lump sugar.
Those animals in the circus are really wonderful, but I think they’re carrying that elephant training too far. As I walked by one elephant, he looked up at me and said, “Put something in the snout, boy.”
I was touring with my radio show one year and we visited a Marine Camp. The circus was in town that day so we all went. One Marine substituted K-rations for peanuts and fed it to an elephant. He took one bite and it’s the first time anybody ever saw an elephant doing the rumba with a B-29 at 2,000 feet.
Those Marines really got excited when they heard the circus was in town, but then they found out they wouldn’t be allowed in with flame throwers to see the Hula Hula dancers.
That day a gorilla broke loose from the circus and landed at the camp. Before they found out about it, the quartermaster had issued him a uniform … he was assigned to an LCI … and I hear he wound up in the brig at Leyte for refusing to salute a superior officer.
Some of the circus acts are amazing. I saw one where a strong man stood on a tightrope wire 150 feet above the ground, holding 17 people on his shoulders, each one on a bicycle, playing a musical instrument. But they only did the act once. The strong man sneezed.
Yessir, I’m all for the circus. By the way, you know what a circus is. It’s “Gee, this hot dog is good … I think I’ll have another glass of pink lemonade … pass those peanuts … sure I’ll have some popcorn … gosh, this frozen custard is great … yeah, I’ll have some more cotton candy … OH! OH! Either I’m looking in one of those funny mirrors or I’m sick!”
Sempers,
Roger
:marine: